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No. Those are wild creatures and I'm pretty sure they don't me messing with their bananas or monkey-women.
TNP is giving church a second chance this morning, but is pretty sure there isn't going to be any buck dance. (Ray Charles, "Mess Around," that's a one people probably know that's a good example of a buck dance rhythm — not the straight boogie-woogie, but the way the rhythm hits around that. Lee Dorsey, "People Sure Act Funny" is same idea).
I did go to church today, and no, there was no buck dance.
TNP knows someone nicknamed Buck.
Hmm, don't think so, at least not in a long time.
TNP has a nickname that people use for them regularly.
Yeah. A few legitimate RL ones, i.e., used by more than a few people. I'll exclude all the more colorful epithets.
TNP has a nickname that he or she would rather people didn't use anymore to refer to him or her.
Only those that involve profanity and angry gestures.
TNP is beloved by all.
True. One wouldn't think so, but, yes. Pretty much.
TNP knows all the words to at least one Elton John/Taupin tune, and will explain himself or herself.
I know some of the words to many, but don't think I know all the words to any of 'em.
TNP has been to an Elton John concert.
No. Sorry, but I've heard enough sappy "Candle In The Wind," especially when that tart got blowed up in a car wreck to last me a lifetime. ETA but Rocket Man makes up for everything. Only don't argue with me about what the right chords are -- it's fucking clear as day.
TNP thought (wrongly) that Taupin and Sir John were "long-time companions." Wink, wink. Far from it, apparently.
I did long ago, but then read somewhere that they weren't. Whatever. Consenting adults and all that.
TNP doesn't condone what Kevin Spacey did, but can't help but regret that he might never share his acting talents with the world again.
Neutral. I wasn't that big a fan in the first place, and in the second place, from what I hear, he just sort of felt up, perhaps aggressively, some people at adult drunk-fest parties. Sleazy? Sure, but seems like small potatoes to me compared to more serious predatory minor assaults. For example, there used to be a mayor of a small US city named Sam Adams, who happened to be a gay, and I was outraged by his Bob Packwood-like behavior to, I believe, a young male intern on his staff, so to speak. Far more outraged than many of my fellow citizens.
TNP is probably going to shit if he hears one more goddamned word about "men's rights" or "incels" or any of that shit. Nut up, people -- women are smaller, weaker (generally), and sociologically have some disadvantages in certain areas, and they don't have any reason to take risks on some unknown, and in fact plenty of good reasons to just move the hell out of the way when some undesirable starts getting randy.
Sounds right. What one those incel freaks ran down a whole bunch of people on a sidewalk where my kid and I have walked hundreds of times. Nut up indeed scum.
TNP doesn't really understand anything.
Certainly nothing about abnormal, deviant psychology. They're more like savage imbeciles than any part of a culture I understand. About most other things, no I understand not very much about that either.
TNP knows some stuff, but more importantly, knows just how much he or she doesn't know. And is happy about that.
True. I think I have a pretty accurate perception of what I do and don't know.
TNP has the radio on right now.
No. I haven't had the radio on at my place for years. In the car, the terrestial classical station is occasionally amusing, but that's it.
TNP hears a shit ton of radio at various public venues, and is predictably very unhappy about that.
Not too much, fortunately. The kinds of diners that used to have talk radio on all the time now have a TV on, at least around here.
TNP is tired.
Yes. I'm tired in a lot of ways. Especially physically and emotionally. Intellectually, I'm just lazy.
TNP is surprised more people don't wear watches, and disapproves of their lack of acumen.
As someone who hasn't worn a watch in about two years, no.
TNP checks the time on his or her phone, or by looking for a nearby clock.
Sure, sometimes. If I didn't personally set the clock, or know what priority the network time server has, however, it's wrong, unbelievable, and should be destroyed or disabled.
TNP cannot think of a single woman IRL — even a hypothetical one — who would submit to a series of tests about her various aromas.
Real women, no. Hypothetical ones, well, sure! There are hypothetical women who will do anything, I mean anything, I ask them to. Some of which are even legal.
TNP has asked a woman to do something illegal.
Not really. More like mutual conspiracy, for low-grade "crimes" like smoking the pot, urban exploration (i.e., trespassing, at a minimum), disobeying regulations against public nudity, or exceeding the speed limit on a freeway. Anything else was completely a frolic of my own.
TNP can name an excellent illegal activity he or she would like to ask a woman to indulge in.
Hmm. Is nude duo bungie-jumping still against the law in Tibet?
TNP is yearning for air conditioning right now.
No, have it at both home and office, although the office HVAC could be better.
TNP is afraid that summer is going to go by in a blur, yet again.
Kind of, although I'm trying to savor each day as it comes.
TNP will be celebrating the Fourth of July tomorrow.
Sure. Do some dishes, maybe some laundry, organize some papers. If I hear some bullshit (meaning: any shrieking or evidence of uncontrolled domestic animals) from some millennial stains, I'll likely play Sousa marches on the stereo at full volume, while smoking Virginia tobacco from a pipe.
TNP thinks it's a dereliction of duty to one's animal to be regularly shouting one's pet's name at full volume, while allowing it to run wild getting into barking fests with anything and everything. It's not only a savage, incompetent way to treat an animal, it ensures a defective animal which in some cases will have to be destroyed.
Total agreement
TNP has a knot in their back
True. My back is one giant knot of gnarled spine.
TNP attributes his or her back/spinal issues to sitting in bad chairs, rather than to exercise or use of the muscles of the back.
Yeah, years of working in cheap government chairs is my theory.
TNP will admit to having bad posture, though.
No, my posture's pretty good. I think it's my flat feet that give me occasional back pains.
They're doing tree work in TNP's neighborhood today.
Wouldn't surprise me. They're always doing some tree or shrubbery shit, but on the Fourth, I'd guess not. Another reason to suppose not is that the new HOA property manager seems to be a real shithead bitch who's maybe going to ram a million+ dollar assessment through, probably because she or her predecessor mismanaged or misspent the reserves on stupid shit. She's also expensive, although she is only in the office three days a week.
TNP thinks English Ivy is a profound ecological and aesthetic problem in the US.
Since I am only aware of it as something that adds to the charm at Wrigley, I'll go with no.
TNP thinks a vesper is better than a regular martini, but probably not sufficiently better to make it a go-to drink.
I've never had a vesper, but I can imagine what it would taste like. Since I don't like martinis (aka straight, chilled gin), vesper wins. Gimlets aren't bad though -- enough sweet lime juice to drown out the horrow.
TNP can explain the appeal of gin: after all, the cops can smell it on you a mile away. Not a good drivin' drink.
Sure: Plenty of booziness, nice when it's hot, but still a full mouth feel, unlike vodka. And since I stay off the booze when I'm drivin' my car, gin and whiskey suit me fine.
TNP thinks that New Orleans should work with Disney on getting permission for its new motto: "Disneyland for drunks".
Absolutely, although I would expect Disney will speedily say "No way."
TNP has been to Disneyland in the past five years.
No, not at all that recently. I cannot imagine the horribleness a parent tending children in a place like that must feel, but it's fun for the kids.
TNP has ever walked past a casual acquaintance, e.g., at work, staring straight ahead without any sign of recognition.
Probably.
TNP thinks they ought to spend more time gardening.
No, although my wife loves it.
TNP has picked berries from his or her backyard recently.
False. While I've picked more than my share of wild berries of all kinds, not recently.
TNP thinks it would be most excellent to never, ever, ever, for anyone, ever, anywhere, to have a "Thanksgiving" day. For it sucks. And is stupid.
Strongly disagree. It's a nice holiday here, and I usually enjoy it (except for all the dishwashing at the end).
TNP has washed at least six kitchen items by hand in the past week.
Yeah, right. I should have, but I'm way behind on housekeeping.
TNP thinks blackberry/boisenberry vines can only be attacked with concrete gloves and gritty resolve. Very tough.
It certainly helps.
TNP is looking out over a sunny, cool day.
Yeah, actually. Sun is out and it's not blistering, humid heat. Kind of nice.
TNP thinks those Mexicans have the right idea: when sun hot, make cool, dark place and sit in. Preferably with straw hat and white linen suit.
Some Mexicans do that, yes. Social situation permitting, I'd just as soon be in a T-shirt and shorts than a white linen suit, though.
TNP has been to Mexico in the past five years.
No.
TNP considers such a thing as Latin culture vs. a northern one, especially when considering to which direction to flee.
Haven't had to flee in quite some time, so no, not really a factor for me.
TNP has been within 20 miles of a forest fire.
No, thank God.
TNP has been in a burning building.
Yeah. Only one (that I know of) but I found it to be uncomfortably hot, and an unpleasant, disorienting experience. I recommend leaving such a building in an orderly fashion.
TNP is somewhat unhappy about using so many curse words IRL, but is not going to change that.
No, I rarely curse. People are amazed when I do.
TNP thinks there's not enough cursing in The Big Lebowski: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efZQhYu1E5s
Absofuckinggoddamnedshitrightmotherfucker. They didn't have a goddamned proper fucking receptacle for fucking Donny, that twisted fucking mortuary fucking prick asshole in a goddamned shitty suit fuck you.
TNP thinks there's probably some merit to separating men and women during their "unclean" seasons. With exceptions made for the savage elect.
Not quite sure that means, so no.
TNP would bowl with the Dude and Walter if given the chance.
I dunno, probably not, not so much of a bowler.
TNP would drink Caucasians with the Dude and Walter if given the chance.