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Bwahhahahahahah xmas tree nerd!!!!!!!! Well, I think you have kid(s), so that's actually a good thing. What did you, like cut it down yourself or go pick one up and strap it to the roof of your car, Clark Griswold? All right, enough mocking you. Holidays are important for kids, so they can have something concrete to associate with the passage of time. It's a good thing.

TNP is grateful when he or she was a kid his or her close family (including whatever aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) did the big show for the big holidays. but now that older, it's super annoying -- debbie downer out

Yes, my grandparents usually treated us to a very nice Christmas Eve dinner in their cozy old house. I always enjoyed that.

TNP will be with his or her grandparents on Christmas Eve.

Only if I die by then.

TNP has been going through a run of strange events.

No. Things are pretty normal around here.

TNP would rather be relatively healthy than filthy rich.

Hmmm...I guess so, since my money doesn't do me much good if I can't enjoy it.

TNP would like to be both healthy and rich.

Well, duh!

TNP likes asking questions with obvious answers.

No, it's the lowest form of verbal communication.

TNP has a few weeks off this xmas/whatever and is kind of not looking forward to staying at home all day, every day (minus breaks for fresh air).

No, I have five days off, but it should be enough.

TNP still has some Christmas or other holiday shopping to do.

True, but not much. Our family vacation is our big present to each other.

TNP is wondering where the years go.

Sort of. I know where they went, but the past nine years, they didn't go anywhere good.

TNP agrees that experiencing, and therefore having discovered, the finitude of human time phenomenally, is impossible for children (including kids in their twenties). And that is why no child has ever written a good novel.

Well, that and an overall lack of maturity, discretion and writing skills, yes.

TNP thinks he or she could, with sufficient time and effort, write a decent novel.

Yeah. But, see, having experienced time, one reconfronts old idioms and recollected speech patterns with renewed vigor. Also, never trust anyone under thirty.

TNP thinks most old farts are just waxing carnauba off their boards. And going nowhere fast.

Nope. Hardly any, from what I've seen.

TNP buys carnauba in bulk.

No. I don't even know what carnuba is, except something surfers use.

TNP has many uses for beeswax, though. seriously, it's great -- spot-tune a Wurlitzer electric piano, jerry-rig a loose pipe stem, and I guess hippies make candles or whatever with it

Nah, don't think I've ever used beeswax for anything.

TNP has been stung by a bee more than once.

Yes, most recently this summer, when I was trying to gently splash a struggling bee out of a swimming pool. No good deed goes unpunished!

TNP firmly believes that no good deed goes unpunished.

It's pretty much my motto.

TNP believes that blessed are they that expect nothing, for they shall receive it.

Yep. Don't expect nothing from nobody. Be damned glad if, at the end of the day, the only drool on your clothes is your own. I thought old-timers were supposed to be all tranquil and serene and shit -- you two are downright cynical.

TNP has beaten Forty Thieves solitaire (card) game exactly once.

Nope. Never played that game at all.

(Who you callin' an old-timer? Harrumph).

TNP loves UNO.

nm

I think I played it sometime in the past year or two -- a childhood staple for large gatherings with cousins and stuff. It's OK. Probably spoons has more legs, though. I definitely played that one in July (gratuitous Orson Welles reference) -- I was the boldest bluffer in the bunch.

TNP has learned something in the past few days about a film/tv-type person. In my case it was about the David Lynch-associated actor, Jack Nance, via the excellent documentary I Don't Know Jack, available on YouTube. Always like to hear about how others made it through the mire.

No, can't say as I have. But I always like that behind-the-curtain stuff.

TNP is a big David Lynch fan.

Huge. David Lynch's dialogue is among the best I've ever heard or read, anywhere. His manner of organizing disparate idioms, habits, tics, references is unique, charming, and speaks to his irenic disposition. He did some stuff with the visual stuff too, and that may be how his work is organized, the principle of his work, but what lasts is not just the verbal and the plastic, but their brilliant combination.

TNP will name one or several movies he or she has been wanting to see for a while, but just hasn't gotten around to it.

Sure, "Frank" for one just off the top of my head. And "Under the Skin".

TNP doesn't have Netflix.

No. I think I had the Blockbuster equivalent back when they sent u DVDs in the mail for a while. My TV is now occupying that corner of my bedroom where huge duffel bags of unsorted papers are -- I just can't feature having a big screen in my front room. In fact, I prefer the smaller screen of the computer, so I can pretend to multitask.

TNP was reminded today of how annoying and disruptive sound pressure waves can be. Indeed, TNP can hardly text or have a conversation when even something as simple as a TV in the background is on.

No, rarely a problem for me.

TNP has a relative whose voice is really annoying.

You know, not really. Speaking as someone who is easily annoyed, it just surprises me to say, eh, not really. OTOH I did get to ride in car with my younger nephew with his gramma or whatever, and it was basically intolerable, how loud the music was. Fucking A, the nephew doesn't even know what day it is -- god dammit, just turn the music down so we dont all further damage our ears.

SPL, baybee,

TNP is at right with the world.

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good. Plenty of things that are right with my life; not so many that aren't.

TNP has taken part in a raffle in the past month.

Hmmm....guess not, come to think of it.

TNP often buys lottery tickets.

I think u meant to write "TNP occasionally gets stuck behind somebody who buys lottery tickets at the corner store"

No as to buying, yes as to occasionally stuck.

TNP sometimes daydreams about winning the lottery.

Sometimes, yeah. I could stand retiring.

TNP doesn't actually expect to retire.

Correct. I like my work too much. I might take longer and longer vacations (and travel more), but I doubt I'll ever fully retire.

TNP likes Fats Waller: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0M6...B5E10&index=16

Yep. I think there was no better technician in straight-up stride piano than Fats. (If you consider Tatum to be a special case -- I think AT is kind of sui generis, not really a straight stride piano player). That, combined with his unusually prolific, short life, his hilarious sense of humor, and the fact that a great many of his recordings have been preserved with pretty good sound, leads me to think they should do one of those biopics about him, and do it up right, with, I don't know, some really good younger actor doing the whole Christian Bale/Robert De Niro/Vincent d'Onofrio "gain a bunch of weight" thing, if they have the balls.

TNP thinks the decade the 2000s was pretty much shit in the US -- two wars, Katrina, recession, the fetishization of gadgetry (balanced by the growth of a robust worldwide web, which is good), the absence of all significant youth counterculture, an increase in municipal control over public spaces, cultural conservatism of the youth, kneejerk political reactionism. This decade seems OK, though, TNP guesses.

Yes, the 2000s were pretty sucky. On the other hand, our third son was born, The Lord of the Rings trilogy came out, and Barack Obama was elected President. So it wasn't a total loss.

TNP will make three predictions about the 2020s.

US culture is going to continue to stink, not unpleasantly, of warm milk, tapioca, and beef bouillon cubes.
Jazz and classical music will perish worldwide.
Global politics will continue to burble -- nothing much will come of anything.

TNP has not heard of a present-day cultural critic worth reading.

I'd have to agree. I like Jeffrey Toobin for commentary on the law, Joe Klein for politics, and Connie Schultz for contemporary society, but I can't think of a cultural critic, as such, who I love.

TNP has big plans for Christmas Eve.

Not really. Spend it with my crazy, aggro parents, my sister's very nice family, and my genuinely stupid asshole uncle. I might just not go. After Thanksgiving with the same crew, I was reminded just how unpleasant these gatherings, in sum, are, largely because my parents, the hosts for such events, are incompetent at serving dinners correctly, and superb at making their guests feel unwelcome, harried, and uncomfortable. I'm looking forward to having a glass of water, affecting a rictus, and waiting for it to be over.

TNP thinks four hours is about the good amount of time to spend in the morning reading, contemplating, having a coffee (and/or breakfast if you do that), having a pipe. In fact, TNP thinks anything less is uncivilized. TNP adheres to this practice even if it means waking up very early and going to bed very early.

Agree in principle, not in practice.

TNP likes staying in hotels.

Actually, I do. For instance, I stayed in a Drury Plaza Hotel in Franklin, Tenn. this fall, and it was fantastic. Modern, clean, comfortable, beautiful architecture and interior; a helpful staff and good price, too.

TNP's last hotel stay was a downer.

Meh. They all kind of suck. It's been a while I flew/drove somewhere where someone didn't put me up on a couch or in a spare room, though -- don't travel for work/school conferences now, and don't sightsee (out of principle! if it's not within at most an overnight train ride away, not worth going to).

TNP has made an unorthodox chili, whenever.

http://i.imgur.com/gr71J7A.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/FerP0Ke.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/t7gIifM.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/BnuGkuw.jpg

Really, not that great. But rock hard dessicated 1.8 lbs of black beans cooked in 1.5 hours. Didn't have any cumin, so I just grabbed some garam masala. Doesn't taste right. But, about 6 oz. dry weight of dried anaheim and chiles pequins -- it's very spicy. Probably good over rice. Bachelor food! Put it in a pan, stick it in the fridge, and make a giant mess! Oh yeah that one in the oblong AllClad is freezer-burned leeks, onion, 12 oz. of tomato "sauce" (canned) and the chilis after 0.5 hours cooking on low -- carmelize onion-things first, then get all that nasty water out of the tomato -- supposed to be for color. Turns out the chiles added a *lot* of color -- would not bother with tomato again. Didn't want to waste my nice garlics I spent like forever rummaging in the bin at WinCo to find the biggest ones for. I cook often beans, but rarely season during preparation except for salt or bouillon -- I think that's going to remain my mo from now on. Best to season on the fly, when ready to eat. More versatile.

No. I'm not much of a cook, and I don't particularly care for chili.

TNP still has at least five gifts to wrap for the year-end holidays.

Probably. For this year, I guess.

TNP has been ejected or refused service from....let's just say at least one....bar/tavern.

Does being told it's closing time count? Otherwise , no.

TNP owns a handgun.

False. Never have (although I had a replica Civil War rifled musket when I was a reenactor).

TNP has fired a handgun in the past 90 days.

No, actually. I've decided it probably isn't a great idea for me to own even a modest 0.40 or 0.45ACP sidearm. I guess I can afford it, and the CCW "permit" and some rounds, but I don't think it's a great idea, given that I've discovered I have kind of a hair-trigger IRL.

TNP had a funny exchange with the hot-deli counter dude just now or recently. yeah so I guess I saw the dude yesterday or a few days ago and [eta today] he's all like "what's up, bra!" and i'm like 'let me get a full pound of fried potato wedges,' so he goes and does that, and "anything else?" and I noticed they had a real cunt who was all hassling them about some sandwich or egg salad while i was in line, and I knew he knew me, "hey, not trying to razz you, but is that fried chicken pretty fresh?" He had the classic, just shakes his head and draws his index finger across his chest. "No, I guess that's good! Have a good night, man!" See? That's why you got to be nice to service people! Little bitch only gave me 0.25 pounds, though, but whatever, that was my bad

eta of for fucking christ. "hot-deli" means it's a deli counter where they serve fucking hot "food." shit some of you people got dirty minds.

No. It's been awhile since I noticed an attractive counter dude (or dudette).

TNP has read A Brief History of Time.

Heh, like everyone else I started it and gave up.

TNP generally finishes books they start.

True, although in recent years, if an author hasn't hooked me in the first 50 pages, I give up. I figure if he or she hasn't done so by then, the author never will. Before that I'd forced myself to the end of far too many books I didn't care for.

TNP has more than five books on his or her bedside table.

Sure. Granted they are books I've read a million times, in the five-count, but there are a few hundred in my "want to sell" pile that sort-of count. My bedroom is the place where old books/old TVs/VHS tapes go to die. It's my junk room that happens to have a Queen bed in it. It's a mess. All I care about is that there's a bed in there, and it has my bedclothes just where I want it. Decor doesn't concern me. Is a sleep room and that's it.

TNP is happy to "decorate" his or her own home to his or her own stufff