Finish my sentence!

he showed zero interest in my feminine charms, and what other possible explanation is there?

Look, if I'm boring you, you can always ____________________

troll on Mellophant.

If this place were any more crowded, _________

there might be two people here!

I hear there's rumors on the Internets _____

that you can sometimes find naked pictures!

The last time I drank a margarita __________________

I had eight, and remember nothing else about the occasion.

Drinking too much is ______

going to make you pee several times a night.

When the sun goes down, _____

I'm strongly tempted to jump naked into the nearest swimming pool, although the cold usually discourages me from carrying through.

The last time I had a massage _____________

John Travolta kept barging in and offering the guy money for... "other services."

I, for one, would be just as happy if John Travolta never ___________

criticized my cooking again.

A recently published study found that 4 out of 5 Americans _______________

build their lives around meaningless statistics.

Sometimes when I'm alone, ____

I devise meaningless statistics about solitude.

When my kid sister is alone, she invariably ______

smokes cigars, gulps whiskey, frets about her muffin tops, and paces through the house cursing her ex-husband.

For me, the one deal-breaker in a relationship is __________

thinking that Yoda could beat Gandalf in a fight.

The next time I go to the movies, _____________________________

I'll throw Jaffas down the isles, coz no one's ever done that before...

Love is ____

bittersweet, when it occurs between a struggling Ukrainian fishmonger and a happy-go-lucky Californian surfer.

Psst. You need to give us a new sentence fragment.

I said "oops!" when I ______________

forgot to.... um... oh crap!

Last time I ate a horse, ____

its kith and kin swore equine vengeance upon me, unto the seventh generation.

The interesting thing about flying first class is ______________

... you're still stuck in a metal tube, thousands of feet in the air.

It never ceases to amaze me, how the beach is full of ____________________

teeming masses of pudgy sunburned people with bad attitudes.

If I ever get sunburned again, I'll _______

abstain from eating lobster, as it would feel like cannibalism.

Kingdoms rise, and kingdoms fall, but ____

not the Kingdom of Viagra; it rose and stayed that way.

The fossil record would seem to indicate ______________

that Joan Rivers is, if a mammal, the oldest thus far known to science.

I want to know what love is; I want ______

this rash to go away.

I'm so tired I could ___

fall asleep using the naked stomach of a sweaty and hairy overweight stranger as a pillow, and just not care.

The only way to get that image out of my mind is if I _________

immediately give all my money to Elendil's Heir.

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair, _______

I forgot all the lyrics, lah-lah-lah, I don't care.

I think personal grooming is _______________

lacking on a lot of public transport.

If I won a million dollars, ______

I would promptly invest it in U.S. Treasury Savings Bonds, just like my grandma would have wanted.

The best thing about the Sunday paper is ____________

pointing and laughing at the dumb "letters to the editor" section.

If you keep making a face like that ________________

you'll become an internet meme in no time!

Every day, I open my email to find ________________________

worlds of D15C0UNT V14GR4!!!! ready to greet me.

The wonderful thing about Tiggers is ________________

there's just a single, solitary, mind-bendingly annoying example of the critter.

Some people call me the Space Cowboy; some people ________

look at me and wonder how I manage to walk around unsupervised without causing chaos in my wake.

When I wake up tomorrow I won't be drunk anymore, but _________

I'll still have this facial tattoo ...


Today is the first day of __________

the invasion of the merciless reptiloids from Galaxy MT-000079a; jeez, don't you even read the headlines?

The streets were jammed with broken heroes on ______

those little electric Wal-Mart scooters that always seem to be occupied by people with no apparent disability other than being really fat.

Tramps like us, baby, we were born to _______________

walk sedately to the restroom at the back of the restaurant.

What a peculiar little black spot, it ___________________

can't possibly be a black hole, Captain, or we would surely :: ship instantly crushed ::

Out on the road today, I saw a Dead Head sticker on ___________

top of a Black Flag sticker on a cadillac.

My feet smell so bad, __

I coated them in VapoRub to see if that would help.

VapoRub is a handy substance, it ________________________

is what I gave all 73 if my bridesmaids last time.

All the waiters in your new hotel _________

are waiting for you, so hurry up!

Happiness is ____

elusive, but my money's on this brand-new Max-O-Vibrator to help me find it.

If you are hungry, you should ________________

probably eat at least nine cheeseburgers if you're looking for an early heart attack.

Darling, only the good die _________

virgins; the rest of us make damn sure we get around as much as possible before death takes us.

Drinking only leads to ________

chronic liver malfunction, or so my no-fun doctor told me years and years ago.

Hold me now, hold my heart, stay with _________

that diet that makes you fart.

It's raining again, and ___

that always makes me want to play Parcheesi.

Well if you don't like Parcheesi, then just __________________