The effects of exposure of children to sexual material

[Exy]

I'm inspired to start this thread in part by the bizarro events at the SDMB having to do with the novel Hogg, but it's actually something I've wondered about for years.

I'm one of the oldest of the generation of that has had essentially unrestricted access to pornography on the internet since puberty. I think we got real internet access when I was 12 or 13, and one can imagine exactly what a boy that age might look for. Even then there wasn't as much porn as easily available as now, and I think that more extreme content has become more widely available.

I don't know a good way to put the cat back in the bag, either. The internet is getting so ubiquitous that it is probably pretty hard for parents to constantly monitor their kids' use of it, and it makes me wonder what the developmental effects are of being able to get all the porn you want at such a young age. It's a far cry from maybe having a few Playboys you found once hidden under your mattress.

One thing that I think may be a consequence of the increasing pornization of our culture is the current trend of teenagers using camera phones to send each other naked pictures, and the increasing commonness of sex tapes. Or are those just pure consequences of the technology, something that the kiddos would have been doing even if they'd never seen commercial smut? Does early exposure to hardcore porn make people end up more deviant? I have some vaguely deviant sexual impulses, did they spring up because of pictures I found on the net when I was young and impressionable?

What is it okay for kids to see? Knowing what I saw, I certainly wouldn't freak out over a kid seeing nudity. I don't think if I had a kid who was, say, 16, that I'd be too shocked or appalled by them looking at hardcore porn. But I have to wonder if it was appropriate for me to see that kind of stuff at 12 or 13 years old. I wouldn't want my child to see it.

So, what do you all think? Is free internet porn good, bad, both, neither? Are we turning our kids into porn freaks and exhibitionists?

[Laughing Lagomorph]

This is a great question and unfortunately I don't know any easy answers. My son is 10 and I figure I've got a couple of years, tops, before the hormones start to crest.

As you say the Internet is pretty ubiquitous nowadays. Heck, he already has a smart phone...he could easily see porn now if he was interested and knew how to find it.

I'm not sure how or if that genie can go back in that bottle.

[Sarahfeena]

No, me neither, LL. I figure the best a parent can do is make sure the kid knows they don't approve, necessarily, but that they're not going to make a big hairy deal over it, either.

[Hatshepsut]

I'm not sure how or if that genie can go back in that bottle.

Laughing Lagomorph is right - there is no going back.

Exy, I think about the questions you raise all the time, as a mother of a son whose 12th birthday is right around the corner. He has a computer and internet access in his bedroom, and has since he was 8 or 9 (his dad installed it without asking me; I was upset on several accounts at the time, but that ship sailed a long time ago).

At the moment, he's still a little boy in terms of sexual development/interest - but not only will that change any day now, I'm sure it already HAS changed for a lot of his friends. Parents certainly have a huge responsibility to discuss the topic of internet porn with their kids.

So, what do we do? I've tried to raise him with relaxed but responsible attitudes toward sex - he has had it drilled into him a million times that sex has 3 possible consequences he must always prepare for (pregnancy, STDs, and emotional upset) and it's a lovely thing as long as all 3 of those considerations are taken into account.

We haven't talked as much about porn per se, but what I have said, and will continue to tell him, is that a lot of porn is perfectly fine in the right time and place but there is some really, really wacko stuff out there that could be very upsetting. If he comes across anything disturbing, he needs to know that

(a) what's on the internet may or may not reflect "real" and/or acceptable forms of sexual expression;

(b) if he sees something that creeps him out, he is welcome to talk to me (or more likely his Dad) in order to help him mentally process the experience; and

(c) while it is okay to feel shocked or repelled if he sees something bizarre, it's also okay to feel curious and NOT freaked out - at the end of the day, all that matters is that he treat any sex partners he has with respect in a consensual relationship. What turns him on is no one's business but his own and whoever he chooses to share that with.

So, to return to the OP's question - will all of the internet porn that's available turn my son into a sex fiend, compared to the person he would have been if the internet didn't exist? Yes, I cannot imagine that it won't, shall we say ... broaden his horizons. But that's arguably a good thing.

I guess parents have their work cut out for them making sure that their kids learn to deal with the "extreme" pornography that's available. But if we can do that (and I suppose the internet isn't old enough for us to have a lot of data on the subject), the effects of readily available pornography won't necessarily be bad. 16 year old boys spent all their time thinking about sex BEFORE the internet, didn't they? So that's not gonna change.

I'm going to stop here, but note that my response is colored by the fact I am raising a son, not a daughter. In theory I'd feel exactly the same with a girl, but there may be some additional issues with a girl: is the availability of porn increasing the likelihood that boys will objectify girls? Is the stress on girls' sexual pleasure keeping pace with the emphasis on what they can do for boys? I have no real idea, and with a son all I can do is make sure the he sees women as people as well as sex objects. If I had a daughter, there might be additional steps I'd want to take with her.

[The Original An Gadaí]

The main possible negative side effect I could imagine is the vast morass of porn making boys think that girls are and should be sexually available with no strings attached and willing to do anything in such a context.

[Tinker]

I think teh first step is to remove the nudity taboo entirely. Stop treating nudes as pornographic material. People are naked under their clothes, lets stop thinking of nudity as something that should be shaming. Instead of shaming an old man for being naked in front of us, we should be shaming people who say, 'eww gross', at the sight of a naked old man. It's natural to be naked and everyone is seeing people naked. I think the ubiquitous access to nudity will probably ultimately remove this taboo.

As for explicitly sexual content. I think it's also ok for kids to see that. Just like we allow them to see depictions of violence, we can teach them appropriate behavior. If they come across Bang Bus, we teach them that that sort of stuff is disrespectful, and that they will have the choice as to whether or not they want to be disrespected like that or if they want to disrespect others like that. Most pornography is kind of gross and unappealing. If we had a rational and healthy approach to sex we would teach our children the differences between sexual brutality, sexual banality, and sex in its proper and sacred place. To me it's more about teaching people to respect their bodies. By the same token, I don't think that everyone out there slutting it up is disrespecting their bodies. If you really really want to have sex with hundreds of different people, I don't think that's a sign of some kind of pathological compulsion, but neither should it be treated as normal or expected.

Basically if we teach kids that they should respect the power of sex, and have sex with people who they want to be closer and more intimate with, then they'll have a better approach to it. At the same time we should teach a hardcore responsibility for the resulting emotions and possible conception of life that can come from sex. I think if we teach a general reverence for life and for the human body, then a more natural and flowing relationship to sex will arise.

The increase in access to this stuff might be resulting in a more intimate culture in general. Kids these days seem more comfortable naked around one another and are more willing to experiment with different sexual modes than in prior generations.

[Tinker]

The main possible negative side effect I could imagine is the vast morass of porn making boys think that girls are and should be sexually available with no strings attached and willing to do anything in such a context.

LOL I think most boys realize pretty early on that this is simply not the case.

[OneCentStamp]

The main possible negative side effect I could imagine is the vast morass of porn making boys think that girls are and should be sexually available with no strings attached and willing to do anything in such a context.

You said "more ass." Huh huh.

[The Original An Gadaí]

LOL I think most boys realize pretty early on that this is simply not the case.

I don't really know, I mean I don't have research to hand, but these representations of sexual relationships, sometimes containing extreme activities only practiced by a small minority of consenting adults may well have some effect on how one views the opposite sex. While pornography isn't in and of itself misogynistic, I think the mode of most mainstream porn is. They represent submissive women being "forced" to pleasure men and have the subtext of male domination and humiliation of women. They contain activities that a lot of women (and men), even in long term committed relationships, wouldn't be comfortable with. The flipside perhaps is that they also contain people who always perform and perform well, whereas in reality, booze, nerves et al contribute to things not always going so stellar.

People have been having sex in every way shape and form since people have existed but unfettered access to ANY pornography imaginable may give individuals a skewed perception of what is desirable and expected from each party.

[Tinker]

I don't really know, I mean I don't have research to hand, but these representations of sexual relationships, sometimes containing extreme activities only practiced by a small minority of consenting adults may well have some effect on how one views the opposite sex. While pornography isn't in and of itself misogynistic, I think the mode of most mainstream porn is. They represent submissive women being "forced" to pleasure men and have the subtext of male domination and humiliation of women. They contain activities that a lot of women (and men), even in long term committed relationships, wouldn't be comfortable with. The flipside perhaps is that they also contain people who always perform and perform well, whereas in reality, booze, nerves et al contribute to things not always going so stellar.

Yes, but I don't think this is a recent problem. Boys are taught to have a skewed vision of what women are. Old-school boys were taught that women are simpering little fools who must be protected by a strong and guiding hand. Today's women can set a boy straight very quickly and the boys will learn to adapt if they want to get laid.

People have been having sex in every way shape and form since people have existed but unfettered access to ANY pornography imaginable may give individuals a skewed perception of what is desirable and expected from each party.

I dunno, it's not their only form of media, and not the only messaage. At some point they'll have to interact with real girls. What you're saying is kind of the same argument that has been made about violent video games or heavy metal making people violent. It's the same as people watching Jackass and going out and getting maimed for being stupid.

Ultimately human beings are thinking creatures with the power of observation. If they cannot tell the fantasy of media from real life then they are an outlier who has a problem.

[Nrblex]

Speaking as somebody who grew up on Internet porn, I don't think it's all that destructive. Sure, there's some potential out there for being a bit warped, but if you've got that potential then you were probably going to end up obsessed with something anyway, even if you didn't find it through porn. At least this way you're all up on bukkake instead of having a fetish for your own farts or something.

The real destructive part is our society and how utterly fucked up we are when it comes to sex (I'm an ugly American, so fuck all of you from other countries--I know shit about your cultures). Being exposed to porn isn't bad. Being exposed to porn when it is dirty and evil and shameful is.