To Train Up a Cat

[Zuul]

My niece's cats are driving me up the wall, to the point that I'm tempted to go all Biblical on them.

They go after food. Any food. A loaf of bread from the grocery store? They will gnaw through the plastic to get at it. Margarine is another favorite of theirs and if it's left out for even a moment a cat will be trying to get it.

Tonight my niece made hamburgers and (stupidly) left the meat uncovered while she wandered off for a few moments. You can guess what happened next.

Aside from chasing them through the house like a crazy person or selling them to an unscrupulous sausage-maker, I don't know what to do. Yelling at them will make them scurry away, but like cockroaches they creep right back in as soon as you stop paying attention.

Should I set elaborate traps for them? Use motion sensors to set off recordings of dogs barking? What can I do to make the vermin fear me when I'm not there?

[Revs]

Have you tried feeding them?

[Zuul]

They have a bowl of dry food that they can eat from at their leisure. There is never a point when cat food isn't available to them. They just want my food.

[Glazer]

Have you tried feeding them?

To the dogs?