Finish my sentence!

[Elendil's Heir]

with a sharp red pen in hand to correct the spelling of his name, and a bad attitude to match.

Kathleen Turner had been to Dublin only once before, many years earlier, but there were still those in Howth, Ballymun and especially Malahide who, in hushed tones, spoke of her penchant for ______________________

[Jizzelbin]

The Muff Liquor, which is an Irish whiskey named for County Muff in ROI.

Ms. Turner had a good run in her personal favorite, *The War of the Roses*, she recalled, but she had even better ____________________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

luck as a high-stakes strip poker player in Vegas, having won the rough equivalent of the Gross National Product of Latvia last year alone.

The Latvian Finance Minister, naturally, wanted to meet her, but ______________________

[Jizzelbin]

Ms. Turner had a firm rule: "Making friends is easy.....making and keeping enemies is harder and more rewarding."

Kathleen Turner had a firm rule about eating bagels: she always used to say _________________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

, "I never eat more than ten bagels before meeting with the Latvian Finance Minister."

True to her word, Ms. Turner ate only nine bagels (and a single pickled herring) before _______________________

[Jizzelbin]

she mumbled over the telephone that she was going to clean her firearms, and she proceeded to loudly cycle several rounds, drop magazines, and verify her chambers were cleared before she took out her brushes and bore snakes.

Ms. Turner had an odd fascination with the number sixty-nine, and the phrase "a stand-up 69," which puzzles many researchers, but not nearly so much as Ms. Turner's revelation that she used to __________________________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

be a mathematician, stripper, lexicographer and cordwainer - all at the same time!

I only know two cordwainers personally, and one of them, you may be amused to know, is ______________________________

[Jizzelbin]

none other than Kathleen Turner, who excels at her task with art and verve.

The last time Ms. Turner visited County Muff in the ROI she dived into _______________________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

a plate of calamari easily twice as big as her head, but ate every last bit of it up, not even troubling to use silverware.

Elon Musk, Stanley Tucci and Angelina Jolie, who were her dinner guests that night, each looked on aghast, with Jolie later privately remarking, "_________________________."

[Jizzelbin]

fish her? I barely even knew her!

That time Angelina Jolie pretended to drive with her father seated on her lap, it made even Ned Beatty get up and say __________________________________________________ _________.

[Elendil's Heir]

"Lemme out of this damn car right this minute, missy!"

Of course, he should have known that Jon Voight _________________________

[Jizzelbin]

was his adoptive father, and not to be confused with Jon Voight, the actual holder of the title to that particular car.

"The money racket to magistrates," the disgruntled aggrieved complained as he was compelled to have an uncontested, legal will and testament go before probate in his state; the aggrieved shot a big load of ________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

peanut shells at his startled barrister from a rusty old shotgun.

My Great Aunt Edna was in court that day, as it happens, and she confidentially told me afterwards, "_________________________________________________ ___"

[Jizzelbin]

you know, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch.

Aunt Enid, who was raised by Great Aunt Edna, used to tell tales of making and firing rock salt __________________________________________________ ______

[Elendil's Heir]

from her decrepit old Italian shotgun at whichever postal carriers were foolish enough to try to drop off her junk mail without accepting a glass of sweet tea.

My Great Aunt Edna hates sweet tea, as it happens, and always has. Supposedly she was, as a teenager, offered a glass of it, but _______________________________

[Jizzelbin]

she said firmly in German, French, Italian, Spanish, English, "get the hell of my lawn," with no response from the armed intruders.

There's one thing Edna can't abide, but it's them ______________________________________________

[Elendil's Heir]

goldurn Latvian marmoset herders and their weird thrash polka music, which they play at all hours, dancing and dancing and dancing until they just can't stand up no more. And she can't stand it at all!

You may ask, why does my Great Aunt Edna have such strong opinions about them? Well, obviously, thrash polka music aside, she _______________________

[Jizzelbin]

loves to grab hold of a firm pony at its region and tug until the sun comes up.

No, nobody said said Dame Edna was promiscuous, but they did say she occasionally manually __________________________________________________ ____________________.

[Elendil's Heir]

stimulated some of the more, uh, excitable male directors of the Sydney Opera House, strictly on the Q.T., if it meant she could get better tickets for La Boheme, Aida, Tristan und Isolde or whatnot that way.

I don't know about you, but I don't like opera well enough to do anything remotely like that, especially if ____________________

[Jizzelbin]

they discontinued my favorite costumes: who knew that helmets with reindeer horns affixed were out of fashion, in this day and age?

The last time meaning now Old Uncle Herbert shopped for shoes he was astounded that established shoemakers no longer made __________________________________________________ ____________________________.

[Elendil's Heir]

patent alligator clown shoes in size 42 Wide, so he started wearing fuzzy slippers instead.

I don't have any fuzzy slippers. Instead, when I'm lounging around home in cold weather and need to make my feet toastier, I'm more likely to _______________________________

[Jizzelbin]

raise a firm salute to the image of the Kennedy Center, reassured that the warmth of the now-unspoiled venue will have warmed me to my toes.

The only thing better than the fictional movie featuring Patrick Swayze as lead henchman of the bank robbers the Dead Presidents is __________________________________________________ .