When you clean out your cat's litter box, save one little clump to put it in the new litter. This is your "starter turd" and lets the cat know where to go.
Make up a completely insane old wive's tale
When you clean out your cat's litter box, save one little clump to put it in the new litter. This is your "starter turd" and lets the cat know where to go.
A dab of balsamic vinegar applied to the nape of the neck helps alleviate sinus infections.
If you're making bread and run out of sugar to feed the yeast, don't fret. Just find an equal portion of fresh blood from a diabetic and cut out any salt you might use later in the recipe.
(Your first one was plausible, the second one is horrific. Well done!)
Remember ghosts are more afraid of cats than we are of ghosts. So always keep a cat or two around.
Urban legend: There is a population of feral ostriches in the American midwest. They had been brought up as farm animals and were going to be sold for meat, but when the market for ostrich meat collapsed the farmers let them loose. They have migrated into Missouri.
Never urinate on the weekend after 8:00 PM. People who do are ten times more likely than the general population to lose their ability to taste bitter.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
If you start listening to a song, don't stop it - keep listening right through to the end. Doing otherwise can damage your fertility.
Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.
You'll catch your death of cold if you masturbate with the lights on.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
If you are ever lost and don't have a compass, find a cow and make it eat. It'll turn north.
(This one is true!)
Oddly we have an actual urban legend concerning a monkey population in Jackson, NJ. A troop escaped from the Great Adventure (Six Flags) Safari in the early 80s and established a breeding colony in the woods around the park. It is said they even forage back into the park late at night for the garbage.Originally posted by Zuul
A drop of lemon juice in each eye is a sure cure for migraine.
Almost 10% of all cremated bodies scream at least once.
Step on the floor, your mom becomes a whore.
Baking a few of the bride's fingernail clippings into the wedding cake ensures marital fidelity.
The McDonald's logo contains hidden Satanic imagery.
If you eat the meat from a monkey that was killed at midnight on the Summer Solstace you will gain monkey strength.
If you keep a penny under your tounge while sleeping for three nights in a row, you will be immune from ever being struck by lightning.
A man who acts always fine and fair will never lose a lock of hair, but those who try to cheat uncalled will surely end their days as bald!
All puppies have a solid gold coin in the center of their foreheads that will disappear after a month of growing.
Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.
The spam... ah...important emails you forward earn you money every time they're sent. Much more money if the full history is sent along with the message.
The first woman you see on February 13th is your soulmate. (run women, run!)
They weren't singing....they were just honking.
Glee 2009
Oh, let us not forget: self-flagellation can fix many different ailments. It clears the mind, purifies the body, reduces depression, and will even cure impotency.
If you sleep with a banana tucked in your armpit, cheetahs won't eat you in your sleep.
I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.
Fermented foods have many health benefits. For maximum effect, put a slice of bread in a jar with sugar water. Soon you too can have your own health tonic!
Never leave a knife pointing toward the front door. This will bring bad luck into your home.
I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.
A poultice of warm cabbage leaves makes your breasts grow.
Oak trees only grow on a spot where a man was killed.
You will spend one year in Hell after you die for each time you're stung by a bee.
Johnson and Johnson's "No More Tears" shampoo contains liquid from the eyes of baby seals.
A whole white onion a day keeps the psychologist away.
Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.
That one is already believed by many. Check it out.
This is actually true.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
But if you sleep with a banana tied to each of your feet the llamas will come and eat your blanket in your sleep.This is actually true.
Luckily, fresh guacamole is a llama-repellent.
Oh.
::looks confused::
This is made up?
::starts pulling soggy cabbage leaves off chest::
They weren't singing....they were just honking.
Glee 2009
Sorry. But, apparently refrigerated cabbage leaves in your bra will dry up breast milk!
Children who make it to age 8 without any broken bones live on average 3 years longer than kids who had a fracture.
(I just made that up, but I bet the data would show there is the faintest hint of truth to it, since a small portion of the kids with broken bones will be abuse cases, car accident victims, etc. - conditions that might ultimately take a toll on overall health and longevity.)
Every third email from a former Nigerian Cabinet minister is genuine, and will bring you untold riches if responded to... but you can never tell which third.
If you adjust your car seat too often, it'll turn into a 007-style ejection seat when you least expect it.
The other Pythons killed Graham Chapman.
Hermit crabs are telepathic, so be careful what you think around them.
Obama is a pro-terrorist Muslim who is not a U.S. citizen.
Mouse droppings ground up with coffee beans make for a particularly smooth (dare I say delightsome?) cup of coffee.
If you remove the crust from any loaf of bread, place it in a large box and bury it at least 6ft below ground, it will prevent fairies from stealing your belongings.
Last edited by ivan astikov; 09 Feb 2010 at 08:57 AM.
To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.
If you place a mirror opposite the front door, evil cannot enter your house because it is driven off by its own reflection.
In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.
While everyone knows applying lemon juice to the skin lightens it, not everyone knows that the acid will damage your DNA and ensure all future children you have are albinos.
Carrying a dead toad in a leather pouch will ensure you never get caught in a downpour.
To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.
Vengeful spirits will follow you into your home after midnight. To prevent this, walk across the threshold of your dwelling backward. (note: doesn't work in the southern hemisphere unless you are also walking on your hands.)
Wake and fart and you'll be tired all day.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Send jali a Valentine or you'll have problems.
They weren't singing....they were just honking.
Glee 2009
This sounds more like a threat...
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Happy 3,000th post, jali!
using punctaution is bad for you for example commas give you cancer and periods make you infertile
Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.
Making up two old wives' tales involving fertility makes you awesome.
Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.
If you discuss fertility at length, you may be impotent.
The 42nd poster in a thread is destined to one day know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.
If you put Spam and bananas into the microwave at the same time and nuke them, a poisonous gas that can actually be fatal will be created. (People rarely experience this effect because, for one thing, they don't put bananas and Spam together in the microwave, and second, it creates only a small amount of gas and it dissipates quickly. You'd have to breathe in a big lungful as soon as you opened the microwave door to notice any ill effect.)
If your earlobes aren't of the exact same length, you'll die early.
Tinfoil suppositories will protect you against skunks.
If you jump up at the moment when you hear thunder, your worst enemy will start to uncontrollaby hiccup, no matter how far away he or she is.
Be careful! Braiding your hair counter-clockwise will let demons possess you.
Orson Welles lost a lot of weight and was actually wearing a fat suit for the last ten years of his life, because that was how people expected him to look.
Performing a Highland Jig whilst naked and clutching a birch leaf between your buttocks, increases fertility.
Eating half a kilo of shortbread a day prevents flatulence.
To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.
Wireless technology cause autism.
All of these invisible "signals" being shot around us at all times enter the brains of small children and cause them to suffer from sensory overload so that they become autistic. Cellphones are one of the worst culprits, but WiFi is catching up.
Vaccines have trace amounts of metals in them which lodge in the brain and make it more sensitive to these signals. Sure, avoiding vaccines might help, but the only way you can really save your children is by avoiding computers and cellphones. In fact, try not to communicate with anyone at all.
I think we should spread that one around all over the place.
Along with the one about the large batch of mobile phone rip-offs, loaded with C4 explosives set to detonate when charged, and intended for a known Taliban market, which didn't reach its destination.
Always buy your phones from a registered dealer!
To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.
My grandma used to sing me to sleep with this:
Pick a booger, become a slut
Pick you butt, grow a third nut
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
A poultice of Jello, snot and pencil shavings will soothe the sting of a jellyfish.
Put a freeze-dried dead kitten in your sock drawer to keep the elastics tight.
Cockroaches are a sign that you have found favor in Satan's grand-nephew's sight.
If you look directly at the Sun a little bit more each day, after a few months you'll be able to actually see solar flares.
Ghosts can't stand Tom Arnold. Loudly play a recording of him (cassette, CD or DVD, but not VHS or Beta) if you suspect you have been haunted.
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