What to do with a gifted child?

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Let's get this place rolling....

The school board has finally officially confirmed that my eight year old is "gifted". Having this information, I'm really not sure what to do with it. My wife, his teacher and myself all think it's a good idea to keep him in regular classes, where he seems to be getting along with the other kids OK. The special ed contact person is looking into enrichment programs and the like. Anybody have any experiences, training, hallucinations they'd like to share on the subject?

[CRSP]

What are the enrichment programs like? Are they during playtime (recess)? I'd have hated to have been kept inside during breaks, doing extra work!

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Understood, and that definitely wouldn't work with my kid, who desperately needs to let out some energy at recess. I think that they're trying to do things like have him do occasional stuff with kids who are more akin to him intellectually, without alienating him from the other kids. It's not easy stuff, and I must say, I'm glad that the people at his school seem to be trying to think things through. He's definitely different, but he's not the stereotype of the gifted kid who gets bored and disruptive.

[Brewha]

Cool. An actual thread. It's like a message board!


Well, I'm what was considered at my school, gifted. I was sent to a "gifted and talented" class when I was in grade school - 5th and 6th grade mostly. I don't remember it being that beneficial really. The intentions were good. The G&T teachers tried to challenge us and get us more up to our potential, but I don't know as it helped much.

If he's doing fine in regular classes, I don't think I'd mess with that. Maybe try to find an activity that he enjoys and that challenges him. My parents started getting me these sciences projects when I was about that age that I loved. Things like electric motor kits that i could build, a chemistry set with test tubes and chemicals (though I dont' know if those exist any more). I learned that I loved science. I'm now a mechanical engineer and attribute alot of it to those early experiences.

I'm not saying science is his thing. But if you can find out what is, try to encourage it.

[featherlou]

I was a gifted child in a small town school that had no programs for gifted children. I wasn't too disruptive, either - I mostly read during school a lot. I think I could have benefitted from being more challenged, but I wouldn't have liked being pulled out of my regular class, either.

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Interesting, brewha (should we keep the bolding usernames thing?). He likes science, but he doesn't exactly seem like that's his "thing". He really seems to have a special interest in, how to describe it, "how the world works" maybe. Like a few years ago, when he was obsessed with Loony Tunes, he didn't just like watching the cartoons, he checked out all the DVD extras, and developed strong feeling about who the best directors were, and about how the battles they had with the producers. It's very odd listening to a five year old talking about Warner Brothers studio politics of the 1940's.

And featherlou, reading a lot during class seems to be what he's doing a lot of now. Maybe it's all he needs. I dunno.

[tirial]

Speaking as the one that started out reading and got bored and disruptive you might want to make sure that he has something interesting to read, or if he is finishing ahead of the class, a seperate set of workbooks or sheets he can move onto (his choice).

If he's getting on fine with the others socially, its just a case of making sure the work stays interesting. If at all possibly though, work with his teacher. If he is doing extra work it helps if he is rewarded for it, or its something he wants to do.

Good luck.

[Nava]

If he's doing well in class, don't move him. Why fix something that ain't broken, right? I think the basic advice, so long as he's doing well in his current class, is the same as for any kid, really. The worst dangers, based on my experience and my Dad's, are boredom, negative perfectionism and in general issues with limits.

What I understand for positive perfectionism is "I know I can do better, so I will."

What I understand for negative perfectionism is "I can't do it perfectly on the first try, so I'll give up." This is something my Dad did, and which I actively try to avoid.

Issues with limits. You have limits, other people have limits; it's important to learn which limits can (should?) be pushed, which can't (I can force myself to walk a little further, but it would be absurd to yell at a wheelchair-bound person to "stand up and run, you lazy bum!"); it's important to understand that some things are extremely easy or self-evident to you but incredibly difficult or complicated to others; it's important to learn to help others and important to learn to ask for help. Something which helped me with the "you mean that's not self-evident?" part is that I started "tutoring" other kids very early, because many of my teachers (sadly, not for Phys Ed, where I could have used the help) would set the best students at any given subject to help the worst ones.

[MsRobyn]

The only thing I can add is that there shouldn't be a second set of rules that applies only to your son. Kids pick up on that and what was once a good social situation can turn ugly fast. If he can read or do other work once he's finished with his assignment, that's great, but unless other kids can do the same, attention shouldn't be called to it.

Robin

[Rube E. Tewesday]

The only thing I can add is that there shouldn't be a second set of rules that applies only to your son. Kids pick up on that and what was once a good social situation can turn ugly fast. If he can read or do other work once he's finished with his assignment, that's great, but unless other kids can do the same, attention shouldn't be called to it.

Robin

Good point, and I should have made clear -- all the kids are permitted to get a book and read when they're done. What seems to be a bit different is that he just goes ahead and does it instead of annoying the teacher until she suggests it.

Lots of good comments so far, thanks all.

[Dinsdale]

What sucked with our kids' schools was the "gifted" programs were all pull-outs, and were not coordinated with the regular classes. So a kid might be pulled out of a math class for gifted activities in English. Goofy.

And my kids generally preferred to be with their regular classes - even for gym and such.

But our district's was an example of how to run gifted programs poorly.

If your kid is not one of those you hear about who is terminally bored in classes, I think you can generally do a good enough job by enriching their time outside of school. Hit all the museums and arts programs, sign them up for whatever lessons/activities interest them, accompany them to the library and discuss what you both read, travel ...

And perhaps most importantly, eat dinner together and talk.

My 2 college kids both tell us that they miss our dinner conversations. I'm convinced it is probably the single best child-rearing thing we did.

[WhyNot]

Not to bring up the H word, but Homeschooling is not an all-or-nothing option. You can keep him in his regular classes, and find some Homeschooling resources to help you with that enrichment stuff at home.

You have two ways to go with this - you can focus on his talents (like science or writing) at home and let school take care of the rest or you can appropriate the teacher's lesson plans and explore those topics in more depth, perhaps relating them to other subjects. For example, say he's studying Ancient Greece in class. They'll probably read a few myths, read about the water screw and the "Eureka!" story and then take a matching quiz on the gods and goddesses. Okay, that's cool, but at home you have the time to read a play by Aristophanes, make dolmas and eat olives and lamb for dinner, pin a chinton and explore the acoustics of the theater masks and the theaters in Ancient Greece.

Personally, I hated pull out classes. They still weren't "challenging" me, I was just bored and ostracized, instead of bored and included. My favorite educational experiences, and the ones that actually pushed my intellectual limits, were at home with Mom and Dad.

[MsRobyn]

The only thing I can add is that there shouldn't be a second set of rules that applies only to your son. Kids pick up on that and what was once a good social situation can turn ugly fast. If he can read or do other work once he's finished with his assignment, that's great, but unless other kids can do the same, attention shouldn't be called to it.

Robin

Good point, and I should have made clear -- all the kids are permitted to get a book and read when they're done. What seems to be a bit different is that he just goes ahead and does it instead of annoying the teacher until she suggests it.

Lots of good comments so far, thanks all.

In that case, he may even be a positive influence on the other kids. If they see him do it, they may get the idea themselves.

Robin

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Hmm, interesting take, WhyNot. It wouldn't work with him to explicitly link activities to something he's doing in school, because he's pretty adamant about keeping those two parts of his life separate. I do think it will work to help him learn more about the things he's interested in, like politics and business, without making it seem like homework.

[Sigmagirl]

Depending on what the school means by "gifted," your child may qualify for Mensa, and every Mensa group has a Gifted Child Coordinator. Of course, not all GCCs are the same in terms of activity, enthusiasm, knowledge and availability, and not all Mensa groups have a large number of kids in your son's age range, but you might consider the possibility.

Even if the local group has no kids, every adult Mensan once was a gifted child and many can offer understanding at the minimum, and often direction and help.

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Depending on what the school means by "gifted," your child may qualify for Mensa, and every Mensa group has a Gifted Child Coordinator. Of course, not all GCCs are the same in terms of activity, enthusiasm, knowledge and availability, and not all Mensa groups have a large number of kids in your son's age range, but you might consider the possibility.

Even if the local group has no kids, every adult Mensan once was a gifted child and many can offer understanding at the minimum, and often direction and help.

Hmm, there's one that would have never crossed my mind. Thanks.

[ShelliBean]

WhyNot - I love that idea. I try to do something similar at home, especially when my older son's class is going over things like body parts and how the lungs work. It's easy since I have the handy dandy lab manuals and text books here.

So, Rube, how did you get your son tested? I have suspicions about my 7 y/o but don't know if he's really gifted or if he's suffering from "the apple of mommy's eye so he must be gifted!" scenario.

[Santo Rugger]

Sorry for not sorting through the whole thread, but I have a suggestion that didn't show up on a cursory "Ctrl+F".

Teach them how to type. There are plenty of games out there that will interest an eight year old. I'm not sure how much of a hindrance small hands will be, but they'll grow into it shortly.

As an anecdote, and the reason I say this, is because when I was in elementary school, I often got poor grades on assignments because I would get bored writing things out, and would often times just stop in the middle of a sentence and move onto the next one because it was too boring to physically write out the rest. However, typing (technically keyboarding) was "cool" for me, and kept my interest while I learned (and, more importantly, while I finished the sentence). FWIW, this was when I was in the fourth grade or so that the gifted counselor suggested this to my mom, so not much older than your child when I started to learn.

[Rube E. Tewesday]

WhyNot - I love that idea. I try to do something similar at home, especially when my older son's class is going over things like body parts and how the lungs work. It's easy since I have the handy dandy lab manuals and text books here.

So, Rube, how did you get your son tested? I have suspicions about my 7 y/o but don't know if he's really gifted or if he's suffering from "the apple of mommy's eye so he must be gifted!" scenario.

Well, we were always in kind of an odd spot...people would tell us he must be gifted, but really, how can you tell, especially when it's kind of an odd tag anyway. (And it's especially difficult in his case because he has fine motor skills issues that make it really difficult for him to write, although he's good on a computer) It appears that in the Toronto District School Board, they start looking at this stuff in grade 3. His teacher suggested that he be tested, saying something along the lines of "the psychologist might as well earn her pay". That's when the odd stuff started. He did really, really well on verbal skills, but badly on spatial skills. The psychologist seemed intrigued by him, and did a lot of follow-up tests. Eventually, after paperwork and a meeting he got the unusual tag "Exceptional --gifted/learning disabled." The "learning disabled" is about the writing stuff, and will help him get his own computer at school eventually. The "gifted" leads to the other stuff. Really, if you're in a decent school in a decent jurisdiction, and have a kid who knows how to charm adults, it's really going to make a difference as far as I can make out.

ETA: Oh, and thanks Santo Rugger, he's actually been making pretty good use of his Spongebob typing program.

[troubleagain]

YMMOV, but all the gifted program at MY elementary school did was pull me out of class just enough to get me behind in my regular schoolwork. My mom pulled me out of the gifted program when it was obvious the stress of trying to keep up with both was causing me problems.

[Ensign Edison]

I was designated Gifted, and while my mother allowed me to go to the "Gifted" program classes one day a week, she refused to let me advance ahead of my grade, attend college course when they were offered, and otherwise actively thwarted me from using and developing my intellect because she thought it would be better for me to be "normal". "I just want you to do what the other kids are doing" she would say. We get along okay, but I don't think I can ever forgive her for this. To me it's like poking a kid's eyes out -- why would you deliberately hold them back from their full potentials? I think what's most important is making sure every natural advantage he has does not go to waste. This includes involvement in any kind of education that goes beyond the norm he is offered.

Otherwise I agree with others' suggestions -- track his interests and help him by providing as many related activities and information as you can. Not judging what interests him in terms of whether you think it's worthwhile, but instead trying to see what about it he gets into, and working with that. If he likes video games, there are whole related worlds of art, math, business, and so on he could explore, for example.

[WhyNot]

I was designated Gifted, and while my mother allowed me to go to the "Gifted" program classes one day a week, she refused to let me advance ahead of my grade, attend college course when they were offered, and otherwise actively thwarted me from using and developing my intellect because she thought it would be better for me to be "normal". "I just want you to do what the other kids are doing" she would say. We get along okay, but I don't think I can ever forgive her for this. To me it's like poking a kid's eyes out -- why would you deliberately hold them back from their full potentials?

I can understand your frustration, but as a mother in much the same boat, I see where your mom might have been coming from (or maybe not, I don't know her). My daughter is apparently bright, although too young to be tested yet. People were pushing me to put her into preschool as a three year old, instead of at four. (By "people" I mean her therapists from Early Intervention, her doctor, teacher acquaintances of mine and my in-laws.) I was steadfast in my refusal, preferring to work with her at home for another year. Why? Because I think she's not ready, emotionally, to be away from me all day. (I know I'm not emotionally ready to be away from her all day!) Because she's physically very small even for her real age (she's the height of an average 2.5 year old, now, at 4 years old!) and her physical coordination and fine motor skills are about 6 months behind her actual age. I don't want to let her go to her academic age while her physical and emotional maturity isn't there. That's setting her up for failure big time. She'd be the littlest, clumsiest, shyest, cryingest baby there - who wants to be that kid?

[Cluricaun]

Teach them to handicap horse races. Might as well get some money out of it. 8-)

[Orual]

Otherwise I agree with others' suggestions -- track his interests and help him by providing as many related activities and information as you can. Not judging what interests him in terms of whether you think it's worthwhile, but instead trying to see what about it he gets into, and working with that. If he likes video games, there are whole related worlds of art, math, business, and so on he could explore, for example.

I agree with this as well. Try and keep him interested in learning. I was a "Gifted" kid too - by the time I hit 7th grade I was so very bored with school that I never bothered to expend any effort until I went to college. Which was not a good thing for developing good study habits.

Have you considered getting the kid into some kind of music lessons? Learning to play some kind of instrument does all kinds of good things for brain development.

[Hatshepsut]

Depending on where you live and what your budget is, the Center for Talented Youth program operated by Johns Hopkins University might or might not be appropriate for you: www.cty.jhu.edu/

Our son is doing a residential program this summer for the first time, so I can't recommend it from personal experience. However, I've checked around and the acclaim for the program is nearly unanimous.