Steve returned with
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Steve returned with
some ice cubes
and a bottle
of Jim Beam.
He poured her
a stiff drink
and toasted her.
"OWWW!" She screamed.
"What the fuck
is wrong with
the ice?" she
cried out seeing
a dark shape
hidden in the
frozen water. Steve
had his fingers
in the bottle
craftily attempting to
disguise his evil
insertion of irritating
Limbaugh ice cubes.
Sandra threw her
panties to the
floor, moaning passionately,
to Steve's consternation.
"What are you
pulling now?" he
suspiciously asked her.
"Steve, take me
to McDonalds!" pleaded
Sandra, panting heavily.
"What, like that?"
, he said, sneering.
"Right now, I
can't imagine it."
Snatching Steve's man-purse,
(actually I guess these are called "murses" now)
she surprised him
with a quick
marriage proposal.
Steve
shuffled his feet
and replied that
, though he was
tempted to say
"yes," he had
enough sense to
not commit the
venial sin of
answering too soon.
Meanwhile, in a
parallel universe, a
similar scenario was
unfolding in Blawnox.
Kirsty tried not
to think about
the maddening and
unexpected proposal from
Elvis Presley's ghost,
his ukulele songs
... (NM, simulpost)
still making her
shiver with anticipation.
Meanwhile on earth,
fires were raging
in the heart
of the Texan
brother of Steve.
Blawnox police never
penetrated the space-time
continuum, but had
made strange observations
about the Jello.
The oddest thing
about the Jello
was its uncanny
resemblance to a
scary film creature
(the one with
the two big
tentacle-like things
thrusting from its
middle, largest head).
Sebastien cackled madly.
"I'm sorry, what
is wrong with
your Jello mold?"
Susannah asked, aquiver.
Sebastien replied, "It
leaves no room
in the fridge
for my pickled
watermelon, that was
being held for
sexy fun times."
Suddenly a shot
struck the watermelon
, shattering it into
a dripping mess
of pickled fruit.
"Woe is me!"
Susannah cried out.
"I never got
the chance to
tell the whole
world how much
sexy fun time
I craved, ya'll!"
Many leagues below
, deep beneath the
glittering blue sea
, the Kraken waked.
Mighty Zeus said,
"Where did that
confounded bridge go?"
"And for that
Kraken to rise
just like that
leaves me wondering
where the dolphins
and the walri
have gone," said
the mighty Zeus.
Who was also
secretly passing as
a substitute teacher,
teaching Phys Ed,
to teenage girls
in Catholic school.
"Let's learn yoga!"
He said with
a mouthful of
gristly, chewy, yet
sweet corn chips.
Setting aside the
Tostitos bag, he
lifted a buttcheek
off his chest
only lingering momentarily
as he noticed
a dozen Yogis
, fakirs, and lamas,
shimmying towards him.
Hastily, he rose
and grabbed his
emblematic lightning bolt.
"Halt!" cried the
slightly embarrassed deity,
coughing a little.
"We want a
Whole Foods convention,"
he said, "with
belly-dancing and
organic cupcakes and
hemp flavored smoothies."
He waited expectantly
for an answer.
Suddenly, he noticed
the yogis were
finishing their yoga,
while the fakirs
faked it like
Milli Vanilli, and
Elvis's ghost sneered.
"Wow," said Zeus,
"I never knew
that trying to
learn yoga was
so damn much
." Zeus sighed. "Why
doesn't anybody ever
just let things
happen for free?"
In spite of
Zeus's communist leanings,
Rush Limbaugh heartily
supported the god.
"Because it costs
those gawdawful liberals
a whole lot
of hard-earned cash
just to keep
on top of
that polytheistic pantheon
, not to mention
the bizarre ritualistic
holy men." Zeus
bellowed lustily as
he pulled down
some nymph's silken
stocking cap from
the upper shelf.
At the same
time, Dick Cheney's
mind saw this
black winged figure
settle lightly on
George Bush's head
, and piously genuflected.
Hera was watching
and covered a
parakeet cage with