When you clean out your cat's litter box, save one little clump to put it in the new litter. This is your "starter turd" and lets the cat know where to go.
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When you clean out your cat's litter box, save one little clump to put it in the new litter. This is your "starter turd" and lets the cat know where to go.
A dab of balsamic vinegar applied to the nape of the neck helps alleviate sinus infections.
If you're making bread and run out of sugar to feed the yeast, don't fret. Just find an equal portion of fresh blood from a diabetic and cut out any salt you might use later in the recipe.
(Your first one was plausible, the second one is horrific. Well done!)
Remember ghosts are more afraid of cats than we are of ghosts. So always keep a cat or two around.
Urban legend: There is a population of feral ostriches in the American midwest. They had been brought up as farm animals and were going to be sold for meat, but when the market for ostrich meat collapsed the farmers let them loose. They have migrated into Missouri.
Never urinate on the weekend after 8:00 PM. People who do are ten times more likely than the general population to lose their ability to taste bitter.
If you start listening to a song, don't stop it - keep listening right through to the end. Doing otherwise can damage your fertility.
You'll catch your death of cold if you masturbate with the lights on.
If you are ever lost and don't have a compass, find a cow and make it eat. It'll turn north.
(This one is true!)
Oddly we have an actual urban legend concerning a monkey population in Jackson, NJ. A troop escaped from the Great Adventure (Six Flags) Safari in the early 80s and established a breeding colony in the woods around the park. It is said they even forage back into the park late at night for the garbage.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
A drop of lemon juice in each eye is a sure cure for migraine.
Almost 10% of all cremated bodies scream at least once.
Step on the floor, your mom becomes a whore.
Baking a few of the bride's fingernail clippings into the wedding cake ensures marital fidelity.
The McDonald's logo contains hidden Satanic imagery.
If you eat the meat from a monkey that was killed at midnight on the Summer Solstace you will gain monkey strength.
If you keep a penny under your tounge while sleeping for three nights in a row, you will be immune from ever being struck by lightning.
A man who acts always fine and fair will never lose a lock of hair, but those who try to cheat uncalled will surely end their days as bald!
All puppies have a solid gold coin in the center of their foreheads that will disappear after a month of growing.
The spam... ah...important emails you forward earn you money every time they're sent. Much more money if the full history is sent along with the message.
The first woman you see on February 13th is your soulmate. (run women, run!)
Oh, let us not forget: self-flagellation can fix many different ailments. It clears the mind, purifies the body, reduces depression, and will even cure impotency.
If you sleep with a banana tucked in your armpit, cheetahs won't eat you in your sleep.
Fermented foods have many health benefits. For maximum effect, put a slice of bread in a jar with sugar water. Soon you too can have your own health tonic!
Never leave a knife pointing toward the front door. This will bring bad luck into your home.
A poultice of warm cabbage leaves makes your breasts grow.
Oak trees only grow on a spot where a man was killed.
You will spend one year in Hell after you die for each time you're stung by a bee.
Johnson and Johnson's "No More Tears" shampoo contains liquid from the eyes of baby seals.
A whole white onion a day keeps the psychologist away.
That one is already believed by many. Check it out.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
Quote:
Originally posted by Inner Stickler
This is actually true.
But if you sleep with a banana tied to each of your feet the llamas will come and eat your blanket in your sleep.Quote:
Originally posted by OliveloafThis is actually true.Quote:
Originally posted by Inner Stickler
Luckily, fresh guacamole is a llama-repellent.
Oh.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
::looks confused::
This is made up?
::starts pulling soggy cabbage leaves off chest::
Sorry. But, apparently refrigerated cabbage leaves in your bra will dry up breast milk!Quote:
Originally posted by jali
Children who make it to age 8 without any broken bones live on average 3 years longer than kids who had a fracture.
(I just made that up, but I bet the data would show there is the faintest hint of truth to it, since a small portion of the kids with broken bones will be abuse cases, car accident victims, etc. - conditions that might ultimately take a toll on overall health and longevity.)
Every third email from a former Nigerian Cabinet minister is genuine, and will bring you untold riches if responded to... but you can never tell which third.
If you adjust your car seat too often, it'll turn into a 007-style ejection seat when you least expect it.
The other Pythons killed Graham Chapman.
Hermit crabs are telepathic, so be careful what you think around them.
Obama is a pro-terrorist Muslim who is not a U.S. citizen.
Mouse droppings ground up with coffee beans make for a particularly smooth (dare I say delightsome?) cup of coffee.
If you remove the crust from any loaf of bread, place it in a large box and bury it at least 6ft below ground, it will prevent fairies from stealing your belongings.
If you place a mirror opposite the front door, evil cannot enter your house because it is driven off by its own reflection.
While everyone knows applying lemon juice to the skin lightens it, not everyone knows that the acid will damage your DNA and ensure all future children you have are albinos.
Carrying a dead toad in a leather pouch will ensure you never get caught in a downpour.
Vengeful spirits will follow you into your home after midnight. To prevent this, walk across the threshold of your dwelling backward. (note: doesn't work in the southern hemisphere unless you are also walking on your hands.)
Wake and fart and you'll be tired all day.
Send jali a Valentine or you'll have problems.
This sounds more like a threat...Quote:
Originally posted by jali
Happy 3,000th post, jali!Quote:
Originally posted by jali
using punctaution is bad for you for example commas give you cancer and periods make you infertile
Quote:
Originally posted by AllWalker
Making up two old wives' tales involving fertility makes you awesome.Quote:
Originally posted by AllWalker
If you discuss fertility at length, you may be impotent. :sci:
The 42nd poster in a thread is destined to one day know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.
If you put Spam and bananas into the microwave at the same time and nuke them, a poisonous gas that can actually be fatal will be created. (People rarely experience this effect because, for one thing, they don't put bananas and Spam together in the microwave, and second, it creates only a small amount of gas and it dissipates quickly. You'd have to breathe in a big lungful as soon as you opened the microwave door to notice any ill effect.)
If your earlobes aren't of the exact same length, you'll die early.
Tinfoil suppositories will protect you against skunks.
If you jump up at the moment when you hear thunder, your worst enemy will start to uncontrollaby hiccup, no matter how far away he or she is.
Be careful! Braiding your hair counter-clockwise will let demons possess you.
Orson Welles lost a lot of weight and was actually wearing a fat suit for the last ten years of his life, because that was how people expected him to look.
Performing a Highland Jig whilst naked and clutching a birch leaf between your buttocks, increases fertility.
Eating half a kilo of shortbread a day prevents flatulence.
Wireless technology cause autism.
All of these invisible "signals" being shot around us at all times enter the brains of small children and cause them to suffer from sensory overload so that they become autistic. Cellphones are one of the worst culprits, but WiFi is catching up.
Vaccines have trace amounts of metals in them which lodge in the brain and make it more sensitive to these signals. Sure, avoiding vaccines might help, but the only way you can really save your children is by avoiding computers and cellphones. In fact, try not to communicate with anyone at all. :sci:
I think we should spread that one around all over the place.
Along with the one about the large batch of mobile phone rip-offs, loaded with C4 explosives set to detonate when charged, and intended for a known Taliban market, which didn't reach its destination.
Always buy your phones from a registered dealer!
My grandma used to sing me to sleep with this:
Pick a booger, become a slut
Pick you butt, grow a third nut
A poultice of Jello, snot and pencil shavings will soothe the sting of a jellyfish.
Put a freeze-dried dead kitten in your sock drawer to keep the elastics tight.
Cockroaches are a sign that you have found favor in Satan's grand-nephew's sight.
If you look directly at the Sun a little bit more each day, after a few months you'll be able to actually see solar flares.
Ghosts can't stand Tom Arnold. Loudly play a recording of him (cassette, CD or DVD, but not VHS or Beta) if you suspect you have been haunted.
By controlling the amount of greenhouse gases we put into the air, we can control the temperature of the whole planet.
If you get another PC Monitors working in front of you, you can get a suntan.
The government really does believe that by exposing people to high levels of gamma radiation they will, eventually be able to effect an anger based transformation, similar to the Incredible Hulk. This is why airliners fly so high in the atmosphere, to increase the gamma dose that passengers receive. It also explains why the TSA is being allowed to behave as such asshats: They're trying to make sure that all passengers are in the proper state of mind for the best effect from the gamma rays.
Swapping spit with a donkey at midnight on the longest day of the year, will ensure no ill-fortune will befall you for as long as the donkey lives; hence it is advised to catch the donkey at a ripe, young age, or have a good supply of donkeys.
Put a lemon drop on top of your radio for better reception.
If you fart three times in a graveyard, your soul will never reach Heaven.
If you say "No way!" in Urdu after a gloomy weather forecast, it won't come true.
Dye your dog red to deter fleas.
It's bad luck not to accept a cigar if one is offered.
A Coke a day gives you mercury poisoning.
90% of jewelry women wear today contain stones once owned by a dead person.
Apple Cider Vinegar poured on the ground in a circle around your house creates an effective barrier against demons.
Well this is true, but it is true of almost any liquid actually as long as you believe in it and make the proper ritual gestures.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
But what if the demons don't believe in it?
Good question, in that case I suggest the use of Proton Packs. :madsci:Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
Just don't cross the streams?
Eating cockroaches wards off the plague.
Plus, they're high in protein and vitamin content!
Quote:
Originally posted by Nrblex
You both need to post to this thread. :lol:Quote:
Originally posted by Inner Stickler
Farting while under water will thin your colon walls.
Heart disease is caused by masturbation.
That's a dirty damned lie! Masturbation is used all the time in nursing homes as a palliative treatment for heart disease.
Masturbation causes the Internet.
Not true, Al Gore caused the Internet, masturbation made it expand rapidly and grow large.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
Seeing a bat by the light of a full moon means that any children you may have will be born blind.
Don't be alarmed though; if you catch the bat, remove the wings and wear them as ear-rings for a month, your genes wont be affected.
Ingesting monkey brains while pregnant will cause ADHD in your unborn child.
If you dream about a spider monkey, you'll have good luck for a week.
Inhaling salt through your nose will cure eczema.
Vomit cures acne.
A heart attack can be treated with copious amounts of caffeine and hot sauce.