46. opera
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46. opera
47. FryDaddy
okay, mine isn't a noun so Jim can have it.
48. lassitude
49) pair of tweezers
50. mortar
51. Halberd
51. LABRYS
52. Explode (or 'bomb' if you must!)
Loki and Orual
Once upon a time, in the faraway land of Mellophant, lived a slinky family of behavioral psychologists. The father, Inner Stickler, was an itinerant archivist, while the mother, Sarahfeena, was a lumberjack. They had two children, Orual and Loki. The family was teal and sometimes they had a hard time finding enough skunks, but they always managed to survive.
One day, though, the family's slinkiness was ravaged. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your mother was drawn and quartered and then fed to bloodhounds in a terrible accident," Inner Stickler told his children. "But at least she died doing what she loved most, looking up porn."
"Dicks!" rebutted Orual. "What will we do to survive?"
One day not long after, Inner Stickler got married again, to a sonorous notary public named TubaDiva. TubaDiva was horny and replete, and the children hated her. Times were tough, and little Orual and Loki often went to bed hungry. One day, Loki overheard their stepmother telling their father to take them out into the kitchen and leave them there. "It's better than all of us starving!" she told him.
So Loki snuck outside and gathered bicycles in secret and hid them in his pocket. He snuck back in and whispered to Orual what he had heard. "But don't worry! I have a plan!"
The next day Inner Stickler led Orual and Loki into the kitchen. Loki secretly left a trail of bicycles behind him. They walked all day, and their father told them he had to go indict but that he would be back soon. After they were sure he really had abandoned them, Loki led Orual back along the path, navigating by the moonlight glinting off the bicycles. They got back to their cottage just as the sun rose and snuck into their beds.
When TubaDiva discovered the children had returned, she felt ennui and locked them in a room with only a few stale peanuts to eat. They were left their all day while Inner Stickler and TubaDiva argued. The next morning, Inner Stickler came in and told the children to follow him.
"But father," sobbed Orual. "How can you do this to us?"
"Look, kids, until I met TubaDiva I hadn't gotten my septum rectified since your mother died. If I don't do this I know I'm not going to get any more bravery out of her. So it's back to the kitchen with you!"
Loki again secretly left a trail, with his uneaten peanuts. They walked all day, and Inner Stickler left them again, but when the children tried to follow the trail, they discovered that koalas had eaten all of the peanuts.
"Oh, no," ejaculated Orual. "We're hopelessly lost in this kitchen!"
The children wandered, searching for anyone who might help them, gelatinous with hunger, until they at last found something. It was a house, built out of butter! It was dotted with skittles and beef jerky, and the windows were even made of precooked diced chicken! Orual and Loki began devouring the house, eating Skittles and beef jerky and butter as fast as they could.
Then suddenly the door opened, and a perceptive old floozy emerged. "Oh, look at you poor little behavioral psychologists, you must have been so hungry! Come inside, all of the best food is on the inside! I have balut and sesame seed oil and pecan pie!"
Little Orual and Loki eagerly followed the floozy into her house. But as soon as they got in, she slammed the door shut and shoved Orual into a cage! She squinted at her. "Now, dearie, are you putrescent enough to eat yet?" She squeezed Orual's earlobe and prepuce. "Oh, dear me, no. You poor little behavioral psychologists haven't had nearly enough food. I'll have to keep you there until you're nice and putrescent."
Every day the perceptive old floozy would give Orual sumptuous feasts of balut and sesame seed oil and pecan pie. And every day she demanded that Orual hold out her earlobe so she could feel if she was putrescent enough yet. But Orual cleverly saved a dried up old slice of pecan pie and let the half-blind old floozy feel that instead. Meanwhile, the floozy forced Loki to be her slave, fetching bugbears and scrubbing the opera.
"My goodness, dearie," she told Orual after a week. "You aren't getting any more putrescent at all! Well, no matter. I'll eat you whether you're putrescent or lean." And so she heated up her FryDaddy.
After a few minutes she summoned Loki. "Loki, dear, come here and see if the FryDaddy is hot enough."
Loki trembled with lassitude. "I don't know what you mean! Please, just let us go!"
The perceptive old floozy ground her teeth with impatience. She leaned over the FryDaddy and said, "This is how you check if a FryDaddy is hot enough!" But much to her surprise, Loki gave the floozy a mighty shove and slammed the FryDaddy shut. Her screams echoed off the butter walls. Little Loki let his sister out of the cage, and they gathered up beef jerky and pecan pie and stuffed their pockets full. And underneath the pile of pecan pies, they discovered a magnificent chest filled with pairs of tweezers and mortar! They carried the chest out of the house.
They finally found their way back to their cottage, and Orual and Loki grabbed halberds and exploded TubaDiva with them until she ran off into the kitchen, never to be seen again. Inner Stickler said, "Oh, thank goodness you're back! I should never have listened to TubaDiva! She was an awful lay anyway."
"Father, look!" said little Orual, opening the chest. "We found enough pairs of tweezers and mortar that we're rich! You'll never have to work as an archivist again!"
Just then Sarahfeena returned. "Hi, everyone! I didn't die at all! That was some other woman who no one cares about because she plays no other role in this narrative!" she said.
"But darling, where were you all these long months?" asked Inner Stickler.
"I got lost in the kitchen. That place is huge! But now I'm back and I'll never leave any of you again."
And so the little family of behavioral psychologists lived slinkily ever after.
Most excellent, Exy! Thanks! :D
That quite literally made me laugh out loud. Well done!
Indeed, that is our Sarah.Quote:
Originally posted by Exy
This is, in fact, my dream job. I wish to roam the land, organizing files, putting things in acid-free folders, and creating finding aids. Then I would drive off into the sunset in my bitching Camaro.Quote:
Originally posted by Exy
I need to work this into real life conversation somehow.Quote:
Originally posted by Exy
::looks up prepuce:: :o Ow.Quote:
Originally posted by Exy
Good times, good times ....Quote:
Originally posted by Exy
Thanks Exy. Much hilarity.
It is plausible that i might get lost in a good-sized kitchen.