Star Trek RPG - Mission #3: "Some Other Side of Paradise"

[choie]

To Kylah everything around her and Jan seems to recede into a blur, as if Velir and the others have suddenly been shrouded by fog. Only the firm, warm touch of Velir's fingers entwined with hers reminds her that he is still nearby.

"I am well, thank you." How does she get the hoarse words out from her constricted throat? Yet she manages. Of course, they are far from the truth--five minutes earlier, the answer would have been 'blissful' but that was too long ago to remember. "I--I am here to..." To what? What can I possibly say to him? When her words falter, her eyes shift to try to see his companions, anything to change focus from those ice-blue eyes that seem almost transparent in the starlight. But something makes her afraid to look away from him. Like trapped prey eyeing its stalking predator. Do not be foolish. You initiated this discussion. And he will do nothing, he is not violent. Jan is suave and courtly--well, he has been, most of the time, but now, something feels different.

She starts again. "I wanted to tell you I am leaving. We are." Unconsciously she squeezes Velir's hand for strength. As self-conscious as she is about Velir's apparent determination to hold onto her, she is now glad of it. It is proof he is here, not miles away. "Our investigation is over. And when I saw you, I thought..." I thought I was drowning, she thinks, but instead manages to croak: "I--I though that since I do not expect to return again before the ship leaves orbit, I should... I should say goodbye."

[general_urko]

"Gaahhh...no, uh, thank you, Mr. Davis, I, uh, was just heading there myself. Thanks." Graham replies.

Graham sits for a moment, turning the perfume box over in his hands a few times. What the hell are you doing, Booker? He laughs. Ha, don't have an answer, do you?

Well you aren't going to use this yourself or give it to Faisal, he concludes.

He takes the box and heads to the Arbotetum.

[Elendil's Heir]

Jan's expression brightens considerably. "Ah, well, congratulations, then. I hope you caught the right man... or woman... or, well, whoever. Best wishes to you--" He looks back at Rangin, and smiles a little more persuasively. "--best wishes to you both, and to your crew. So, uh... goodbye, then." He coughs, nods to his companions - one of whom looks oddly at him, and then at the Starfleet pair - and turns away.

Graham takes the turbolift to Deck 22. The Arboretum is well-lit (shipboard "night" hasn't begun quite yet), filled with flowers, bushes and small trees, some of which are bearing fruit. There are several carefully-tended vegetable plots. It is pleasantly fragrant, smelling of green and growing things, of rich soil and clear water. The Security officer wanders the winding paths briefly, passing a man and woman in civilian clothes, arm in arm, before seeing Bennett from behind. She is also in civilian clothes, a faded old dress, and is sitting on a bench among a grove of flowers he doesn't recognize. She is reading, he sees as he gets closer, from an old leatherbound book.

[choie]

Something rises in Kylah's chest and tightens her lungs at Jan's casual and clearly relieved farewell. She detaches herself from Velir and takes a stride forward to follow Jan, then awkwardly slips in between him and the two strangers.

After pulling him aside so they are slightly removed from the others, Kylah now stands dwarfed by the taller man and stares up at his handsome face.

And she almost immediately regrets it. Because she can sense the spores again. The result is a wave of peace, deceptive and numbing, and because it is so completely apposite to her true feelings it actually sickens her.

With a deep breath of the chilly night air, she shakes her head to clear it. "That is all?" she asks, voice low and pregnant with suppressed emotion. Her gaze is intense: half-disbelief, half-desperate. "You truly have nothing more to say to me?"

[CatInASuit]

Rangin raises an eyebrow at the cough, "Curious, someone on spore therapy showing signs of ill health. He might want to get that checked out." he murmurs to the two gentleman alongside Jan.

As Kylah pulls away, Rangin wonders why she has such urgency now to confront Jan, when only a few moments ago all she seemed to want to do was not be here. What had happened between them. Regardless, a little privacy for them to sort it out would be in order.

"Gentleman, perhaps we should give them a little space." Rangin ushers them back slightly, away from Kylah and Jan. "I don't believe we have been introduced yet: Ensign Velir Rangin, USS Yorktown." Rangin holds out a hand to shake if they are willing. "Have you known Mr Švehla for long?" he inquiries, the soul of polite courtesy.

[Elendil's Heir]

With her cleared head, and having touched Jan's arm to pull him aside, Kylah concentrates and extends her senses. She realizes that he is not, in fact, under the influence of the spores.

The Czech businessman looks surprised and then a little cross. He says in a low voice, "I thought we had said what we needed to before, Ensign. You made very clear your opinion of what happened between us that night, and that you had no interest in continuing any relationship. That's your decision to make, of course. Now you appear from out of the dark with the man who accosted me in the nightclub, and wish to say goodbye. I don't think there's anything else left to say. And so... goodbye."

He gestures curtly to his two friends, who stood there uncertainly after shaking hands and have not had a chance to answer Rangin, and the three walk off together towards the restaurant.

[general_urko]

Oh, well, she seems to be partial to...old things, Booker thinks. He glances at the box, trying to remember what the store clerk had said: "rose perfume from Gordon's of Proxima Centauri...very popular."

Other than the word 'rose,' doesn't mean anything to me, he thinks, shaking his head slightly. But I assume it's good, especially given how much it cost... It occurs to him that it may be too expensive to be a suitable congratulations gift from an acquaintance... Nothing I can do about that now.

Graham clears his throat softly. "Uh, I hope I'm not disturbing you lieut-- ah, Cecilia....What are you reading, if you don't me asking?"

[Elendil's Heir]

Bennett turns, a little startled, but smiles when she sees it's Graham. She marks her place and closes the book. "Oh, Booker, it's you! Welcome back. This is an old favorite of mine - Three Houses, Ten Lives by Patricia Kiley." Graham has heard of it before; it's an English novel from about fifty years ago. "Did the mission go all right? Is it all over?" She gestures to the bench for him to sit.

[choie]

Kylah is too stricken to react for a few seconds, for a multitude of reasons. She looks emptily over to Velir. "He says it is my opinion. My opinion," she repeats with disgusted emphasis, as if Velir has the slightest idea what she means. Then she shakes her head as the rest of their interaction filters through her chaotic thoughts. "He says you accosted him in the nightclub," she whispers, turning around to stare at Jan's back. "And what is more... he--he is not--"

Breaking off, she gasps. With a burst of speed she did not think she possessed she runs over to Jan. Once she reaches him she grabs his arm and does not let go.

"What is going on with you?" Kylah demands. "Your entire attitude toward me has changed. You just lied about what I said to you this morning. You know I was wretched enough to thank you, thank you, for being 'gracious' enough to merely listen to the truth--yes, the truth, not just an opinion--about what happened between us. You claim I made it clear I did not wish to see you again, while in fact this morning you expressed every hope that I might choose to be with you again, that you could 'win my love.' As if any of that were possible," she chokes out.

Her glare is aflame with accusation. "Most of all, why are you really so glad our investigation is over--and why are you no longer affected by the spores?!" Her voice sharpens. "Do not dare claim that what I said this morning made you lose their effect. A man who was so confident that I might ever consider being with you again was clearly not shaken enough to extinguish the spores' hold."

[Elendil's Heir]

He stares at Kylah, and then shakes her off so roughly that she almost loses her footing. He is considerably stronger than her. "No, I am no longer under the influence of the spores. I had that done for me, by the resort staff, a few hours ago, as I no longer cared to be the man I was... then. I see things differently now, much differently. I am glad your investigation is over because now there is no reason I ever need to see you - either of you - again." His eyes narrow. "If I do, or if you touch me again - assault me - your captain, and Starfleet, will hear from my lawyers. So once more, once and for all, goodbye."

With that, he and the others leave.

[CatInASuit]

Rangin can only feel like he is watching some slow-motion crash as Kylah confronts Jan over what happened and his behaviour.

Watching Jan just summon his friends before they have even had a chance to introduce themselves seems petty, although doesn't exactly show them in a good light either. Then again, they seem distracted by what is occurring.

But when Kylah turns round looking absolutely shocked by Jan's reaction and says that Rangin accosted Jan in the nightclub, he begins to wonder what kind of person Kylah had involved herself with. Accosted? Well, Rangin had asked some pointed and personal questions of Jan, but Jan had walked up to their table, not the other way around and Rangin had also profusely apologised afterwards for his error of judgement.

And then, his jaw drops at Kylah's dash and grab of Jan's arm followed by her questions. Jan had lied to her that morning, that morning. Not only that but Jan had wanted to be with her again. Rangin can't quite believe what he is hearing. Kylah's tone of outrage left Rangin stunned, but that is nothing to when he hears Jan's response.

He had had the spores removed because he didn't like the man he was. What kind of man was he...what had he done? Was he really blaming the spores for his actions and that he never wanted to see either of Kylah or Rangin again. What act had he committed that was so bad he couldn't face up to it?

His threat to use lawyers is contemptuous as if, somehow Kylah and Rangin were the guilty parties and he some poor victim, and yet guilt was written clear across his face and from his actions.

Once again, Rangin thinks back to the moment outside the infirmary where he had confronted a sobbing Kylah, who had fled in tears over what had happened to her and then back to this...this...pathetic, narcissistic, victim blaming wretch.

His face still aghast at Jan's actions, he wonders how badly Kylah will take it and what he can do to help. After all, he had persuaded her to talk to him once last time...but this?

[choie]

Still shaken from Jan's brutish shove, Kylah now feels battered, physically and emotionally. He might as well have slapped her, then slammed his fist into her gut.

She remembers his brief expression of regret during their meeting today. Even that barely-acknowledged remorse had been a lie. He is clear-headed now, free of whatever emotional impulses the spores brought out in him. So this is what Jan Švehla is truly like. Cold. Hard. Cruel.

The suave, gentlemanly exterior was a facade, as manufactured as everything else at this resort.

It explains why he did not stop when she begged him for help. For such a man, all that matters are his needs, his choices, his comfortable existence. When he wanted her, he took her. Now that she is inconvenient, he threatens to break her. To punish her and claim assault. He wants to claim assault. She nearly laughs and has to choke back the encroaching hysteria.

Desperately she tries to make sense of what has just happened. Maybe he is right, at least partly. She pushed this too far. She contacted him this morning, she went up to him just now. Why? Then she remembers. Velir thought it would help. Velir promised me it would help.

An unexpected, frightening swell of resentment rises within her.

But she forces herself away from that treacherous direction, focusing elsewhere. If she did something to deserve this, then she must find out what it is. Because then she can avoid it. After all, this latest disaster is only one of dozens in her life. It cannot be a coincidence.

Something she did, that she is, results in people treating her like this. She must have a damaged, flawed nature that is so visible it might as well be an insignia, an invitation for others to demean her. Perhaps I asked for this, she thinks dully. I wore the dress, I went to his room, I let him take me to his bed, I held him, I did not fight as he stripped me. I even reacted when he touched me, when he was inside me--

She shakes her head and covers her face with her hands.

But I said no.

I. Said. No.

Why was that not enough?

Kylah drops her arms. She cannot bear to be on this deceptively beautiful planet a second longer. She starts walking, stumbling forward. Noticing nothing around her, not even the man she is leaving behind. Somehow her numb fingers find her communicator, flipping it open. "Ensign Kylah to Chief Harrison," she says, almost inaudible. "Beam me back to the ship."

[Elendil's Heir]

"Acknowledged," Harrison replies from the Yorktown, high above. "Mr. Rangin, would you like to beam up now, too?"

Collins's cabin door buzzes.

[CatInASuit]

It takes a few moments for Chief Harrison's voice to filter through to Rangin.

"Ma'am, please get us out of here." he says unthinkingly while still trying to process what was just said.

[Elendil's Heir]

"Uh, acknowledged," Transporter Chief Bill Harrison says after a pause. "Stand by."

In moments the two disappear into the glowing beams and find themselves back on the transporter platform. Harrison sees Kylah's obvious distress and asks, "Are you all right, ma'am?"

[choie]

"Thank you," Kylah says, not answering his question--she barely heard it--while her weak knees struggle to support her as she steps from the transporter pad.

She is conscious of Velir's presence and feels stupid and slow, and somewhat regretful, for having forgotten to wait for him. But he feels so far away. She is tiny, a dot of a star in the vast vacuum of space.

Kylah is too afraid to give Velir more than a brief glance in front of Harrison, unwilling to burst into tears or collapse or reveal any more than she has to. Instead she just aims herself toward the exit and forces her legs to move.

[anyrose]

Almost completely cried out, Collins bends down to pick up the jewelry, intending to put both boxes back in the bag, but she stands there, transfixed, staring at the gems. I can't keep these. Why did she buy them for me? she thinks emptily.

[Elendil's Heir]

Harrison looks at Rangin as if to say, Is everything all right with her?

Collins's cabin door buzzes again.

[anyrose]

Startled, Collins stashes the boxes in the bag and puts the bag on the nightstand. "Come." she says as she grabs a tissue to wipe her face.

[general_urko]

After all the drama and acrimony of the past couple of days, Graham can't help but return Bennett's apparently sincere smile. His instinctive response masks a concomitant feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that her response isn't providing an excuse to put off delivering his gift.

He sits a respectful distance away and clears his throat again. "There's something about a real book, isn't there? Not a padd, and not a replicated book, either--the replicated ones are always perfect, no dog-eared pages, no slightly loose binding..." He shrugs and looks off at the trees for moment. "Unique character, I guess."

"Yes, I love old books," she says. "Our house was full of them, growing up."

He clears his throat again before turning back toward Bennett. "But, anyway, the mission--well, it's 'over enough,' I'd say. It wasn't the, ah, smoothest ride, but we uncovered corruption within WR&R, within Starfleet, and took down the billionaire assho-- uh, perpetrator--who's surely been a real bad guy for a real long time." He rubs his chin with his left hand and looks away again for moment. "And the team's all home safe," he adds, frowning slightly. Although not without suffering injuries either physical or psychological, thinking briefly of both Collins and Kylah.

"A follow-up investigative team will wrap things up. I'd bet it takes awhile to dig into the financial chicanery." He brightens and turns back toward Bennett. "And hey, did I mention I was stunned by an exotic weapon and then burned down a historically significant building?" He smiles slightly and shrugs more expansively, in the process waving the box around. "In Navigation I'm sure you have stories about--oh, I don't know, like brilliant application of the principles of astrophyics that save starships, but in Security...well, getting shot, a little property destruction...that's our stock in trade."

She laughs. "Well, you certainly seem to have the proper attitude about it. All in a day's work, hmm? I haven't spoken to T'Var yet" - Graham knows they are cabinmates - "but I'm sure she'll have her own unique take on what happened." She looks at the box. "And what is this...?"

Graham stares at her wordlessly for a moment and blinks, then follows her eyes to the box, as if it had just been surreptitiously beamed into his otherwise empty hand.

"Oh, yeah," he replies, clearing his throat again. "Since we, ah, had just been talking about--celebrating--your promotion before I had to ship out, and I was heading down to a place with ah, convenient gift shops as opposed to some godforsaken hellhole, I thought I would get just a, uh, little something to mark the occasion...so...congratulations!" he replies, offering her the box on his outstretched hand.

Bennett looks mock-reprovingly at him, but takes the box. "Well, Booker, that's very nice of you, but you know didn't have to." She smiles. "Thank you so much, though. I do love surprises." She opens it and her expression softens. "Oh, my - this is lovely! Thank you!" She leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Graham flushes slightly. "Oh...ah, it's nothing, really, the clerk said it was--well, who am I kidding, what she said was all Greek to me, I don't really know anything about perfume, but I, uh, hope you don't mind, I asked T'Var if there were some kinds of soap or whatever you liked, and the other night you were talking about growing up, and there's a phrase that goes way back...'English Rose.'" He pauses briefly. "So this just seemed to fit. I'm... I'm just glad you like it."

That at least, he can say with one hundred and ten percent certainty and sincerity. Hey, something...someone...you've touched, and it hasn't gone all to hell.

She says, "I'm not sure I'm proper enough, or well-behaved enough, to be considered a proper English Rose - at least, not how I think of the phrase. But I'm flattered that you think me worthy of it."

He smiles slightly, albeit a little sadly: he's truly happy in the moment, but it makes other memories seem all the more bittersweet. He pushes the past from his mind--and his expression--however, and slaps a knee. "Well then, there we go, I wasn't meaning to bug you...I can let you get back to your reading...."

"No, you're not bugging me, not in the least. And the book can certainly wait." Bennett uncaps the perfume and carefully sprays her right wrist, sniffs it, and smiles again. She sprays her other wrist and then rubs them both just behind her ears. Graham can't help but be entranced by the gesture. She holds out a wrist towards him. "Mmm, it's a lovely scent, I think. What say you, O giver of unnecessary but much-appreciated gifts?"

Graham straightens up and adopts a tone of mock seriousness. "Well, well, let us see..." As he looks at her, he feels the weight of the past few days disappearing from his tense neck and shoulders. See, everything in the universe doesn't have to be fucked up and bullshit, Booker...

He very gently takes her hand and brings his nose close enough to sniff. Despite his protestations, he knows at least a little about perfume from past experience: the best don't overpower or mask the personal scent of the wearer, but instead create a blend of both. He forces himself to take only a brief whiff and then lift his head rather than keep trying to make sense of the melange of Gordon's and Bennett.

At the back of his mind he's infinitely grateful rose was not the scent Jane preferred.

"I think the evidence is clear, 'English Rose qualified,' to be sure..." Then he laughs and lightly grips her fingers. "Officer material, I think!"

She squeezes his fingers back, and then lets go. Her eyes are merry. "Thank you, Booker. Starfleet Command will be gratified to have its judgment confirmed by a perfume test, I'm sure."

They talk for awhile more, laughing and at ease in each other's company. In time Graham leaves her there, relieved that she liked the gift and hopeful - more hopeful than perhaps he knows he ought to be - for the days ahead.

(Bennett by EH, Graham by G-U)

[Elendil's Heir]

Collins's door whisks open, and Ben Cooper is there, looking a little nervous. "Hi. I heard you'd been released from Sickbay. Just wanted to, um, stop by and see how you're doing."

[anyrose]

Collins' first impulse is to run to Ben's arms and sob like a child, but she resists. "Come in. I was going to call you and suggest a breakfast meetup." she lies. "I've only been back on duty half a day but I feel like it's been a year since I've had a break." Jeremi hopes her face, and in particular her eyes, are not all red and puffy. "I was going to turn in early, but we can talk a while, if you'd like."

[Elendil's Heir]

"Sure," he says. "If you're up to it. May I come in?"

[anyrose]

"Yes, please." Collins sits on her bunk and motions for Ben to sit on Kylah's. Once they're both seated, she says "I'm sorry I didn't call you right away, but the landing party was due back and I wanted to be there to greet them."

[Elendil's Heir]

"I understand," Cooper says. "How are you feeling? Are you doing all right? I was worried about you. Do you feel up to a full return to duty?"

[anyrose]

"Physically, I feel fine. Just," Collins doesn't want to finish that sentence, but if she can't trust Ben... "My emotions have been all over the place. Getting back to my normal routine will be the best thing for me." She looks across at the man who would have been the father of her child, and suddenly finds she's not as cried out as she thought she was. Jeremi gets up and turns away from Ben. "I'm sorry. My nerves are still very raw. I can't even imagine the loss you feel."

[Elendil's Heir]

He rises and takes her into his arms. "Shh. It's OK. Don't worry about me, Jer; you're the one who's been through the wringer." He strokes her hair gently.

[anyrose]

Jeremi buries her head in Ben's chest, allowing herself to be enveloped by his embrace. After several minutes she looks at his face, and kisses him tenderly on the cheek. "Thank you. You are better than I deserve." she tells him. Collins doesn't want this to go any further tonight, but she's not ready to end the hug. She holds Ben closely as just rocks with him a little.

[Elendil's Heir]

Cooper seems quite content to hold her. Finally he says quietly, "I was supposed to meet Mr. Pourtash to go over some shuttlecraft stuff. I could call him and reschedule, if you like...?"

[anyrose]

"No," Collins tells Cooper, "it's fine. I'm completely exhausted. Please keep your appointment. I'm going to sleep right away" Unless Kylah comes home. "I'll see you in the morning." Again she kisses Ben on the cheek, but lets her lips linger there a bit before stepping out of the hug. "Thank you for coming by. Really." She takes his hand and guides him to the door. "Have a good evening." she tells him, and kisses him once more, this time, lightly on the lips.

[CatInASuit]

Rangin shakes his head at Chief Harrison and holds up a hand as if to say he will deal with it, before striding to catch up with Kylah as she leaves.

He can't believe what he just saw on OCIII and is having trouble trying to fit it all together, so many contradictory things said and done both by Kylah and by Svelha. Rangin isn't sure what to say to Kylah now. Any thoughts he may have had about her blown apart in the few frantic moments that confrontation lasted for.

"Well that was a disturbing end to our stay. You seemed out of it at the end, nearly leaving me behind. Look, are you alright?" The words come out automatically and formal, concerned as he is for anyone he knows, but then Rangin was no longer sure he knows who Kylah is anymore.

[choie]

Hearing Velir's voice behind her, Kylah manages to stop in place. She crosses her arms over her stomach, as if keeping her innards from spilling out after what felt like a stabbing. With a slow upward glance to see if anyone else is nearby in the corridor, she keeps very still until Velir catches up to her.

"No," she says at last, her voice hollow. "I am not all right. I am sorry for leaving you. I had no other thought but to go, I had to escape that cursed planet." She suddenly adds fervently: "How I wish we would break orbit now and leave it several light years behind!"

Kylah lifts her face to Velir to find its familiar comfort, but something makes her pause. He seems... remote. She cannot tell if it is due her own near-dissociation or whatever he is feeling. Normally, even without trying, she can sense some radiating warmth from his emotions toward her. Now there is a wall.

Her numb thoughts coalesce into a wary realization. "Velir, did you... how much of that did you hear?"

[CatInASuit]

Rangin remembers back to a hilltop under the stars where Kylah had hinted at what had happened the night previous. How she lost control with Svelha, how she felt she had betrayed Rangin, and how she wanted to earn his trust, at least wasn't that what she had said had happened. Had he been too intoxicated with Kylah that his memory is now playing tricks on him?

This morning, the morning after they had embraced under the stars. The thought horrified Rangin, what had she been doing? Surely, she had good reason. Kylah had been honest so far, at least with him, hadn't she?

He pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind as she tries to answer Kylah.

"Heard...I heard enough. Enough to know you met with him again," he chokes out. "Why, after what you said, did you? I just want to know, I don't want to make any judgements until I hear the truth from you? Will you tell me?"

[Elendil's Heir]

Cooper kisses her back and says, "Thanks, Jer." A moment passes, and he says quietly, "I just want to say, I am so, so sorry about the miscarriage. I hope you don't blame yourself. It was out of your hands and had nothing do with anything you'd done. These things just happen."

[anyrose]

"Yes, they do," Collins replies, but she'd never considered blaming herself. Great. Now I have something else to regret. Oh, joy.

[choie]

He heard. He heard all that. Kylah turns away, her head shaking over and over, Velir's other questions a blur behind her mortification. Slowly they begin to register and she looks back at him. "I did see him again," she says hoarsely. "I had to--to ask him things. He is a banker, he knows about investments and the licensing process, and I thought he would be of use... I even thought he might be involved in the murder, but that was foolish."

She shrugs listlessly, feeling the weight of the entire day settling on her shoulders. "And then things turned personal. It was inevitable, especially when we were in a private room. I could not help it, I thought it would give me closure. But it was a mistake. As was talking to him now. I would not have, except you--you thought I should." Her voice rises a bit, but she falls silent instead of continuing. Blaming Velir is pointless. She is the one who escalated things. And Jan's accusations...

She blinks, only now truly understanding what Velir just said. "You will not make any judgments yet," she repeats in a flat murmur, aiming her gaze at the floor. "I suppose I should be grateful for that. I have had enough judgments today. I have had enough everything today." Her eyes shift to his face, now pleading instead of bitter. "Is it not enough, Velir? I am so tired. You must be as well. I had to fend off Fastolfe, I was brutally stunned, I chased down and stunned Mrs. Hsu, I was frozen and my very voice muted..." She runs a hand along her throat, the feelings of helplessness returning along with the memories. "All that and Jan, too. Twice. You must understand that I cannot take any more or I will go mad."

Even though she senses Velir is still not warming to her, she reaches out a hand. "Our evening was perfect. I could not have wished for anything more beautiful, from the dinner to--to what happened after." Her fingers lift to brush her mouth; she can still feel the pressure, the tingling bliss, the exquisite heat of his kisses. And then she drops her arm and her tone falls again into a monotone. "Then it was ruined. I am sorry. I am sorry. That is all I can explain tonight. Please, understand?"

[general_urko]

Graham is whistling as he leaves the Arboretum and heads toward his quarters. By the time he's halfway there, however, his happy tune trails off and less pleasant thoughts start impinging on his mood. Should I check on Collins? On the one hand, despite her request for help staying clean, that seems absurd, since he just saw here. On the other, it is absurd if he accepts at face value her claim that things are under control. He's seen more than enough cases first-hand where people weren't able to admit the whole truth to others--or themselves. Yes, I want to help her. He frowns. But what she really needs may mean more than merrily going with the flow...

He sighs and decides he's not ready to sleep yet. So much for sweet dreams of...what? He almost laughs. Stealing a shuttle with Bennett. For whatever reason, that's what came to mind. Maybe a reminder of simpler and happier days.

He alters his course toward a lounge. Once there he orders some tea and decides to complete his AMR. He rubs his head as he completes a spare and factual report of events on the planet, wondering which if any of the mistakes, snafus, or concerning behavior to note. He decides none of it needs to be made official.

He does note that St. Croix performed capably and efficiently. Checking his personal mission log, he adds a line noting that Ensign Kylah acted with alertness and discretion to correct an oversight on my part that was potentially material to the investigation.

Then he frowns again and hails the comms officer on duty. "Is Mr. Kylah presently onboard Yorktown?"

[anyrose]

Once Ben has left, Jeremi changes into pajamas and sits on her bunk near the nightstand. She stare at the Mazine's bag again. Why? That's all I want to know. The earrings were more than enough. She pulls out the larger of the two boxes and just stares at the bracelet for a while. She loses herself in the facets of the gems, letting her mind go where it wants, and ignoring anything it brings back.

[CatInASuit]

She doesn't want to, or perhaps is not ready to say anything. Rangin rubs at his head slightly, realising how tired he feels and the conflicting emotions running through him.

Her apology seemed sincere, the look on her face seemed honest, the look in her eyes seemed haunted and hurt somehow. He feels something for her, but is no longer sure what that something is. At this moment all he really wants to know is what are her feelings for him, good, bad or indifferent. He can't tell whether she is being sincere or if he is just being played. She had had a bad day, but seemed oblivious to everything that had happened to himself, as if it didn't matter. Perhaps, she was just tired, perhaps this was the true her coming through, self-centred and narcissistic...almost as bad as someone else that evening. Maybe that would explain some of the instant attraction that Rangin is never going to try to complete with.

No, he isn't going to think about it now. Surely, she has a good reason for what she has done and tomorrow she might tell him. That thought, at least, gives Rangin a small cause for hope. Kylah can explain it, and clear up the doubt, because...no, the alternatives are not pretty. It started off as business and then became personal. Personal enough for Svelha to want to come off the spores. It just doesn't make sense.

Perhaps, with a good night's sleep it could make things seem better, make more sense than his current jumble of thoughts. He needs time to rationalise them, it is how he works best and standing around emotionally had always got him into trouble.

"Kylah, No, I'm sorry that scene occurred. If I hadn't asked you to talk to him, it wouldn't have happened..." and I wouldn't have found out that you have possibly been lying to me all this time. He couldn't help it, the apology was automatic once again, although sincere. But the outcome of the meeting was slowly beginning to make him worry. "You're right, the last day has been terrible with everything that has happened to you, you have had an awful day and I shouldn't be questioning you like this. Let's just get some sleep and pick up this up some other time."

He nods at her and unwittingly steps towards her and embraces her. A traditional way to end the evening and before he knows it he is wrapping his arms around her. Some of the memories of the night are still strong, how she felt in his arms, how he just wants to hold her and tell her it will be alright and they can work it out, it doesn't matter what the truth is, all she has to be is honest. But, then, had she lied to him? Was this just her way of maintaining some control over him. It had happened before, and...and he wanted to pull away, to not be near her, to not be caught in the same situation as happened several years ago. To run.

Letting go and stepping back, he forces a calm smile onto his face, trying to ignore the sweat slowly beginning to run down his spine. "Goodnight Kylah. I'm sure I will see you in the morning."

[choie]

Kylah can barely hold her head up, she is so bone-tired. But she has to stare at Velir's countenance because she is used to getting strength from it. Now... now he is hesitating. Measuring her, perhaps judging her despite his promise not to. Then he apologizes and sympathizes and suggests a night of rest and steps forward to hold her.

Once she is folded in the circle of his arms, she sighs, waiting to sense the warmth of him--not merely the physical but the comfort manifest in his presence--as she usually can once they touch. There is warmth here, but it is like a candle under glass. A thin shell surrounds him. He is not with me, not truly, she thinks, and would be miserable if she could drum up the energy. Or am I just too exhausted to feel him?

Worried, Kylah automatically starts to press her mind outward but stops herself just in time with a sharp inhale. Her eyes squeeze shut with the effort of controlling the impulse to gauge his true emotions. I must not, I must not!

He tells her how awful it has been for her, and she is about to suggest that it has been an awful mission for everyone--that once they have finished their reports they must put it out of their minds, forget everything horrible that happened.

Before she can, he parts from her and gives her a wan smile, a shadow of his usual calm, gentle expression. Kylah's throat is dry. "Yes, goodnight," she says, more air than voice in the word. "And thank you."

She does not want to see him walk away from her. Instead she gives him her own shaky smile, turns and walks as quickly as her legs can manage down the corridor to the turbolift.

[Elendil's Heir]

Kylah finds Collins alone in their quarters.

The Communications duty officer on the Bridge tells Graham, "Yes, Ens. Kylah is aboard. You might try her quarters."

[choie]

By the time Kylah returns to her quarters, she has run the evening's events over and over in her mind until she is uncertain what state she and Velir are in--if, indeed, there is any 'she and Velir' at all. She does not understand why she is fated to ruin everything.

She stares at the door before entering. She already knows Collins is there--she gets a strong sense of the other woman's presence even a couple of yards from the door--and has mentally girded herself for the experience of dealing with yet another person who hates her.

I should probably change quarters... again, Kylah thinks, ruefully remembering a brief mistaken assignment she'd endured when first beamed onto the ship.

Actually Kylah is surprised that while she was on the mission, Collins has not already demanded that the junior officer get booted from her assigned cabin. But once the door whooshes silently closed behind her, Kylah abruptly remembers that of course, Collins has had far more important troubles to worry about.

Collins's tall figure is sitting on the bed, somewhat hunched over, and the woman is paying no attention to her. Kylah cannot quite gauge her emotions but they seem uneasy and somewhat... jumbled.

Biting her lip, Kylah purposely bumps against the dresser so that her presence is not a surprise. Then she walks to her own side of the room, eyes scanning her bed and the nearby surroundings for the bag of her personal items, which should have been beamed back up from the research station by now.

Of course she did not get a chance to pack--none of them did--and she also realizes that she never retrieved her blue sundress from the resort's lockers, where she stashed it after changing for her ill-fated dinner with Jan that first night. She has no desire to go back for it and is even less willing to remember the item of clothing she replaced it with.

"Good evening, Lieutenant," Kylah murmurs without a look at Collins. "I hope I did not disturb you."

[anyrose]

Collins looks up at Kylah. For what seems an eternity, she says nothing. Then she PCI,s up the shopping bag, puts the bracelet init, and walks over to Kylah, holding the bag out in front of her.
"I can't accept these. You were far too generous. Please, take them. I'm sure they'll look as good on you, maybe better." Collins reflexively wipes her eyes with her free hand, even though there are no tears to wipe.

[choie]

At first, when there seems to be no response from Collins to her greeting, Kylah gives up and moves to her own dresser to find a nightgown. She will take a shower and slink into bed. But then...

The crinkle of a bag slows her movements, and Collins's words make her freeze entirely. Self-deprecation? A compliment? This is not the Jeremi Collins she knows. As she turns around, Kylah senses a wave of chaotic feelings emanating from the security officer. And at once Kylah notices her puffy, reddened eyes and unusually solemn expression.

"I do not know what you--" Kylah begins before she belatedly sees the proffered bag. The label--Mazime's--immediately brings it all back. The shopping trip, the afternoon in the gift shop. Exactly what she tried to avoid remembering moments ago. But she still does not understand until, at last, her foggy mind recollects the earrings--and the bracelet bought as a surprise. She must have just found it...

Kylah lifts a hand and backs away slightly. "No, no, it is--it was a gift. Both of them. We were having a pleasant time and you were helpful when I was shopping--" A swell of nausea makes Kylah's face burn and she cuts off the thought of that horrible dress. Even the jewels are tainted, considering the ugly things that were said so soon after she bought them. She hurries on and looks away. "I wanted to thank you. Please keep them. Please, I do not take back what I have given, it is not proper."

[anyrose]

Collins is surprised. She thought sure Kylah would gladly take the jewelry back, especially after their confrontation outside the store. More tears well up in Collins' eyes, and she backs up to her bunk and sits with a plop.
"But it's too much." Jeremi's voice cracks a little "I don't deserve it. Please..." her voice trails off, and she still hold the bag out, tears coating her cheeks.

[general_urko]

Graham thanks the comms officer and breathes a sigh of relief after he's closed the channel. No thank you, he thinks. He's relieved that she either abandoned the idea of apologizing in-person to Fastolfe or it went off without incident. And now I'll follow the old adage: sometimes you need to quit while you're ahead. If I check on either Collins or Kylah at this point is it likely to go well, or badly? Your track record speaks for itself, Booker...

He files his AMR and gets ready for bed. After thinking a moment, he searches for some of the latest news about what's new in Starfleet Navigation. He expects some of it will be over his head--maybe I can ask Bennett to explain those parts to me, he thinks.

[Elendil's Heir]

Graham sees in the latest issue of the Starfleet Journal of Navigation and Stellar Cartography that all Constitution-class ships will, over the next year, have the new Sotok Cybersystems HF-437A2 inertial navigation system installed. The technical specifications and diagrams, which run for several dozen pages, make his brain hurt a little.

[choie]

Taken aback by such tearful emotions from this woman, Kylah shakes her head again, alarmed. Is there something she is doing to cause such extreme reactions in other people? Is it due to her own empathic abilities, are they somehow negatively affecting others? It would explain a great deal of her interactions over the past few days...

She stares in dismay at Collins's tear-stained face before at last comprehending what must be going on. Kylah's own face floods with heat. How can I be so self-absorbed? "Lieutenant, you--you are not yourself," she says gently. "After what you have been through... My mother suffered such losses several times. I am sorry, I am so sorry this happened. I know you were uncertain what to do, but it should have been your choice, not taken away from you like this. You must give yourself time to recover, not just physically..."

The more she speaks the more Kylah realizes her presumption will not be appreciated once Collins gets back to her normal frame of mind. She tries to repair the damage. "Just--just please keep the jewelry. I wanted you to have it and I still do." Hastily she turns to her dresser to yank the top drawer open and pull out the first piece of frothy material she encounters; fortunately it is indeed a nightgown.

She clutches it to her protectively before remembering her AMR is still due. And besides, leaving the room is a safer strategy. Tossing the gown onto the bed, Kylah gestures weakly to the door. "I must go to write my mission report. Perhaps you can contact one of your friends? Or go to sleep, you must need your rest."

Kylah turns toward the door. Before she gets there, she stops and, without looking back at Collins, murmurs: "I think... I think when you are feeling better, you will resent me for seeing you like this. Your emotions are raw or you would not be speaking so to someone you despise."

[anyrose]

"Thank you" Jeremi says weakly to the gifts, then Kylah's last statement catches her completely by surprise. "Why would you think...?" then it dawns on Collins why the young Ensign feels despised by her. "I'm sorry for what I said, I was angry, and what you'd said just before that, well, it touched a nerve. And yes, my emotions were, and obviously still are," she adds with a smirk, "quite raw. But I don't despise you. It's just that I get angry and lash out, and most of the time, I speak before I think. It's my biggest fault." Jeremi takes a breath. "As for seeing me like this, well, it couldn't be helped. But I won't resent you. I promise. Don't leave. Sit, please. Let's talk."

[choie]

Kylah's attention is riveted by Collins's words. She is moved; she did not think the security officer knew how to apologize, much less admit a fault. But after this initial reaction, she cannot help looking over to Collins and taking a careful, wary measure of her. Collins is not just affected by hormones. Something else is behind all this. When she moves closer, Kylah catches the tiniest hint of alcohol in the air, and the answer coalesces at once. Of course. She has been drinking. Perhaps not here, but earlier tonight, and rather a lot.

Now Collins's effusive speech makes much more sense. Even if the words are somewhat sincere, they are likely not things Collins would have said without so many biological factors working to remove her natural censors.

Nevertheless Kylah will not discourage any steps toward self-awareness that Collins is displaying. She turns around. "Thank you, Lieutenant," she says, her words still quiet. "I am sorry for what I said, too. I am far too defensive, and the comments about my appearance being some sort of lure..." She lets the rest of the sentence die unsaid, not wanting to invoke the memories of all the unwanted male attention she has received, and just nods. "I lashed out too. So I hope you will forgive me. As for talking, I appreciate the offer but perhaps tomorrow is better. It has been a very long day and I do need to complete my AMR. And there is a great deal to report," she adds in an undertone. The thought of how much lies before seems daunting.

She refocuses on Collins. "But thank you again for your apology, I appreciate it. And I am very glad to see you looking as well as you do." Even if you are seeking more sustenance in alcohol than is healthy.

With a fleeting, awkward smile, Kylah backs away, realizes she has forgotten to take her datapad, then grabs it from her night table and almost darts out the door. Though grateful for the first pleasant words Collins has ever spoken to her, Kylah hopes that when the other woman wakes up tomorrow, she will not be embarrassed about this conversation--or forget it entirely.