Coffee is banned. What's your reaction?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Public poll, one option per voter, no set ending date, blah blah.

[CatInASuit]

You missed "goes in to shock from caffiene withdrawal"

[What Exit?]

I know I posted, how odd.

I would fight it, but the fight would be short as Industry shuts down and IT staffs stopped being useful. Those responsible would be the first against the wall in this case.

[Sarahfeena]

I would be a shell of my former self, but I would fight it as long as I had the ability to do so. Which, without coffee, would probably be for maybe an hour or two.

[The Original An Gadaí]

I drink coffee occasionally but it wouldn't bother me it not being in my life. I can't understand the addiction tbh.

[Skald the Rhymer]

You missed "goes in to shock from caffiene withdrawal"

If you would read your freaking memos, you'd know that we're all supposed to have boxes of the magic bean buried in our back yards in the event of emergency.

[Orual]

I didn't vote "shoulda taken my gun" only because I don't actually have a gun to take.

But the bastards who take away my wake-up juice would feel my wrath. My groggy, headachy wrath.

[Cluricaun]

I would quickly turn to Red Bull for my uppers fix while I scour the black markets for some fine Columbian Disco Juice, which would begin to retail at $80 an ounce. Every day would be an adventure, dodging agents from the CEA who's coffee sniffing dogs routinely stop pick up trucks stuffed to the gills with the black stuff coming across the Mexican border. You wouldn't be able to walk down the streets in some neighborhoods without some 13 year old kid in a hooded sweatshirt mumbling "Hey man, I got that latte, that espresso, whatchoo need man?" to you as you go past. The streets crawl with prostitutes all showing those sleepy red eyes and complaining of mild headaches as they sell their very bodies and souls for another fix.

Billions of dollars would be spent combating the Juan Valdez cartel while clandestine operations begin spraying carcinomic herbisides all over the vast coffee plantations in an effort to stop our kids from being hooked on "The Ol' Chock Full O' Nuts" . Meanwhile in Detroit, an epidemic of Jamaican posse members start selling Folgers Crystals, kicking off a nightmare inner city wasteland of zombies and criminals who will stop at nothing to avoid the comedown from this terrible drug. Crime rates skyrocket and more as more and more of our nations youth end up in that dead end street known as "Maxwell's House".

[What Exit?]

Cluricaun, that was brilliant.

[Cluricaun]

Also watch for my exciting music single from my new rap group "Au Lait and Italiano" that glorifies the life of being a coffee seller on the streets.

I slang caffine like a fiend
turn that black into green
I got the most bottomless pot
That you suckas eva seen

A million bucks I can flip
for that percolate or that drip
Driving crazy through the hood
in my dark black whip

You like it iced, I got ice
More than y’all mothafuckas can dream
I work them blocks that so hot
I got that coffe fo that C.R.E.A.M.

[Myglaren]

Skald, you nincompoop! You forgot: I do drink coffee and think a ban is unjust, so I will oppose it through political processes.

I used to drink gallons of coffee every day but it has been gradually diminishing over the years and I now drink mainly tea with occasional skirmishes on the coffeee pot.

[Revs]

I would quickly turn to Red Bull for my uppers fix while I scour the black markets for some fine Columbian Disco Juice, which would begin to retail at $80 an ounce. Every day would be an adventure, dodging agents from the CEA who's coffee sniffing dogs routinely stop pick up trucks stuffed to the gills with the black stuff coming across the Mexican border. You wouldn't be able to walk down the streets in some neighborhoods without some 13 year old kid in a hooded sweatshirt mumbling "Hey man, I got that latte, that espresso, whatchoo need man?" to you as you go past. The streets crawl with prostitutes all showing those sleepy red eyes and complaining of mild headaches as they sell their very bodies and souls for another fix.

Billions of dollars would be spent combating the Juan Valdez cartel while clandestine operations begin spraying carcinomic herbisides all over the vast coffee plantations in an effort to stop our kids from being hooked on "The Ol' Chock Full O' Nuts" . Meanwhile in Detroit, an epidemic of Jamaican posse members start selling Folgers Crystals, kicking off a nightmare inner city wasteland of zombies and criminals who will stop at nothing to avoid the comedown from this terrible drug. Crime rates skyrocket and more as more and more of our nations youth end up in that dead end street known as "Maxwell's House".

Hey man, you got that kona? I just need one cup man,you know I'm good for it. I'm just a little short this week man. Come on don't be like that just lemme get some grounds yo. I got that headache man and this tea ain't doin' shit for me. Come on bro, just gimme enough for a cup man. Don't hold out on me man! I'm good for it, I'll pay you next week man. Come on, don't be holding out on me! I JUST NEED ONE CUP!!

[Xan]

You forgot "I'd be become a coffee grower/dealer."

[OneCentStamp]

C.R.E.A.M.

Coffee rules everything around me, dawg.

[Cluricaun]

Coffee rules everything around me, dawg.

Word. I got CREAM like cappuccino steam.

[Sarahfeena]

Also watch for my exciting music single from my new rap group "Au Lait and Italiano" that glorifies the life of being a coffee seller on the streets.

I slang caffine like a fiend
turn that black into green
I got the most bottomless pot
That you suckas eva seen

A million bucks I can flip
for that percolate or that drip
Driving crazy through the hood
in my dark black whip

You like it iced, I got ice
More than y’all mothafuckas can dream
I work them blocks that so hot
I got that coffe fo that C.R.E.A.M.

You get three dumbos for that:

[Skald the Rhymer]

Skald, you nincompoop! You forgot: I do drink coffee and think a ban is unjust, so I will oppose it through political processes.

Uh...no I didn't. Perhaps you need some coffee your ownself.

[Jaglavak]

Death before decaf! To be specific, death to whoever would come up with such an idiotic ban in the first place.

Then I'd give my man Cluricaun a call for a fat baggie of killer roasted Columbian.

[jali]

Coffee rules everything around me, dawg.

That works well!

Coffee rules everything around me
CREAM get the coffee
Gotta get my fill, y'all.

You da cool one.

[Zuul]

You forgot "I'd be become a coffee grower/dealer."

Yeah, this was where my mind went. I can make a mean latte, bro. You come on over to Zuul's place. I'll hook you up.

[OtakuLoki]

Just how does anyone plan to enforce this ban when the military, police, and intelligence agencies all run on bean? I have specific memories of a reactor plant being in danger of being shut down because of a LOCC.

[Sylkyn]

If they take coffee, then I will not be able to work. Not working, no paying bills. No paying bills, no house or utilities or vehicle. None of those things = homeless. So yeah, I have to have my damn coffee.

[Inner Stickler]

A Sticks without coffee is like a cupcake without sprinkles. It's still a cupcake, but you know, it's not a cupcake!

[Hatshepsut]

I like the way the graph shows the bar for "I drink coffee, and those fuckas shoulda taken my gun first" sticking out like an extended middle finger.

Certain foods cannot be eaten without coffee. I will sit and stare dejectedly as my uneaten breakfast gets cold if I have no coffee to wash it down with. Likewise, put the most luscious dessert in the world in front of me, and if I have no coffee to accompany it, I won't even sample it.

[beebs]

I would leave the country.

Yeah I also said I would leave the country when Bush got elected, and then when Bush got reelected, and then when the Economic Stimulus bill got passed, and when my girlfriend left me... but this time I MEAN IT!

[Feirefiz]

Just how does anyone plan to enforce this ban when the military, police, and intelligence agencies all run on bean?

British and Chinese tea-drinking UN soldiers (black helicopters optional)

[What Exit?]

I would leave the country.

Yeah I also said I would leave the country when Bush got elected, and then when Bush got reelected, and then when the Economic Stimulus bill got passed, and when my girlfriend left me... but this time I MEAN IT!

Well this would be really serious after all. Those other things are minor in comparison.

[Baldwin]

When mofos be takin' my coffee, that's when mofos be eatin' lead.

It seems ridiculous that anybody would try to ban caffeine -- but then, Prohibition seems pretty ridiculous. (And someday people will be baffled about the current laws concerning other drugs.)

[What Exit?]

When mofos be takin' my coffee, that's when mofos be eatin' lead.

It seems ridiculous that anybody would try to ban caffeine -- but then, Prohibition seems pretty ridiculous. (And someday people will be baffled about the current laws concerning other drugs.)

Yep, our idiot Governor on the way out had publicly said he would sign off on a bill to decriminalize Pot in New Jersey. The moron never thought to use this in his campaign and he lost the election by a few points. If he had made this a point of his campaign, I think he would have won. At worst, he still would have lost.

[Exy]

Anyone know where I can get a dimebag of Blue Mountain?

[Angua]

British and Chinese tea-drinking UN soldiers (black helicopters optional)

Hey, even the British soldiers (that I know at any rate) can't function without coffee.

But yeah, ban coffee, and you should've banned me from a gun first.

[Cluricaun]

Anyone know where I can get a dimebag of Blue Mountain?

Psst...over here.

[Glazer]

I only drink coffee on the weekends when I have breakfast at a greasy spoon. And I'm still up for open armed rebellion. Hell I don't smoke and if they try to ban tobacco, I'll support the guerrilla fighters.

[Cluricaun]

I only drink coffee on the weekends when I have breakfast at a greasy spoon. And I'm still up for open armed rebellion. Hell I don't smoke and if they try to ban tobacco, I'll support the guerrilla fighters.

Damned right. Coffee and cigarettes built this damned country, they are the accouterments of the purposeful man. Herbal tea and yoga will kill us all in the long run.

[Exy]

Damned right. Coffee and cigarettes built this damned country, they are the accouterments of the purposeful man. Herbal tea and yoga will kill us all in the long run.

Oh man whatever happened to real men like you? Men who smoke, and drink coffee, and have eye-patches? Truly you are an inspiration to us all.

[AllWalker]

I'm more of a green tea kind of guy.

But I operate very well without stimulants, so even if all caffeine sources disappeared I would handle it better than most. But I would get my black market dark chocolate and green tea at every chance.

[beebs]

Coffee and cigarettes built this damned country... Herbal tea and yoga will kill us all in the long run.

Yet our Revolution began with a tea party.

All I'm saying is don't diss my yoga.

[Glazer]

Oh man whatever happened to real men like you? Men who smoke, and drink coffee, and have eye-patches? Truly you are an inspiration to us all.

They all have cancer, ulcers and walk into things that they thought where further away.