pop stars would be forced to perform without auto-tune.
If music be the food of love, __________________
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pop stars would be forced to perform without auto-tune.
If music be the food of love, __________________
every starry-eyed romantic is gonna starve to death.
A big steak with a pile of garlic mashed potatoes is ________
like a box of chocolates. Hold the gravy, ma'am.
Antares Auto-Tune which was named after a star had a big problem starting out, the damned engineers kept___________________________________________
arguing which pop starlet would embarrass herself with it first.
If only Jessica Simpson would _________
remain in those Daisy Dukes.
If you mix the Dukes of Hazzard and the A-Team, ____________________
you've got a movie with twice as many reasons not to see it.
Movie mashups inevitably ___________
suck unless your director is Joss Whedon.
Those who think cartoons are for kids ___________________________
are missing out on a lot of great entertainment.
If they ever get around to making a Wonder Woman movie, ________
they had better remember that above all, she is a woman, not a stick insect.
Hawkeye really deserves his own movie because, _____________________
nobody wants to see Trapper John or B.J. again.
Army surgeons should know never to _______
amputate the penis, because not only will it not grow back, history of penis amputation is disqualifying.
And the armies will make them right, for_________________________
if they don't they will invade until the make it right anyway.
Hearts and minds can win wars, ________________
Blood and brain can make a sausage.
Franny's apple pie smelled sweet, ______________________
but not as sweet as her lingering kisses tasted on my lips.
Girls named Franny really ought to consider ________
dividing their time between horseback riding and writing checks.
Franny didn't cotton to book learning, but what she did was ____________________
learn the hard lesson that when the Iron Bank demanded repayment of its loan, you pay it.
Game of Thrones references should _______
not mix memes and try to walk into Mordor.
The best pizza topping should not contain ______________
anything of which His Holiness the Pope would disapprove.
I really think Pope Francis is _________
an okay guy, for a bishop.
But his pants are a little _______________________
baggy in back, for an old Argentine dude.
The next time I go to Buenos Aires, I'm definitely gonna ________
invest heavily in cattle futures, using the Argentine peso.
Wheeling-dealing is the best way to catch__________________________.
the best possible wheels for your budget.
When I need to buy new tires for my car, I __________
roll the dice, because
Bling is fucking _________________________
cool if you can afford the really good stuff.
Sentence fragments and omitted punctuation really ____________________
rocks teh house as long as you learned the rules first.
How to possibly explain to a regular person why waste a bunch of time _______________________________________
hanging around Mellophant? It's quite impossible, my friends.
If there were eight million Mellophant members, ____________
crowdsourcing would not be for a bunch of douchebag hippie hipsters.
The day the last beatnik died is the time _______________________.
I try to find where Amelia Earhart really ended up.
Nobody expected the Spanish abdication, but ________
the people of Spain are being gifted comfy cushions.
The rain in Spain falls mainly ________________________
in the non-arid parts of that European constitutional monarchy.
As forms of government go, constitutional monarchy is ____________
offensive, somehow, to amateurs of egality and non-admirers of tribal warlord states such as found in the Pelopponesus back in the day.
But, also, probably there is some dignity in not really caring about ________________________________.
whatever the heck "egality" is.
Country music and I just _______________________
get along real well, like kissing cousins.
Steel guitar players are best known for having _____________________________________.
egality is totally a word, I think
eight sexy but exhausted groupies back in the hotel room.
If I had groupies, especially sexy ones, I'd probably ___________________
be wondering who changed my glasses.
Raindrops keep falling on my head, _________________________
but Burt Bacharach has very kindly agreed to hold an umbrella for me.
I always seem to lose umbrellas, so ______
I've moved to the Sahara to avoid the problem
If there is one thing to say about meatballs, ____________________
it's that most Italian restaurants don't give you enough.
When I open my own Italian restaurant, I'll definitely _______
serve Italian food there.
Sitting on the beach, drinking wine - ________________
that's not a bad way to spend the summer, eh?
The cops always hassle me for having booze on the beach, so ________
now I only drink in the ocean.
A handful of cherries, ____________
a well-baked crust, and you got yourself a pie, my friend!
Cherry pies are clearly better than apple pies because _______
Warrant ain't made no song 'bout apple pies.
An apple a day ___________
will make no difference to your doctor, but will certainly gratify your local apple grower.
My favorite apple grower is Bob Henderson, because _______
he's not snooty like that Johnny Appleseed.
When I drink Kool-Aid, _____________
I want it poisoned, and I want to drink it with 10,000 of my fellow cultists.
The folks at Jonestown were really just ________
mad for cyanide (I just googled Jonestown. Wow).
When Fred Phelps died, ____________
the legions of Hell smiled and got out their whips, flaming swords and spiky anal probes.
If I ever go to Hell, ___________________
go fuck yourself, you Hindu-hating mongo.
If you don't like it here then ______________________________
WTF?!?Quote:
Originally posted by Jizzelbin
perhaps I can offer you a one-way plane ticket to Blawnox?Quote:
Originally posted by Jizzelbin
The best thing about settling down for good in Blawnox is __________________
nothing, not one damned thing.
The last person who crossed me ended up with a _________________________________
one-way ticket to Blawnox, pal.
If you're just visiting Blawnox for the weekend, you really must _____________
get out the hand-sanitizer.
To walk to Blawnox, you must have ________________________
a very comfortable pair of shoes and lots of time.
Of course, everyone knows that the most famous person from Blawnox was ____________
that groundhog from the morning TV shows.
Blawnox is a nice place to drive through, but sure wouldn't_________________________________
want to detonate an H-bomb on the courthouse square.
If I had an H-bomb, I'd probably _____________
detonate an H-bomb on the courthouse square.
TNP is looking forward to Gallen getting put in his place tonight woot woot.
Wrong thread!
Gallen getting put in his place ________________________
with a caduceus in his hand, stopped getting Ascelpius's cock.
The next time people drive like _______________________________.
Mario Andretti, they should get the traffic tickets to prove it.
I had a traffic ticket once, but I ______________________
told the cop the check was in the mail.
Old Jack Burton always says _______________________________.
"Never believe a traffic violator who says the check is in the mail."
This summer I really wanna ____________________
bone some Gidgets on the beach.
And the next time you see Gidget, ________________________________________.
ask her if Jizzelbin made her... smile.
Sex on the beach is great unless ________________
you're a lady and expose your vag to a lot of sand.
Power-tool accidents are __________________
usually deserved by the people who have them.
Cruel indifference to the suffering of others ______________
is an amusing past-time, and a great way to ignore one's own pain.
The last time I saw a person drowning, __________________________________
I considered making bets with other bystanders as to how long he would last.
Getting lifesaving training from the Red Cross is ___________
like pissing into the wind.
Trust the Flying Nun, and you'll _____________________________
never pay First Class airfare again.
The Pope's latest encyclical is about the environment; if you ask me, _____________
he's full of hot air.
The Pope is a man who takes his pants off ______________________________
only rarely, since he typically wears a cassock.
If the Pope invited me to dinner, I'd __________________
suck his root and come in my pants.
If the Pope took his vestements off, I might __________________________
take a picture for all my Catholic friends.
The next time I go to the Vatican, ____________
I'll make sure to make sure my cassock is tight.
The last time I smelled incense, I ______________________________________
realized I was dreaming of being Pope.
If I were Pope, you can bet _______________
I'd write heroic couplets in satire.
I just had a frenzied argument with a friend who insisted Pope's style was________________________________
no better than Byron's or Wordsworth's style.
Of all the Romantic poets, I'd have to say _____________
Hoelderlin was about the coolest.
Of those of Byronic tendencies, _______________________
a cape, dark tousled hair and a brooding manner are essential.
Last time I wore a cape, ____________
I was sucked into a jet engine...
There's no business like _________
running a cheese shop that actually has no cheese.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPN3KTtrnZM
If I want a nice piece of cheese, I'll _________________
fight the mice for it, mano a mouse-o
Raindrops keep falling on my head, _________
so I sued Burt Bacharach.
Famous musicians keep coming over to my house and _________________
getting their filthy mitts all over my dusty keys.
The next person who doesn't clean up ________________
my piano is the person I am sure to marry.
I want a big wedding at a fancy church, but ____________
I wear three socks to bed every night, so no need for that mishegas.
Freedom may be just another word, but it doesn't matter because _____________________
I'm secretly making plans to move to North Korea.
The best thing about living in North Korea is __________
the guidance provided by the government.
If I ever met Kim Jong-un, ____________
I'd throw him a sausage party.
Once, I saw a man named Kim, _____________
and thought he was a brutal, near-mad, North Korean dynastic tyrant, but I was wrong; he was just named Kim.
Kim is a funny name for a dude if _________
he eats kim chi but doesn't look the slightest bit Korean.
If I were given free kim chi, ______
I'd probably give it away; I've had it before and don't care for it.
This Christmas, I really wanna _________________
Take a double dose of LSD, while avoiding the shopping malls.
For mental hygiene, it's best to _____________
avoid thinking about Christmas shopping for as long as possible.
When I just have to get a particular gift for a loved one, I've been known to _________
develop tunnel vision and stomp over people to get it.
This Christmas, I will ________________
do my very best not to stomp over people - but no promises.
If you drink eggnog, be sure to _______________
drink a shitload of it and not get thrown in the drunk tank, because, holiday.
George Eliot has a way with ________________
little children that really makes me wonder if he should've been a nursery-school teacher.
The thing I most remember about nursery school is ________________
getting expelled for hitting a guy on the head with a Tonka truck (true story).
When someone makes me angry, ______________
any decent person tells them to fuck off, or makes a threatening, but legal, gesture.
The reason people are angry is ___________________-
a lack of appreciation for just how good they have it, compared to those living in any Third World hellhole.
A healthy sense of perspective is _______________
difficult to maintain, but important to strive for.
I am grateful __________
that people are angry, so that I can tell them to fuck off.
Raining isn't like pissing, it's _______________________
actually drinkable, unless you live somewhere with bad air pollution.
I think all stinky factories should be _______________
built beside places of government.
If Trump becomes President, _______________
I would be both very surprised and very uneasy.
If Trump doesn't become President, _______________
we'll still have Jeb Bush and other dipsticks to worry about.
If it's true that we gets the politicians we deserve, _______________________
America is fucked.
Asking a cop to _____________________
recommend a good donut shop is probably a bad idea.
If you offered me a donut right now, I'd ___________
drop it on the pavement in front of a cop, then pick it up, because littering is no laughing matter.
I saw a lady, thirty-something was her age, driving a big fat __________________
gas-guzzler and laughing maniacally as she smeared lipstick all over her face; of course I stayed well out of her way.
My favorite color of lipstick is ___________
gibbon-ass red, like a cherry.
People who desire to go to Cuba ________________________
usually like warm weather, sandy beaches and cheap lodging more than Castro and communism.
It would be best if Fidel Castro just ___________
spoke for twenty hours straight on modern mechanized farming equipment, using a Stephen Hawking voice robot.
Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't _______________________
brought to trial for the murders of President John F. Kennedy and Dallas Police Officer J.D. Tippit, which is a shame, as it might have quashed a lot of dopey conspiracy theories since.
Next time I'm in Dallas, I'll definitely _________
wear a giant novelty hat and a belt buckle that shines good.
First thing to do at the Alamo is _______________________
declare loudly, "That Santa Anna had a good idea; he just stopped too damn soon!"
Angry Texans will probably _____________
grab a bull's horn and get some nachos for the border.
The nice thing about the Western territories is that during the Civil War _________________________
they largely occupied themselves with bison-grooming and amateur musicals.
Wyoming bison-grooming is generally ______________
appreciated by bison: this lady I was shacked up with definitely liked being groomed.
The nicest thing about Xmas is that it's __________________
actually about three months long these days.
I swear, if the Christmas songs start on the radio any sooner next year, I'll _______________
stop listening to the radio and wear earplugs/earbuds+good jams everywhere appropriate.
Everytime I get an actual coupon for free or deep-discount desirable stuff in the mail, it's __________________________________
for a mall in Nairobi and expired a week ago.
The last time I was in Nairobi, of course I _________________
traded a white elephant for a satchel of grass.
It turns out that elephants, while easy to ___________________________
see on the plains of Africa, are quite adept at hiding on the tundra.
My favorite thing about the tundra is _________
I won't have to replace my lawnmower for decades.
The only regret in joining a long term polygamous relationship is_________
that I never went on to master multivariate shrew-taming.
The best thing about drinking a cup of coffee is _______________________________.
my 64 ounce coffee mug.
I wonder if I should peel that cucumber before I put it in my____________
Long John Silver's commemorative birthday basket.
Mr. Dingle, the Strong, lifted twelve or _____________
thirteen antiperspirant sticks from the store shelf without getting caught.
If he could live his life over, he________________
would've said right away, "Wow, almost two years later, this thread has come back to life!"
Another thread that deserves resurrection is ______________________________
the one about that thing those people were talking about...you know-the thing.
She never thought in a million years that it could possibly fit, as she_____________
had worn the chastity belt so long her labia were fused together.
Ironically, the only thing the sect was immoderate about was __________________________.
fence-sitting.
Maybe taking the red pill and the blue pill together was a bad idea, Neo thought, as____________
he remembered that drinking a bunch of Robitussin was next on his list, not taking more pills.
To acquire a strong taste one must ________________.
never bathe.
Maybe I shouldn't have spent all my Powerball winnings on_____________________
Trump Second Inaugural tickets.
The next Presidential tweet will probably be about _______________
mail-order brides, Christmas magic, and loose stool.
"Jingle Bells" played on the speakers as Dirk got ready to put his fist _______________________
through the surprised face of the Christmas-party DJ.
The last time our office had a holiday party, I must admit I ________________________________
said to my boss that Elon Bezos deserves to be raped by Louis CK while sucking on Kevin Spacey's root.
The next day I drove _____________________.
very dutifully to corporate HQ, as ordered, to submit my letter of immediate resignation and waiver of all pension benefits.
In my next job, if I ever get hired again, I hope to ___________________
surreptitiously compile.
"Wait, which Sugar Ray is the _______________________________"
boxer, which is the rapper, and which is the alien who has been secretly studying human society for decades in order to pave the way for an invasion?
When the aliens finally invade, ___________________
they will choose human representatives from the childless elite.
Milking and feeding machines are always dressed _____________________________.
very oddly aboard all the alien starships I've visited.
Speaking of aliens, my Great Aunt Edna is firmly convinced that _______________________
ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS ZOMG!!! built, like, pretty much the world and stuff.
Drinking sixteen beers in a sitting is not that great, because ________________________.
then you really, really have to pee but can barely stand up.
Of all the bodily functions, urination is _________________
the one that burns with the fire of a thousand suns.
Feeling the warm fuzzies is ___________________
particularly nice this time of year.
TNP has a Christmas tree already.
Planted it in the neighbor's backyard already.
I suspect when the Western Hemlock matures in about a hundred years, the ____________________.
roots will mess up my septic system.
(D'oh! I was thinking this was the TNP game. Sorry).
You've got to pay attention as to which thread you're posting in, or you just might __________
auger it in and buy the farm.
(Funny, I didn't even notice the "TNP" -- maybe I'm just getting too old!)
Don't smoke marijuana cigarettes in bed with your woman, because ___________________________.
she just might be a DEA agent.
The last time I met a DEA agent, she immediately ________________________
mistook me for George Clooney and started gobbling my knob.
Unfortunately, that particular DEA agent happened to be ____________________.
almost 70, badly unskilled at fellatio, ugly as sin and the carrier of too many diseases to count.
The DEA really ought to do a better job _________________________________
forcing drugs into people.
A nectarine in the fridge is __________________________________________________ ___________
like a pickle in the peach.
Fermenting fruits never ______________________________________________.
got into Harvard, let alone graduated.
When I applied to Harvard, they wrote back right away and said _____________________
"Your application has been forwarded to the Selective Service."
The best thing about a headless horseman is ________________________________.
he eats and drinks very little.
(LOL re: Harvard and the draft)
If I were a vengeful decapitated undead Hessian soldier, I'd probably _________________________
give it the Voight-Kampff test, just to be sure.
A little boy shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar, and I _______________________________
wonder if you really ought to be working here at Tyrell Corp. after all.
The lady was nude but for an artificial snake draped over her, so of course I _________________
intromitted like a motherfuck into that raven-haired cotton-picker until there wasn't nothing left.
Yeah, it was not good to hear about, but at least ___________________________.
I didn't have to work at Tyrell Corp. anymore. That place sucked.
If I could pick my next boss, he or she would be __________________________
a real cool customer who never heard the words "work to rule" in a foul sense.
Tyrell's a real cool customer, but those eyeglasses, just ______________________________________________.
those eyeglasses alone, told you he had no fashion sense at all.
The fact that the same actor appeared in both Blade Runner and The Shining is __________________________
so shocking I have to think about it, and come up shooting blanks.
The best thing about hand-loading handgun cartridges is __________________________________.
that the damn gummint can't bother with you with taxes and regulations and suchlike.
I give you Joe Turkel:
http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1982_...Turkel_001.jpg
http://www.movpins.com/big/MV5BMTM0N...ge-picture.jpg
Holy crap, he's 90!: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Turkel
If I could meet Joe Turkel tomorrow, I'd probably ______________________________
say, "I always liked ya. You were always the best of 'em. Best god-damn bartender from Timbuktu to Portland, Maine - or Portland, Oregon for that matter.
If I met Stephen King in his prime, I'd definitely _______________________________.
ask him to give me a million dollars since I need it more than him.
Asking famous people for money is __________________
Like pissing into the wind -- you might get it back in your face.
Knowing famous people for the sake of their being celebutards isn't __________________________________________________
going to earn you a Nobel Peace Prize anytime soon.
If I walk right out my door this very minute, I'm sure to _____________________
be extremely unhappy.
TNP likes to spend the first day off work at their job __________________________________________.
thinking about how this isn't the TNP thread, but then again, what the hell?
Easter is coming soon, and that means ________________________
hipsters are going to do some hilarious antics for April 1.
The only good hipster is a ____________________.
hipster who gives me a million dollars and then goes away.
Not too many hipsters have _______________________________
a non-defective view of the value of tradition to acculturation of the marginalized.
The notion of the civilizing colonialist is ______________________.
abhorrent to many people in the Third World today, which should surprise nobody, really.
If I have to go out in the rain again today, I'm gonna _________________________
wear a boot that is resistant to the peasants who choose to revolt.
If Spring is Joyce's season, then __________________________.
Summer must be Rick and Morty's.
I really should watch that show, so I can _____________________________
feel a strange mix of horror and revulsion, laughter at witty verbal humor, and indifference to crude cultural commentary.
But of the three emotions I____________________________________
value most - love, fear and yearning for my Great Aunt Tillie's soyburgers - I love love best.
Great Aunt Tillie really ought to have ________________
not been so hateful.
What turned Great Aunt Tillie to the dark side was __________________________________
the irresistible lure of roller-boogie disco.
The last time I was on roller skates, I __________________
really believed I could catch her, but I was wrong.
Nice eye-contact from a petite brunette at work is ______________________________________.
the kind of thing that can make me smile even hours later.
Of all the petite brunettes I know, ______________________
I like one the best.
There was a cold vibe in the air today between _______________________.
the Sun burning out and the approaching glacier.
The next time I see a glacier coming down the street, you can bet I'm gonna ___________________
run toward it and do a quick ice sculpture of Dennis Quaid, then immediately smash it, for reasons unknown.
Cynthia Nixon is not the right _____________________________
celebrity candidate for Governor of New York this year; that would be RuPaul.
The last time I bumped into RuPaul down at the feed store, ______________________________
I said, "Hey girlfriend!"
The last time I addressed someone as "Mister Man," _____________________________________________.
Kathy Bates broke my legs and wouldn't you know it, even won a damn Oscar for it!
When I win my second Oscar, you can bet I'll ________________
thank George C. Scott and attempt to violate a social more on stage.
The staging areas are complicated and _______________________________.
Gunnery Sergeant Dietz, the bastard, keeps telling me not to take any pictures before the invasion gets underway.
If they'd asked me to help plan the invasion, I would ___________________
oblige. Unless I didn't want to.
For every person I meet, __________________________________________________ ________________
I think....hmmm....that one could either be or not be OK for sex purposes.
A Trojan Man is always _____________________.
ready to fight off Greek invaders, and figured out that whole gift-horse thing a long time ago.
The last hoplite who knocked on my door ________________________________
ended up being a Greek woman with her tits taped down.
Best thing about the Greeks is, you know, __________________________
that they hardly ever try to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.
The next time I visit the Brooklyn Bridge, I've gotta _____________________