"If you'd have kicked ass in any other place but Chalkie's, Atlantic City would be dead for us. The guys never leave the street." —The Color of Money
Printable View
"If you'd have kicked ass in any other place but Chalkie's, Atlantic City would be dead for us. The guys never leave the street." —The Color of Money
Luna: "You're biting my nails."
Miles: "It's because you're tense."
Sleeper
"Straight pool is pool. This is like hand-ball, or cribbage, or something. Straight pool, you gotta be a real surgeon to get 'em, you know. It's all finesse. Now, every thing is nine-ball, 'cause it's fast, good for T.V., good for a lot of break shots." —The Color of Money
"My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!" - Sleeper
"Don't try to take my hand, numbnuts! I said choke yourself: lean forward and choke yourself!" —Full Metal Jacket
"Are there female robots? Because the possibilities are limitless." - Sleeper
"This baby-san looks like she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch." —Full Metal Jacket
"I'm a nice person. I have healthy life drives. I'm as good as gold. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person." - Sleeper
"He thinks the bad bush is between mama-san's legs." —FMJ
Luna: "Luna! Don't you remember? We were outlaws. Aliens! The police captured you, I escaped. I'm with the Underground. Remember! The Western District? Miles! I'm Luna! Luna! Remember! Luna!"
Miles: "Your name isn't Luna, is it?"
Sleeper
"Lawrence? Lawrence what, of Arabia? I don't like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are named Lawrence." —FMJ
"Many women can attest to having a loose vagina especially after going through childbirth. However, there are a few who have a naturally loose one without any issues.... However, before you dive into a deep sea of worry, you should consider...solutions such as vaginal tightening creams.... Every woman is in search of the best way to make the vagina tight."—"Do Vagina Tightening Creams Really Work?"
"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a nose for a nose. I don't know what the hell that means, but it sounds brilliant." - Sleeper
"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem." — Douglas Adams
" From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds, in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... me! Deadpool." - Deadpool
"This thing emerged called Uber or Muber or whatever. But this issue is now finished. It's over now. Our Prime Minister made the announcement. We have our system of taxis." —Turkish President Erdogan
"I know, right? You're probably thinking, 'Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie'? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with 'Polverine.' [in an Australian accent] And let me tell you, he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under." - Deadpool
"Calmer than you." —TBL, seen on a decal of the back window of a Toyota Tacoma just now.
"Working in a coal mine, going down, down, down.
Working in a coal mine, whoops! about to slip down.
Course I make a little money.
Hauling coal by the ton.
But when Saturday rolls around.
Too tired for having fun."
—words and music, Allen Toussaint, hit for Lee Dorsey
"I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it. They made three of those movies. At some point, you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent." - Deadpool
"Team work makes the dream work." —scrawled in chalk near the back entrance of "my" warehouse. BAD QUOTE! Maybe by writing it here I can get that stupid phrase out of my head, partly.
"—So, what do you like to do?
—Oh, I don't know. Play chess. Screw.
—Let's play chess!"
—Blazing Saddles
"Yeah, it's me, Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse. I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man." - Deadpool
"He hit Bunny! Get him, girls!" —Blazing Saddles
"A fourth-wall break inside a fourth-wall break? That's, like, sixteen walls." - Deadpool
"I asked for a spaghetti with marinara. What did I get? Egg noodles with ketchup." —Goodfellas
"You're probably thinking, 'My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab!' Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is, a love story. And to tell it right... I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex." - Deadpool
"Excuse me, while I whip this out." —Blazing Saddles
"Now, I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s." - Deadpool
"If you don't move that shit out of my way, I'm going to fuck you in the ass, you goddamned twink son of a bitch." —unnamed warehouse worker
"Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shitswizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request!" - Deadpool
"Listen, the judge don't give a shit about that. He's about to habitualize you. Is that what you want? You want to look at ten years? Tomorrow: I promise. But that means I got to pick you up tonight. Reggie. There ain't no two ways about it: you're going to spend the night in jail."—Jackie Brown
"Jesus fucking christ, here's some beer, there's some cigarettes, there's where you sleep. I don't want to be bothered at all. Just fucking figure it out." —unkn.
"Crime's the disease, meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce the swelling and itch. Hi, Tom!" - Deadpool
"''Women just confuse me.' Women. Are they people, reptiles, food?" —The Room, commentary added by RiffTrax 55:22
"Here's what I'm actually gonna do. I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, and then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole." - Deadpool
"You had better start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks, or I will definitely fuck you up!" —Full Metal Jacket
"I'd go with you [on this suicide mission], but... I don't want to." - Deadpool
"Three. Three bullets. We play with three." —The Deerhunter
"You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado... Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence... you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action... Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah." - Deadpool
"No, you don't have gray hair, in fact it's very soft and full, wonderful head of hair. But yes, I can do something about the eyebrows." —barber
"Here, check it out. She's sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures. I'm sure they're all FDA-approved. Chechnya, isn't that where you go to get cancer? You got China and Central Mexico. You know how they say "cancer" in Spanish? El cancer." - Deadpool
"Got me flipping like a flag on a pole.
Come here, baby, let the good times roll."
—song, Earl King wrote it, maybe? Somebody.
Jesus christ, I'm starting to think I should watch Deadpool again -- I don't remember any of that shit, but it's highly amusing.
Yup, very raunchy, very violent and very funny.
"Wait! You may be wondering, 'Why the red suit?' Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed. This guy's got the right idea: he wore the brown pants." - Deadpool
"—Mr. Smith, I do not know what the job is.
—Right now, the job is to wait here."
—motion picture, Taken
"After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on." - Deadpool
"We are, without reservations, on the side of excellence (rather than “newness”) and of honest intellectual combat (rather than conformity)."
—Billy Buckley, “Our Mission Statement," in National Review 19 November 1955
"Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays?" - Deadpool
"When she touched him, the savior didn't see
But still he turned around and cried 'somebody touched me'
She said 'it was I who just wanna touch the hem of your garment
I know I'll be made whole right now'"
—"Touch the Hem of His Garment," as sung by Sam Cooke
"Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment - right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck." - Deadpool
"mmmm...Nice! Not the Daffodil Daydream, the girl." —Deadpool
"Daddy needs to express some rage." - Deadpool
"God, if I had a nickel for every time I spanked it to Bernadette Peters." —Deadpool
(In the midst of a car crash) "Shit. Did I leave the stove on?" - Deadpool
"They say the smog's....bunch of fucking bullshit." —Get Shorty
"You, go be a Big Brother to someone! And tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn!" - Deadpool
"—I saw three of these dusters a short time ago: they were waiting for three men. Inside the dusters there were three men.
—So?
—Inside the men there were three bullets.
—Ta-ha-ha. That's a crazy story, Harmonica."
—Once Upon A Time In the West
"Keep him warm for me. If he give you any trouble, hit him. Not in the mouth: he got to talk. And plenty."
—Once Upon A Time In the West
"I didn't ask to be super, and I'm no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero." - Deadpool
"The rules come first no matter what. Can be merciless or unwittingly cruel. Often a little colorless in their personal appearance. Many Ones with this wing are plain dressers, preferring functional clothing that is appropriate to context but not flashy. The emphasis on function may extend to their general lifestyle. Practicality is highly valued." —"The Enneagram Blogspot Type 1", supposedly attributed ab ibid. ad some other page
"I've always known I'll die alone <in a yellow wife-beater with a bottle of Four Roses in my hand>"
—TJ Hooker, to supporting actor of Night of the Lepus, in Star Trek V with commentary added by Rifftrax.
Not just awful.
It's gawd-awful.
"Some people have heard the story that I went to Bob's Big Boy for seven years, every day, at 2:30, and had the same thing. That was my longest habit pattern. But, I like habitual behavior, because it's, it's a known factor, and then your mind is free to think about other things."
—David Lynch, interview with Jay Leno (I excised some of the "um"s and and "er"s). I don't know what year it was, probably the very late 1980s, just a Youtube clip, for which I do not have a link. ETA Oh, he's plugging his and that other guy's show On the Air, which was not that good, but it was about right for that era. So that would be, like early 1990s, after TP ended, I guess.
INTERESTING is that Lynch is sitting next to Mac Rebennack AKA "Dr. John," and Lynch seems visibly uncomfortable being in his chair next to him. I think Dr. John had cut out the smack by this time, but he probably smelled kind of bad, and he had on his whole stage persona costume. For all I know, Mac was nodding off discreetly in his chair. Could be an interesting thing to ask Jay Leno about, should one feel like kidnapping him and tying him to a chair, ŕ la King of Comedy. Well, we can't all be Sandra Bernhard.
"How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van. " - Deadpool
"The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays." — Fast Times At Ridgemont High
"Look! I'm a teenage girl, I'd rather be anywhere than here! I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence! So what's it gonna be: long sullen silence or mean comment? Go on, take your pick." - Deadpool
"Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes." —Heathers
"You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!" - Deadpool
"You're an asset. An expendable asset. And I used you to get the job done, got it?" —Predator
"Okay, guys, I only have twelve bullets, so you're all going to have to share!" - Deadpool
"A universal language is great since it can do anything, but it also is subject to what Alan Perlis used to call the “Turing tar-pit.” Beware of the Turing tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy." —RJ Lipton,"Stating P=NP Without Turing Machines"
"You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... nobody's getting hurt. [a dead body falls off an overhead traffic sign]. That guy was already up there when I got here." - Deadpool
"In a lot of cases, Te is the protector function of the FiNe. When one of their values comes under attack, they have no problem using a direct, matter-of-fact Te communication style to defend what they feel is right." — some shithead's blog about some crap
"No, no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it's going to be attached to." —The Advs. of Buckr. Banzai Across the 8th Dimens.
"That's the shit emoji. You know, the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long." - Deadpool
"Thank you, Miss Fleming. You'll call me when the shuttle lands." —Heathers
"To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise." - Deadpool
"Light, step back, and watch ground blooming flower." — many instruction from firework package.
"Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the Ghost of Christmas Me." - Deadpool
"My God, one giant came into my room and without so much as a how-do-you-do started putting on a rubber glove the size of a catcher's mitt. He would have torn me apart if I hadn't been awake and strong enough to do some shouting." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler
"You sure? You don't want any clothes that aren't monochromatic? Have fun at your showing of Blade 2." —Deadpool
Colossus: "Do you have Off switch?"
Deadpool: "Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the On switch?"
-Deadpool
"When [Raymond Ceulemans] first showed up I was talking to a friend of mine about pussy, saying that at my age the only way you could keep a girlfriend was to make sure you didn't break any fingers. An interpreter put that into French and Ceulemans laughed." —Byrne, McGoorty, McGoorty: A Pool Room Hustler
"Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?" - Deadpool
"It is much nicer to hustle three-cushion instead of pool.... In three-cushion, the worst that can happen is to have the guy ask you if you will take a check. But you beat a guy out of a few bucks in a pool game and he might pick up the cueball and knock your teeth out." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler
"This is confusing. Is it sexist to hit you? Is it more sexist to not hit you? I mean, the line gets real... blurry!" - Deadpool
"'My baby! My daughter! My baby daughter!' And to me 'You fiend! You beast! You disgusting filthy maniac!' I don't remember what all she shouted, but it was very high-class stuff. She was hotter than hell, but she didn't cuss at me. I start making my move I throw off the kimono." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler
"House blowing up builds character." - Deadpool
"We have one day to clean up the joint, and as I walk around looking things over I sober up pretty fucking fast. There are cigarette burns on the grand piano three inches long. And on the rugs. There are glasses and bottles standing everywhere, half of them tipped over. There are vests and stockings that people have forgotten. There are used condoms on the love seats and settees and behind sofa pillows and draped over pictures on the walls. There are even Kotexes here and there — we had some Red Riders of Bloody Gulch. The sheets on the bed — God, I have never seen anything like it. There is no use turning them over because they are just as ruined on one side as the other. Some maidens were had, that's for sure." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler
Ewwww.
"Shit! I forgot the ammo!" - Deadpool
"Plenty of times I played for money when I didn't have any, which is called playing on your nerve. When you do that you have absolutely have to win. You can't show any mercy, or give the other guy any chance at all." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler.
"You sure you don't want any clothes that aren't monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II." - Deadpool
"'Why you punk Dago,' Butch hollered from the stands, 'you can't play. What kind of face powder do you use?' Trying to break Mosconi down, which he did, finally." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler.
"—Oh, I shit my pants. (Mohinder)
—Actually, actually that may have been me. (Deadpool)
—Oh, mission accomplished? (Mohinder)
—Well, in a George W. sort of way. But we can't stay in a panic room forever." (Deadpool)
—Deadpool 2
"Whoo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees." - Deadpool
"There is a small-time pool player in San Francisco called Snakeface who pretends if he gets beat he might go crazy or have a heart attack. He's no youngster, but when he misses a shot or gets a bad break he jumps back, swings his cue in a circle, cusses with all his strength, and turns beet red." —McGoorty. A Pool Room Hustler
"It is urgent for Americans to think and speak clearly about President Trump’s inability to do either. This seems to be not a mere disinclination but a disability." —Geo. Will, WaPo column 03-may-2017
"I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn." - Deadpool
"Turned out that she climbed in beside me and copped my joint for forty-five cents. I didn't even want my joint copped, but I wanted to see how much she would cut her price....[Tom] Ward razzed me for years afterward. 'That cheap goddam McGoorty,' he would say to crowds of people, 'he made that poor girl blow his wazzle for a lousy forty-five cents, telling her that's all he had, when I know for a fact that he had a ten-dollar bill pinned to his undershirt." —McGoorty
"Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?" - Deadpool
"To see a game as beautiful as billiards losing out to bowling and golf, it was enough to make you turn fruit." —McGoorty
"And that's why 'Regina' rhymes with 'fun.'" - Deadpool
"By the time I am twenty-six years old I am through busting virgins. Too much work! I am leaving that to the younger guys." —McGoorty
"I've played a lot of roles; damsel in distress ain't one of them." - Deadpool
"If you had the slightest idea of easing up on [Masako Katsura] because she was only a cute little girl, you were dead. She would murder you. I found out damned quick that you couldn't leave her an open shot. If you did she would take those balls away from you and stick them right up your pooper. The killer instinct — that broad had it, and never mind the little smile." —McGoorty
"Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me." - Deadpool
"That's the first thing that strikes an American woman about Europe—that it's unsanitary. Impossible of them to conceive of a paradise without modern plumbing. If they find a bedbug they want to write a letter to the chamber of commerce." —Tropic of Cancer
"She's like Robin to my Batman, except she's old, and black, and blind. And I think she's in love with me. Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too." - Deadpool
"Little by little, as I gained his confidence, I wormed my way into his heart. I had him at such a point that he would come running after me, in the street, to inquire if he could lend me a few francs." —Tropic of Cancer
"Please don't make the super-suit green. Or animated." - Deadpool
"He is sorry now that he bought a corduroy suit and the cane and the fountain pens." — Tropic of Cancer
"My romantic rival, Bandhu. He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, D.P. I plan to gut him like a polluted fish, then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep." - Deadpool
"Nothing like a nice barroom brawl...so easy to stick a knife in a man's back or club him with a bottle when he's lying under a table. The poor Swede found himself in a hornet's nest; everyone in the place hated him, particularly his shipmates." —Tropic of Cancer
"I give a guy a pavement facial, it's because he's earned it." - Deadpool
"The earth is parched and cracked. Men and women come together like broods of vultures over a stinking carcass, to mate and fly apart again." —Tropic of Cancer
"What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!" - Deadpool
"She embraced me passionately, and she groaned as all French cunts do when they get you into bed." —Tropic of Cancer
Dopinder: "Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?"
Deadpool: "Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss."
Deadpool
"Mama. Get the hammer. There is a fly on the baby's head."
—old novelty pop song
"Welcome to Sister Margaret's. It's like a job fair for mercenaries. Think of us as really fucked-up tooth fairies, except we knock out the teeth and take the cash. You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card." - Deadpool
“Contrary to the proverb, the past is not a different country. And we still do today many of the things that were done in the past in different forms — things that diminish human dignity and treat labor as a mere resource, like capital.” — the (present-day) Archbishop of Canterbury
"Threats hurt, Jer, though not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?" - Deadpool
"Non, mademoiselle: all one ever needs is, are the good manners. The rest is just silliness and snobbery, valued only by boors." —Poirot - The Mystery of the Blue Train
[after receiving his cancer diagnosis] "You're clowning. You're not clowning? I sense clowns." - Deadpool
"So let them eat jelly beans, or let them cake.
Let them join the Air Force or the Corps,
Cause they just can't make it here anymore."
—unknown "country/Southern" song
"Use seltzer water and lemon juice for blood. Or wear red, dumbass!" - Deadpool
"Well, [my] last [mistake] was twenty-eight years ago." —Poirot - Cards on the Table
"You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day. Here, protein bar. Good for bones. Deadpool may try to break yours." - Deadpool
"He had to apply three times and he had to put up with a ton of shit, but when he threatened to resign, they gave it to him. The next youngest guy in his class was half his age. They must have thought he was some far-out old man humping it over that course. I did it when I was 19 and it damn near wasted me. A tough motherfucker" — Capt. Willard re quo Col. Kurtz, Apocalypse Now ETA that's bothering me: I think the ablative of res is OK...but better for person, masc., quo? Well, I'm not going to reach over to the grammar books now. It still bothers me. It's still a good bit of movie script, though. EETA I just decided that qui declined for ablative masculine is better. No, I have no reason why, it just seems better. ISTR something more like quodam or something. Shit. My brain is getting soft and spongy.
Roy SCHEIDER (fiddling with chronograph or something on his watch): <doing stuff>
some guy: "Sir, mind if I ask what you're doing, sir?"
SCHEIDER: "No, I don't mind at all!"
—Blue Thunder
"Fear always works."
~Dawn Bellwether in Disney's Zootopia
"Alone, with my tremendous empty longing and dread. The whole room for my thoughts. Nothing but myself and what I think, what I fear." —Tropic of Cancer
"I never carry a wallet when I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit." - Deadpool
"When [Fillmore] returned to Paris with Ginette he had a complete new wardrobe and a pocketful of dough." —Tropic of Cancer
"Goddammit! I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way: with two swords, and maximum effort." - Deadpool
"You goddamned cocksucking package, I'm going to fuck you into this cart until you fucking die, stupid-ass fucking package, take it like a bitch, my fist is good enough for you." — unnamed warehouse worker.
"You bet on me to die? Wow. Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend. Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102. And then die. Like the city of Detroit." - Deadpool
"You worthless, acid-smoking piece of illiterate shit. Don't ever send this kind of brain-damaged swill in here again. If I had the time, I'd come out there and drive a fucking wooden stake into your forehead. I'd like to kill those bastards [at Rolling Stone for sending me your piece . . . and I'd just as soon kill you too. Jam this morbid drivel up your ass where your readership will be better appreciated." —H.S. Thompson to an aspiring writer.
"Hey, shithead: when's the last time you picked your feet? I got a friend in Poughkeepsie who wants to talk to you. You ever been to Poughkeepsie?" — The French Connection
"Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap! We're downrange!" - Deadpool
"Do you know what it is about a woman that really arouses me? It's a very rare, physical quirk: it's when she tells the truth." —Poirot: Taken at the Flood
"See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you. Now, let's finish this epic wide shot... pull out, here we go... that looks nice, its gonna be about the only thing that's pullin' out tonight. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Pool guy singing..." [alongside George Michael's "Careless Whisper" vocals] "I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you, ohhhhhhh!" - Deadpool
"—If a man was smart, do you know what he'd do right now?
—What?
—I don't know: I thought you'd know."
—Dirty Mary Crazy Larry
"Okay, let's pro/con this superhero thing. Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry-cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies. Con: they're all lame-ass teacher's pets!" - Deadpool
"I've found the RoHS lead-free solder specifications to be slightly ironic. RoHS [Restriction of Hazardous Substances Directive] is an EU directive on the use of certain hazardous substances in electrical and electronic equipment." —John Bacciagaluppi, "An Endangered Species?" in TapeOp: The Creative Music Recording Magazine, Aug/Sept 2018
"Did I say this was a love story? It's a horror movie." - Deadpool
"[E]xtra syllables reduce, not increase, vigour. This is particularly so in English, where the native words are short, & [sic] the long words are foreign." — Fowler, A Dictionary of Modern English Usage, OUP, 1944 text
"I'm a bad guy who's paid to fuck up worse guys." - Deadpool
"A female is, shortly put, a she, or put more-at-length,a woman-or-girl-or-cow-or-hen-or-the-like." — Fowler, Modern English Usage
"It reeks like old lady pants in here." - Deadpool
"By genteelism is here to be understood the substituting, for the ordinary, natural word that first suggests itself to mind, of a synonym that is thought to be less soiled by the common, herd, less familiar, less plebeian, less vulgar, less improper, less apt to come unhandsomely, betwixt the wind &[sic] our nobility." —Fowler, Dict.Mod.Engl.Us
"I would go with you, but... I don't want to." - Deadpool
"condign originally meant deserved, & could be used in many contexts, with praise for instance as well as with punishment." —Fowler, Dict
"Not often a dude ruins your face, skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama, and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say... it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." - Deadpool
"--Is that, Lebowski on the left, there?
--Yeah, of course, Mr. Lebowski on the left
--So he's, uh, crip....uh, uh, uh, a handicap, maybe, guy
--Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes."
—TBL
"How can I help you... besides luring children into a panel van?" - Deadpool
"Nair wear short shorts. If you dare wear short shorts. For if you dare wear short shorts, Nair wear short shorts. Nair." —unkn.
[As he slices off his own arm] "Did you ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert." - Deadpool
"If government leaders hesitated to embark on the adventure of military conflict, they were not deterred by fear of being stamped as criminals. Rather, after the experiences of the Franco-Prussian War and the Russo-Japanese War they saw lurking behind each war the danger of revolution." — Felix Gilbert, The End of the European Era The series, as a non-historian, I find to be a useful reference, although the prose is execrable and mannered, at least in Gilbert's volume cit supr. Nonetheless, it's appropriate to remember some facts today.
"In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet but it could be anybody. We just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley - she's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret, ssshhhh. Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go. Chicka-chickahhhh." - Deadpool
"To address information-intensive tasks such as the dynamic re-planning of a military mission or the on-going assessment of threats to the operations of a large corporation we need to be able to (1) make sense of incoming data, whether in the form of sensor feeds, database records, or natural language texts; (2) reconcile these data with stored knowledge; and (3) respond accordingly." — Barry Smith, Erik Thomsen, "Ontology-based fusion of sensor data and natural language," in Applied Ontology 13 (4), 2018, p. 296.
"Inherent vice in a maritime insurance policy is anything that you can't avoid. Eggs break, chocolate melts, glass shatters, and Doc wondered what that meant when it applied to ex-old ladies." - Inherent Vice
"Ideally, intel reports would be interpreted and reasoned over in near real time, with inference results implying a threat to a planned mission being sent to the appropriate
mission planners for immediate inclusion in updated mission plans. Currently, however, there are simply too many generated reports to allow rapid processing by human analysts." —Smith, Thomsen, op. cit., p. 298
"Ideally, intel reports would be interpreted and reasoned over in near real time, with inference results implying a threat to a planned mission being sent to the appropriate
mission planners for immediate inclusion in updated mission plans. Currently, however, there are simply too many generated reports to allow rapid processing by human analysts." —Smith, Thomsen, op. cit., p. 298
You can say that again.
"Well, mornin', Sam, like a bad-luck planet in today's horoscope, here's the old hippie-hating mad dog himself in the flesh: Det. Lt. Christian F. "Bigfoot" Bjornsen. SAG member, John Wayne walk, flat-top of Flintstone proportions and that evil little shit-twinkle in his eye that says 'civil rights violations.'" - Inherent Vice
"Alright, alright, which one of you fucking pricks stole all the candy canes? Ah. nice. Nice kids. Where'd you get them from, a fucking jail? Fucking reform school brats: get the fuck out of here." —Joe Pesci
That fucking white motherfucker with his fat fucking self Santy Claus. Fuck you, and fuck the fucking Christmas, which it even isn't, you bunch of fucking people who don't know it isn't the fucking season yet. Shit motherfuckers.
Oh. That was two quotes, I guess. Second, unattributed.
Doc Sportello: "Is that a swastika on that man's face?"
Dr. Threeply: "No, it isn't. That's an ancient Hindu symbol meaning 'all is well.' It brings good fortune, luck and well-being."
Inherent Vice
"Deploying psychology, not the maximizing calculus of economic rationality (money), allowed Apple to turn hiring and wages into managerial props. The sense of higher calling and flattery doesn’t stop with the hiring process, of course. Make it through the gauntlet and you are 'clapped in' by existing workers: given a standing ovation as if receiving a prize."
—J. Bunning, "Claps and cheers: Apple stores' carefully managed drama," The Guardian, 4-dec-2018.
"She came along the alley and up the back steps the way she always used to. Doc hadn't seen her for over a year. Nobody had. Back then it was always sandals, bottom half of a flower-print bikini, faded Country Joe & the Fish T-shirt. Tonight she was all in flatland gear, hair a lot shorter than he remembered, looking just like she swore she'd never look." - Inherent Vice
"And I look forward to the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come." —Nic. cred., unkn. Engl transl. from unkn. Lat. transl.
"He's technically Jewish but wants to be a Nazi." - Inherent Vice
"Jewgreek is greekjew" — some novel
"It's groovy being insane, man - where you at?" - Inherent Vice
"We kept hearing this 'pop.' It's because the 1/8-inch cable was jumping out of the jack because the bass was too bangin'. A friend of our agent's at the same time was like, 'You should use an audio interface." — interview, "SassyBlack: Cathartic and Spiritual," Tape Op: The Creative Music Recording Magazine, (128), Dec/Jan 2018/2019
Deputy D.A. Penny Kimball: "How many joints have you had today?"
Doc Sportello: "I have to check the logbook."
Inherent Vice
"Oh, I'm a danger to myself an' others.
My cousins are as close as brothers.
I stay out in the rain all the time!
He's a danger to himself an' others.
Only likes shows with Sally Struthers.
I can't even think of a word that rhymes.
We're a danger to ourselves an' others.
Screw the earth an' steal our mothers.
Leave us in the woods an' we're just fine.
We're a danger to ourselves an' others.
Good livestock makes better lovers.
Hunting leeches is what we call a good time!"
—The MST3K gang, "I'm A Danger to Myself and Others"
LOL. Love that!
"Was it possible that at every gathering, concert, peace rally, love-in, be-in, freak-in, here up north, back east, wherever, some dark crews had been busy all along reclaiming the music, the resistance to power, the sexual desire from epic to everyday? All they could sweep up for the ancient forces of greed and fear? 'Gee,' he thought... 'I don't know.'" - Inherent Vice
"Oddly enough, I conducted many of my tests using an ADK computer running Windows 7 (64 bit) over AES, which is not technically supported, but does work — like really works." — G. Haines, review of Apogee Digital 2x6 I/O Module, in Tape Op: The Creative Music Recording Magazine, no. 128, Dec/Jan 2018/19, p. 56
"And to drink, gentleman? You're going to want to get good and fucked-up before this meal!" - Inherent Vice
"[N]ot for a beginning level statistics class. Not even close. Very little information that actually teaches how to master the problems in the book. Plus, the problems look like they are something that NASA would have on a math test." — a reviewer from Amazon for Schaum's Outline of Statistics
Not trying to make fun of the reviewer, I just ordered a few Schaum's Outlines and thought this was a fun review. FTR (i) Schaum's Outline of Advanced Mathematics for Engineers and Scientists [haven't seen before -- looks like a grab bag of just basic stuff for UGs, probably fun to flip through] (ii) Schaum's Outline of Graph Theory [includes background to well-known algorithms used in CS, supposedly] (iii) Schaum's Outline of Theory and Problems of Combinatorics [well-known material, but I obviously need to keep practicing as my "baseball problem/solution" proved] (iv) Schaum's Outline of Group Theory [I've used this before, but I need some review on vector spaces, and some more structure than the "prove this random thing" I'm used to] and the (v) Stats outline [again, review: I can never remember how to work out covariance and shit, so this will be a little refresher]. I've read through or seen most of these before, or at least much of the material, but eyestrain is getting bad reading on computer screens and I'd like to stay "current" on some classic topics while doing warehouse work, so, that's it.
I take that back — I totally was trying to make fun of the reviewer. It's hilarious, IMHO. NASA indeed. But it's an entertaining review, at least, to me.
"On principle he tried to spend as little time around [LAPD HQ] as possible. All this strange alternative cop history and cop politics, cop dynasties, cop heroes and evildoers, saintly cops and psycho cops, cops too stupid to live and cops too smart for their own good, insulated by secret loyalties and codes of silence from the world they'd all been given the control." - Inherent Vice
"Fake legs? Fake legs? How they get them to twinkle they toes like that?" —Out of Sight
"Like Godzilla says to Mothra, man, let's go eat some place." - Inherent Vice
"Suppose you’re the proud owner of a mango farm. You’re looking for a mango seller who can sell your mangoes. Are you connected to a mango seller on Facebook? Well, you can search through your friends." — Aditya Bhargava, Grokking Algorithms
"If it's a quiet night out at the beach and your ex-old lady suddenly out of nowhere shows up with a story about her current billionaire-developer boyfriend, and his wife, and her boyfriend, and a plot to kidnap the billionaire and throw him in a loony bin... maybe you should just look the other way. But if you're Doc, it may all start to get a little peculiar after that...." - Inherent Vice
"Let me tell ya something about Jerry Lee Lewis, ladies and gentlemen: I am a rock and rollin', country-and-western, rhythm and blues-singin' motherfucker!" —allegedly said by JLL before beginning his set at the Grand Ole Opry, according to some idiot from some rag reported in Wikipedia
"More than once I’ve been asked, “Steve, why do you bother learning all those old tunes that have nothing to do with what’s happening now? And how do you even remember all of them?” The answer to the first question is that in jazz, you just never know what tune’s going to be called by who, or when, and sometimes it isn’t even called, somebody just starts playing it. So you have to be ready, and that involves learning some tunes by doing some listening to records, some research. It’s ironic, but the more preparation you’ve done, the more coolly “spontaneous” you can seem." — the bassist Steve Wallace
"Coy's band, The Boards, were currently renting a place in Topanga Canyon from a bass player-turned-record company executive, which trendwatchers took as further evidence of the end of Hollywood, if not the world, as they had known it." - Inherent Vice
"You don’t have to be black to play the blues, but you gots to eat pork!” — Jack McDuff, organist, attrib.
Doc Sportello: "So, what've you been up to?"
Japonica Fenway: "Escaping, mostly, and I escape real good."
Inherent Vice
"All music is folk music – you ain’t never heard no horse sing a song, have you?” — Louis Armstrong, attrib.
"Doc ran through all the things he hadn't asked Shasta. Like how much she'd come to depend on Wolfmann's guaranteed level of ease and power? And least askable of all, how passionately did she really feel about old Mickey? Doc knew the likely reply, 'I love him,' what else? With the unspoken footnote that the word these days was being 'way too overused." - Inherent Vice
"—What's your name, honey?
—John
—Well that's an appropriate name.
—Yeah. What you do, was just thinking, seems kind of dangerous, right now. I mean, how do you I'm not the killer?
—You don't seem the killer type. Why? You feeling any urges I should know about?"
—Dark City (1998(
"I had just run into this bathroom stall without checking first, and I already had my finger down my throat to vomit up this big balloon of dope I had just scored, and there Coy sat, gringo digestion, about to take this giant shit. And we both let go at the same time, and there's just vomit and shit all over the place, and I put my head in his lap, and to complicate things, he had this hard-on.... One thing leads to another, and we pretty much started shooting up together on a regular basis." - Inherent Vice
"Many problems of science and engineering, when formulated mathematically, lead to boundary-value problems, i.e., differential equations and associated conditions. Solutions to these can be of great value to the scientist and engineer." —Murray Spiegel, Schaum's Outline Series Theory and Problems of Advanced Mathematics for Engineers &[sic] Scientists
Doc Sportello: "The LAPD's not sure it was an accident."
Crocker Fenway: "And you'd like to know if I did it? What possible motive would I have? Just because the man preyed on an emotionally-vulnerable child, forced her to engage in sexual practices that might appall even a sophisticate like yourself - does that mean I'd have any reason to see his miserable pedophile career come to an end? What a vindictive person you must imagine me."
Inherent Vice
"People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?” —somebody!="people"
"Pssst. Doper's ESP, Doc... doper's ESP... ohhhhh, no, Bigfoot, you motherfucker! Okay, Doc, you have what looks to be a 20-kilo inconvenience in your trunk." - Inherent Vice
"Macros are obnoxious, smelly, sheet-hogging bedfellows for several reasons, most of which are related to the fact that they are a glorified text-substitution facility whose effects are applied during preprocessing, before any C++ syntax and semantic rules can even begin to apply." —Herb Sutter, Exceptional C++ Style
"What do you think of farmers? You think they're saints? Hah! They're foxy beasts! They say, 'We've got no rice, we've no wheat. We've got nothing!' But they have! They have everything! Dig under the floors! Or search the barns! You'll find plenty! Beans, salt, rice, sake! Look in the valleys, they've got hidden warehouses! They pose as saints but are full of lies! If they smell a battle, they hunt the defeated! They're nothing but stingy, greedy, blubbering, foxy, and mean! Goddammit all!" - Seven Samurai
"All applicants are carefully screened concerning drug and alcohol involvement. As a minimum, you can expect the recruiter to ask:
a. "Have you ever used drugs?"
b. "Have you been charged with or convicted of a drug or drug related offense?"
c. "Have you ever been psychologically or physically dependent upon any drug or alcohol?"
d. "Have you ever trafficked, sold, or traded in illegal drugs for profit?"
If the answer to the last two questions is "yes," then you can expect to be ineligible for enlistment. If the answer to the first two questions is yes, then you can expect to have to complete a drug abuse screening form, detailing the specific circumstances of your drug usage. The military service will then make a determination as to whether or not your previous drug usage is a bar to service in that particular branch of the military. In most cases, a person who experimented with "non-hard" drugs in the past will be allowed to enlist."
—US Military Enlistment Standards