sausages, as they have sex on the brain.
If an Alsatian licks your face, ________
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sausages, as they have sex on the brain.
If an Alsatian licks your face, ________
I'd suggest you wash thoroughly.
(Welcome back, Trojan Man!)
The last time I met an Alsatian woman, I ________________
thought she should ease up on the beer-drinking.
Bon Scott's last known words were _____________________.
GLURBLE GLURBLE GLURBLE.
If I were twice as smart as I am, _________
my Great Aunt Edna would be half as smart as she is now, by comparison.
Red staplers are all well and good, but what I really need for my desk is ______________
a clandestine compartment within which to store "valuables."
Washing ten dishes and two dozen pieces of cutlery is all well and good,
until you stack them carelessly on the drying rack and they fall and smash on the floor like the clumsy fucks they are.
If mello were any more quiet, __________
it would be loud.
Women blatantly hiding and disguising themselves from Jizzelbin makes _________________________.
sense.
Every time I see Jizzelbin's avatar, I _________
have to resist the urge to call a CIA friend of mine and ask him to find someone who can tell me what it means.
The last time I visited CIA HQ in Langley, Va., I have to admit, I _______________
wore sunglasses and an earpiece and trawled the local fish markets.
When a credit union approves an unsecured loan, it is always ____________________.
going to be in their best financial interest. Unless it's not.
I got an unsecured loan once to buy the Brooklyn Bridge, but lemme tell ya, ______________
once I bought it, I got really tired of cleaning and painting it: those steel cables ____________________________.
are the very definition of "high maintenance."
After I sold the bridge in 2005 to some other sucker, though, you can be sure I ___________
invested the money in a pyramid scheme and lost it forever.
A watched pot ________
of honey is better known as a honey pot in décolletage.
The honeydripper is known far and wide as the ______________________.
Thing That Drips Honey.
The thing I like best about toenail clippings is __________
picking them all up afterwards and throwing them out.
I clip my toenails almost every month or so, unless, of course, ________________________
they are a fricking mess and cannot be trimmed any closer without cutting into skin.
The worst thing about joining a Facebook "dating" group is ________________.
using Facebook.
I would delete my Facebook account if __________________________
only Mommy would let me, but you know her!
Well, time for me to nip on down to the pharmacy for condoms, toothpaste and ______________________
and a box of laxatives.
The only good times to use condoms are when a guy or gal has ________________________.
to, I mean just has to, make the beast with two backs, but also wants to avoid makin' babies, and chemical means are not available.
On a beautiful early-fall day like this, there's nothing I like more than ___________________
splash around in piles of leaves, urinate at the base of trees, and lick my gonads.
Now that I know about mammatus clouds, _______________________________________
I should probably find out what the hell they are.
Loud beasts, including humans, should be ______________________________.
punched in the throat until they shut up.
When the sun comes up, _______________
the xenomorphs mostly go back into hiding and waiting. Mostly.
The last time I saw Aliens, I nearly _________________
actually sat down and watched it.
When I smell freshly cut grass, __________________________
I move my hand.
Van Morrison is a fairly big _______________________________.
dickhead.
Eric Clapton should __________________
probably go get bent, for he is also a dickhead.
Something about the British ______________________.
Museum calls to me, even all this way across the Atlantic.
I can't believe Ted Lasso won all those Emmys last night; it's a great show, but I really ___________________
genuinely don't know what it is, just that people like it, apparently.
Whenever you get an e-mail asking you to complete a survey, you should ______________________________.
make another generous donation to the Get People to Stop Pestering Me via Email Fund.
More on Ted Lasso (about a third-tier American football coach hired to lead a struggling British soccer team): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Lasso
This morning I have to drive to Tennessee, but tomorrow ___________________
I'll be free of the curse, as the travelling fortune-teller predicted.
The preferred nomenclature for "dickbreath" is ______________.
Post-truther.
Christian fundamentalists ________
don't know that just as sure as a woman is wet, Warm Daddy is going to get them yet. (Pace Eddie Bo, NOLA songwriter and singer)
Whenever someone says "That's the kind of sugar papa likes," the women are like ___________________________________.
all weak in the knees, you know, and panting, "OMG, where have you been all my life, you irresistibly sexy piece of manflesh?"
If you really believe that, I'd like to talk to you about the Brooklyn Bridge, which ______________________
is my pleasure to hand on over, and once we meet with my business associate and complete some pro forma paperwork, will soon be yours!
Spending a few hours randomly hanging out with a former lady friend is neither ____________________________________________.
likely to lead to getting your house painted, nor to acquiring the deed for the Brooklyn Bridge.
Next time I'm in NYC, I'm definitely gonna ______________________________
bring my guitar up to the Brooklyn Bridge and just play for a bit.
One should probably shave and shower before being served by beautiful young ______________________________________.
supermodels in easily-removable French maid outfits, as happened to me in Boston this one time, by which I mean, never.
Boston is famous for the Statehouse, its gardens, its broad accent, its terrible traffic and, of course, _________________________
an....unusual...accent among the plebes.
Duck-taping a sign to one's front porch saying "For all non-ADA compliant service canines, Free Food! No above-ground strychine included!" is __________________________________.
just about par for the course for our beloved Jizz.
I would golf a lot more, if it weren't for _______________________
my job of having to kill all the gophers.
The best thing about being soaked to the bone in rain water is having to change clothes in ______________________________________.
your luxurious mansion after being dried and rubbed down with thick, heated towels by your favorite beautiful actress and/or leggy supermodel.
The only time I buy Sports Illustrated is when _________________
I need to convince myself I'm a regular man's man dudebro.
Repeatedly running into this damned woman at the bar __________________________________.
has made me decide to actually open my eyes and not rely on echolocation.
The two, no, the three big advantages bats have over us is ________________
they survive exclusively on human blood, they're also vampires in disguise, and you can comfort your woman when they get stuck in her hair.
The only thing better than chowing down on an excellent burger and fries at a bar is ____________________________.
adding cheddar cheese, bacon and A-1 Sauce to the burger, and getting a side of seasoned fries and a dill pickle.
That all sounds delicious, but the last time I ordered pub grub, _____________________________