Finish my sentence!

any decent person tells them to fuck off, or makes a threatening, but legal, gesture.

The reason people are angry is ___________________-

a lack of appreciation for just how good they have it, compared to those living in any Third World hellhole.

A healthy sense of perspective is _______________

difficult to maintain, but important to strive for.

I am grateful __________

that people are angry, so that I can tell them to fuck off.

Raining isn't like pissing, it's _______________________

actually drinkable, unless you live somewhere with bad air pollution.

I think all stinky factories should be _______________

built beside places of government.

If Trump becomes President, _______________

I would be both very surprised and very uneasy.

If Trump doesn't become President, _______________

we'll still have Jeb Bush and other dipsticks to worry about.

If it's true that we gets the politicians we deserve, _______________________

America is fucked.

Asking a cop to _____________________

recommend a good donut shop is probably a bad idea.

If you offered me a donut right now, I'd ___________

drop it on the pavement in front of a cop, then pick it up, because littering is no laughing matter.

I saw a lady, thirty-something was her age, driving a big fat __________________

gas-guzzler and laughing maniacally as she smeared lipstick all over her face; of course I stayed well out of her way.

My favorite color of lipstick is ___________

gibbon-ass red, like a cherry.

People who desire to go to Cuba ________________________

usually like warm weather, sandy beaches and cheap lodging more than Castro and communism.

It would be best if Fidel Castro just ___________

spoke for twenty hours straight on modern mechanized farming equipment, using a Stephen Hawking voice robot.

Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't _______________________

brought to trial for the murders of President John F. Kennedy and Dallas Police Officer J.D. Tippit, which is a shame, as it might have quashed a lot of dopey conspiracy theories since.

Next time I'm in Dallas, I'll definitely _________

wear a giant novelty hat and a belt buckle that shines good.

First thing to do at the Alamo is _______________________

declare loudly, "That Santa Anna had a good idea; he just stopped too damn soon!"

Angry Texans will probably _____________

grab a bull's horn and get some nachos for the border.

The nice thing about the Western territories is that during the Civil War _________________________

they largely occupied themselves with bison-grooming and amateur musicals.

Wyoming bison-grooming is generally ______________

appreciated by bison: this lady I was shacked up with definitely liked being groomed.

The nicest thing about Xmas is that it's __________________

actually about three months long these days.

I swear, if the Christmas songs start on the radio any sooner next year, I'll _______________

stop listening to the radio and wear earplugs/earbuds+good jams everywhere appropriate.

Everytime I get an actual coupon for free or deep-discount desirable stuff in the mail, it's __________________________________

for a mall in Nairobi and expired a week ago.

The last time I was in Nairobi, of course I _________________

traded a white elephant for a satchel of grass.

It turns out that elephants, while easy to ___________________________

see on the plains of Africa, are quite adept at hiding on the tundra.

My favorite thing about the tundra is _________

I won't have to replace my lawnmower for decades.

The only regret in joining a long term polygamous relationship is_________

that I never went on to master multivariate shrew-taming.

The best thing about drinking a cup of coffee is _______________________________.

my 64 ounce coffee mug.

I wonder if I should peel that cucumber before I put it in my____________

Long John Silver's commemorative birthday basket.

Mr. Dingle, the Strong, lifted twelve or _____________

thirteen antiperspirant sticks from the store shelf without getting caught.

If he could live his life over, he________________

would've said right away, "Wow, almost two years later, this thread has come back to life!"

Another thread that deserves resurrection is ______________________________

the one about that thing those people were talking about...you know-the thing.


She never thought in a million years that it could possibly fit, as she_____________

had worn the chastity belt so long her labia were fused together.

Ironically, the only thing the sect was immoderate about was __________________________.

fence-sitting.


Maybe taking the red pill and the blue pill together was a bad idea, Neo thought, as____________

he remembered that drinking a bunch of Robitussin was next on his list, not taking more pills.

To acquire a strong taste one must ________________.

never bathe.

Maybe I shouldn't have spent all my Powerball winnings on_____________________

Trump Second Inaugural tickets.

The next Presidential tweet will probably be about _______________

mail-order brides, Christmas magic, and loose stool.

"Jingle Bells" played on the speakers as Dirk got ready to put his fist _______________________

through the surprised face of the Christmas-party DJ.

The last time our office had a holiday party, I must admit I ________________________________

said to my boss that Elon Bezos deserves to be raped by Louis CK while sucking on Kevin Spacey's root.

The next day I drove _____________________.

very dutifully to corporate HQ, as ordered, to submit my letter of immediate resignation and waiver of all pension benefits.

In my next job, if I ever get hired again, I hope to ___________________

surreptitiously compile.

"Wait, which Sugar Ray is the _______________________________"

boxer, which is the rapper, and which is the alien who has been secretly studying human society for decades in order to pave the way for an invasion?

When the aliens finally invade, ___________________

they will choose human representatives from the childless elite.

Milking and feeding machines are always dressed _____________________________.

very oddly aboard all the alien starships I've visited.

Speaking of aliens, my Great Aunt Edna is firmly convinced that _______________________

ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS ZOMG!!! built, like, pretty much the world and stuff.

Drinking sixteen beers in a sitting is not that great, because ________________________.

then you really, really have to pee but can barely stand up.

Of all the bodily functions, urination is _________________

the one that burns with the fire of a thousand suns.

Feeling the warm fuzzies is ___________________

particularly nice this time of year.

TNP has a Christmas tree already.