Queuing up a report for unpaid time off, because one is too upset by dealing with bullshit to get it up for the job.
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Queuing up a report for unpaid time off, because one is too upset by dealing with bullshit to get it up for the job.
Rogering the sweet young thing next door while her father is busy mowing the lawn.
Sweet-carressing the sweet-little twenty-nine right in front of her father.
Taking the last piece of cheesecake when Great Aunt Edna has been looking covetously at it for half an hour already.
Uniting a mob of angry young men.
Victimizing frat boys while they're blind drunk.
Whining about getting rogered when one is blacked-out drunk and passed out behind a dumpster.
Xylophone-shopping with your Great Aunt Edna and farting loudly every time the salesman asks if you need any help.
Yanking your wang out through the fly of your pants and pretending it was an accident.
Zooming on roller skates through your Great Aunt Edna's cribbage party, knocking the blue wigs of all of her friends askew.
Announcing, that there's, a man out there, crawling, on the wing of the plane.
Believing, oddly enough, that William Shatner and John Lithgow have both had the same weird airplane experience as you.
Chaining yourself to the mast of a sailing ship, for unknown purposes.
Deriding, in very insulting terms, the captain for refusing your advice to set fire to all the sails at once.
Executing an extremely harsh warning on nextdoor.com to one's offending neighbors.
Fleeing your Great Aunt Edna's third wedding while drunkenly taking the best of her wedding presents.
Grabbing Edna's womanly gifts in front of the bridal partly.
Hoarsely crying, "The groom is a lizard-man! The groom is a fucking lizard-man!" when the priest asks if anyone has any objections.
Ironically muttering under one's breath, "Quite a fan-club you got here, bartender at 10h00, of single young men. You have really cultivated the art of professionally pouring a beer. Whoever said bartenders were hookers with minimal standards was totally wrong, because it is a great profession. Just look at the movie Cocktail!"
Jitterbugging at funerals.
Killing a few highly-colorful jungle insects, crushing them with a mortar and pestle, and applying them to your woman's face as impromptu makeup. While she's asleep.
Licking the hands of all the women you meet.
Making sure the woman you're after remembers what's Carnival for.
Never, ever playing dead no matter how much your pet opossum begs you to.
Offering your wares by "forgetting" to zip your trouser's fly while running commando.
Preening to the tune of "Killer Queen" while going commando in the Vatican.
Quoting Quintilian to a Hamburger U. Amazon manager.
Rabidly pursuing Dame Judi Dench for a kiss, or even just a damn autograph, after she got the restraining order.
Sandbagging it while giving CPR to an unliked person.
Taking all the mints from the restaurant's dish at the front desk as you leave.
Undulating like a belly-dancer as you ask a gggggggggirl to break you off a piece.
Vigorously applying spackle to your Great Aunt Edna's toy poodle's posterior.
Wanking at a warehouse, while thinking of whoremongering.
Xebecs? Sink 'em or set fire to 'em the minute I step aboard.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xebec
Yammering on and on about various "girls with low self-esteem."
Zeroing in on Great Aunt Edna's phobias and trying to stimulate each one.
Admitting to stimulating the baby without regard for safety or much concern.
Betting against your little sister as she's competing in a high school gymnastics competition.
Cornholing your bosses verbally, in writing, in code.
Diligently sucking out the insides of jelly donuts and then putting them back on the bakery shelf.
Enunciating clearly, in public, that logic is for men and math is for nerds.
Fapping in the confessional
Going to mass while having received great quantities of The Blood of Pépé, i.e., unconsecrated wine.
Hacking down your Great Aunt Edna's favorite tree because "its leaves rustled too much"
Indicating to Edna that she is a crazy loon and belongs in a bughouse.
Jumping barefoot into your Great Aunt Edna's birthday cake.
Kicking Aunt Edna's cat so hard it flies out the window.
Liking Aunt Edna's cameltoe studied through her yoga pants.
Milking aunt Edna while she sleeps.
Noticing a faint bleached moustache on the otherwise comely niece of Aunt Edna and not being amused.