Star Trek RPG - Mission #4: "Codex Aelyrr"

Collins finds an empty conference room, enters, and locks the door behind her. She flops into a chair and begins sobbing uncontrollably. She hugs herself and rocks back and forth. Why I am so upset? Why can't I stop crying? I wish I were home so I could curl up next to Mom on the couch. Mom! I never told her about the miscarriage. I never told her I was pregnant. She'd make a fantastic grandmother. And Dad! He's spoil the baby silly! Her sobs increase as a wave of homesickness overtakes her. She starts yelling at herself internally. STOP THIS! YOU'RE A STARFLEET OFFICER! GET OVER YOURSELF! but it does not good. She brings her feet up onto the chair, hugs her knees tightly, and continues rocking, hoping that if she gets it all out of her system now, maybe she can get back to normal faster.

Rangin and Graham enter the First Officer's spartan office. Cmdr. Vargas is seated behind his desk, which is bare but for a datapad and a framed silver picture of an elderly couple. He does not ask you to sit, leaving you both standing at attention. He says grimly, "It has come to my attention that there was another altercation between you two last watch, and that Ens. Kylah was once again at the center of it. I am not pleased. I would, however, like to hear your respective explanations of what happened." He looks from one to the other.

Collins remains alone with her thoughts in the empty conference room.

Graham makes sure his at-attention stance is textbook, at the same time being careful not to upset his package and feeling awkward about having it in hand, given the circumstances.

He looks directly at Vargas and doesn't bother so much as glancing toward Rangin. Or waiting to give Rangin a chance to speak.

He keeps his voice neutral and without animosity: something made easier by the formality of the setting. Just making a report, could be about anything or anyone...

"I observed what, in the totality of circumstances, appeared to be unwanted physical contact with Mr. Kylah initiated by Mr. Rangin. I instructed him to desist."

He pauses very briefly. "I wouldn't call it an altercation sir. I, ah--could have used more 'by-the-book' phrasing, however."

"Please put your... package down, Mr. Graham, and tell me more about what happened," Vargas says.

Hearing what Graham has to say only serves to confirm that Graham is a loon and has a real problem with anyone being near Kylah who isn't him. Then again from her actions, it appears that Kylah is not only afraid of him but in some ways welcomes the attention...something else they really need to talk about.

Deciding that the best way is to point out exactly what happens, perhaps Vargas might see what a danger Graham is and at least put a stop to it.

"His precise words were, sir," Rangin interjects, "Get your goddamned hands off her! This was while stalking towards both of us with one hand on his phaser."

Rangin takes a short breath before continuing. "I was assisting Ens. Kylah at the time, who had just finished identifying suspects and was not feeling well. I was coming back from Sciences with some equipment for the new sensor when I came across her in the corridor looking unwell. She had actually pushed herself a little too far, was feeling faint and I offered assistance to help her to the Galley, where she could recover. Unfortunately, she was a little unsteady and I had to drop the equipment in order to catch her, before she fell. It was while I was assisting Ens. Kylah back to her feet that Mr Graham came across us."

Rangin glances to one side to see how Graham reacts but doesn't expect anything given his cold, violent heart that seems only to enjoy inflicting pain. "Ens. Kylah's reaction on seeing Mr Graham was an expectation that he was going to assault me again. I believe she was thinking of a repeat of the incident in Sickbay. When two of my colleagues turned up, I asked one of them to contact you and the other to assist me with Ens. Kylah. At which point Mr Graham backed down and I was able to continue helping Ens. Kylah."

Rangin waits to see what Graham has to say for himself and how Vargas reacts.

Graham's jaw tightens involuntarily while Rangin spins his tale.

What a steaming pile of Mugato shit...

Of course it is just what he expected: completely in line with his urbane, eminently reasonable persona he's spent who knows how long cultivating.

Putting the box down--very gently and carefully--gives him a moment to collect himself.

He resumes his at-attention stance and pays lip service to glancing toward Rangin--although in fact the movement of his head is so slight he doesn't even enter his field of vision.

He clears his throat. "As I said, sir, I could have used less colorful language." Hhe adds, as drily as he understand's Nia's planet to be, "Perhaps that is what he was entirely uncooperative."

He pauses, thinking back to the highly unexpected encounter.

"I heard raised voices as we--that is, Detective Ruthen of the Thoth Constabulary and I--approached. As we turned a corner I observed--ah, stuff scattered around the floor. Mr. Rangin had hold of Mr. Kylah, whose hands were on his chest in what I believe was an unsuccessful attempt to push him away." This time he does look at Rangin. His voice is flat. "Then, as previously, she was in a--highly agitated state."

Thanks to this asshole.

He turns back to Vargas and clears his throat again, wondering how much detail to provide.

Not much.

"Then, as previously, she--" he chooses his words carefully. "Insisted she did not need any assistance at that time."

He shrugs ever so slightly. This part at least isn't personal.

"Given the initial distance between us and what I perceived to be an, ah, altercation, had there had been an attempt--by either party--to strike the other that the use of light stun was at least an option to have on the table, sir."

Graham feels sick. This is exactly how it's supposed to work, ins't it? Find ways to isolate her, Vargas will probably order me to avoid the both of them. The psychopath probably has chess pieces associated with each of us he'll knock over once he's back in his quarters...

"All right," says Vargas icily, "I've heard enough. You both clearly have a problem with each other. What it is, I'm still not quite sure, but obviously Ens. Kylah is at the heart of it. I remind you that you are both Starfleet officers with a job to do, and a sworn obligation to the Federation, this ship and your crewmates to do it well. From now on, you will strive to carry out your duties to the very best of your abilities and to have no further incidents of this kind. None. I hereby order you to avoid each other unless it is unavoidable while on-duty. If there are any further problems between you, any at all, I will make it my personal crusade to see one or both of you booted off this ship and even court-martialed. Do I make myself clear, gentlemen?"

"Crystal, sir," Graham replies once again as if Rangin weren't there. He remains at attention, waiting to be dismissed and wondering whether Rangin's satisfied with this result in relation to whatever twisted plan he has in mind, or will instead try to sway Vargas toward something else.

"As Crystal, sir," Rangin replies simultaneously while waiting to be dismissed. The fact that Graham is effectively ordered to back off fills Rangin with small amount of relief given that he wants nothing to do with the bully and has no intention of ever going near him again.

Of course, that's not going to stop someone as obstinate as the knuckledragger standing next to him. Chances are Rangin is going to have to watch out for Graham to rope in other people to carry out his dirty work. No, Rangin has a few questions of his own to ask other people...time to find out what really makes Ens. Graham tick.

Then if Graham does decide to escalate, Rangin is not going to be unprepared for it.

"Very well," says Vargas, a flicker of amusement showing in his eyes at their near-identical responses. "Mr. Rangin, you're dismissed."

Once the xenobiologist is gone, the First Officer folds his hands and says, "Mr. Graham, I don't how they did things on your previous ship, but on the Yorktown, when you report to me or any other senior officer, even if you're otherwise off-duty, you will show up in full uniform and with no extraneous gear in your hands. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," says Graham.

"Good. Now cast your mind back to our little chat when you first came aboard at Starbase 27, Ensign, and remind yourself of just what a chance the Captain has taken on you. Then consider the future path of your career, such as it will be, if she decides she made a mistake in taking that chance. From this moment forward, I don't care if you see Ens. Rangin relieving himself and strangling kittens as he sits in the big chair on the Bridge, singing the anthem of the Romulan Star Empire. Call someone else from Security and don't lay a hand on him, not even a finger. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Outstanding. Now the next time I have to call you in here, it had better be to pin a well-deserved medal on you. Dismissed."

Kylah stands outside Sickbay.

She did not want to return here--many hours ago, she expended so much effort begging Velir not to send her here. But something has drawn her back. After sending the message off to her uncle, Kylah felt her mood settle from despondent anxiety to... she cannot describe it... a sense of remoteness? Detachment? Even dissociation?

The fact that she has no way to retrieve the message has helped her accept whatever happens now. How Aldaan will react is a complete unknown, and there is no use in worrying about it. He might not receive it for days, even longer, and it could be weeks until she hears back. It is out of her hands now.

Only yesterday afternoon, she thought it possible to escape. Now she knows it was always impossible. At no time in Kylah's life has she been free, and as long as this chain of deadly secrets continues to encircle her throat, she will remain bound to whoever holds her fate in his hands--first her parents, now her uncle.

Acceptance of this fact brings with it a strange peace. Resignation, she corrects herself. Fighting is exhausting; thinking about her problems is exhausting. And Kylah desperately needs to rest.

That is why she is at Sickbay: because someone else is about to find rest--and Kylah soberly acknowledges that it is a rest from a greater struggle and a crueler fate than she herself has ever known.

Of course, Kylah is aware that she is a virtual stranger. It would be obscene to pretend otherwise. She will defer any right to visit to any other crew member who wishes to be with their friend or colleague. Still, she hopes she will be allowed inside, if only briefly.

Earlier, in her hysteria born of exhaustion, she was terrified of being near the dying officer. Now it feels proper to be here. She fought the enemy that brought this young woman to her current state. Thanks to Kylah's empathic link to Mrs. Porr and the other altered Sakathians, Kylah knows as well as anyone--unless T'Var has done a mind-meld, and Kylah dearly hopes the Vulcan spared herself that horror--what that sick experiment's many victims' last sentient moments were like.

Kylah keenly remembers it, despite spending many nights vainly trying to forget. All of her own personal misery, her fear, her emotional and physical pain over the past two weeks: they were nothing compared to that.

She seeks perspective. She seeks to stop dwelling on herself and pay respect to someone else's suffering, to someone else who stands on the brink of eternal night.

Now, shuddering, Kylah hugs her thin shawl closer around her plainest off-duty dress. The shawl is gleaming, pearlescent ivory silk exquisitely embroidered with hundreds of actual pearls following Elasian tradition. It is beautiful despite having been knitted by her nurse in the haste following Kylah's parents' sudden deaths, and--also following Elasian tradition--Kylah has taken five pearls from the shawl's rippling edge and holds them tightly in one hand. Ten pearls are already gone from the shawl, having been cremated with Kylah's mother and father more than a decade ago.

And whenever the current visitor leaves, Kylah will humbly ask T'Var if she might spend a few moments inside: to reflect, to say goodbye, and to offer these pearls to Lt. JG Fujishiro on her journey into oblivion.

Collins is exhausted. She stands, smooths the wrinkles from her tunic and pants, takes a deep breath, and steps to the door of the conference room. It whooshes open, but she doesn't move right away, instead staring at the wall across from her, or rather, through it. Jeremi desperately wants to shake off this melancholy and be back to her happy self, but it hangs around her like a fog. There is a remedy she knows of, and it will push the sadness far away, but she has promised to never again use it.
Collins begins walking towards the Turbolift, still undecided as to what she'll do next. She's not really hungry, she hasn't the energy for a workout, and she's definitely not in the mood for other physical pursuits with Cooper. She decides to just walk the corridors until she's tired enough to sleep. If anyone talks to her, she'll respond, but will not accept any invitations to any activities. If she keeps moving until she's ready to conk out, she can ignore the distant call of the little vials buried deep in her dresser.

Rangin doesn't hesitate when dismissed by Cmdr. Vargas and neatly and formally leaves the office not showing any sign of the stress he is under. It is only when outside that, with no-one else around, he lets out an explosive sigh of relief.

For tonight, at least, Rangin was fairly safe, but it wouldn't take Graham too long to find some other way to try and take out this setback on himself. He wasn't really in the mood for anything social or in the mood for work. Actually, there was something relaxing to do, something that came back to mind before Vargas' order had come through.

After grabbing a bite to eat in one of the Mess Halls, he has a story to finish for Fujishiro. At this time of night, not many others would be around, so with luck he can finish off the story for her. Whether she can hear it or not is irrelevant, but Rangin is of the opinion that its more likely than not. With that in mind he heads for the Galley for a well earned meal, considering all the work on the sensor done in the previous few hours.

Graham is oddly relieved by the private dressing-down from Vargas: more or less what I expected--minus the dress code violation.

Maybe I'm giving Rangin's scheming more credit than I should.

After he leaves Vargas' office he curses under his breath and hopes he hasn't kept Collins waiting too long in Sickbay. All the more important to ask her to keep an eye on Kylah--and Rangin--now.

He heads toward Sickbay.

T'Var tells Kylah, "Mr. Fujishiro is alone, for the moment. Just go through that door."

Collins bumps into no one she knows well as she walks the corridors.

The mess hall is not very full, but Rangin sees Zweller, Three Crows, Thalen and Cheverez, among others.

Graham soon makes his way to Sickbay.

Kylah thanks T'Var, searching the older woman's face to see how she herself is doing. It cannot be easy to lose a patient, much less one who is also a colleague.

Her tread is light, almost a tiptoe, when she nears Fujishiro. She sinks into the chair and examines Fujishiro's face. How has it changed during this... process? "I do not know if you can hear me," Kylah murmurs. "I am Ensign Kylah; we served on the Sakathian mission together. I am extremely sorry I did not get a chance to know you. And that we could not help you."

Lowering her head, Kylah lifts her palm with the five tiny pearls of warmest white. "I looked up your culture before I came here," she says, tilting her hand and letting the pearls fall into a tiny, silken drawstring bag--no bigger than Kylah's little finger. "Like my own, your ancient people believed pearls were appropriate accompaniments to those who--who were going beyond. For Elasians, they signify the richness of nature, that allows its beings to create beauty from pain."

She pulls the drawstring shut and hesitates. The string is usually looped around the dying or dead person's wrist. But that would mean touching the other woman, and of course, there is a protective field surrounding Fujishiro's body. Is this correct?

Gnawing at her lip, Kylah tries to think of a way around the problem. She could just place the small offering beside the nearby table. Then, when Fujishiro does breathe her last and her body is prepared, perhaps the doctors and assistants will place it in the casket with her.

It feels wrong. But Kylah has little choice; she cannot remove the force field herself. Tears well up. Fujishiro is not only dying light years away from those who loved her, but dying without the comfort of a last, friendly, mournful touch.

Kylah fleetingly remembers that she, too, was unable to touch her late mother's hand, though she wanted to. After the accident, Mother's skin and flesh were charred, melted, and Kylah was too horrified to believe that this unrecognizable form belonged to someone she knew so well. Only the achingly scarred, motionless face was visual proof that this corpse was truly her mother.

She shakes her head free of those awful memories and focuses on Fujishiro, where her thoughts should be. "I hope it is not presumptuous to send this offering along with you, Lieutenant," she whispers, trembling. "I will tell Dr. T'Var, and she may remove it if it is inappropriate. Still... I read that your own ancients placed pearls in their loved ones' mouths. I wonder what your family would wish..."

At once she freezes. "Your family," she repeats through a choking throat. "I am so sorry they are not here. They should be. It is a cruel circumstance that forces them to be so far away from you at this time. I will write them, Lieutenant; they will know how brave you were on the station."

Finally she can postpone no longer. Others will wish to visit, and there is no time to wait for some mythical burst of emotional strength. Kylah reaches forward and gently places the bag on the night table.

Standing, she stares down again at Fujishiro's face. If she cannot touch her physically, there is another way. She has been working as hard as she can to erect a mental wall between her and Fujishiro, but now she closes her eyes. With a deep inhale, she girds herself and at last pushes her mind forward, through the protective field that can prevent almost anything from passing through--but not emotions, not thoughts.

"What are you going through now, Lieutenant Fujishiro?" she whispers to herself in both dread and awe. Please, please, let it be peaceful.

Rangin looks at the choices representing work, a reminder of Ens. Graham, a reminder of Ens. Kylah and work...

...Rangin decides to sit with some of the other people and chat about more social news and events for a while. The last thing he currently wants is anything serious.

Fujishiro makes no reply. Only the slight rise and fall of her chest, and the muted tones of the bed's biomedical monitor screen above her head, tell Kylah that the Japanese woman is alive at all.

Rangin sits down with two crewmates whom he hasn't met before. Crewman Nahida Farunia is a young, pretty Kuwaiti woman and a Command Subsystems technician; Spec/1 Tovek, a thin-faced Vulcan male, is a Science lab tech. They both welcome Rangin to their table. "How has your day gone, Mr. Rangin?" Farunia asks.

Kylah is relieved and surprised that there is no mental activity at all. It is completely different from her experience with Mrs. Porr--or, indeed, any person near-death, unless they were declared brain-dead. She squints at the monitors, trying to determine if that is the case with Fujishiro.

"Oh, it's had its ups and downs," Rangin replies conversationally as he tucks into a plate of hot beef casserole. "Actually feels like its been a long day, so I'm glad watch is over and can take a break. How about your days?" he throws the question open to the pair sat with him.

Rangin is quite happy to chat, get to know them and shoot the breeze for a little while until his meal is over.

Collins realizes all that crying gave her a nasty headache, and the aimless wandering isn't helping, so she heads back to Sickbay for an analgesic.

As near as Kylah can figure out from the monitor, Fujishiro still has some low-level brain function. The Communications officer gets no empathic impression from her at all, however.

Farunia takes a big bite of her vegetable pot pie and says, "I had a pretty good day. Routine systems checks on Deck 7; everything went smoothly."

Tovek says, "My day was not quite as pleasant. Several of us had to clean and take inventory in the Organic Chemistry Lab." He takes a spoonful of a tan-colored soup of some kind, and then a drink of water.

Collins finds her way to Sickbay with no problem, despite her headache. A nurse asks, "What may we do for you this afternoon, Lieutenant?"

Graham's mentally kicks himself when he arrives at Sickbay and doesn't see Collins. He only has to spend a minute debating whether to hail her or not until she comes in and talks to a nurse.

Graham approaches, his apology for being late superseded after getting a closer look at her. "Uh, whoa, L-T, you look like hell..." He's concerned, not joking: "All you all right?" he asks quietly.

"Something for my headache, please, Nurse." Collins says, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. Then she hears Graham beside her, "Yes, ... no, ... I don't know" She looks at him, "Fujishiro is dying," she tells him quietly when the nurse steps out of earshot "and it could be my fault." She doesn't wait for a reaction before continuing. "You wanted to talk to me anyway and I really need someone to talk to now. After I get my hypospray, can we go talk somewhere quiet?

"Ouch." replies Rangin to Tovek, "what did you do to annoy Lt. Cmdr Roble? That job has been waiting for a while." remembering how big a task it is. "I should be glad I got to spend most of the day setting up sensor arrays." Rangin takes another mouthful of the meal, savouring the rich tastes and hoping that Mr Johnson didn't see him coming and decide to amend it in any way.

"Do you know if there is anything going on with the Lyceum tonight?" he casually asks. Something to take his mind off current matters would always be welcome, but Rangin knows he is just putting off his own visit to Fujishiro.

Graahm's not sure who Fujishiro is, but given the context it doesn't matter, he grasps what's likely on Collins' mind.

Shit, if even Rangin died on my watch I'd feel bad. Well, at least from a professional pride standpoint.

"Uh, yeah, sure--of course" Graham says, surprised by the turn of events but feeling genuine empathy for the Security officer decades his junior. Is this her first KIA under her command? he wonders.

Kylah looks away from the monitors and, turning toward Fujishiro again, bows her head in recognition. "May you find whatever you seek," she murmurs, an Elasian farewell. She wraps her shawl around her and leaves the room.

As she passes through the main Sickbay area, Kylah slows to a halt upon seeing Collins and Graham. Collins is fairly radiating unhappiness, and she appears to have been crying. It is the second time in only a few days that Kylah has come across her roommate in such an emotional state, and though the reason seems clear--Fujishiro is, after all, a colleague who served under her command--Kylah cannot help but be surprised and concerned to see Collins so overwhelmed by emotion. It is not a side of the other woman she recognizes.

Kylah's gaze shifts to Graham, and she is a bit surprised to see him out of uniform. The outfit suits him well--he seems almost elegant, not normally a description she would associate with the tough security officer. The reminder that he is security makes her curious as to why two such officers are in Sickbay. Is something wrong?

Her fingers pull her shawl around her more tightly, and in doing so they come across the empty area where she removed the five pearls. The act nudges her to look for T'Var--Kylah wants to see if including the tiny silk bag with Fujishiro--however the poor woman will meet her end--will be possible.

In her peripheral vision Collins notices someone coming out of Fujishiro's room. She turns to see its Kylah, wearing a shawl sporadically studded with pearls. She doesn't want to catch her roommate's eye but it's too late for that. She nods at the young ensign, a shared brief moment, then turns back to Graham, "as soon as I get something for my headache, we can go." Graham is the only person, other than Doctor Villa, to whom she can talk about her addiction. She trusts he won't tell anyone; he'd given his word.

Graham rubs his jaw and almost involuntarily reaches out his free hand to touch Collins' shoulder. "Don't worry about it, no rush, L-T," he says quietly. "I'll be right here," he adds, gesturing around the anteroom to Sickbay while taking a step back toward Kylah.

"Are you--are you OK?" he asks. It's not like she can read his mind, but he still tries to force his thoughts into something in between "is that piece of shit Rangin hurting you?" and "did you know Fujishiro?"

The nurse goes away and then returns. "I can give you an off-the-shelf analgesic, if you wish, Lieutenant, or you can see the doctor for something stronger."

Farunia says, "If I remember right, there's a chamber-music concert at 1730, and a movie from a few years ago - To Boldly Go, about early space exploration - at 1900."

"Thank you" Collins tells Graham.

"Off the shelf is fine," Collins tells the nurse. "If it gets worse I'll come back to see the doctor." She presents her left upper arm to the nurse for a hypospray; she watches Graham and Kylah while the nurse administers the medicine.

Rangin nods his appreciation at the details while still munching away. "Concert sounds good," he says, "I think I'll give that a try. Should be nice and relaxing, I hope." Rangin stops and thinks for a moment, "Hold on, that's only half an hour or so. Still plenty of time. So, either of you interested in going?" he smiles to the others.

Perhaps it would help to get his mind off everything, it wasn't really his type of music and is likely to get bored halfway through, but it's not thinking about Kylah or Graham...and it gives him enough time that evening before going to see Fujishiro, for possibly the last time.

Not seeing T'Var around, Kylah starts to leave--first returning the greeting nod from Collins, who might as well have a sign on her chest reading "yes, I see you, but leave me alone"--but is waylaid by Graham.

His voice is hesitant but she is distracted and shaken by the intensity of his thoughts. They are forceful, directing entirely different questions at her. Most worryingly is the first, some horrible accusation about Velir. Is Graham actually trying... can he possibly be attempting to communicate with her telepathically?

Kylah's eyes widen in alarm, both at the question and the possibility he has guessed her abilities. "No!" she blurts, unthinkingly answering the first unspoken question rather than the voiced one. "Of course not!"

The instant her words are out, she feels like a fool. Paranoia has temporarily made her lose her wits. Flushing, Kylah tries to gather them again, and with a quick glance back toward the private area she just left, she lifts a shoulder in an attempt to salvage the situation. "That is... I was just with Lt. Fujishiro. It is... distressing. I barely knew her, but my first mission was the one where she was mortally injured. She is the first crewmate I have seen cut down like that. Also, she is so young, and her family is not here to be with her. No one should be so alone at the time they meet death." Her eyes fill with tears, thinking of her mother.

Kylah hugs herself and moves unconsciously closer to Graham, trying to read him better to see if he continues to speak to her. He is not a telepathic race, he is a human, as far as she knows. But he must have been thinking those things with astonishing strength if she could read them; her powers are almost all empathic, not telepathic. Touching someone makes the latter much easier for her. But of course, she is not touching Graham now. Still, she can feel sadness in him, sharp and sudden. Something she said has bothered him. Is it sadness for her? For him? She cannot tell.

Biting her lip, she looks up intently at him. "Physically I am feeling better," she says softly. "Much better. Ensign Rangin took me to get something to eat, although he did not let me eat as much as I wanted. I could have eaten a targ. A--a boar," she amends, flushing at the risky slip-up of mentioning a Klingon food. Most humans would likely not recognize the reference, but someone with Graham's experience must surely know at least a little about Klingon culture. "Uh... but Mr. Rangin told me not to overdo things, and of course he was right. Then I slept for some time."

Now she decides to reach out. Her right hand slips from beneath the shawl to rest her fingertips on his wrist. "Mr. Graham," she adds in a gentle tone, "what happened this morning... I swear to you, it was not his fault. He was helping me. I was stupid, I did not eat, I had not eaten for days, not truly. It frightens me that you would be so--so violent toward someone who was helping me. You meant well, but..." She shakes her head.

"I know after everything he said to us yesterday, it is hard to believe he cares. I do not know what if anything lies between us anymore. But at the very least, he cares because I am a crewmate. He said that. I suppose he meant that his concern does not go away, merely because he no longer has...feelings for me." Kylah's hand slips further around his wrist, tightening in hope. "But perhaps he does still like me. Is that... not possible? I fear I do not know men very well. Do feelings change so quickly?"

No one should be so alone at the time they meet death.

And that's the thing, isn't it Booker?

It's not that you believe you could have saved her by being there. You're only one man.

It's that she was alone.

You can't bear the fact that Jane was alone.

But neither can you bear the thought of Elizabeth being left alone.

A lock without a key.

"Some never change," Graham whispers, looking at and through Kylah, at once literally answering her question but not the actual question she was asking.

It scares me that you could be so violent.

Focusing on what Kylah is saying is like listening at a distance, but that comes through, and he can feel her hand on his wrist.

Then thank god she can't read my mind, he thinks. He feels as if he's being twisted in half from the inside-out with all the violence of a solar storm: torn between despair from which the only relief is either the oblivion of a deep drunk or the adrenaline of a life-or-death confrontation.

Implode? Explode? Moving takes such an effort that it feels almost slow-motion, as he reaches to touch the hand holding his wrist with such exaggerated gentleness it's as if he's touching a butterfly made of glass.

Which would be the harder...to reach the last inch to touch Jane's cold or Lizzy's warm hand?

But you're here, now, he reminds himself. Clear and present need for you by two crew mates.

He's not sure how to take what she's said about herself, and about Rangin. Take her insistence at face value, or interpret in light of her repeatedly blaming, criticizing herself? Describing Rangin telling her what to do?

The wort-case scenario was that she withdraw, he thinks. She's not. That's what counts at the moment.

'You're not stupid," he says quietly. He licks his lips. "I'm maybe not the best person to ask for advice." He realizes that Collins was his back-up option--that's why he wanted to talk to her--and now look at the state she's in...

"Uh, just be careful," he says. Meaning it but knowing it's a stupid answer--but the best he has at the moment.

It has taken a while--what was instantaneous yesterday is now slower, more deliberate--but whatever is going through Graham's mind now has just reached from him to her, and the burst of pain behind Kylah's eyes almost makes her stagger. Sucking in air through her teeth, Kylah shrinks backwards. "Oh..." she whispers, an automatic sigh or groan of shock.

She retrieves her hand and holds it, as if burned, and blinks at Graham from behind the bright flashes blocking her vision for a few seconds. Be careful, he has said. Is it a warning? Is he telling her to be careful of Velir? The silent roar of fury suddenly inside Booker Graham is more frightening than even Velir's cruelest words yesterday.

Does he hate Velir that much? No, it cannot be. Something else. Something involving her, but.. but not her. It cannot be her, she could not possibly engender this level of pain in someone. Not purposely. But he would not talk to her. He thinks of her as some delicate victim, and perhaps she is, perhaps that is all she can be. Still, he needs an outlet for... for whatever this thing is that he is feeling.

Without a thought to what he said, Kylah stares up at him, concern flooding through her. "Mr. Graham," she whispers. "If I said something wrong, please forgive me. You have offered me help, and I am grateful. But do you have someone? To... to be with? Someone who will listen?"

Graham smiles--a wan smile, to be sure, but a real and spontaneous one.

"That's--that's very nice," he replies, feeling the knot inside himself, if not untangle, recede into the background.

He's not sure how to answer until after a moment he becomes conscious of the gift he's still holding with one hand.

"I, uh--" He shrugs and smiles again. "Well, ah ask me after dinner tonight."

He clears his throat, the here-and-now coming even more clearly into focus. "Speaking of which--I should go back to my, ah, conversation with Collins."

He starts to turn away then stops and adds quietly "thanks." He's not sure whether he's saying it because she didn't withdraw from him (whether in fear of him or due to Rangin's influence) or for expressing concern about him. Or both.

The nurse gives Collins her hypospray injection, and almost at once her headache begins to ease.

Farunia takes another bite and says, "Yes, we were both going to the concert. Not sure yet about the movie."

Collins thanks the nurse and actually smiles a little. She wonders if she should ask Graham how Kylah is doing, or if she should step over to them and ask for herself. After a brief internal debate, she decides on the latter.

"How did the photo ID session go, Kylah?" Collins asks her roommate with genuine concern.

"She did great," Graham blurts out in response to Collins' question addressed to Kylah.

Shit, I sound like a proud father, he thinks, remembering how concerned Kylah had been about proving herself and hoping he didn't come across as condescending.

Kylah stares after Graham. 'Ask me after dinner tonight. ...Speaking of which, I should get back to my conversation with Collins...' She swallows back the question that springs to her lips, mainly because not only is it rude, it is too late: Collins is now talking to her.

But she is dumbstruck. Does he mean... does he mean that he wishes to be with Collins? Does he not know about Cooper? Or perhaps he does not care. Perhaps Collins does not care.

While she is thinking all this, she is aware that the woman in question has asked a question. Kylah looks at Collins with a blank expression, trying to hide the confusion running through her mind. "The photo ID session," she repeats stupidly. Then she remembers. It feels like a million years ago.

"It was all right, thank you, Lieutenant. I recognized one of the men as the person who had exchanged my money. The detective--Lunnd, I mean--he said the accomplices had named him as the one who had hired them to attack me. I do not even understand how the attackers were found in the first place. Many people must have been involved."

Kylah glances at Graham, then back at Collins. "All of you who investigated... I hope you know that I am grateful for your help." She looks past the others to Fujishiro's room. "And I am especially grateful that no one was hurt because of me. It is mortifying enough to have caused so much bother. The police even returned the remnants of my zither to me. It was kind, although..."

Shaking her head, Kylah is uncertain how to continue. The truth is, the remains of the zither only emphasize the loss. She was a steward of that heirloom, and the shards are the proof that silently accuses her of her failure in that duty.

"...Although unnecessary," she finishes, not wanting to sound churlish. "The police there must be very efficient to have remembered such a thing. But I suppose that signifies that is the end of the case as far as I am concerned. I am very glad we are no longer around that planet and can move forward again, to new places, new--new situations."

Kylah's gaze shifts back to Graham, wondering if he is a good match for Collins. They seemed to fit well on OCIII, when they both seemed so... rough. His bullying Wilson with that knife. Collins's insults toward her that first day. Of course, she has apologized, but... Will they bring out the best or worst in each other? I would wish partners for them that would bring them peace, not reinforce any troubles in their nature...

But who is she to judge? What partners has Kylah had? And who has as many troubles as she? She flushes and takes a step back. "I--I should let you two alone. Have a good evening, Lt. Collins. Mr. Graham. Thank you for everything." Uncomfortable, she attempts a fleeting and not very convincing smile before she leaves Sickbay.

"Kylah," Collins attempts to stop the young ensign with her voice. "It was Ensign Rangin's idea, and I followed through on it. The return of your zither, that is. I made sure they returned all that they did not need for the trial because I, ... he, ... we thought it was important to you."

Collins hopes by telling Kylah this, she can bring those two back together.

Collins's words stop Kylah in her tracks. He thought of it. When? It must have been before what happened in Sickbay yesterday. She tries to collect herself before turning to face them.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Each hoarse word is spoken carefully with effort. "For the thought, for following through, and for... for telling me. I am touched that you made such a gesture for me. I will thank Mr. Rangin if--when I see him again."

Graham looks from one to the other, then back to Collins.

Aside from her apparent distress a few minutes ago, her latest comments convince him that now is not the time to share his thoughts about Rangin and creative uses for the remnants of the zither.

With a swallow, Kylah cannot help sending a pleading look at Graham. Does this mean anything? Does this... change your mind? At all? She says nothing of the sort to him, of course. He seems to be examining Collins. Is he jealous? Goodness he cannot think there is anything between Collins and Velir.

The mere thought of Velir with another woman makes Kylah's stomach churn. She has never been jealous, never even known a proprietary feeling toward a man before. And she is almost certain there is only friendship, if that, between the two crewmates. But for the first time, Kylah has contemplated the possibility that Velir might care for someone else, and it... it makes her weak with loneliness.

I have no hold on him, we have known each other only a month. This is insane! Kylah remembers her mother's words about the relationship between men and women: "Elasian women are above jealousy, they do not deign to feel such petty emotions. What need have we for envy when a man is ours with one tear?"

She tightens her lips and turns from Graham and Collins, weary of thinking of such complicated issues as romantic entanglements. They are beyond her understanding, she feels young and pathetically inexperienced--the horror of that night with Jan notwithstanding--and for a flash she wishes she had never started to feel as she does for Velir.

"Thank you again," she says quietly. "Good night." She tightens her shawl and flees the Sickbay.

Graham rubs his jaw with his free hand, once again conscious of the box he's holding carefully in the other a little awkwardly so it doesn't tip.

He's not sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that Kylah's leaving--fleeing?--but she's not walking out with Rangin and he'll take that.

"Uh, so, L-T, ah--should we find someplace quiet?" he says quietly, turning to Collins.

"Sure," Collins replies, "There's an empty conference room down this corridor."

Kylah sees an occasional friendly nod or smile, and hears several greetings as she passes through the Yorktown's corridors, but no one stops her.

Collins and Graham find the conference room is still empty.

"Okay, Booker," Collins says as she sits in one of the chairs and leans back "what can I do for you?"

"Ok, I may see you there then." Rangin finishes off his meal when something does occur to him and he looks round the galley to see if Ens. Zweller is still there and enquire if Lt. Patel and he would be interested in going along.

If he is there, Rangin will finish his meal and ask him. Regardless of the answer, Rangin will freshen up and then head along for the recital.

Zweller is still there, eating with some Engineering types whom Rangin doesn't know. "Hey, thanks," he says with a grin. "Classical music isn't really my thing, but I may go. I'll pass the word to Lt. Patel."