An Unsolicited Lecture on Van Halen

[Zuul]

Yesterday at work, a gentleman came in. He was roughly five feet tall and wall-eyed, with stringy, greasy black hair that was pulled back into a long pony tail, filthy clothes that were kept together by duct tape in some spots and was mildly snaggle-toothed. I might have thought he was homeless if he wasn't a regular customer. From what I've been told, his house lacks running water and has for several years. He explained that he'd had some sort of altercation with one of my coworkers and was overcharged by around six dollars. I was able to find the documentation that the manager had left for me, refunded him, and smoothed everything over, I thought.

Then, after I bid him a good afternoon, he stood there, staring in my general direction, though it was somewhat difficult to tell where his eyes were focused.

Wall-Eyed Smelly Man: I'm done, but I'm going to stay here to listen to Van Halen because I love this song.

I'd left the radio tuned to a classic rock station, so I understood that he was talking about what was playing on the radio, but didn't grasp why he had to make a production of standing there and enjoying the song. So, I couldn't help but give him my blankly confused WTF face.

WESM: Not a Van Halen fan?

Me: Uh, I never really gave it any thought before. I think I wasn't born yet or a really little kid during their heyday and it's not really the sort of classic rock I listen to now.

WESM: What band is that?

Me: WTF face.

WESM: Heyday. What band is that?

Me: I...didn't know that was a band.

WESM: But you said that you listened to Heyday instead of Van Halen.

Me: Oh! No, no, heyday means "when they were popular."

WESM: What the hell are you talking about?! Van Halen is still popular! They're one of the greatest bands in the world!

Me: Okay...I really don't know that much about them, since that isn't my kind of music.

WESM: C'mon! Sammy Hagar?

Me: Well...I vaguely remember Sammy Hagar leaving the band and there being some big clash of egos, and didn't he try to have a solo career?

WESM: Try? He has a solo career! A damn good one!

Me: Okay...it's just not my kind of music, so I really don't know that much about...

WESM: See, Eddie was getting full of himself and had this whole idea about which direction the band should take and started pushing Sammy out and trash talking him. It all came to a head when Alex's brother-in-law became their new manager, who pretty much only wanted to do things that Sammy hated. I mean...I don't want to talk bad about Van Halen. They're still a good band! But, man, with Sammy they were amazing.

Me: WTF face.

WESM: Oh, man, I love this song. I like to crank it up when I'm in the garage working on my bike. Sometimes I'll toss in a little METALLICA. (Yes, he did say it in all caps and a bold font.)

Me: WTF face.

WESM: Or maybe some Slade.

Me: WTF face.

WESM: But, yeah, I'm all about the Van Halen and METALLICA.

Me: WTF face.

The song finally finished and he started heading out.

WESM: Well, I'll see you around!

[3acres]

Well, really now... Sammy was a replacement after David Lee Roth left, and any true Van Halen fan (which, obviously, WESM is not) knows that you refer to the Sammy years disparagingly as "Van Hagar". With a sneer on your face. :mrgreen:

[bookbuster]

Did you ever hear the guitar solo in Beat-IT? That's Eddie.

My favorite thing about the Van Halen story is that they were the best band in the world, BEFORE they started writing songs seriously. They just wanted to rock, they didn't pollute the world with their views or their insight. Their house shows were being shut down by the police and their residencies were putting the clubs they were in on the map. Gene Simmons from Kiss tries to sign them, and SOMEHOW he FAILS! They still don't really have their own material -- just the biggest cover-song party band in LA (well the world really). They finally get a record deal and the rest is history. It's like the most potential energy turning kinetic in the history of rock.

As opposed to these days, where every emo band thinks that any flit of emotion or inspiration they experience has to immediately be turned into a full-length song and it should become a pop-culture event, because it's just SO important, and he/she has so muchto say

make that two unsolicited lectures on Van Halen

[Zuul]

The best part was when my twenty-two year old coworker asked what all of that was about.

Me: He wanted to tell me about Van Halen.

Coworker: Why? That was a really shitty movie.

...thank God she didn't say it in front of him.

[Wheresgeorge04]

Where I used to work, there was a regular customer who, I'm pretty sure, had Asperger's Syndrome. Some days, he wouldn't say a word, and other days, he'd just stand there and recite facts about various topics - trains, comic books, WWII planes... He used to ride his bike all over the place. Once, I saw him 20 miles away from work, just toodlin' down the street on his 1950s-style Schwinn. Most of my coworkers just dismissed him as a maniac, but he was interesting.

Joe

[Chimera]

Van Halen? Wasn't he the artist dude that went nuts and cut off his own ear?

He made music too?

Before or after the ear thing?

[Zuul]

I'm not sure. I still want to know where fighting Dracula fits into this timeline.

[Glazer]

Well Eddie is planing to "get the band back together" with David Lee Roth as soon as his son (Wolfgang) graduates. So his son can play bass.












What I thought you where asking for Van Halen lectures. :twisted:

[Carson O'Genic]

Great WTF? face. But I hope it doesn't stay with me all day.

[3acres]

Van Halen? Wasn't he the artist dude that went nuts and cut off his own ear?

Ohhh... So, was that why he went deaf and had to turn to see the audience applauding at the performance of his Ninth Symphony? Poor old mad Ludwig van Halen...

[Jeff]

WESM: Or maybe some Slade.

God help me, I thought this said Sade at first.