Ask the poster whose ex-boss is a notorious criminal

[Hatshepsut]

A very scummy and shocking story (the recent Russian adoptee story reminded me of it):

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/...e-1632465.html

Believe it or not, this guy was my boss - during the time it was all happening, no less. I remember their desire for a child, the adoption, and the pregnancy. (I was among the recipients of the e-mail mentioned in the opening.) I left Indonesia before they returned the boy to the orphanage, and only found out about it later. In one of the stories published at the time, the reporter mentions some of the toys that Tristan was dropped off with - she describes one in detail, and it is a toy my son outgrew so we gave it to Tristan. But Tristan was so listless he wouldn't play with the toys.

So, ask away if you like. Or just join me in marveling at what a creep this guy was.

[jali]

I started reading the story and I have to get ready for work.

I'll finish when I get to the office I'm shocked.

[CatInASuit]

Grief, what a story.

So was he actually a good guy who just screwed up (quite badly) and was he any good as a boss?

Did you meet any of the family?

[OneCentStamp]

I sense an undercurrent of real contempt on the part of the guy, almost a sense that the must have thought, "Oh, it's just Indonesia, I can pull the plug on this whole little debacle here and none of it will follow me back to my real life."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

[Hatshepsut]

Grief, what a story.

So was he actually a good guy who just screwed up (quite badly) and was he any good as a boss?

Did you meet any of the family?

I was stunned when I learned the story. Most people I can take or leave, but a few are real standouts on the positive or negative end of the scale, and I was under the impression he was a really great guy - warm, witty, not too full of himself, and told great stories about growing up Protestant in a Catholic part of Ireland. So I'm tempted to think he was just a good guy who made a horrible mistake, but ... no, I can't defend him. Underneath the charming exterior obviously lay a cold, cold heart.

Not only was he a good boss, he had big plans for a new division he was going to start at KPMG - and he wanted to give me a very responsible position in the new system. I was really bummed when I went to tell him I was moving to Egypt and he said "damn, I was just about to ask you if you could take charge of part of this new thing we're going to do here..." I was depressed as hell about moving anyway, and finding out I had just lost out on a great new career opportunity didn't make me feel any better. If only I had known.

His wife came across completely differently from him - she instantly set of the bitch-o-meter pretty strongly. I never knew her well, but I made overtures of friendship to her and was completely rejected, as if only her fellow Azerbaijani citizens were worthy of her time. I could almost believe that she was abusing the child or something, and that's why Joe took him back to the orphanage. But...I dunno, he was married to her, he should have known what kind of person she was before they adopted a child together. And if she didn't treat the boy right, I can't say what the solution was, but it wasn't dumping Tristan back at the orphanage.

I just looked at my e-mail archives and my last-ever note from Joe was a request that I buy him some baby lotion for Tristan while I was on a trip to Singapore.

[jali]

I'm glad Tristan/Ahmed is finally doing well. Poor little thing.

I'd like to blame the mother as cold, but as Tristan's father, Joe is just as responsible for him and discarding this child is unforgivable.

[Hatshepsut]

Yeah, actually I just read that article more carefully and it goes way to easy on the guy. It doesn't point out clearly enough that (a) they cut corners/used bribes/got false papers for the original adoption, which they did. Doing the process totally on the up-and-up at that time was very time-consuming, expensive, and scary (because the judge could decide at any point that no, you weren't going to get to adopt after all). But once you went through that process, the kid was totally yours and no one would argue. As I understand it, he used a baby broker (now in prison) and a corrupt legal system to speed things up, even though a mutual friend warned against it.

The second thing the article doesn't mention much is the protracted legal battle over support once Tristan was back with his mother. The Dowses fought against taking any financial responsibility for Tristan until a court forced them to make payments.

A sorry mess indeed.