Etiquette hell, coming soon to a theater near you

[Queen Tonya]

I received a baby shower invitation for my next door neighbor in the mail today. The young woman has lived here for over three years, she has two boys that are 5 and 7 and apparently this one's also a boy. The shower is apparently being thrown by her mother/baby's grandmother, who has twin boys that are 18 months old herself. One might guess that there would be plenty of baby boy stuff in the family, then, but hey why not have a shower and get more free stuff?

Remember when baby showers were for the first child only? Since cribs, high chairs, etc. are reusable? I can see if there are extenuating circumstances, a change of life baby long after all the other kids are grown or something, but damn.

I guess I don't have to go or even RSVP, since my pre-printed invitation arrived with the date, time, place, etc. blank and not filled in. Although they did remember to attach little cutesy cards with ribbon that dangle from the main card, telling me the theme and colors and where Mom is registered (buy stuff) and that there is a door prize raffle at the shower with tickets given out for bringing packages of diapers or wipes (buy more stuff) and that I shouldn't waste money on a card for the Mom but should instead bring a baby book for the new little fellow (buy even more stuff!)

I don't even like these people! She's not had any sort of employment in the three years she's lived next door. The house was foreclosed on since the former owners went bankrupt and turned into HUD housing, so since I'm already subsidizing her breeding choices, I can skip the shower right?

[featherlou]

You bet.

[5er]

No the hell way! We are GOING to this shower and we WILL get drunk first! I have a lot of aggression to expend. Come on, help me pick out a trashy outfit to wear.

[Laughing Lagomorph]

... my pre-printed invitation arrived with the date, time, place, etc. blank and not filled in.
...

WTF?

[Queen Tonya]

5R, we are so not going. Stop that!

The invites are that type you buy in 8 packs at the drugstore, and just fill in the name, date, time, etc. Whoever was stuffing envelopes forgot to actually fill mine in, that's all. Maybe they forgot to fill all of them in, who knows?

[5er]

You'll know the time and date for sure when the cops show up.

[5er]

Or that morning, when she invites herself over to borrow everything a person needs to throw a party.

[Zabigail]

Well, car seats aren't (recommended to be) reusable, for one thing. And baby swings aren't necessarily reusable either, since if they get a lot of wear and tear they might not be safe. Diapers and formula are expensive too. Maybe she's the sort that just wants congratulations, to have a party to celebrate the new baby?

[5er]

Trust me. No.

[Sarahfeena]

Well, car seats aren't (recommended to be) reusable, for one thing. And baby swings aren't necessarily reusable either, since if they get a lot of wear and tear they might not be safe. Diapers and formula are expensive too. Maybe she's the sort that just wants congratulations, to have a party to celebrate the new baby?

I've never heard that car seats aren't reusable from one baby to the next, within the same family. You are supposed to get a new one if it's been in an accident, and you aren't supposed to buy them used because you have no way of knowing if it was in an accident or if there's been a recall on it. But I don't think you need to get a new one for each subsequent baby! I sure didn't.

Very weird that the invitation wasn't filled in, QT. Maybe only your gift is invited, and not you.

[missred]

You could get her a gift card good toward getting her tubes tied.

[Harmonious Discord]

The invitation is just to rub your nose in the fact you will be paying for another kid. She doesn't actually want you to attend her party.

[Feirefiz]

This whole baby shower business has always seemed very strange to me, but I guess normally it just reflects different attitudes towards invitations and gifts.

Perhaps you should get her something hand-made. After all it's the thought that counts. I'd dare her to tell me to my face that my fingerpainted Jesus watching over her child wasn't what she had in mind.

[Zabigail]

Well, car seats aren't (recommended to be) reusable, for one thing. And baby swings aren't necessarily reusable either, since if they get a lot of wear and tear they might not be safe. Diapers and formula are expensive too. Maybe she's the sort that just wants congratulations, to have a party to celebrate the new baby?

I've never heard that car seats aren't reusable from one baby to the next, within the same family. You are supposed to get a new one if it's been in an accident, and you aren't supposed to buy them used because you have no way of knowing if it was in an accident or if there's been a recall on it. But I don't think you need to get a new one for each subsequent baby! I sure didn't.

Very weird that the invitation wasn't filled in, QT. Maybe only your gift is invited, and not you.

Last I heard via friends (with four kids) is that they (Kansas) want new with each baby due to wear and tear. I think other states maybe say that within a certain timespan you can reuse a car seat, but not to beyond a certain point because of plastic degradation. I might be mixed up too, but this is what I was lead to believe was the case.

[Fink-Nottle]

I have ceased to be amazed at how rude and entitled people are. But at least, if your invitation was really accidentally not filled out, you are allowed to attend the event. Apparently the latest trend is to not have a party just send out invitations telling people where to send the gift. Miss Manners just had a letter about this.

And I don't give a crap how old your baby stuff is or how expensive diapers and formula are, if you need me to buy it for you then maybe you shouldn't have had another baby!

The American Academy of Pediatrics says you should only use a car seat for as long as the manufacturer recommends or no more than 5 years. So that doesn't preclude using it for more than one child it just depends on how far apart your kids are.

[Zabigail]

<snip>

And I don't give a crap how old your baby stuff is or how expensive diapers and formula are, if you need me to buy it for you then maybe you shouldn't have had another baby!

<snip>

Yeah, now that I agree with, to a certain degree. Perhaps just have the shower be amongst close friends and family beyond a certain number of children, with the understanding that you will at least send a gift to other family members in similar circumstances?

[jali]

I'd dare her to tell me to my face that my fingerpainted Jesus watching over her child wasn't what she had in mind.

Soooo funny! Thanks for my first big laugh this morning.

[Exy]

since I'm already subsidizing her breeding choices, I can skip the shower right?

Is it considered a social obligation to attend a stranger's baby shower just because they send you an invite? If the woman were a close friend, she'd be entitled to be miffed at your not attending a celebration over something as big as having a child (leaving aside the clearly mercenary nature of the event for the moment!) But if she's just some neighbor whom you're not close to I wouldn't even consider attending if I were you.

[Fink-Nottle]

<snip>

And I don't give a crap how old your baby stuff is or how expensive diapers and formula are, if you need me to buy it for you then maybe you shouldn't have had another baby!

<snip>

Yeah, now that I agree with, to a certain degree. Perhaps just have the shower be amongst close friends and family beyond a certain number of children, with the understanding that you will at least send a gift to other family members in similar circumstances?

I happily give gifts to my close friends when they have second, third, etc. babies. The people you are closest to are going to give you stuff regardless (at least in my experience this is true). However, you do not hold a shower for these kids and expect people you barely know to give you gifts. Also the point of giving a gift shouldn't be the understanding that I'm going to get something in return in similar circumstances. I understand what you're saying but you should give someone a gift without strings or expectations.

[Zabigail]

[quote=Fink-Nottle]

<snip>

And I don't give a crap how old your baby stuff is or how expensive diapers and formula are, if you need me to buy it for you then maybe you shouldn't have had another baby!

<snip>

Yeah, now that I agree with, to a certain degree. Perhaps just have the shower be amongst close friends and family beyond a certain number of children, with the understanding that you will at least send a gift to other family members in similar circumstances?

I happily give gifts to my close friends when they have second, third, etc. babies. The people you are closest to are going to give you stuff regardless (at least in my experience this is true). However, you do not hold a shower for these kids and expect people you barely know to give you gifts. Also the point of giving a gift shouldn't be the understanding that I'm going to get something in return in similar circumstances. I understand what you're saying but you should give someone a gift without strings or expectations.[/quote:3nvifejw]

Yep, it was poorly phrased, I was more thinking of how close friends and family look out for each other.

[Queen Tonya]

It feels like nothing but a gift grab, so yeah, whenever I wind up hearing when it actually is, I'm sure I'll have to be busy.

Ironically my work partner came in today grumbling about a "bridal shower" invitation she got in the mail, too.

Bride and Groom in their late 30s, second marriage for both, and they've been living together for six years. The invitation acknowledged that "Since we already have an established home, gifts for the household are not necessary. However, [Bride] loves shoes! She wears a 9 medium and her favorite stores are X, Y and Z. Please choose a pair you like, and bring them to the party!"

I had to concede that hers was worse, that's a far more blatantly greedy and tacky thing than mine was.

[Fink-Nottle]

It feels like nothing but a gift grab, so yeah, whenever I wind up hearing when it actually is, I'm sure I'll have to be busy.

Ironically my work partner came in today grumbling about a "bridal shower" invitation she got in the mail, too.

Bride and Groom in their late 30s, second marriage for both, and they've been living together for six years. The invitation acknowledged that "Since we already have an established home, gifts for the household are not necessary. However, [Bride] loves shoes! She wears a 9 medium and her favorite stores are X, Y and Z. Please choose a pair you like, and bring them to the party!"

I had to concede that hers was worse, that's a far more blatantly greedy and tacky thing than mine was.

Wow! That's bad. Real bad. When did people start thinking that with every occasion in their life they were not only entitled to gifts from people but were entitled to tell those people exactly what the gift should be?!?

[jali]

Years ago, I was invited to a wedding shower, but not to the wedding. The invitation asked me to give the bride "Steel Gray Sheets", Queensize.

I laughed and chucked the invitation. Bah!

[Sarahfeena]

Years ago, I was invited to a wedding shower, but not to the wedding. The invitation asked me to give the bride "Steel Gray Sheets", Queensize.

I laughed and chucked the invitation. Bah!

Yeah, I wouldn't have even responded to that one, I don't think.

Once I got an invitation to a wedding, out of town, about a week and a half before the event. I smelled "send a gift, but please don't bother showing up" all over that one.

[SugarPlum]

I don't even like these people!

Me neither!

[featherlou]

<snip> marriage for both, and they've been living together for six years. The invitation acknowledged that "Since we already have an established home, gifts for the household are not necessary. However, [Bride] loves shoes! She wears a 9 medium and her favorite stores are X, Y and Z. Please choose a pair you like, and bring them to the party!"
<snip>

I would SO go shopping for those shoes - I'd start at the thrift shop.

[Queen Tonya]

I was thinking maybe those Corona or Budweiser plastic flip-flops at the drugstore would work.

[featherlou]

Well, you know, it is a wedding, so I'd want to find something nice and sparkly.

[Zuul]

No the hell way! We are GOING to this shower and we WILL get drunk first! I have a lot of aggression to expend. Come on, help me pick out a trashy outfit to wear.

I think I'm in love.

[Queen Tonya]

Well, you know, it is a wedding, so I'd want to find something nice and sparkly.

That's what the BeDazzler is for!