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No. A nice dental hygienist who I'm convinced was just wearing a fake wedding ring to deter unwanted suitors, therefore not applicable to me.
TNP is pretty sure the only lighter one need carry is a Zippo with a butane jet/torch insert filled with top-quality butane (the unreliable original insert may be discarded or kept as an impractical novelty). For firestarting, of course.
I don't carry a lighter myself, but sure, why not?
TNP has heard the Steven Wright joke that he likes his dental hygienist so much that he eats an entire box of Oreos before he goes in for an appointment, and she then clears her schedule for the rest of the day.
Yeah, I have heard that one. Possibly even delivered by Mr. Wright himself: very funny guy.
And about the Zippo, note I'm not complaining about replacing wicks and flints, or the inevitable evaporation: the striker wheel itself is easily irreparably harmed from repeated use, and AFAIK, cannot be replaced with tools an average hobbyist would have at hand. Although Zippo from Bradford, PA will happily replace it, it's not a robust design for the frequent firestarter). Butane torch lighters also have a somewhat limited number of "sparks" built into them, due to the piezoelectric mechanism, however, so perhaps it's a draw.
TNP can explain why he or she thinks either (i) Steven Wright or (ii) Norm Macdonald is the funnier comedian.
Steven Wright, by a wide margin; his sense of humor is just closer to mine. I've seen him do his standup routine three times over the years and, although there's quite a lot of material that he keeps using year after year, much of it is still funny all over again (and he always has at least some new stuff). I do like Norm Macdonald, though, and enjoyed his sitcom (in which he played a probation officer) when it was on.
TNP remembers that sitcom, and watched it at least a few times.
Yeah, I remember its having existed, but I don't recall ever watching it. Soon to be remedied, probably.
TNP is somewhat delighted into returning to an old favorite _________ who/which has become a bugbear or a detested scourge over the years. Composers, authors, whatever one can think of.
No, I can't say that I have.
TNP will be getting out in the sun today.
Sure. It was overcast, and I received in the mail the sunhat to beat all sunhats. Not needed today: an ordinary ballcap worked fine to keep the sun out of the eyes. The brim is outrageously wide throughout the circumference. Oh well, I shall be using it later, I suppose. Perhaps tomorrow.
TNP really does not like to lose at games like pool, or whatever else. An inner sense of outrage is provoked, although never observable.
Oh, definitely. I always wanna win if I can (while playing by the rules, naturally).
TNP has a favorite house rule for a game.
Oh, I don't know. I guess always let the youngest go first if it's some kind of multigenerational get-together playing some table-top game. More like least favorite "house rules" that vary from place to place.
TNP: OTR (on-the-road) or UTR (under-the-roof). Interpret as you will.
Urban Dictionary has failed me as to the second, so I guess I'll go with the first.
TNP prefers his or her PB&J PDQ if not ASAP.
I wish I had that enthusiasm, but, no. That's not a sandwich I relish, although it's certainly edible and would eat if hungry.
TNP will name three comestibles which are often combined, but which he or she prefers consumed in discrete portions.
Mixed veggies, specifically, hmm... sweet corn, lima beans and red peppers.
TNP would actually prefer those three together.
Yeah, I would just mix those up, add some garlic, red chile flakes, maybe some other stuff and eat it.
TNP knows pretty well at least three women roughly his or her own age who are like frenzied crusaders when they don't like something: i.e., they get mad as hell and get results!
Yes, for the right cause, I bet I do.
TNP has at least three coins in his or her pocket right now.
Nope. And I don't have a fountain, either. No coins, no cash. Card only.
TNP can top as an insult directed about someone else spoken recently by an unlikely person this casual one: "Me — who are you talking about? Mme X — that bald dude in the tie-dye shirt. That fat fucker." :)
Nope, you got me there.
TNP is within arm's reach of a landline phone right now.
Nah, would have to go upstairs.
TNP still has a landline phone, but only because getting rid of it would be more trouble than keeping it.
Don't have one at home, but I do at work, and I definitely need it.
TNP has gotten his or her COVID-19 vaccination.
Some of a Pfizer. Booster (second shot) this Wednesday, by happenstance exactly 21 days after the first. Doing stupid stuff like taking vitamins, as well as extra vitamin C, not drinking alcohol, and some not-so-stupid things like curtailing my 2400 mg/day ibuprofen regimen in the days preceding. So as to ensure maximum results and minimal discomfort.
TNP must choose: Feast of the Ascension, or Pentecost Sunday. By any criterion one wants.
I'll take Pentecost, because that's when we have the "speaking in tongues" portion of the Bible reading, and people in my Episcopal parish are encouraged to speak in their native tongues (Spanish, French, Chinese, Xhosa, Czech and others, in past years), which I think is cool.
TNP watched some of the Duke of Edinburgh's funeral over the weekend.
No. Are you kidding? Yeah, I heard the old fruit croaked, but I sure as shit didn't watch it on no goddamned TV.
TNP was relieved and jubilant when the "Blue Stain" Chauvin USA "cop killer" verdict came in this afternoon.
Relieved, yes, definitely. Jubilant, maybe a little. It won't bring George Floyd back.
TNP will watch Jeopardy! today.
No. Haven't seen it in years and years and years.
TNP has tried one of the cauliflower-based pizza (crust) concotions, and if so, was underwhelmed.
I have not, and I have absolutely zero interest in trying it either.
TNP thinks that cauliflower-based pizza (crust) concoctions make Sweet Baby Jesus cry.
No. It's just not that good IMO. "Caulipower" brand kind of resembles pizza, though. Just not the kind one really wants to eat.
TNP names one awful truth about Reddit.
I have never done anything with it, and have no wish to.
(I was thinking Sweet Baby Jesus would cry because they were so bad).
TNP checks Facebook at least every other day.
No. Maybe once a week, if that. A few times a month is probably more accurate.
[No, the Caulipower isn't that bad....but maybe Baby Jesus is a colicky baby....I wouldn't know!]
TNP regularly sees Bald Eagles overhead, or would like to.
I don't, but I definitely would like to.
TNP has more than three coins in his or her pocket right now.
Nope. Pure plastic. Anyway, I'm not wearing any pants right now, so you asked anyway.
TNP is thinking about buying a relatively old bottle of Irish or Scotch whiskey/whisky. Just to keep the world economy rolling, of course.
Tempting, but no, although I did recently buy a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label.
TNP is in the mood to read some Melville.
No. I'm not sure why, but I'd rather read something in a clean, modern style at this time of the year. No disrespect intended to Melville. Also, he's not one I tend to re-read again and again. Much like Mark Twain, among American authors: I feel as though I "got the message" the first time through, however brilliant and subtle.
Scotch whiskies: whether a minimally peated, but subtle expression like Glenmorangie 10, or a peat monster from Islay, TNP does find that adding a few drops of water is an option that cannot be overrated.
No, I like my whiskey neat no matter what.
TNP would like to go to Scotland once this $%^&*! pandemic is behind us.
Sorry to say, not particularly. Southwestern Australia is a more appealing destination, with plenty of first or nth-generation immigrants from Scotland. A tasting tour through the Laphroaigs and other adult beverages from the Highlands and Islay is good enough for me. Not really warm weather drinks, but I think a dedicated drinker can persevere.
TNP has had a tasty burger in the past week. With fries, of course.
No, but I sure wish I had. And a favorite local burger spot of ours just announced it's going to close, dammit.
TNP has had a favorite local restaurant close recently, due to the pandemic or something else.
Sort of. If by "favorite" you mean "all of them" (except for take-out). The latest "lock-down" restrictions lasted all of a week, so tomorrow any restaurant/bar still in business will be back to indoor seating.
Oh, you probably mean close permanently. No: many have, but none of my regular spots.
TNP must choose: Bushmills Black Bush (neat, of course!), or a gin (of some kind of call brand, whatever that might be) gimlet on the rocks.
Never gin so Bushmills wins easy. I prefer Jameson.
TNP: What is your favorite strong spirit?
Johnnie Walker Red Label.
TNP's favorite spy movie?
Oh, I don't know. Spies Like Us?
TNP can explain why modern-day Italy has many superb liqueurs and aromatics, and of course wines, but not many higher-proofed distilled liquors, aside from the many classic grappas/eaux de vie.
I would go lots of grapes, not so much cereal to work with, but just a guess.
TNP thinks that any cocktail that calls for vermouth can be made adequately with Port.
What? No. I like the vermouths, and I drink them straight, either room temperature or chilled. But ports I think are best taken straight out of the bottle.
TNP is not ashamed to have found a bag of potato chips from a recent shopping trip and just dug right into it, like a savage!
Yes, I had quite a few Conn's Flaming Hot Wavy chips with lunch today. My mouth should soon recover, with luck.
TNP has seen a gangster movie lately.
Not exactly. More gangster-adjacent, I suppose.
TNP has recently been outraged, incensed, and appalled by how much that "fast food" smell lingers in a small environment, no matter how much one enjoys driving with the windows down. As in, extremely enraged, like "WTF, I go through a Burger King once and this how people will remember me?" No good. TNP also has great faith in Febreze and intends to liberally apply it soon.
Hasn't been an issue for me lately, but I hear what you're sayin'.
TNP is just about ready for an Arby's run.
Yes. There's a particular street I sometimes go down where there is or was an Arby's.
I wanted to buy the "all meat" sandwich, just to punish myself. I don't have a link, but it's like a foot tall and used to be an "off menu" item: every single type of meat (or "meat") they offer, just stacked up.
What? So I'm a pervert and a derelict! It sounded amusing. I think they're not open, though. Not sure.
TNP doesn't feel the least bit bad about ordering a bunch of shit from Amazon or similar. Except that one ends up with a bunch of stupid boxes and crap cluttering one's environment.
Yes, that is the downside. But on the upside... new stuff!!!
TNP has placed an Amazon order in the past week.
Are you kidding me? A third (and final!) chain in "gold" (colored), two St. Mary medallions (one for the chain, the other for the car key...not that anyone asked, but I've been only wearing two silver chains, one with a cross, the other with an Ignatius medallion: I needed more, clearly!), two books of Debussy and Ravel sheet music, an Ibanez AF55 guitar, a new belt...yeah, Uncle Sam finally processed my refunds including the various Economic Impact payments. Oh, and the Latin version of Ignatius's "Spiritual Exercises."
Granted, most of it is going to the electric company, and to fix the car (maintenance, really: coolant flush, brake fluid flush, a tie rod end with "some play," and possibly a new caliper: homeboy at my shop is going to need all day Saturday to finish the brake flush, since apparently the bleeder screw was digging into the LF caliper....oh well! About five blocks from my favorite and only watering hole so just play some pool and drink some "light" beer [meaning 5% ABV]) and some repairs to the HOA (fucking bastard shitheads), but some left to readjust my 401K and tax deductions. Fuckers still owe me $59 from 2018, though. "Identity Verification" my ass. Cornholers.
TNP becomes unusually, or perhaps unreasonably, elated when he or she wins at simple games, like bar-rules 8-ball.
Yes, a little win can definitely make me smile.
TNP will be playing cards this weekend.
No. What is this The Odd Couple and the Pigeon Sisters are coming over.
TNP must answer: dice or cards to pass the time.?
Of the two, more likely cards. But I'd prefer Bananagrams, Boggle, Blokus, Scrabble, Uno or Jenga to either, if I had my druthers.
TNP saw a picture of the Statue of Liberty today.
No.
TNP almost puked up his or her lungs and/or stomach watching an old SNL skit by laughing. Or, if not, may I suggest Matt Foley as a motivational speaker.
Not recently, but yeah, there's been some really good stuff over the years. I particularly like the fake ads: anti-robot insurance, Clownpenisfart.com investment bankers, Happy Fun Ball, Colon Blow cereal, etc.
TNP could go for a bowl of Colon Blow right about now.
Heh. Yeah I remember those good old ones. Actually, yes, but I don't think any more details should be shared.
To taunt TNP, which one is not enjoined not to do, TNP found out recently that a pretty good friend "accidentally" blocked him or her from her cell phone.....................and if not, TNP would be unhappy about that, given the amicable status of his or her friendship with........that.........woman. Or put more simply, TNP has been somewhat disappointed recently by an interpersonal thing.
Don't think I've ever been blocked from anyone's cellphone. But yes, I had a Zoom chat with some high school friends last night that wasn't as engaging as I might've hoped. I think we've just grown apart over the years. It also doesn't help that one of the six is very conservative and the rest of us are, by and large, more liberal, so we tend to avoid politics, which in the past hasn't been the case.
TNP has a good friend with whom he or she avoids discussing politics.
Heh. No, I'm still friends with the original Ayn Murray-Hernnstein EP guy. In fact that was the bulk of his doctoral dissertation. I don't want to reveal some of the depths he went to.
However, nowawdays he has not abandoned his principles, but he is pretty far to the left. Like March on Washington for Hilary and all that.
But we don't tak much politics IRL, on the phone, or by e-mail/text. Obviously we both have strong intellectual passions and zeals for the just ideas, but it's more to talk about classical music or just to joke around.
TNP is about ready to say to him or herself, "I should not stay out past ten p.m.: too many low lifes out, and too much temptation to order a Five Guys Burger when one shouldn't be driving.
No, hasn't been a problem for me, especially since the pandemic hit.
TNP is enjoying a sunny day.
Sure. From the comfort of the shade.
TNP has recently shared part of a fat joint with somebody and got suprisingly fucked up after only a few drags. OR TNP can say that it's probably best to do that kind of thing at home, so as not to risk becoming a public menace or an object of ridicule.
Yes, definitely the latter.
TNP has some mail that ought to go out today.
MMmmmmm....No. I have some bills to pay but that can be done online.
TNP is generally suspicious that most auto mechanics are just jerking you around...but it's still acceptable. Barely.
Yeah, sometimes I wonder if I'm getting bilked. But I don't think I am.
TNP has had a vehicle in for repairs in the past week.
Yep. They couldn't fix the LF bleeder screw on the previous brake fluid flush and replace, which was apparently implanted in one of the LF calipers (but they said wasn't leaking and whatever), but they did the whole front axle brakes (rotors, calipers, pads) and applied the previous discount for the brake fluid flush, so it was a pretty good deal for one axle of brake work.
TNP wonders if a lady friend (not a special lady, just a lady friend!) has any rules about how long until she texts me or calls me. No, I didn't ask for her number, but I know where she lives: she knows me and my digits, though. I imagine such a lady friend might have some ideas, like "three days," or perhaps, "never!"
Yeah, I might wonder that. I'll admit I never had much patience with the gamesmanship of "I won't text her until X days have passed, so I can be the cool one" or "If she calls me sooner than X hours, it means she's desperate" and the like.
TNP has heard birdsong in the past hour.
Hearing one right now. Several, in fact. At least four or five different bird species, but I can't identify them. What do they call it, a "dawn chorus"? This is like a midday chorus. For what reason various flocks seem compelled to have communicated at this precise moment, I wouldn't know. And now they stopped! They are mysterious creatures.
/* Oh, about "the original Ayn Murray-Hernnstein EP guy": that was meant as a figure of speech. I don't think having one's doctoral dissertation bound and stored in the basement of some library quite counts as the same level of fame (or infamy), but in certain circles, yes. That sounded like a cryptic statement, therefore I had to emend that. */
TNP thinks honesty is the best policy when it comes to talking with friends of the opposite sex (or same, or non-binary, or whatever, same thing): if the topic arises, "Yes, I'd fuck you: you're very pretty." For the reason that, at least among mature adults, for some values of "mature," one expects a certain amount of natural force, and one can expect to be able to just move on and have no problems being friends and comrades.
And for the even more important reason that secrecy or hidden intentions are toxic and anathema to any kind of relationship built on mutual respect for the other.
In situations where one verbalizes such things explicitly, that is.
I would never be quite that direct and/or crass, but yes, I think honesty is usually the best policy.
TNP washed the dishes tonight.
I am the one in my family who turns on the dishwasher every night before bed, so yes, I guess.
TNP likes Major League Baseball adopting the 7 inning double header.
Sure, I wouldn't mind seeing how those go.
TNP has at least three pieces of MLB apparel.
No.
TNP thinks a little urine or sweat on a garment is no problem: meh, let it dry, it's fine.
Urine, no, I'd wash it ASAP and wouldn't wear it in the meantime; sweat, if it doesn't stain it, yeah, that's ok at least until the next laundry day.
TNP has been a little cold today.
No. It's been rather truculent, the sun, today, and it appears to remain so for quite a while. Which is a shame because I have some new fleece-lined pants I kind of like, but I'll be sticking with cargo shorts for the moment.
TNP must share the results of his or her findings: jeans, canvas work pants, or khakis.
In weather like this, jeans would be best, but I'm traveling and don't have any with me.
TNP took a wrong turn today while driving.
Yes, somewhat. There was a bewildering onslaught of Memorial Day traffic and I chose an adequate but not ideal circuitous route.
TNP must decide and say which is the more buffoon as an actor: Sly Stallone or Vin Diesel.
Boy, that's a toughie. Hmm. Lemme think. Both are certainly capable of good acting, but both have been, more than once, buffoons on the big screen. If I had to pick one, I'd say... Sly.
TNP agrees with that call.
No. I saw xXx the other day, and other movies....I think Vin Diesel is the worst. However, I happen to like the Rambo and the Rocky movies (for the most part). I'm on Team Stallone all the way.
TNP is mildly annoyed when casual acquaintances who express a mutual desire to stay in touch sometimes don't make the jump to e-mail from text. And will explain why or why not.
Yes, too many people say they want to keep in touch but then don't actually lift a finger to do so. Very annoying.
TNP has attended, even via Zoom, a high school or college reunion recently.
Nah, don’t do those.
TNP wishes the ice cream truck came to their neighborhood.
Yes! Pre-pandemic, the ice cream truck came by our neighborhood maybe two or three times a summer. I usually got something.
TNP prefers chocolate to vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. There's different qualities, but generally, despite not eating the sweets usually, chocolate ice cream pleases me.
TNP has ever recently done something as stupid as leaving one's wallet at home before leaving for work (or whatever). And if so, will explain why he or she is such an idiot.
Yes, several times I've almost gone out the door without taking along a mask. I keep a backup mask in the car, just in case, but haven't had to use it yet.
TNP knows someone who flatly refuses to get the COVID-19 vaccine.
Tcheh. Probably among some people I encounter, including at work (even my gal [friend, not special lady] who doesn't get the Flu shot is on board with The Vaccine. I just don't ask, don't tell. Although if prompted I'll say I'm a Pfizer man., myself.
[/*EDIT: what is there a mask shortage? JFC! There are hundreds of CV-free masks in my car! I tut-tut at you, good sir! */]
TNP can explain why people would deliberately play tepid, limp dance music on a jukebox at a bar. Those aren't "songs": they're designed to elicit a response from the reptilian brain. Not music: stimulus.
No idea. If you're going to pick a song on a jukebox, it should be a great song.
TNP has been present when someone, as a prank, paid for the same song over and over again on a jukebox to make everyone suffer.
No. I've only heard rumors IRL of such a deed done recently. Although I've played Aretha's "Rock Steady" quite a few times in a row to passive-aggressively express my displeasure. Or something. I think the rumors have been more like somebody putting $100 USD in the "box" and playing something ridiculous.
TNP has run into a close aquaintance/relative/etc. in a liquor store recently and found it amusing, rather than embarrassing.
No, but it reminds me of the old joke:
Q: What's the difference between a Presbyterian and a Baptist?
A: A Presbyterian will pretend not to recognize you when he sees you in the liquor store.
TNP has heard that joke before.
Yeah, I have. I think it might have been a version with Methodists and Baptists, but same idea. Don't remember where I first heard that basic joke. FWIW my true story was running into my mother at a liquor store two or three days ago: she knows I drink, and vice versa, but she actually came up next to me and said "Can I help you find something, sir?" I thought it was just some shop clerk and I blathered something about just looking for something blah blah and it wasn't until she drew attention to herself I realized it was her. I guess one get pretty self-absorbed examining the whiskies!
TNP can say what exactly is so annoying about being around drunken people — their slurred speech, general dumbassery, etc. Or perhaps TNP disagrees with the premiss and enjoys the company of certain of those inebriated types. And TNP should give a detailed graph.
I've had relatively few dealings with drunk people, but usually they're unpleasant (including an aggressive drunk guy on the London Underground some years back). Not fond memories.
TNP has been on the Tube.
No. Never been to London.
TNP finds a multimeter (voltmeter+ammeter+continuity tester) pretty useful for certain things (like seeing why one's car won't start, for example).
No, don't think I've ever used one.
TNP's fridge has been having problems.
Sure. I think its problem is that it sucks electricity like an expert whore eats wang.
TNP would be pretty well hosed if his or her car stopped, you know, working and stuff.
Nah, we don’t go anyplace much anymore, there’s public transit and the kid doesn’t mind driving us in his car.
TNP is kind of fascinated by how much money there is in the car insurance business, based on all the commercials.
Yes, that and new prescription drugs ("Ask your doctor if Drug X is for you").
TNP is ready for a cold beer.
No. I'm really tired and annoyed by the company I keep at my regular bar, and drinking beer at home is kind of a hassle, what with mountains of cans accumulating over time. I think they're like tribbles, and they keep multiplying of their own accord.
TNP would gladly substitute a very smoky highland Scotch for the beer, though.
Unless it were a very hot day, yes.
TNP is wearing something blue today.
Yes. Blue undershorts, blue socks. Everything else? Black. Black wifebeater, black "dress" shirt, sleeves rolled up, black pants, black shoes. Wait a minute. Brown belt (shut up, my shirt's are untucked!), dark green watchband. Two silver-colored necklaces, one gold-colored.
TNP is officially authorized to no longer wear a mask at work (or perhaps other places).
Yes, but I still do, if I have any doubts at all about the vaccination status of those around me.
TNP has a U.S. coin in his or her pocket right now.
Yep. A penny and a broken cigarette. All I need to start riding the rails and hustling pool!
TNP, judging by names alone, without prior experience, would rather drink Bushmills' Black Bush or Red Bush.
The first, I guess, if I had to choose. I've heard of it, but not the second. But I'd be willing to try either, really.
There is no whiskey that TNP would not try at least once, even if it had gotten horrible reviews.
Yeah, historically that's been true, down to trying some home distilled attempts. There are plenty I'd be happy never tasting again, though. There's no chance I'll be picking up a bottle of Heaven's Hill like back in the college days! Too many other decent options for bottom-shelf/well whiskey (Old Crow, Broker's, etc.).
TNP decides which is better: driving or walking in moderately heavy rainfall.
Driving, definitely. I don't mind walking in a light rainfall, if I know there's a big dry towel waiting for me when I get inside, but moderately heavy? No, thanks.
TNP needs to do some dusting.
Ummmm......define "need." Yes there are cobwebs: huge, dust "webs" of significant size all over. Like Miss Haversham's place or something. Most books are encrusted with dust on the tops. Yes, there's dust on everything, everywhere. Except in the kitchen, where there's a fine layer of aerosolized fat deposits on everything.
TNP is or would be very gratified to have rallied from "one night stand" to "close friend" in terms of interpersonal relationships, and might even say that's a better spot to be in. More stable, more rewarding, fewer volatile, unpredictable emotions.
Back when I was dating, yes, especially if that made the difference between "Dear God, I never want to see you again" and "Wanna go get a beer and talk?"
TNP knows at least three women named Marianne.
Somewhat. One Marianne, one Mary Ann, one Mariana. I only know the whereabouts of one of the Mariannes, though.
TNP currently knows someone who is "into" astrology.
No, fortunately not. But see: http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode37.htm#3
TNP has never wondered what Petula Clark and David Frost would advise you to do with severe boils.
Ummmmmmm....I'll say a hard 'yes.' I have never ever been interested in the private lives of either.
TNP will say that talcum powder is a useful tool, even upon one's hands when handling a grimy pool cue. Or a grimy groin.
No, actually never used it, I think.
TNP has heard Nina Simone sing "Mississippi Goddam" before: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ25-U3jNWM
Yeah. Not for a long time, but I remember that one.
TNP is not so much liking faint moustache, even bleached, on his woman/women.
No, never have, and never will. Fortunately my wife doesn't have one.
TNP will be mowing today.
No. Neither literally nor figuratively "mowing the grass." My gal doesn't like me that much. Yet. Capricorn, don'tcha know it. Good for the chase but firm on her feet. :)
TNP has recently reached his or her limit of endurance while doing physical labor during the heat. And TNP finds that a cold beer or several does wonders for reducing one's core temperature and general mood afterwards.
A few weeks back, mowing in very hot and humid weather, yeah. Had to go inside to cool off for a little bit, and drank a glass of cold water.
TNP has a stapler within reach.
Yeah, I can reach it if I stretch pretty far.
TNP is extremely suspicious of automobile mechanics, in general, and is pretty judicious about what he or she will allow the mechanic to perform, and at what price.
Yeah, I always suspect deep down that I'm getting ripped off.
TNP has a two-car garage.
No, I have a one-car carport that, I believe, is responsible for leaving one sideview mirror dangling (since "fixed" with epoxy), and damage to the condo association's protruding water outlet which I had to pay those rusty trombone players to get fixed.
TNP prefers to believe that similar "incidents" are strictly the fault of an unmoveable object's unwieldy design, and not the result of "disorderly" behavior on the part of an actor/agent. Except in most circumstances, of course, where one is not personally involved.
Yeah, sure, we'll go with that.
TNP has spoken to a police officer in the past week.
No. In my neck of the woods, cops of all stripes (except perhaps Staties) are trying to avoid all contact with the public they possibly can. No license plates, expired tags, anything like that is officially "deprioritized" or "not enforced," according to the Police Commissioner, who happens to also be the Mayor. I very rarely give them cause to initiate a "talk" with me for a long time now, anyway, so it's all the same.
TNP thinks that a day with potentially 105° F or 110° weather is a good enough reason to use up some unpaid time off from fast-paced work, mostly outside, but has a competing urge to show those pansies how to take it like a man.
Bonus TNP if TNP will say whether the last clause of the previous sentence bespeaks a "toxic" kind of whatever.
First off, when it's that hot, I want to be either inside enjoying the A/C, or in a cool pool somewhere, but certainly not trying to show anyone how to take it like a man.
And secondly, as to the Bonus TNP, yeah, there are certainly those who will think that.
TNP watched Conan's farewell show on TBS tonight.
Nah, never watched any of it. Can’t remember the last time I watched a talk show.
TNP has watched more movies on TV in the past year and a half than in the previous decade.
Well, more each month than my pre-COVID average, I suppose, but certainly not more than the whole previous ten years combined!
TNP will be watching a movie tonight.
No. I'm going to be ruminating.
TNP thinks physical intimacy short of sexual intercourse or touch for the purpose of arousal is possibly possible between two good friends of the appropriate sexes (i.e., however you define that, it doesn't matter).
Possibly possible? Of course. Where will it lead? Ah, that's more difficult to say.
TNP's feet are a little cold right now.
Nope. I estimate it's about 75 degrees F at my desk right now, and it's after midnight. No, my place doesn't cool down at all and is typically warmer than outside. To me, that feels about right. A bit warm, but not cold.
TNP has recently or ever sweated (literally, as in leaving droplets of sweat) over simple "tasks" such as practicing one's game of 14.1 pool or so forth.
Running some errands out in the heat today (87 F and humid), yeah, I sweated some.
TNP will be going to a party maskless this weekend.
Sort of. With heat tomorrow abnormally high at 113-118 °F, I might possibly crawl to a local dive bar with air conditioning. It's like a party, except with a mix of undesirable elements, not my favorite bartenders on Sundays, and, one hopes, a good handful of longish-time acquaintances. Not working outside at heavy manual labor in the direct sunlight, that is for sure.
TNP can say what the top qualities are that a good bartender has. Top few positive traits or so.
Hmm. Skill, friendliness, diligence and speed.
TNP can think of a few others, or would differently rank these.
Maybe slightly. Speed+diligence I'd count as one attribute. A good bartender has a sixth sense for when somebody is ready for another, i.e. is diligent, and extremely attentive to his or her flock of ne'er-do-wells. Skill? Sure, being able to pour a beer with the right amount of head, knowing what call liquors the bar has, those are good things even if one doesn't drink mixed drinks. Friendliness is a given, but some people are better than others at it. Ranking? (Speed+attentiveness) > (Friendliness) > (Skill)
TNP thinks wearing black or brightly colored loose fitting clothing on bright sunny days is worth it for the extra protection against UV radiation.
Yeah, I guess so. Mostly I just try to stay out of the sun, or use sunscreen.
TNP wants to go swimming soon.
Nope. Some words: "filthy," "drowning," "sunburn," "children," and "yokels."
TNP can think of at least one unambiguously positive thing about outdoor and indoor temperatures sustained above 115 degrees F. Or even a mere 110 °F.
I'll give you two: it makes me really, really appreciate AC, and I can be sure that no one is freezing to death.
TNP has been in Arizona in the summer.
Nope. But I've seen 3:10 to Yuma, the Glenn Ford version and the remake, a number of times. Got some family down there. It's not that hot down there, from what I've heard: the copper wildcats chose that place.
TNP will make some crude observations about Arizonans.
No, can't think of any. They're people pretty much like any others I've ever met.
TNP thinks the people of one American state are particularly awful.
No. As one well knows, it's not difficult to find redeeming qualities in any state. Except New Hampshire. Bunch of pricks up there.
TNP is completely done trying to "make friends" with women. For it is a losing game. It's like turning on a leaky faucet. Shouldn't be done.
Definitely disagree. I have all kinds of friends, and am always willing to find more.
TNP has a favorite tree.
Yes. Many, but I'll say tsuga heterophylla for fun. Acer macrophyllum could be another one. Lots of options.
(And I should have specified extremely close friendships: it's a given that any two people of whatever sexes can be friendly, casual acquaintances. Friends, perhaps even good friends. But anything more, and it's difficult IMHO to keep sexual tension at the same time open and honest, to preserve and earn trust, and yet master those impulses).
TNP has been rather proud of himself or herself recently by salvaging a friendship which could have been lost to the possibly mastering sentiments of drama, romantic emotion. Keep the latter at bay, while being perfectly candid and honest, and there's a possibility to refocus.
Indeed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsuga_heterophylla
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acer_macrophyllum
As to your question, no, that hasn't come up lately. Although I do have a distractingly sexy coworker....
TNP will be doing something to celebrate Independence Day (U.S.) today.
Absolutely not. I have the day off, so I'm just going to be getting my head screwed on straight after dealing with some pesky emotions yesterday. Maybe have a nap before a bunch of yahoos start setting off fireworks, which is now illegal within this county and several neighboring ones. Because of risk of fire.
TNP finds it a good idea at times to take a break from a usual hangout, for a certain amount of time.
Yes. A little change now and then is a good thing; recharges the batteries and gives you a new perspective.
TNP has read or heard Beowulf in the past year.
Yes. I did check out the Seamus Heaney earlier, which for me was in the past year, and I did watch (or attempted to) the cartoon movie adaptation.
TNP can name a specific book which has been with him or her his or her life. Or, say, thirty or forty years of it. The Clementine Vulgate, Homer, or whatever.
I still have a Bible which my sister gave me in 1978, and a battered paperback copy of Gary Jennings's terrific historic novel, Aztec, which I've had for almost as long.
This has been a good Friday for TNP.
Not bad. Started out a bit rough (I work five days a week, so Fri and Sat are my "weekends"), getting up for an early dentist appointment and driving into downtown, which I hate. But, it was a regular cleaning for once and my gal Rachel was actually able to polish my teeth. Looks good, feels good, is good. But sitting in the chair with repetitive stress injury in a shoulder, after not much sleep, slightly hungover, and having forgotten to take some alprazolam with me, well, it wasn't ideal, but I just lied down and thought of England and tried to not imagine myself puking on this very diligent worker's magnificent torso.
TNP is fastidious with his or her dental hygiene and finds it an almost amusing hobby.
I try to be pretty careful and brush after every meal, but I don't floss more than once a week or so - more often if I get stuff caught in my teeth, like when I eat corn. But my dentist is almost always pleased by what she sees during my annual checkups.
TNP knew that Dan Quayle always got a teeth cleaning on Election Day, an odd tradition of his.
No. I know he he was, but I didn't know he was a freak. Strange. That man, sir, is no Jack Kennedy!
TNP has won some small prize in a raffle in recent memory.
It's been a few years, but I won some cork coasters that we still use now and then. Good for drinks with summer condensation.
TNP woke up sweaty today.
I woke up a little warm. No real sweating.
Coasters from Cork! Very good! Are they made of blackthorn wood, or something? They must be.
TNP is confident he or she can improvise a flawless, expert rejoinder if he or she should run into an undesired former friend and find a need to respond verbally.
Yeah, I can usually come up with a quip when I need to.
They're coasters of cork, not from Cork.
TNP thinks capitalization can make all the difference.
NO. Or yes, really. CAPITALIZATION is one of the oldest typographical manners of effecting emphasis, and yet illiterate barbarian neckbeards (and various authors of handwritten deranged signs one finds in various neighborhoods) have ruined its majesty. Cf. Pound's Cantos.
TNP thinks that, upon hearing that a former friend was "not feeling very good," privately feeling a sense of justice and gladness is not a sign of sociopathy or an otherwise deranged mind.
If I really hated that former friend, yes, I might take secret pleasure in his or her illness. But that's not usually how I react.
TNP has a trip planned this weekend.
False. Like the late Sonny Bono, I prefer clean living and fresh air and trees.
TNP has solved the "beer can problem": namely, what to do with them, besides throw them in the trash, despite in certain states a $0.10 return on each. (I'll summarize: if I put them in the dumpster, it encourages vagrants, and while I can return them to centralized return centers, I have to spend a gallon of gasoline total and listen to hobo fights in the parking lot, which, while amusing, takes a long time and leaves me smelling of beer, which is not a good "look" for an operator of a motor vehicle in the eyes of a corrupt municipal or county enforcer).
Alternate TNP: TNP can name someone who fits the description of "denounced leader of a failed coup attempt."
The immediate former President of the United States, although I'd prefer not to name him.
TNP has at least two friends, as I do, who refuse to get their COVID vaccinations despite the best medical and scientific advice that they should.
Can’t say that’s the case. Everybody I know was eager to get their jabs.
TNP likes staying in hotels.
Yes, I do! And the nicer the hotel, the more I like it.
TNP usually doesn't sleep as well on hotel beds as at home, though.
No. I rarely sleep very well at home either, though, so it hardly matters. It happens I'm often pretty drunk by bedtime when at a hotel, though couldn't exactly say for sure.
TNP enjoys occasionally driving with no hands on the steering wheel. For no particular reason.
For very short stretches down very straight roads, yeah, now and then.
TNP has been in a bright-red car in the past week.
No. I have been in one over the past month though. Maybe two months ago, not sure.
TNP has a favorite type of guitar body: hollow, semi-hollow, or solid, for example.
No preference. I know almost nothing about guitars.
TNP has a preference between violins and violas.
No, not really. Neither? OK, maybe the viola is a little less screechy: I'll go with that one.
TNP can name a musical instrument he or should would like to learn. No, the spoons or a pennywhistle don't count!
I've always liked the trumpet and wouldn't mind taking a crack at that. I learned to play both the piano and the alto saxophone when I was a kid and certainly could do with a lot of practice, if I had to play them now.
TNP had a great weekend, and will tell us why.
No. I've rarely been as incensed at what I perceive to be a grave, personal injustice.
TNP had a somewhat better weekend. And should probably share the good news, if any. Shiny happy people damn. No, some good news would amuse me.
Yeah, I had a pretty good weekend: played Zoom trivia, went to a city council candidates' forum, went to church, attended a city festival and then a political fundraiser, and mowed the lawn. Enjoyed the summer sun... and then the air conditioning.
TNP is reading a great book these days.
Yes. I've been flipping back through Proust's volume *Albertine Disappeared* (I think it's usually put in English under the alternative title *The Fugitive*). It has a little something for everybody in it, probably.
TNP wouldn't consider reading a work of fiction written by someone under the age of thirty-five or, preferably, under a hundred years old or more.
Certainly I would. Great fiction is great fiction, regardless of the age of the author. Most books I read, I have no idea at all of the writer's age.
TNP has read a book in the past year written by someone born before 1600.
Sure. St. Ignatius of Loyola's *Spiritual Exercises*. Not really much of a page turner, especially in his kind of opaque Latin (not a great stylist, IMHO, but a classic text). The psalter as well (a one-volume little edition of the liber psalmorum aka Book of Psalms): also not really a page turner, but something one reads, perhaps.
TNP does not consider "mental toughness" to be one of his or her greatest attributes.
Probably not. I'm tough enough to take most of what life tosses at me, or at least what it's tossed so far, but I don't think I'm unusual in that.
TNP will be watching a movie tonight.
Not really. Watched a few minutes of *Anaconda*, but whatever.
TNP finds television news not only tedious but, in some way, offensive. In that there is a lack of control over the content,.
Yes, sort of. I'd almost always rather read than see the news, unless there's truly remarkable footage of something.
TNP knows at least one TV reporter.
No, I don't think so. Not sure.
TNP finds his or her muscular/nerve pains migrate almost at will from place to place on his or her body.
Yes, more and more. Much be getting old.
TNP has spoken to a doctor in the past month.
No, but probably should. Yadda yadda.
TNP has called at least one person recently a "school marm" in a joking fashion. Preferably more than one at the same time, but it is TNP, so roll your own.
Bonus points if an amusing anecdote accompanies.
No, I know I haven't recently, and quite possibly never.
TNP has spoken to a woman named Bernadette in the past week.
No! French! Oh là là. Nope, never
TNP can explain why some of the world thinks French women are supposedly more desirable than those from other nations.
Just what they think they know from books and movies, I guess.
TNP has read a book set in France in the past year.
Sure. There's the Proust (it's not really a France that exists outside of Proust's mind, except in some striking historical correspondences, but still), and I'm 100% sure some other things. Some biography/critical works on FR authors, some history stuff....I don't remember what. Probably cannot count FR poetry, even written by a French — somewhat abstract, you know.
TNP has a favorite Tilly: Meg Tilly, Jennifer Tilly, or the Tilly Hat.
I'd never heard of the Till[e]y Hat before. If I have to pick one, I guess I'll go with Meg Tilly, who was pretty cute (and limber) in The Big Chill.
TNP has seen The Big Chill in the past five years.
Yes. Very recently, as part of my new-found "admiration" for Meg Tilly and her talents.
TNP names three or more actors whom he or she has deliberately found most of their recorded works.
Tom Hanks, Keira Knightley and Alan Rickman. All quite talented.
TNP has, over the years, seen at least one movie including each of the three.
Yeah. I initially read it as "last year" and tried to remember a Tom Hanks movie.....he's in everything.....but, yeah, sure. I even looked up a while ago on purpose movies a while ago I hated just because Alan Rickman was in it. That fucker was an asshole being like dying and shit: screw him, he would have been great as Jacob Marley......or is he?
TNP can give a good example of "astrology" == "weird.Nuts."
Anyone who believes that what happens in their life has the slightest thing to with when they were born. I mean, WTF? It's totally irrelevant.
TNP has been to Philadelphia in the past five years.
No, it's been longer than that.
[And I asked for an example! Yes, astrology is nuts, and down to the exact time of birth....I don't even know what that means....something with houses and Pluto which isn't even a planet anymore. It's nuts, but women like it, generally! That's the core market, I find.]
TNP can name one or more good things about Philly center: Italian Market, Rocky statue, whatever.
City Hall and the Museum of Art are both very impressive buildings, and the Museum has a terrific collection, including several Van Goghs. I like the big Washington equestrian statue outside, too (well, the statue itself, but not so much the base, which IMHO is a bit too "busy"): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eakins...phia-27527.jpg
TNP has a favorite outdoor sculpture in his or her town.
Oh, I don't know. There is a pretty good one of TR mounted on horseback, and also a good one of a huge elk.
TNP is familiar with the tune "Jemima Surrender" by The Band, and if so, is kind of shocked by how rapey (or at least explicit) the lyrics are. "Jemima surrender, I'm going to give it to you....Ride in your canoe....let my river flow" etc.
No, never heard that one before.
If TNP were in a band, he or she would never go with so unimaginative a name as "The Band," but would instead go for something much cooler, which TNP will now tell us.
I can't print it what I'd tempted to go for on a family friendly forum. The Band gives a couple of accounts, I think chiefly in an interview by pianist and singer Richard Manuel, of how they ended up with such a generic name in the excellent concert film and documentary by Scorsese, The Last Waltz. I always liked some of the kids' (well, not anymore) names like "The John Cougar Concentration Camp" and others.
TNP has a rock guitar idol, and will name him or her in the next post.
Quite a few, but off the top of my head I'll go with, hmm... Ian Bairnson, for his awesome playing on this Alan Parsons Project song (especially at 1:44): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efJGDpCSrJY
TNP had not heard that song recently, but likes it.
Yeah, I like it. Only thing I've ever heard by the APProj. Sounds like a bunch of heavy studio cats getting it over in the 1970s. Nice Rhodes piano work. And the guitar solo kind of reminds me of Larry Carlton, plus the chorus effect, on something like Steely Dan's "Kid Charlemagne."
TNP vehemently disagrees that Steely Dan belongs in the "yacht rock" category of music, and has a favorite tune or album of theirs.
"Vehemently disagrees" would be overstating it, but yeah, that label probably does an injustice to the group. And "My Old School" is hands-down my favorite song of theirs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLK0H3urxJU
TNP prefers another Steely Dan tune to that one.
Oh, sure. I always like "Deacon Blues," but there's so many. Donald Fagen may be an insufferable prick, but he's an inventive composer and an adequate keyboard player. And may Walter Becker rest in peace, as of not too long ago.
TNP has recently used his or her skills at mediation, such as having almost been in a real old-fashioned bar-room brawl started by some "toughs," or whatever example is appropriate.
No, fortunately, I haven't found myself in that kind of situation recently. I did once avert a looming fight between two women on a playground, though, by a loud, stern and timely shout of "Hey!"
TNP has had at least a somewhat similar experience with a single shouted word.
Yes, several times recently. In fact, using that exact word, namely "Hey!" Used by me and witnessed its use by others. It's an instant shock collar for humans.
TNP is no longer capable of being surprised by the pettiness of other so-called humans.
Pretty much true. "People - they're the worst." - Jerry Seinfeld
TNP has some hope for humanity's future, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Not really. In fact, in the past several months or so, I've become more convinced of the despicable character of even some of the most outwardly respectable people. Or persons. Or even "people," between quotes.
TNP agrees with what I said just now, but, still, craves and adores the admiration of many people, and finds it necessary to live.
I certainly like to be admired, but I don't crave it and don't find it necessary to live.
YMF has his or her own business card within reach.
No. I haven't bothered to reorder cards for a few years. These days with phones and everything, I don't think anyone really would know what to do with it should they want to get in touch with me for a little job or something.
TNP really relies on an old-fashioned wallet/billfold to keep a bunch of things like that handy. Business cards, guitar picks, various bric-a-brac, all that. And wouldn't have it any other way!
Yup, I'm old-fashioned that way. My wallet isn't nearly as thick as George Costanza's, but it's thick enough!
TNP remembers that episode of Seinfeld.
Sure. Although despite some corroboration from "doctors" of chiropracty, I have no doubt that a strong back with developed muscles should have no problem carrying such a wallet.
TNP has never, ever, in adult life, carried his or her wallet in one of the back pockets of a trousers. Front pocket only! (Or perhaps inside jacket pocket, if one is doing an old-timey movie impersonation). It is ape law!
No, I almost always carry my wallet in my back right pants pocket, or in a jacket pocket.
TNP has listened to some jazz today.
Heh. It'll be a cold day in hell before I don't play or listen to some form of American improvised music one day or another. So, yeah. Of course. No, I don't always have an instrument with me, but it's just how one rolls, as one does. Now I'm playing more guitar, so, of course, I take my little Ibanez archtop to bed most every night with me. She's very good to me, even though she's not flatwound yet.
There's not a conscious hour that goes by that there isn't some beat, even just "oompah chookla oohla molla wanna holla" that doesn't come out.
[/* ETA really? I thought that was only a "dad" thing, carrying wallet in the back pocket. Well, so long as nobody pickpockets you, it's no skin off my nose. Really? Well, whatever makes you happy. */]
TNP would have a real silent musical future if he or she didn't have the music of the past to count on as inspirations. Jelly Roll, Bach, whatever.
Oh, definitely. Today I'm listening to Vivaldi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhYcm52qDYI
TNP has been to Venice.
No. Too far east compared to NW Italy, and foreignish although rich in literary allusions. That and I don't like water that much.
TNP thinks it will be a cold day in hell before he or she ever cleans out the inside or outside of his or her car, and does not give one crap about who cares.
Not quite... I don't clean it out all that often, but I certainly don't wait that long! I'm most likely to do it when I know I'll have a passenger, as for a recent history trip to Philadelphia with a friend.
TNP is enjoying AC today.
Yeah, a bit on the commute back home. Not unpleasant at all. Refreshing, even!
TNP thinks Instagram can go get bent.
Sure, why not? I'm not on it.
TNP needs some scrap paper right now.
NOW???? Hell yeah. I always need scrap paper. Fortunately, I always carry some or a small notebook or have some within reach. And don't forget the pencils! And sharpener and eraser! Or, maybe, if that's all one has, some pen dependent on Big Ink, but that would be lamentable.
TNP would rather retain a 24/7 live-in chauffeur/personal valet, or a cook/housekeeper.
If I had to pick, I'd go with the cook/housekeeper. I like to drive and I can dress myself, but a cook (if skilled) and housekeeper (if diligent) would be useful. But either would feel awkward.
TNP knows someone with a live-in chauffeur/personal valet.
Sterling Archer? No, at best I think I know some elderly rich people who have live-in caretakers of sorts, but that's not really the same thing. No Jeeves and Wooster, or Clouseau and Cato "households" I know personally, although I'm sure there are some out there.
TNP can explain what's so great about driving oneself, even if one is good at it and enjoys the sensory experience, when you could be sitting in the back, à la Burke's Law doing crosswords, having a few cocktails, solving crimes, taking nude selfies to send to hapless underlings! Even taking a regular cab is better, although the hacks aren't always that good.
I just like the freedom and mobility of driving myself - deciding where to go, then going faster or slower, changing lanes, responding to traffic, etc. I also like listening to music or audiobooks, or talking with whoever's in the car with me, putting the time to good use. I do enjoy reading in the car on long trips - on the highway, that is; in city traffic with its stops and starts, or on winding country roads, I can get carsick.
TNP has taken a nude selfie in the past week.