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No. Those are wild creatures and I'm pretty sure they don't me messing with their bananas or monkey-women.
TNP is giving church a second chance this morning, but is pretty sure there isn't going to be any buck dance. (Ray Charles, "Mess Around," that's a one people probably know that's a good example of a buck dance rhythm — not the straight boogie-woogie, but the way the rhythm hits around that. Lee Dorsey, "People Sure Act Funny" is same idea).
I did go to church today, and no, there was no buck dance.
TNP knows someone nicknamed Buck.
Hmm, don't think so, at least not in a long time.
TNP has a nickname that people use for them regularly.
Yeah. A few legitimate RL ones, i.e., used by more than a few people. I'll exclude all the more colorful epithets.
TNP has a nickname that he or she would rather people didn't use anymore to refer to him or her.
Only those that involve profanity and angry gestures.
TNP is beloved by all.
True. One wouldn't think so, but, yes. Pretty much.
TNP knows all the words to at least one Elton John/Taupin tune, and will explain himself or herself.
I know some of the words to many, but don't think I know all the words to any of 'em.
TNP has been to an Elton John concert.
No. Sorry, but I've heard enough sappy "Candle In The Wind," especially when that tart got blowed up in a car wreck to last me a lifetime. ETA but Rocket Man makes up for everything. Only don't argue with me about what the right chords are -- it's fucking clear as day.
TNP thought (wrongly) that Taupin and Sir John were "long-time companions." Wink, wink. Far from it, apparently.
I did long ago, but then read somewhere that they weren't. Whatever. Consenting adults and all that.
TNP doesn't condone what Kevin Spacey did, but can't help but regret that he might never share his acting talents with the world again.
Neutral. I wasn't that big a fan in the first place, and in the second place, from what I hear, he just sort of felt up, perhaps aggressively, some people at adult drunk-fest parties. Sleazy? Sure, but seems like small potatoes to me compared to more serious predatory minor assaults. For example, there used to be a mayor of a small US city named Sam Adams, who happened to be a gay, and I was outraged by his Bob Packwood-like behavior to, I believe, a young male intern on his staff, so to speak. Far more outraged than many of my fellow citizens.
TNP is probably going to shit if he hears one more goddamned word about "men's rights" or "incels" or any of that shit. Nut up, people -- women are smaller, weaker (generally), and sociologically have some disadvantages in certain areas, and they don't have any reason to take risks on some unknown, and in fact plenty of good reasons to just move the hell out of the way when some undesirable starts getting randy.
Sounds right. What one those incel freaks ran down a whole bunch of people on a sidewalk where my kid and I have walked hundreds of times. Nut up indeed scum.
TNP doesn't really understand anything.
Certainly nothing about abnormal, deviant psychology. They're more like savage imbeciles than any part of a culture I understand. About most other things, no I understand not very much about that either.
TNP knows some stuff, but more importantly, knows just how much he or she doesn't know. And is happy about that.
True. I think I have a pretty accurate perception of what I do and don't know.
TNP has the radio on right now.
No. I haven't had the radio on at my place for years. In the car, the terrestial classical station is occasionally amusing, but that's it.
TNP hears a shit ton of radio at various public venues, and is predictably very unhappy about that.
Not too much, fortunately. The kinds of diners that used to have talk radio on all the time now have a TV on, at least around here.
TNP is tired.
Yes. I'm tired in a lot of ways. Especially physically and emotionally. Intellectually, I'm just lazy.
TNP is surprised more people don't wear watches, and disapproves of their lack of acumen.
As someone who hasn't worn a watch in about two years, no.
TNP checks the time on his or her phone, or by looking for a nearby clock.
Sure, sometimes. If I didn't personally set the clock, or know what priority the network time server has, however, it's wrong, unbelievable, and should be destroyed or disabled.
TNP cannot think of a single woman IRL — even a hypothetical one — who would submit to a series of tests about her various aromas.
Real women, no. Hypothetical ones, well, sure! There are hypothetical women who will do anything, I mean anything, I ask them to. Some of which are even legal.
TNP has asked a woman to do something illegal.
Not really. More like mutual conspiracy, for low-grade "crimes" like smoking the pot, urban exploration (i.e., trespassing, at a minimum), disobeying regulations against public nudity, or exceeding the speed limit on a freeway. Anything else was completely a frolic of my own.
TNP can name an excellent illegal activity he or she would like to ask a woman to indulge in.
Hmm. Is nude duo bungie-jumping still against the law in Tibet?
TNP is yearning for air conditioning right now.
No, have it at both home and office, although the office HVAC could be better.
TNP is afraid that summer is going to go by in a blur, yet again.
Kind of, although I'm trying to savor each day as it comes.
TNP will be celebrating the Fourth of July tomorrow.
Sure. Do some dishes, maybe some laundry, organize some papers. If I hear some bullshit (meaning: any shrieking or evidence of uncontrolled domestic animals) from some millennial stains, I'll likely play Sousa marches on the stereo at full volume, while smoking Virginia tobacco from a pipe.
TNP thinks it's a dereliction of duty to one's animal to be regularly shouting one's pet's name at full volume, while allowing it to run wild getting into barking fests with anything and everything. It's not only a savage, incompetent way to treat an animal, it ensures a defective animal which in some cases will have to be destroyed.
Total agreement
TNP has a knot in their back
True. My back is one giant knot of gnarled spine.
TNP attributes his or her back/spinal issues to sitting in bad chairs, rather than to exercise or use of the muscles of the back.
Yeah, years of working in cheap government chairs is my theory.
TNP will admit to having bad posture, though.
No, my posture's pretty good. I think it's my flat feet that give me occasional back pains.
They're doing tree work in TNP's neighborhood today.
Wouldn't surprise me. They're always doing some tree or shrubbery shit, but on the Fourth, I'd guess not. Another reason to suppose not is that the new HOA property manager seems to be a real shithead bitch who's maybe going to ram a million+ dollar assessment through, probably because she or her predecessor mismanaged or misspent the reserves on stupid shit. She's also expensive, although she is only in the office three days a week.
TNP thinks English Ivy is a profound ecological and aesthetic problem in the US.
Since I am only aware of it as something that adds to the charm at Wrigley, I'll go with no.
TNP thinks a vesper is better than a regular martini, but probably not sufficiently better to make it a go-to drink.
I've never had a vesper, but I can imagine what it would taste like. Since I don't like martinis (aka straight, chilled gin), vesper wins. Gimlets aren't bad though -- enough sweet lime juice to drown out the horrow.
TNP can explain the appeal of gin: after all, the cops can smell it on you a mile away. Not a good drivin' drink.
Sure: Plenty of booziness, nice when it's hot, but still a full mouth feel, unlike vodka. And since I stay off the booze when I'm drivin' my car, gin and whiskey suit me fine.
TNP thinks that New Orleans should work with Disney on getting permission for its new motto: "Disneyland for drunks".
Absolutely, although I would expect Disney will speedily say "No way."
TNP has been to Disneyland in the past five years.
No, not at all that recently. I cannot imagine the horribleness a parent tending children in a place like that must feel, but it's fun for the kids.
TNP has ever walked past a casual acquaintance, e.g., at work, staring straight ahead without any sign of recognition.
Probably.
TNP thinks they ought to spend more time gardening.
No, although my wife loves it.
TNP has picked berries from his or her backyard recently.
False. While I've picked more than my share of wild berries of all kinds, not recently.
TNP thinks it would be most excellent to never, ever, ever, for anyone, ever, anywhere, to have a "Thanksgiving" day. For it sucks. And is stupid.
Strongly disagree. It's a nice holiday here, and I usually enjoy it (except for all the dishwashing at the end).
TNP has washed at least six kitchen items by hand in the past week.
Yeah, right. I should have, but I'm way behind on housekeeping.
TNP thinks blackberry/boisenberry vines can only be attacked with concrete gloves and gritty resolve. Very tough.
It certainly helps.
TNP is looking out over a sunny, cool day.
Yeah, actually. Sun is out and it's not blistering, humid heat. Kind of nice.
TNP thinks those Mexicans have the right idea: when sun hot, make cool, dark place and sit in. Preferably with straw hat and white linen suit.
Some Mexicans do that, yes. Social situation permitting, I'd just as soon be in a T-shirt and shorts than a white linen suit, though.
TNP has been to Mexico in the past five years.
No.
TNP considers such a thing as Latin culture vs. a northern one, especially when considering to which direction to flee.
Haven't had to flee in quite some time, so no, not really a factor for me.
TNP has been within 20 miles of a forest fire.
No, thank God.
TNP has been in a burning building.
Yeah. Only one (that I know of) but I found it to be uncomfortably hot, and an unpleasant, disorienting experience. I recommend leaving such a building in an orderly fashion.
TNP is somewhat unhappy about using so many curse words IRL, but is not going to change that.
No, I rarely curse. People are amazed when I do.
TNP thinks there's not enough cursing in The Big Lebowski: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efZQhYu1E5s
Absofuckinggoddamnedshitrightmotherfucker. They didn't have a goddamned proper fucking receptacle for fucking Donny, that twisted fucking mortuary fucking prick asshole in a goddamned shitty suit fuck you.
TNP thinks there's probably some merit to separating men and women during their "unclean" seasons. With exceptions made for the savage elect.
Not quite sure that means, so no.
TNP would bowl with the Dude and Walter if given the chance.
I dunno, probably not, not so much of a bowler.
TNP would drink Caucasians with the Dude and Walter if given the chance.
Well, maybe. Not quite sure of how the conversation would turn out, but I enjoy White Russians — a meal in a glass — so, I could hardly refuse.
Probably end up getting in a fight with Walter, and probably profoundly annoyed at The Dude's laziness. The Dude is housebroken, though, so better company than my uncle. Probably have to commandeer the record selection — a little Creedence goes a long way. A very long way. Like too much a long way.
TNP can remember the last time he or she was surprised and impressed by somebody IRL for initiating a friendly conversation, making eye contact in a direct fashion, and so forth.
Yes, last weekend, when a guy I thought hated me turned up on my doorstep.
TNP has had an unexpected visitor in the past week.
No. When you invite toxic people into your house, just like vampires, they can hardly be said to be unexpected.
TNP know how to reduce workplace contractors (opposed to regular employees) to their assigned duties with a minimum of surly effort.
Nope, ain't nobody knows that.
TNP is going out of town this weekend.
Nope, sticking around home.
TNP will be going out for lunch today.
Sure, as of today, I'll be going out for a few beers. Fine, maybe if I can trick this woman into coming out with me I'll have some of that fancy-shmancy solid food too, so she doesn't feel like a total porker.
TNP is unsure of the purpose of wearing ladies' white pants, and disapproves.
I approve of anything you want to wear, Jizz, including ladies' white pants. Show a little more self-confidence, would you?
TNP could do with some coffee right about now.
Negative, ghost rider, the pattern is full. This ghost rider is pretty sure beer and water is going to be just fine until to go to sleep.
TNP will say that white sundresses with a light floral print on certain ladies are much better than ladies' white pants.
On ladies, definitely. But I don't want you to crimp your sense of self-expression.
TNP knows a cross-dresser.
Not really. I've seen the regular man-woman hookers on the street corners, and maybe a utilikilt is a bit of a cross-dressing thing. Well, arguably a good number of women are somewhat cross-dressing in the Kate Hepburn/Annie Hall "butch" kind of thing, but I don't think that counts anymore these days. Unless one is talking about Faye Dunaway in The Wicked Woman, co-starring Marina Sirtis.
TNP has more than a dozen projects he or she hasn't even touched for months.
No, not that many, fortunately. Maybe three or four, depending on how you count 'em.
TNP knew that Marina Sirtis played a troubled young Italian woman in the Granada TV Sherlock Holmes series before she was cast for ST:TNG.
Yes, you mentioned that somewhere. I confess I only made it about ten minutes into it. I mean, I'm into Marina Sirtis and everything, to some extent, but where were her white ladies' pants? And where was Faye Dunaway (sp?) whipping her while Sirtis was topless?
TNP is way behind on current TV watching — as in only a vague idea of what's on these days.
Oh, definitely. Shows I have never watched go into their triumphant final season all the time.
TNP spends more time finding out what's on Netflix than watching Netflix.
No, but I don't watch much on Netflix in any event. Right now, though, I'm two episodes behind on both Succession and Sharp Objects, each on HBO.
TNP often watches stuff on HBO.
No. The closest thing to a "premium channel" show I ever watched as an adult was Californication, which was on Showtime, I believe (although I watched it online). I don't think I've ever watched another show on either HBO or Showtime as a child or an adult, except maybe if a friend had some videotapes of some season of a show.
TNP is kind of annoyed at how Netflix "dumps" all of a season of a show at one time — not that I care, since I'd be watching it according to my leisure anyway, but it just doesn't seem as much "fun."
Yeah, I wonder about that. I guess House of Cards was the first to do that, and it caught on.
TNP has seen the original British version of House of Cards, and loved it, as I did.
No. In fact, I had no idea. I'm sure if you liked it there was some merit, but I can only imagine some very dry stuff about barristers, I assume a PM, a bunch of MPs who probably had extremely perverse sexual fantasies involving cricket bats and fagging their classmates at public school, or perhaps their special batmen at Sandhurst.
TNP thinks Emmanuel Macron is showing the right amount of sangfroid dealing with his American inferior, but is somewhat disappointed at the lack of that classic French wit. It's not as though his social and intellectual inferior would understand a jest from an actual person, so what's the harm? It would amuse the press, and nobody would be the wiser.
Definitely so.
Here's the intro to the British House of Cards. I think Ian Richardson is even better in the lead role than Kevin Spacey - he's a more delightfully, joyously evil presence. The opening scene sets the stage for the race to succeed Margaret Thatcher as Prime Minister: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSWrTG8sBRI
TNP will be taking a day off tomorrow.
No. I'll just make an appearance, see if I can sniff around the girls, keep things moving forward. I'd rather save up my "credit" for later times when I truly need it. I will be Uncle Joe, moving kind of slow, at the junction, but that's OK.
Oh, the UK House of Cards does sound excellent. I confess I lost interest in the US House of Cards after Kate Mara got offed, although Spacey was very good.
TNP has ever left a restaurant/bar because the service was abysmally slow. Extra points if TNP muttered something unprintable while leaving quietly and calmly. ETA "abysmally slow"? No, I have no idea what that means. How about just "unacceptably slow"?
Left, sure. Don't think I muttered anything unprintable, but may have said the odd thing out loud.
TNP gets bored easily.
Well, I suppose so. I get tired of things pretty easily if there is no "there" there. You know, like Oakland.
TNP thinks "being bored" and "just plain tired of _______" is pretty much the same thing.
Sure, it can be. Sometimes boredom is due to the absence of anything to do, even something you might otherwise be tired of, though.
TNP has looked something up in a dictionary in the past month.
Yes. I couldn't remember the French word for "moose" (well, an elk, really, on the continent). L'orignal I don't actually have a bilingual FR dictionary, that I know of, just monolingual FR ones, so I used the fake internet stuff. It checks out.
TNP has had to return to a place just before getting home to pick up something he or she forgot recently, and was not pleased.
Not recently, thank goodness. I hate that.
TNP thinks absinthe is over-rated.
No idea, never had it. Closest thing are probably the various pastis, like Ricard and stuff like that, which I don't really care for either — it takes like an hour to choke one of those nasty, anise-flavored liqueurs down, even when made the traditional way with a small amount of sugar and water.
TNP is slightly concerned about almost driving off the road (barely) on an old, pot-hole-riddled major local highway on a daily basis. Perhaps there's some merit to not going 60 mph on a 40 mph shitty road at 0400, and not being fully caffeinated.
Yeah, some of the roads around here are pretty bad.
TNP has lost a hubcap on a bad road.
Probably. I was and still am a shitty driver.
TNP turns "light on for safety" and doesn't nerd-gate in the passing lane, and yet is still perturbed by offenders.
All true.
TNP wants to go to Chicago, as I did last weekend.
Not so much. I don't think it's my kind of town, although I have nothing against it especially.
TNP greatly prefers to not drive when doing a tourist-visit of a town — kind of limits the places, especially in the US, one can visit, but is much simpler.
True, although if someone will do the driving for me, I'm cool.
TNP takes public transit daily.
False. Only rarely do I use the local light rail or bus system.
TNP is still waiting for his or her jetpack, dammit.
Pfffft. Levitating boots. Only way to cheat death while rock climbing.
TNP would destroy barehandedly an intruder who sought possession of his or her box fan.
Don't particularity care about fans, but hate intruders, so I guess, yes?
TNP has more than three credit cards.
Nope, exactly three (Chase Visa, LL Bean MasterCard and Target MasterCard).
TNP has bought something at Target in the past year.
I think I bought something in the past year at their "grocery" section in the one semi-recently opened downtown, but, no, I guess not really. They used to be a go-to place to pick up things like men's clothing (jockey shorts, socks, that kind of thing) a few years ago, but just haven't felt the urge. Their loss-prevention is intense, I recall from when I worked there a summer during high school — I think I prefer going places where I'm not presumed to be a criminal.
TNP thinks a French/whore's bath covers many sins. Of all kinds. Including the sin of not bathing like a regular human.
I, uh, wouldn't know. So... false.
TNP has never been in a Paris whorehouse.
True. I actually don't know any real brothels there, just clip joints along Pigalle where I'm sure you can get whatever you want, what with prostitution being legal and everything. Lots of hookers on the street, though, who I assume have some kind of relationship with the very many cheap hotels up around there.
TNP has never seen a "lady of the night" who was at all appealing physically.
Not that I could be sure actually was a prostitute, no. All of those whom I knew or strongly suspected of being prostitutes were pretty high on the Skank-o-Meter.
TNP saw an actual rabbit last night.
No. There are plenty around, but not last night.
TNP isn't so into going all Mr. McGregor on rabbits in the wild — they are vicious creatures who feast on human blood when they grow to gigantic size, but they're OK as long as you don't grow carrots in your garden.
I have got more benign on the subject of pests since I've grown up and left the farm, so I guess, yeah.
TNP thinks rabbit fricassee is pretty tasty, all the same.
Not at all. Maybe I'm a fussy eater, but I'm not into eating rabbits and squirrels and such. Horse? Absolutely fine. I'd eat dog, and I've been tempted to consider eating human, when properly cooked. I suppose dunno is the correct answer, since I've never had rabbit, but the associations with it being a French hillbilly desperation food are too strong for me to consider.
TNP has "repaired" two or more cars with duck tape.
Nope, never resorted to that.
TNP prefers black tape to gray.
Absoltively. Works good to "fix" leather jackets, is relatively discreet on cars. Never go gray — bet on black. Always.
TNP enjoys a good mirth-filled, boisterous encounter with a supermarket clerk. Or has recently.
I would probably enjoy that, but can't say I have ever had one of those in my life.
TNP has ordered basic groceries from Amazon.
Well, false! Why get my perishables all effed up by ham-handed oafs, mixed in with diapers, kitty litter, and various "industrial-strength" solvents (each with varying degrees of leakage), when I can go across the street and have a good laugh with the gals at the store?
TNP has ever worked a job where (i) not only does he or she not give a damn (ii) but also, he or she observes pretty much nobody cares.
There have been occasional incidents like that, and some people who took that attitude, but overall, no.
TNP saw the last Hunger Games movie and agrees with me that it was meh.
No, I had no idea there was a new one out. The first one was ridiculous enough, so I agree that any of the follow-ups are even more ghastly. No, I don't need to see it to believe it — I'm 100% sure I'm right.
TNP would rather believe a woman he or she is interested is just having her "monthlies" than that she failed to respond to his or her uncharacteristically warm overtures. Alternate TNP: TNP has to deal with a regular stream of new co-workers, and thinks they kind of suck, just in general. <Fred Sanford>Bunch of dummies! Where's that Ripple wine? Elizabeth, I'm coming!</FS>
No to both.
TNP personally knows at least three women or girls named Elizabeth.
Not currently, I don't believe. Certainly in the past I've known women with the name or one of its nicknames It's a nice name. There was an awful queen of some remote northern island of that name, of tainted blood, and wicked ways, but it's still a fine name, and there's nothing wrong with it at all.
TNP uses regularly a pharmaceutical like aspirin or ibuprofen, for the analgesic effects, but isn't that happy about it.
False. Now and then, and it doesn't bother me.
TNP will be going to New Orleans this weekend, just like me.
False. I think you'll miss the Jazz and Blues festival (IIRC it's sometime earlier), but in good news, you'll probably be just in time for absolutely brutal humid, hot weather. Sounds like fun, anyway, though — lots of ways to beat the heat, by choosing carefully one's venues. Personally, I'd think a little bar or café with live music would be ideal, but who knows.
TNP thinks the Indians (sort of also related to NOLA, but those are different Indians) are hot this season, but hasn't been following enough to be too sure (yes, that's the baseball team I'm referring to).
Nah, "hot's" too strong for the Indians, who are thriving by playing in the worst division in the extremely unbalanced American League.
TNP is planning to see live MLB games this summer in more than one city.
Unfortunately false. For one thing, I'm not interested in travel these days, and for another, I find the average ballpark can be brutal during a day game, just roasting in the sun in the bleachers. Nothing against the many people who enjoy the "big show" live — the atmosphere is certainly exciting. It's a good TV game, if you can stand all the commercials and cruft and ESPECIALLY that damned superimposed box showing the strike zone (dammit, I know what's a strike and what's not, and I like to second-guess the ump for myself!). Even better radio game, but my local station only picks up Mariners and Giants games IIRC [if Miller is still doing play-by-play for the Giants, though, he can't be beat IMHO]: not my favorite teams, even though Ichiro is back in Seattle, which is exciting even though I think he's like ninety years old now. Not to mention that I don't think the Mariners have ever won anything, ever, nor ever will. They're a fun small ball team to watch, though, in general, IMHO, and people like them up there, beyond all reason.
TNP has never gotten the hang of keeping track of a ball game using the traditional notation (you know, I don't remember what they're called, but the paper scorecards you see some people using to write out all the plays throughout a game).
True, though I've never given it much of a try.
TNP likes Negronis.
True. I've never had a negroni, although I know vaguely what it is — and I checked to make sure I was mostly right. Sounds like a refreshing light drink to have on one's terrace. Probably taste kind of bitter, because of the Campari, but IMHO the vermouth should smooth it out.
TNP would much rather have a liquor served straight-up (or over ice) than the more fancy cocktails with all kinds of liqueurs, or else just dump some liquor into a beer glass (mostly filled with beer [!] and drink that).
Yes, we enjoyed a show at Preservation Hall, despite the brutal heat.Quote:
Originally posted by Jizzelbin
In play:
Yes, simpler is generally better when it comes to booze.
TNP is grateful for air conditioning today.
True. Heat was pretty brutal here before the thunderstorm
TNP likes corned beef hash
Yes. Fiber, vegetal matter, protein, electrolytes. I even think it's OK out of a can, although I always forget to buy some. I'd consider a rabbit or squirrel hash edible as well, provided the specimens were well-skinned and their organs were excised, with no traces of fur. Yes, it's a good way to use beef trimmings or a corned cut of beef, plus tallow, and IMHO it's a pretty balanced meal.
TNP has seen a three-legged dog walking by recently.
I did about three months ago, I think. My aunt had a three-legged hamster with the standard name.
TNP knows what that standard name is.
Shemp? Tripod? Short-round? Ramburgler? Joan Rivers?
TNP thinks rather hot weather can produce some unsettling physical and even psychological effects that, while not necessarily life-threatening, are unpleasant.
Yes, Tripod.
Absolutely agree as to hot weather. The older I get, the more I appreciate air conditioning.
TNP has A/C in his/her home.
No. AFAIK, there isn't a good way to put a window unit in windows that open vertically, rather than sash-style windows. Not without some effort. And if you just cut a hole in the wall, the HOA has fined at least one person I know, if it's not approved. Anyway, that's all a lot of effort, and summers are generally mild here, except for a few weeks in an odd year — even central HVAC systems aren't all that common in private dwellings, IME.
I was just joking with "tripod" — never heard of that as a name. Shemp is better for a hamster, though, IMHO: Shemp kind of resembles a hamster, in the same way George Jones supposedly resembles a possum. IMVHO.
TNP has recently or is about to consider skipping work for somewhat trivial reasons.
Yes, a few weeks back I took a sick day that I probably didn't have to. I felt cruddy, but not that cruddy. Still, it did me good to spend a day in bed reading.
TNP likes reading in bed.
Best thing in the world.
TNP thinks the best preventative cure to overcome becoming preoccupied with the pretended feelings of someone else is to never be anything less than honest.
Honesty is almost always the best policy, yes.
TNP was once more honest than, in retrospect, he or she really should have been.
All the time. I can't think of one specific example that jumps out. Not blunt or tactless, mind you — I'm not a monster — but honest or direct.
And while reading in bed may be the best thing in the world in general, it's only the third best thing to do in bed
TNP can explain why most people seem to wet their toothbrush before beginning to brush: it would appear most people do not have saliva in their mouths.
It's a little softer that way... but mostly it's just force of habit, I suppose.
TNP wished he or she had more saliva most days.
No, I think I have the right amount. Nobody ever asked me for a refund, honey.
TNP, being a profound sweat-producer during manual labor or hot weather, does not understand how some defective humans manage to never let them see them sweat.
I wouldn't say "profound," but in hot weather or if I'm working hard, sure, I'll sweat with the best of 'em.
TNP has heard the old Southern maxim, "Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, but ladies dew."
No, that's a new one to me, although sounds familiar. I just know re Ann-Margaret from Full Metal Jacket, with that guy telling his photographers to get some "fur and early morning dew" when she's on stage. I doubt that's traditional perspiration he's talking about. In fact, that's not at all what he's talking about.
TNP's application of gelled alcohol hand sanitizer is regular, but too infrequent.
Very rarely. I'd rather just wash my hands with soap and water.
TNP knows a surgeon who scrubs a lot and has red hands.
No. I know in personal life none surgeons at the moment. Glenn Gould apparently used to soak his hands and forearms in extremely hot water before performing, until they became rather red, but I don't know Gould, either. Well, no one does, at the moment, since he's been dead for a while.
TNP would just as soon replace his or her "lats" (especially the parts that abut the spine) with some kind of comic-book metal, like adamantine or whatever, because he or she is weak and womanly and doesn't have the discipline to strength-train the back muscles using, at minimum regimented calisthenics.
I get lower-back pains a couple of times a year, so sure, that sounds good to me!
TNP would choose flying as his or her superpower, if given the chance.
No way. Invisibility. And I would use it very non-super ways.
TNP has to make some annoying phone calls this week to settle various matters, and is never that happy about having to use the phone for non-recreational conversation.
Not that I know of.
TNP likes the Mission: Impossible film series (I saw the most recent two in the past few weeks, and both are really good).
Haven’t seen a one, so no.
TNP is watching the Little League World Series
Just saw a few minutes on a TV in a restaurant where I was having dinner. Couldn't say I was glued to the screen.
TNP prefers baseball to football.
Yeah, any day of the week. American football players remind me of robots, with all that protective gear and the whole corporate ethos. Besides, what other sport than baseball can you be a fat, middle-aged drunkard and still perform at the highest level? Bowling, maybe, or golf, but I don't think those are sports so much as games, on the level of playing pool or billiards. And some of those Little League kids are monsters, throwing major heat and slugging like champs. Same deal as EH, I've just caught a few minutes over the years on a public television at a restaurant/bar.
TNP has decided that the cure to lumbar issues of the latissimus dorsi is to rest/repair the damaged muscles, including correct sleep, diet, and hydration, and to gently begin to use the muscle in a deliberate way through normal usage (i.e., not just sitting in a chair).
No, fortunately, I don't have any lumbar issues at the moment.
TNP knew that George F. Will once said that pro football combines the worst two features of American society: violence and committee meetings.
No, I never heard that, but it's kind of clever. It's not really violence, though, IMHO, if the "combatants" are wearing high-tech exoskeletons being commanded by men wearing suits sitting in some air-conditioned offices around a big table. Say what one wants about boxing, but it still boils down to one person putting up enough money to try to beat another man into submission. Not like that sissy MMA crap.
ETA, yes, American football is like a cross between Robocop fanfic and making hobos fight for the scraps left over in a fast-food to-go bag. Technology and enterprise join hand-in-hand in lovely Passaic, NJ.
TNP is pretty sure George F. Will was never a big sports fan,. Maybe cribbage, or perhaps badminton or croquet. Still a very clever man.
Clever, yes.
TNP knew that George F. Will wrote an entire book about baseball - a sport which he loves, by all accounts: https://www.amazon.com/Men-at-Work-C...+will+men+work
I had no idea. All I know is he talks good and writes good and wears a bowtie and spectacles.
TNP sort of doubts that baseball is the "thinking man's" sport, however. What with the mullets, the moustaches, the beer-guts, the Gaylord Perry mudballs, the hard-drinking. And that's just from the players. And TNP can explain how baseball got to be considered a little more "refined" than what the British call "soccer." ETA which, IMO, is a vile, crude, individualistic-bourgeois sport which lacks any significant percent of the strategy required of American football. What the British call "soccer" is a disgrace to the entire planet.
Hard to say. "Thinking man's sport" is almost an oxymoron, but I suppose baseball (or cricket, given how complicated it is) has a decent claim to the title.
TNP loves cricket.
No. But that's just because it seems complicated and not very relaxing to watch. I believe it to be a fine sport, however. i just don't know enough about it, so by default, I approve, if not love, the sport.
TNP thinks American football players should go back to wearing leather helmets and such — get them as tough as rugby players. (Yes, I'm well aware that American footballers are extremely physically gifted, as anyone who's been on a college campus can attest — c'mon, though, does some 105 lb woman want some 300+ lb man squashing her flat as a pancake? Well, apparently, but to each their own).
Having seen the movie Concussion, about widespread and long-ignored traumatic brain injuries in the NFL, I'm gonna go with "no."
TNP has visited a coroner's office and seen dead bodies.
No. I don't have an interest in cadavers except as practice. I've never been invited to a morgue, however: that's my loss. ETA I do like skeletal remains, though. Pretty cool. Puritan US gives few chances to see decayed remains, however. Which is too bad. IMHO.
TNP doesn't give a rat's ass if private individuals choose to beat the shit out of each other, but greatly prefers giving the choice to an individual, rather than as part of a Joe's Pizza NFL "team." Those latter are what we call "suckers," or just as stupid as adjunct professors. Alteraate TNP, same as EH's. Additional TNP: TNP has no problem with dissecting various animals — frogs, dogs, whatever. It's just dead meat with good stuff inside.
I've never actually dissected anything, but doubt I would enjoy it much.
TNP has considered becoming a vegetarian.
Yeah. Not as a rule, but I find it's easier and cleaner to cook non-flesh foods. Just more convenient. So, while animal flesh in the US is pretty inexpensive, I enjoy trying to game the system and do what's easiest. Usually it's a vegetarian dish.
TNP thinks becoming a strict vegetarian or (gott verdammt) vegan is not worth the ideological committment.
Probably true, plus I'd miss a lot of tasty food.
TNP will go swimming this week.
No. Only witches float on water. Since I'm not a witch, it would not be good.
TNP knows a coroner IRL.
I guess not at the moment, but I have in the past, sure.
TNP has had somebody die in their close proximity.
No, I never had the pleasure. Almost, my pops some months ago. Good chance to "pray" the rosary, though, I'd guess, if one can remember the Latin and is disrespectful enough to use reconstructed Latin pronunciation, rather than the Italianate pronunciation.
TNP is absolutely anoyed at the way the British "pronunciation" has corrupted scientific and legal pronunciation of Latin, and thinks there's really one way: the right way.
I'm sure we're almost all speaking Latin as the Emperor Hadrian never heard it, so no.
TNP knew that Capt. James T. Kirk's middle name is "Tiberius."
Of course. Shatner managed to wedge it into every other sentence.
TNP thinks Shatner is a delightful ham, and will be sorry when the banshees cry out for him.
True.
TNP has watched more than one episode of both I, Claudius and Rome.
Yeah, I've seen 'em all, AFAIK. Good stuff, both of them. Despite the horrid Latin pronunciations in the former.
TNP has ever asked a ggggirl on a dddddate and has waited by the telephone. Or remembers what that's like.
Yeah, in my tttteens. Ah, Amy....
TNP has had a crush on one or more girls named Amy.
No. I had a childhood friend named Amy, but starting in preschool, then in HS, then in grad school there seems to be something about girls named Jessica. Kind of weird.
TNP would never "date" a woman he or she had never met IRL and had several RL conversations with.
If I were ever back in the dating arena, I would consider only in-person meetings as "dates." I'm old school that way. But a lot can be done online these days, they tell me....
TNP has used a dating service.
Sure. It's called my massive ego and complete lack of shame, combined with the industry secret of alcohol. Unfortunately, the client list is rather small — it is a start-up business with great potential for growth.
TNP has talked with quite a few cab drivers in the past few months, and/or is not surprised they're generally not real happy in current situation.
Can't say that I have, since I've mostly been using Uber and Lyft. Oh...wait....
TNP is really hungry at the moment.
No. I ate today one McChicken sandwich, one Bacon McDouble, two small fries, and three Ghost Pepper chimichangas about four hours ago. Plus a two and a half liters of wine, two pints of beer, some Coke Zero, and some whiskey, as well as two of those bottled coffee+sugar concoctions. It's slightly likely I'll end up vomiting in the morning, or at least spend a lot of time "reading McGoorty" (new slang for sitting on the toilet).
TNP thinks it might be a good idea to try to go for some steelhead or salmon (or whatever) before the ice hits in the winter. Just for grins and giggles, because, honestly, he or she is convinced nobody catches anything outside of a stocked lake.
No, I never liked to fish. If I'm going to be sitting by a river or lake, or out in a boat, I'd rather be reading.
TNP has read a David McCullough book in the past year.
No, I binge-read all his books over a year ago.
TNP can name an as-good pop-history writer as DM, who is as prolific and varied in subject matters. Well, "as good" may not be possible — DM is a tremendous prose stylist. But the rest stands as question.
Certainly! Joseph Ellis (Founding Brothers) and Edmund Morris (The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt) are comparable to McCullough both as to thorough research and readable prose.
TNP has read some Ellis or Morris.
Yeah, I know the Edmund Morris books (two out of three of his on Theodore, anyway). I would say he's an entertaining writer, but I couldn't speak to his abilities as a researcher, and I still don't think he has the same literary qualities as DM. ETA I'll amplify this a bit — over fifteen years ago when I was reading DM's Adams, I was completely floored by the literary quality of DM's prose. I almost thought it was some kind of a joke by a literary novelist. I'd never read such stylistically nuanced prose in his genre.
TNP thinks Theodore R gets a little too much attention in the popular press, probably because of his very large, impressive public works as a naturalist and his charismatic persona. He and Jackson — it's not hard to see why they're magnetic subjects to just about anybody. I'd rather hear more scuttlebutt about Grant and Hayes, among presidents roughly bridging the gap in time.
No, I think TR gets just about enough attention, given his importance in US history and his accomplishments as President. Grant is benefitting from the recent attention paid to Chernow's massive new bio; Hayes is still, I think, deservedly obscure.
TNP has a favorite US President that most people don't think much of.
I don't know. Zachary Taylor was hardcore, but I wouldn't know how most people evaluate presidencies. Curiously, after his death, he was succeeded by probably the worst person in American politics, Fillmore. Certainly probably most people have a hard-on against Jefferson, but I think his theories and eloquence far outweigh his many flaws.
TNP thinks Taft was a very queer, but brilliant, man.
Never thought he was queer. He was very smart (few former Federal judges aren't) but I also never thought he was brilliant.
TNP has been to (as I have), or would like to visit, William Howard Taft's house in Cincinnati: https://www.nps.gov/wiho/index.htm
Nope. I don't say I'd refuse a visit, but I just don't like that kind of thing.
TNP knows personally two people at least who have seen the (at least) two presidential markers commemorating deeds done in Buffalo by two former US presidents. IOW, TNP knows more than one person who is from/spent a lot of time in Buffalo.
My family and I went to the Theodore Roosevelt 1901 inaugural site but I think we just saw one marker. So no.
TR is one of TNP's favorite Presidents.
In the sense that he, IMHO, seemed to be "not of his time" (or not really wholly or mostly a product of his time), yes.
TNP thinks US presidents from recent decades to the present day have quite a long way to go if they wish to capture the crown of villainy from Millard Fillmore.
Alternate TNP: TNP has a more light-hearted question than villainous US politicians.
Definitely not. Millard Fillmore was a schlub but no villain, unlike some incumbent POTUSes I could name.
TNP has heard a duck quack in the past week.
Hmm, don't think so. Don't even think I've been around any aquatic birds in the past week.
TNP is fond of roast duck.
Damn right.
TNP has roasted one or several ducklings in his or her kitchen(s).
No, but if it's on a restaurant's menu, I will certainly consider ordering it.
TNP doesn't buy the old urban legend that a duck's quacks don't echo.
Of course not. ETA Although, the human ear and brain is not really that accurate when it comes to certain frequencies or certain patterns, IME, so I suppose there may have been some ground to have started such a rumor, although it's a strange bit of "lore" to believe in. I do think the blue Maltese tiger exists, though.
TNP thinks duck hunting sounds like a thoroughly miserable activity. Not just for the ducks, either.
Definitely. Not a fan of hunting unless you live out in the sticks and really can't afford food from the grocery store.
TNP has been in a fancy restaurant in the past week.
No. Not just because of my tendencies to simpler fare, but that I despise the cooking staff and their odd, obsessive, tribal nature in my current city. They can sling hash, and maybe beat me at pool, but the man-buns and moustaches are too much. Taco trucks, fast food, and restaurants where everybody yells at everybody in some language I can't understand — those are the places for me. There is not a "fine dining" culture in my town; however, there are many places where some simple, tasty food can be had.
TNP sees no incongruence between white America's veneration of the hunting dog, and, indeed, dogs in general, and the troublesome history between such, and perhaps most, dogs and the African-American communities.
Hmm. Never really thought about it before. I know people of all races, colors and creeds who love dogs.
TNP is more of a cat person.
Sure, that's fair to say. They don't bark, they spend most of the day sleeping, and they make up their own "exercise/play" regimes which usually are pretty harmless and entertaining to watch.
TNP finds the mental/social aspects of his or her job more exhausting than the physical (whether that involves sitting for long periods of time or "hauling microwave ovens and color TVs")
Sure. Physically, Stephen Hawking could have handled my job.
TNP has visited a chiropractor.
No. I saw Jacob's Ladder, and I don't think I want Danny Aiello touching me.
TNP is convinced that problems short of herniated discs and the like, back problems can be ameliorated, if not solved, by strengthening the latissimus dorsi in a careful way.
I'm no medico, but sure, I expect that could help in some cases.
TNP has recurring back pain.
Yes, but I've found walking regularly as well as developing a back suited for a picker makes the problem easier to handle. Chairs are still the necessary enemy, though.
TNP would rather have his or her spine crushed than his or her spirit broken by a tedious job.
No, I'd take tedium over agony and paralysis any day.
TNP will be taking an airline flight in the next month.
No, probably not, in between vacations and don't get to fly much for work anymore.
TNP has gone way too long without being bumped up to business class.
Since it's never happened to me, I'm gonna go with "Hell, yes!"
TNP hates flying with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.
True. I've only had one pleasant experience (if you discount when you're a teen and it's all exciting and shit), and that was being bumped up to business class from Rejkyavik to JFK, I think, for some reason. I was only 22 or 23 but for some reason I think I had a necktie on and they needed to fill seats with the "right" people, I guess. Plus, Air France attendants and ticket-takers, I think their panties melt when you're young and slim and can speak French to their standards. That time might have passed for me.
I'd never willingly fly anywhere within the domestic USA on a US carrier, if I had the choice. Even though that means until I have the leisure time to take a train or a bus, I'll probably have to calibrate my self-anesthetization routine, with a combination of alcohol, benzodiazepines, breath mints, and some form of excitant, like caffeine pills or ephedrine.
Which I don't really want to do, since it's so everyday, "go to work" routine.
TNP had the chance today or recently to think about the "Stroop Task" (the one where the subject is shown words printed in various colors, and identify the color....it's not hard to explain, but I just don't want to).
Hmm. No, never heard of it before: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stroop_effect
Before this, when TNP heard the name "Stroop," he or she would've thought of this awful guy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C3%BCrgen_Stroop
No, never heard of him. Not really into "lives of the famous Nazis" so much. :)
TNP has now or has ever been astonished by how much physical fatigue disrupts negatively cognitive performance on basic tasks.
TNP thinks it's good to not think about the facehugger stage of the xenomorph's life cycle while eating fried chicken.
Definitely, unless you're wearing this T-shirt: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/2716370-free-hugs
Now TNP wants one of those T-shirts.
No, but if I weren't committed to plain colored T-shirts, that would be a good one.
TNP has been complimented by a g-g-g-g-irl on one of his her decorated T-shirts recently. ETA I didn't violate my rule: it was clean, basically all black, and just happened to have some MC Escher graphics on it. Shuddup! No, wife or kids don't count. Only a g-g-g-g-g-irl!!!! You know, like a bartender or a coworker or some other type of g-g-g-g-g-irl!!!! If there are any other types.
Nah, I don't think so. At least, not as you'd say recently.
TNP wears baseball caps fairly regularly.
Yes, especially if it's raining, a little bit cold, or I want to make a statement with whatever it has on it.
TNP owns at least three baseball caps.
No. When I was a lad, I had quite a collection of all kinds of hats, but I'd have no idea where those are, if they still exist. However, I keep losing ballcaps, so now I have none.
TNP is pretty envious of MLB players who get their own ballcaps made to fit their own heads with precision and accuracy. IOW, just off the rack wouldn't satisfy like having a ballcap that really fits.
Yeah, I'm pretty envious of MLB players in general.
TNP played Little League.
No. I did something called "Mighty Mites/Mights [?]" for little kids in what the British call "soccer," but it was a disaster. I don't know what age that was, maybe six or seven. That kind of permanent hovering thing all the adults did put me off team sports for good. Plus it was in Oregon, so most chances to play were in a mud-soaked "field" of grass. Not fun. In Phys Ed, though, the occasional baseball game in HS was fun, as was soccer/footie, and especially indoor soccer/footie — very different game. American football was pretty fun among kids in the "neighborhood," pre-middle-school/high-school, but really just a way to screw around and waste time.
TNP is not good at a particular sport, but enjoys playing it anyway. Must specify.
Baseball. My hitting is... erratic. And I can't run as fast as I used to. But I still enjoy it!
TNP went to a pro baseball game this summer.
A whole bunch, in five different parks.
TNP has been to more than half the MLB parks.
No, just a relative handful: Fenway Park, Three Rivers (now gone), Cleveland Municipal Stadium (ditto), Citizens Bank Park (the Phillies), and Jacobs (now Progressive) Field.
TNP has rooted for the Cleveland Indians.
Yeah, earlier this season, watching a few minutes on TV, I thought they could have been on to something. Anyway, I don't care about the Red Sox, and I haven't heard much about Cincinnati this season, so just a matter of whatever happens to be on the bar's TV set that catches my attention.
TNP is thinking about bringing out an electric space heater from the closet about now.
Nah. Still hot here, and not so much into space heaters anyway.
TNP likes rye better than bourbon.
The only ryes I've had in any quantity are Old Overholt and the Jim Beam with the yellow label. I seem to recall those ryes being less sweet than many of the bourbons, so that's a yes, I suppose. I just drink the blended whiskey Broker's, or Old Crow (bourbon), which don't have any really objectionable qualities.
TNP favors a pretty neutral, middle-of-the-road flavor for spirits — some bite, but nothing too outrageous or complex.
Generally, yes. Whatever I'm drinking, I prefer it smooth.
TNP knows someone who's at risk of becoming dangerously alcoholic.
Sure. I wouldn't say having two and a half liters of wine in the three hours between waking up, using the toilet, grooming, and going to work is "dangerous," but it is less than ideal. I wouldn't say who that person is, out of decency, but I think it could become a problem, in theory.
TNP knows someone who's at risk of making cigarette-smoking a habit.
Yes, my nephew, despite my heart-to-hearts with him.
TNP is about due for a trip to NYC.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind knocking around town for a bit, but I'd need a pretty good reason to go out there other than just to bum around lower Manhattan looking for kicks.
TNP thinks Sly Stallone's habit in the movie Cobra of keeping a wooden match between one's teeth is pretty boss. ETA: wait a minute, I just looked up online this weird device I found in the clothes dryer across the street mixed in with my clothes. The only clue I had was a faintly-imprinted sign, "JUUL." Apparently it's some kind of e-cig or vaping device. Well, I won't be trying it anytime soon, but at least I'm pretty sure it's clean, wherever it came from!
Never saw the movie, but yeah, tough guys with something hanging from their lips usually look cool.
TNP thinks Stallone could kick Ahnuld's ass back in the day.
I can't believe that's a serious question. Even in middle-age, Predator-era Schwarzenegger had "the pump" going on. Maybe Sly could have gone the Jake LaMotta route and just let himself get punished while wearing down his bulky opponent.
TNP has a favorite "action hero" from the movie Predator — except for the Predator "itself," of course.