Bad Legal Theories (For the Defense)

[OtakuLoki]

What legal arguments can you imagine or remember that just struck you as: Why do you think that makes things look better?


As an example:


"No! I didn't kill Mr. Smith. I just came into his house to burn it down, but he was already dead when I got there. Which really just took all the fun out of the idea of burning it down around him. So I was in the process of leaving when the cops came."

Or, the classic:

"It wasn't me! It was the one-armed man!"

[Myrnalene]

Not that I want to depress the thread, but: any gay- or trans- panic related defense.

[What Exit?]

"I never meant to shoot him, I was just trying to scare him a little and the damn thing went off." The problem is that I cannot remember where that is from.

[jali]

I thought it was an intruder.

[OtakuLoki]

Not that I want to depress the thread, but: any gay- or trans- panic related defense.

I don't think you're depressing the thread. It's certainly a good example of a defense that makes me think: "This makes you look better, how?"

This thread may be intended to showcase some morbid humor, but if it goes serious, I'm not going to complain. Morbid humor, IMNSHO, should be able to share space with serious discussions.

[ivan astikov]

"It was dark and he had something in his hand, so I shot him!"

"Yes, you fuckwit. He had a road map in his hand and was about to ask for directions."

[Skald the Rhymer]

I sat on a jury once in which the defendant was acting as his own counsel. The prosecutor, in his opening statement, basically related and explained how attempted murder is defined in Tennessee--any deliberate act using a weapon such that the most likely result of it would be death for another person was a big part of it. In his opening statement, the defendant said, "Okay, well, the first thing is, A CAR IS NOT A WEAPON!"

[Zuul]

I sat on a jury once in which the defendant was acting as his own counsel. The prosecutor, in his opening statement, basically related and explained how attempted murder is defined in Tennessee--any deliberate act using a weapon such that the most likely result of it would be death for another person was a big part of it. In his opening statement, the defendant said, "Okay, well, the first thing is, A CAR IS NOT A WEAPON!"

I can't imagine that ended well for the defense.

[OtakuLoki]

Here's one ripped from the headlines. A serial burglar, just released from prison, is caught inside the same house he'd just done time for breaking into. Why was he in the house, without permission?

"I was going back in there to leave a thank you note because I'm the guy who burglarized this place last year. I just got out of jail."

Yeah. I don't buy it, either.