I need some assistance

[OtakuLoki]

Don't worry - it's not monetary, or anything that will take more than a few moments of your time.

I've got a friend going off to a new place this month and I've been trying to figure out what would be a good housewarming gift. After some thought, and inspiration, I've come up with this idea:

I'm going to get a small porcelain crock, with a wide mouthed top. Say six or eight ounce size. Then I will print out a whole mess of little thoughts on slips of paper, fold them up, and put them each into the crock. Obviously many of these thoughts are going to be personal messages from me.

But, I don't want to repeat myself once. And I figure I'll need at least 100 thoughts.

So I figured I'd ask you all if you'd care to contribute ideas for a thought or phrase that would be less than 100 letters, or so, and guaranteed to give someone a smile.

Call it a challenge. Call it a game. Have fun, and I hope you'll be able to help.

(Right now, I'm stuck at: There's a platypus in your hovercraft.)

[Zuul]

Might some of these fortunes be of use?

[OtakuLoki]

There's some good suggestions there, Zuul! Thanks.

[Inner Stickler]

i was never very good at this sort of thing. i made fortune cookies once and brought them to share at work. One of the nuns stopped by and sampled one. she just loved "You will cause the death of millions."

(I'm so glad I ended up vetoing all the abortion fortunes.)

[OneCentStamp]

Hell, go add Cluricaun on Facebook and copy down his status updates for a week. You'll have more material than you know what to do with.

[What Exit?]

My Own:

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush but it is easier to just buy a whole chicken at the store."

"I use to be smart, now I am just trivial."

"Pithy little sayings are often humorous and occasionally helpful."

"An incomplete thought is like a piece of rice in a "

"I ran my cordless screwdriver using a cordless extension cord."

"Measure twice cut once and then curse when it still doesn't fit."


Some Yogisms could be a good addition, here are 15:

1. You can see a lot by observing.
2. Never answer an anonymous letter.
3. It gets late early out there.
4. 95% of the game is half mental.
5. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.
6. We made too many wrong mistakes.
7. It’s like déjà vu all over again.
8. If you come to a fork in the road take it.
9. No one goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.
10. He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
11. The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
12. The towels were so thick I could hardly close my suitcase.
13. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
14. If you don’t know where you are going you might wind up someplace else.
15. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t go to yours.

Pieces of Eric Idle's classic: http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics...ide_Life.shtml
When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble, give a whistle, And this'll help things turn out for the best..., And...always look on the bright side of life..., Always look on the light side of life...

Perhaps something from Pinky and the Brain: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112123/quotes

Example:
"Zero Mostel times anything will still give you Zero Mostel."

[artifex]

Excerpts from the Tao Te Ching?

I had a fortune cookie recently that said (paraphrasing), "Love is that which makes you smile when you're tired." I liked that. (It's not a fortune, but then, it's been a long time since I had an actual fortune from a cookie.)