[b]G[/iving] gout or gonorrhea to a neighbors pet, out of spite.
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[b]G[/iving] gout or gonorrhea to a neighbors pet, out of spite.
Heaving wombats over the side of the boat, weighed down by anchors.
Increasing the amount of herpes you can rub into various mons puba no not going to look up the declension group of each term in latin montes pubi? fuck it eta wait....montes pubae? that sounds better. someone better go check on that etta no wait, if its pubis-pube, then it would have to be pubes, right? well, still not going to look it up
Juking the stats once you're Mayor of Baltimore.
Kicking the ass of a really-good kike conductor eat that motherfuckers
Licking the butt of Furtwangler when you are Schoenberg (as happened, according to a friend). note, Furtwangler was, if not a full-on Nazi, complicit in state actions and refused exile or protest. Obviously, Schoenberg was a Jew. According to what I heard, AS said to Furtw, "I don't blame you for staying -- your musicianship would raise the hopes of many."
Munching loudly on old Triscuits and salami from your pocket at a Buckingham Palace function.
Niggling over things with non-deleterious effects.
Opening up a can of whoopass on the kindergartener who looked at you funny.
Propping up a kindergartener on an applebox while making them sing a song.
Quietly whispering answers to a spelling bee competitor in order to get her disqualifed.
Renegging on a promise to a dead pet hamster.
Signing autographs as the celebrity you're pretending to be.
Titty-fucking some stupid undergraduate's pet hamster. To death!
Underwriting the Italian shipping line which ran the Costa Concordia aground.
Vying for rights to a virginia.
Waiting until the elevator doors are almost closed to roll in a grenade.
Xylophoning people in the face.
Yanking the shit out of some bitch's vocal cords.
Zapping preschoolers in the eyes with your homemade laser.
Asking for trouble in the worst way.
Bitching it's too hot after the winter we endured!
Cockblocking a virgin (looking at you, Rango).
Deferring any action on your burning house until a new fiscal year.
Ejaculating good stuff on the red-head sitting in front of me.
Feigning surprise that you spewed good stuff at all.
Going to Afghanistan for a good time.
Hammering loose nails in your rabbit-proof fence at 2am.
Insisting on over sharing with people.
Jiving at funerals.
Kiting checks intended for widows and orphans.
Licking seats on public transport.
Nuzzling up to smelly strangers on public transport.
Missing a letter ---^ ;-)
Omitting the correct letter in Internet games :: headsmack ::
Pulling my finger
[Stop fucking up the game.
nm
Quickly posting the wrong letter
Relying on the next player, perhaps in vain, to get us back on track with a sentence beginning with a "T"
Thinking how sad it is that educated adults can't even conform to the alphabet.
Uncritically watching every Barney the Dinosaur episode ever made.
Voicing displeasure at Jisselbin.
Withholding praise from jizzlebin.
Xing your name ON the motherfucking list. Don't taunt!
Yelling at Jizz for being a jerk.
Zealously popping every single damn bubble on every sheet of bubble wrap that comes into your workplace.
Admiring Eric's recent contributions to this thread :D
Blithely ignoring BRIDGE OUT signs as you plow through traffic barriers at 90 mph.
Careening to your death after ignoring those signs.
Dying while leaving behind 18 illegitimate children to whom you owed millions in child support.
Engulfing them in legal fees to recoup the owed support.
Freely distributing smallpox-contaminated T-shirts at public sporting events.
Genocide.
Handing out blankets to Native Americans.
Irritating really big, bearded, tattooed biker dudes in pool halls.
Jacking it in a public toilet.
Keeping the plunger out of reach.
Kidding around with TSA staff about hijacking and smuggling.
Licking the pope's nose. On Sunday.
Managing to lose at the track the $8.3 million you were asked to invest by the Adorably Needy Orphans Fund.
Nattering over details with the financiers.
Opinning on what you know nothing about.
Pissing drunkenly on your neighbor's enormous sleeping Dobermans.
Quantifying the unquantifiable.
Reaching into moving machinery to get the ice cream cone you dropped.
Screaming as the machine severs your hand.
Taking a second dip with your potato chip
Urinating in your host's laundry hamper while you're staying in his guest room.
Vomitting in your host's laundry hamper while you're staying in his guest room.
Warning your host to avoid the bathroom, because you just pooped.
Xtracting a turd from the toilet and showing it to people in your bare hands.
Yodeling at the top of your lungs during your best friend's kid's first communion.
Zipping up the priest's fly.
Adjusting the priest's undergarments while he's wearing them.
Backing into other cars at 80 mph.
Calling Google a person's friend because you are too lazy or smug to answer a question.
Denying EH a chance to not be so butthurt!
Enquiring about fucking knit ties.
fucking being a dick about legitimate sartorial questions.
Growing hair where hair shouldn't be.
Having a big problem getting your Trojan on.
Izzling your jizzle.
Jacking it fo shizzle.
Killing da fizzle.
Licking the nizzle.
Managing to post like Snoop Dogg on an off-day.
Neatly prigging da chizzlishizzle fo realz, dawg.
Neglecting to pay income tax. I didn't realize 'nizzle' is not something I, a white man, should be saying -- I regret few things, but I do regret saying that. I apologize, seriously.
Optioning off short stocks to the Caymans.
Predicting doom and gloom, bedbugs and grisly death to your niece as she leaves for summer camp.
Questioning someone about what they said when they didn't actually say anything.
Rickshawing you way into old Chinatown.
Sliming your Great Aunt Tilly when she arrives for Thanksgiving dinner.
Tickling Tilly when she doesn't expect it, and doing it anyway despite her protests.
Underestimating by 77% just how much structural steel that new office building will need. Ooopsy!
Vacillating between Tilly's taint or her virginia.
Washing your nephew's beloved teddy bear in hydrochloric acid.
EXtracting a tooth. hey not too many words start with an 'x'
Yodeling in pain
Zebra-ing a poor lady out of its herd. Shamelessly.
Adding the numbers up wrong on purpose when doing a friend's taxes.
Bitching about little kids playing baseball within earshot.
Catapulting a watermelon into the path of an ongoing truck.
Decapitating the truck driver.
Eating his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Feasting on the goo within his skull.
Grabbing a flame thrower and attacking a Little League game, bleachers first.
Harvesting from organ donors before they're actually dead yet.
Irritating a school of fungus with antifungal cream.
Jumping up and down on your best friend's new car's hood as hard as you can.
Kicking some major Russian ass, *Rambo III*-style
Licking the stewardess's hand in gratitude when she brings your gin and tonic.
Making her refill your drink continuously.
Niggling over details in an overheard conversation.
Offering to undress and bend over while you're still in the doctor's waiting room.
Peeing in a cup for your doctor
Quite so, especially when he hasn't asked you to, and it's his coffee cup.
Refusing to apologize.
Shitting in his desk drawer for good measure.
Tickling the endangered ivory of the dropbear.
Urinating on a bald eagle.
Vacuuming in the living room while your sweetie is trying to watch a game.
Wishing your sweetie 's team would lose.
X-Acto-knifing priceless paintings when you visit the local museum.
Yabbering about pizza and cakes while fat people strain themselves at the gym.
Zoologically and loudly categorizing other people in line with you at the Wal-Mart.
Accusing Wak-Mart shoppers of being "white trash".
Beating up Girl Scouts when they are unresponsive to your complaints that the cookie boxes keep getting smaller, and the prices keep going up.
Coming into a Walmart loaded for bear.
Doing everything you can to keep the people behind you from enjoying the movie.
Eating your popcorn as loudly as possible.
Farting and following through at a funeral.
Going 80 mph through a school playground.
Hitting kids playing kickball.
Intimidating puppy dogs.
Jerking off a sleeping dropbear.
Killing the dropbear when it spurts all over your best shoes.
Licking the sputum off a newborn dropbear's nose.
Mangling a newborn dropbear with your lawnmower when it won't get out of the way fast enough, dammit.
Nuzzling the decaying corpse of a dropbear, ignorant of its having been Overrun by an Ozzie.
Offering to go down on your sister-in-law at the family reunion picnic.
Pissing down the back of a dropbear from a high branch.
Quietly being resigned to continued discussion of dropbears.
Retarding the development of a young dropbear. blame spitzer! he put the idea in my head, now it's all I can think of -- it's fucking great!
Sexually stimulating a dropbear with garden shears.
Titillating an Australian while using proper strine english.
Using a dropbear as a sexual aid.
Violating the hell out of a dropbear. Anally. With a pitchfork.
Willfully putting a rabid dropbear in your Great Aunt Tilly's bed while she sleeps.
[b]X[b]ylophoning until the land of Oz goes to sleep. Dulcet tones, let me tell you -- otherwise the dropbears wake up. And they're one cuss of an animal!
Yowling like a wounded dropbear, waking all your neighbors at 2am.
Zealously creaming the shorts of a walking, humanoid dropbear, who happens to be a fine lady logician.
Adamantly refusing to mention dropbears in your next post.
Dammit!
Belaying a dropbear to help it achieve the first summit of K2 in dropbear history. you sumbitch! well, one must admit dropbears are pretty funny
Crying after the dropbear killed your wife.
Dropping bears onto children from a great height.
Electing to spread some Vegemite behind your ears. Because of the dropbears.
Finagling your way onto the last flight of the Hindenburg with a boxful of dropbears soaked in gasoline.
Getting screwed in the ass by a dropbear. And liking it.
Having absolutely nothing more to say about dropbears.
Indian-giving a totem pole containing a dropbear, another dropbear, a bald eagle, a golden eagle, and another dropbear.
Joking with customs officials about smuggling huge amounts of heroin as you cross a border.
Killing a bald eagle :(
Letting a drowning Girl Scout meet a watery doom while you nibble Cheetos in your deck chair.
Mellowing out on some California grass, just like Jojo.
Never paying for your friends' drinks.
Over-achieving without the goods
Polishing off your pal's hot wings while he's in the bathroom.
Queefing all over a dropbear and getting the "drop" on it.
Raffling off your brother's priceless baseball card collection.
Selling at auction a binder full of Garbage Pail Kids, when it's not yours.
Taking the biggest piece of meat from the platter, even if it's not the closest to you.
that is a good one -- that''s something uncouth people actually do IRL
Unzipping the fly of a priest with teeth belonging to another.
Vigorously shaking your dad's beer can in the kitchen before taking it to him out on the porch.
Wondering why wildebeests wander in wife's backdoor. What's up with the non-bolding of initial letter? Some of us are........dyslexic and need the extra help! :)
(You just did it yourself!)
Xenophobically shouting at any turbaned person you see on the street.
Yanking Sally through the alley.
Zebra-mounted and at the gallop, riding through your friendly local library.
Asking your sister's brother-in-law's wife if she'd like a taste.
Bending over and farting loudly when introduced to the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Calling the Archbishop of Canterbury ''the Archbishop of Cunterbury''.
Dinging the Archbishop of Canterbury on the head with his own crozier.
Echolocating some corpses by screaming in a cemetery.
Felching while attending Bible study.
Going on a first date and asking the woman over dinner if she washed herself.
Hiccuping loudly from your front-row seat all the way through the State of the Union Address.
Implicating the rat man when someone complains about how it isn't nice to "finish" on someone's face.
Jumping head-first into the shallow waters of the rock quarry on a dare.
Killing a citizen with kindness.
Lining up toy soldiers on a busy superhighway.
Masquerading as a peace officer while wearing a polo shirt.
Nibbling on the boss's wife's earlobes while he's standing right there.
Offering a cloud of pipe tobacco to a rudie.
Pissing in your Great Aunt Prudence's favorite potted palm when she has you over for tea.
Quipping to a woman that she might make the spank bank if she tries.
Racing go-carts down the hallway of the ICU Ward after midnight.
Snapping an upskirt of snappers.
Taking the wheels off Great Aunt Tilly's wheelchair.
Using the last of someone else's nine (or whatever) lives
Victimizing Girl Scouts who try to sell you stale, recalled and/or inedible cookies.
Whipping the shit out of a bad snapper.