Mal: "Tracey, ain't you dead yet?"
Tracey: "Through no fault of my own, Sarge."
Mal: "Aw... I really wanted your beans."
Firefly
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Mal: "Tracey, ain't you dead yet?"
Tracey: "Through no fault of my own, Sarge."
Mal: "Aw... I really wanted your beans."
Firefly
"Food handlers who don't properly wash their hands can transfer staph from their skin to the food they're preparing. Foods that are contaminated with staph look and taste normal."
— Staph Infections - Symptoms and Causes - Mayo Clinic
Mal: "Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carryin' a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you."
Firefly
“A superior pilot uses his superior judgement to avoid situations which require the use of his superior skill”
– Frank Borman, USAF (ret)
Jayne: "We're taking him on board?"
Mal: "We are."
Jayne: "Don't know if I see the percentage in that."
Mal: "Then don't strain your brain trying. You might break something."
Firefly
"I shall not cause harm to any vehicle nor the personal contents thereof, nor through inaction let that vehicle or the personal contents thereof come to harm."
— The Repo Man's Code
Womack (after scaring information out of a postal clerk): "Relax! You've been great. And I was just bluffing with that stuff about arresting you. I mean, who needs that kind of paperwork? Skunk, light him on fire."
Firefly
"Tee minulle voileipä, nainen!" [Finnish for "make me a sandwich, woman!"]
— private correspondence (oh, incidentally, the title of a very important poem of Baudelaire, vd. Gérard Bucher's book of the same name)
Mal: "And you never seen a man more proud of his moustache than Colonel Obrin. I mean, in all my life, I will never love a woman the way this officer loved that lip ferret."
Firefly
"Love note to the whole fuck show, postmarked from a lighthouse in the blunt smoke, Dear motherfuckers, I’m teetering if you must know, wolf at the door like a bug to the fructose, Niece on the phone saying “Ian you should visit more”, We could build forts while the pigs court civil war, Miss you, miss you more, see you on the far side, scuffed shoes, couple new scars in the archive, I’m not here to pull scarves out, Here to pick tumblers under water with his arms bound, from in chains to the heart of “where art thou”, I’m out there down to throw a grapnel at a guard tower, Down to spray piss on a cop car, It’s rage in the form of renaissance art, Can’t treat it like a job at the stockyard and feign shock when they turn the block to a pock mark, Stock parts knocking on Mach 1 to Camp Lo, amped up, eyes glowing unknown pantones, drive ’til it feels like a Van Gogh, lest I cheetah me some antelope, partly cloudy, palpable panic in the troposphere, wake a giant, poke a bear, we don’t do smoke and mirrors, we do do a med-kit and spare clothes, leave a motherfucker nowhere close, new super power that I picked up In the frenzy, I could draw a roof on fire from memory, each and every sketch another bloodletting, in the of wake escalation, and excessive rubbernecking, the champ can’t look away, drink it in, strobe-light, smoke, no life, no lifeguard, sink or swim, ring around the king of pain, bring acetaminophen, You either see the vision or dinner with demolition men, Boom, flame to the fuse to the barrel, I step into the room, split an arrow with an arrow, the first trick shot is just to show em that I dabble… I will not be aiming for the apple, Lately I treat every interaction as a living wake, thanking people close to me before the photo pixelate, new day, folk down play the game different, changed, and going from being chased to playing chicken, Get your whole road map pac-man’d, black mask, snack on whatever’s in the dash cam, It’s not an ad, hashtag, or a tap dance, patsy, the revolution will not have jazz hands, I know you’re alien to matters of the heart and mind, that shit that make you park the car and scream into the dark of night, Some days I wanna build a rocket to the Karman line, 10, 9, 8, keep your head and arms inside, yea"
— Aesop Rock, "Jazz Hands" [pretty sure that's one sentence!]
Wow. Just... wow.
"Why is it that the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?"
Monty Python's Flying Circus, "It's the Arts"
"Quarter thang to a whole thang, whole gang workin' (Yeah)
Hit a bitch with that extended clip or that revolver
Shit'll serve the same purpose (Bang, bang)
Geekers beamin' up to Scotty in my crack lobby
I can smell the 'caine burnin'
Michael Jordan, 1985, bitch, I travel with a cocaine circus
Put them FNH's on your clown ass"
— Freddie Gibbs, "1985"
Jayne (after Simon starts an autopsy on Tracey's body, the man screams and starts thrashing about): "Spry for a dead fella!"
Firefly
"They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues"
— Steely Dan, "Deacon Blues"
Mal (to the unexpectedly-revived Tracey): "You wanna explain to me exactly why you got yourself all corpsified and mailed to me?"
Firefly
"I'm Keith Morrison, and when I was four years old I saw a birthday clown drowned in a pool."
— Dateline! (broken link on purpose, but is totally SFW: just Bill Hader's riff on Keith Morrison at the timestamp).
Mal: "So, your innards... ain't your innards?"
Firefly
"Roquefort's heavenly flavor is reminiscent of the cavern air where the cheese ripens and the mold naturally grows, transmogrifying the Lacaune ewe's milk it's made of."
— advertising copy from Murray's Cheeses entry on Roquefort.
Wash: "I think they're about done being stalled to— ahhhh... AHHHHHHH! Mal, your dead Army buddy's on the Bridge!"
Zoe: "He ain't dead."
Wash: "...Oh."
Firefly
"You may not believe, livin' on the Earth planet
My skin is green and silver, warhead lookin' mean
Astronauts get played, tough like the ukelele."
— Kool Keith, "Earth People" (youtube link broken to avoid annoying people with the automatic preview, but it's a good jam)
Womack: "I'm a dangerous-minded man on a ship loaded with hurt. Now why you got me chattin' with your peons?"
Firefly
"As studies have shown; participator acts walk up, clog up
And mess up water down the sound that comes from the ghetto
In the middle the core you tour, explore experience
What is real you feel, changing ways"
— Kool Keith, "3000"
Wash (flying through a canyon with debris falling onto the ship): "Woo! This kind of flying really wakes up a guy!"
Mal: "Awake helps."
Firefly
"And still, cats visualize life ghetto like
Born mind, sometime these cats see life
Street life incomplete light and be like
I'm a live life after this"
— Cannibal Ox, "Iron Galaxy"
Inara (having caught Mal practicing his quick draw): "...Perhaps the dining area isn't the place for this sort of thing."
Mal: "What do ya mean? It's the only place with a table big enough."
Inara: "Of course. In that case, every well-bred petty crook knows that the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting."
Firefly
“When white people go on break at their job. 15 minutes. They go to their desk. They eat their cheese sandwich. Drink their God damn tea. 15 minutes they’re back on the fucking job.”
— Bernie Mac
Inara: "It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but...."
Firefly
"You mean it’s like, 'They call these cracker assholes this grandiose name like the Crimson Tide, and I’m this loser, so they call me this other grandiose name, Deacon Blues?'"
Donald Fagen reporting on a conversation with Walter Becker ad the tune "Deacon Blues."
Inara: "I suppose you heard most of that?"
Mal: "Only because I was eavesdropping."
Firefly
"Yo, here goes some info on my flow and how I move to a def groove, I keep my rep smooth. On the down-low, I travel with my mind to the street: concrete, like the gravel I'm in deep"
— Guru, "Down the Backstreets"
Jayne: "Don't much see the benefit in getting involved in strangers' troubles without a up-front price negotiated.... Don't know these folks, don't much care to."
Mal: "They're whores."
Jayne: "I'm in."
Firefly
"Movin the packer, I'm in the ride, leanin to the side
Turnin up the Bar-Kays
Firecracker, the parking lot macker
Maxi, Stacy, women sport the Stay Free
Like Prince all the panties hit the floor in one room in Paisley
With Naughty By Nature, stippin Stoli
Peach on the rocks with Vinnie, Treach and KayGee
Volume up, the club is open, nothin closin at 3
V.I.P. comes reserved, with Ronnie B
Are you blind out there, can Ronnie see?
The power of the Miramax picture
Hold up girl, wait a minute, players don't rush
Hold the cards, please, I'ma get wit'cha
Ladies ready for departure, show ID let me card ya
I see the T-backs through your slacks
I like it jiggly a little larger.
Can I touch ya butt girl? Can I squeeze ya butt girl?
Can I feel ya butt girl? Can I touch it?"
— Kool Keith, "Can I Touch Your Butt Girl"
Inara: "Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds."
Nandi: "I appreciate your coming."
Mal: "Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine."
Firefly
"[W]hen Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis's tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible. He, in one move, through his unbelievably pretentious and calloused musical decision to embark on this most cynical of musical paths, shit all over the graves of all the musicians past and present who have risked their lives by going out there on the road for years and years developing their own music inspired by the standards of grace that Louis Armstrong brought to every single note he played over an amazing lifetime as a musician."
— Pat Metheny, in one of the infamous Gorelick rants.
Mal: "I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk."
Jayne: "Can I start getting sexed already?"
Mal: "Well, that one's kinda horrific."
Firefly
"Sure looks good.
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
Skate a little lower now!"
— Don Fagen, lyrics, "Hey Nineteen"
Kaylee: "Look, they got boywhores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all?"
Firefly
"You give me head
It makes it worse
Take out your fuckin' retainer, put it in your purse
I'm too drunk to fuck
You're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck"
— Dead Kennedys, "Too Drunk To Fuck"
Wash (to Kaylee): "You'd really lie with someone, being paid for it?"
Kaylee: "Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me."
Firefly
"A long distance from my girl and I'm talking on the cellular
She said that she was sorry and I said yeah the hell you were
Check the rear view mirror check the gold tooth display."
— Beastie Boys, "High Plain Drifter"
Kaylee: "Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty."
Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
Firefly
"What's the time?
It's time to get ill
And what's the time?
It's time to get ill"
— Beastie Boys, "Time To Get Ill"
Mal: "Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?"
Inara: "Will you wash it first?"
Firefly
"I’m like 'Sweetie Pie' by the Stone Alliance
Everybody know I'm known for dropping science
‘Cause I'm electric like Dick Hyman
I guess you'd expect to catch the crew rhymin'"
— Beasties, "Root Down"
Mal: "Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God."
Firefly
My work is my play, 'cause I'm playing when I work.
MCA, Adrock, Mike D, it's chill.
What's the time? It's time to get ill.
— source unkn.
Mal: "Well, lady, I must say — you're my kinda stupid."
Firefly
"Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, between 2 chunks of bread."
— unknown doggerel
Nandi: "Truth is, I expected a whole lot more of you to be takin' payment in our trade [of prostitution]."
Mal: "Well, we're an odd conglomeration. Got a preacher, a married fella, and the doctor... well, he'd have to... relax for thirty seconds to get his play. That'd be more or less a miracle."
Firefly
"I like your stories
I love your gun
Shooting out cop tires sounds like loads and loads of fun
But in my room
Wish you were dead
You bawl like the baby in Eraserhead
I'm too drunk to fuck
I'm too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now
Too drunk to fuck"
— Dead Kennedys
Mal: "Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make."
Nandi: "Maybe I should get the Shepherd."
Mal: "Well, I ain't sinned yet. And I'd feel a little more'n awkward if he were here when I did."
Firefly
"When Josie comes home, so bad
She's the best friend we ever had
She's the raw flame, the live wire
She prays like a Roman with her eyes on fire"
— Josie
Nandi: "Malcolm, I been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my guns."
Nandi (after he kisses her but then draws back): "You okay with this?"
Mal: "I'm just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story."
Firefly
"You know, there's room to move as a fry cook! I could be manager in two years: king! God!"
— Repo Man
Kaylee: "Cap'n seem a little... funny to you at breakfast this morning?"
Wash: "Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one."
Firefly
"What a mind Einstein must have had: fucking morons, everywhere!"
— David Lynch, some interview he did
Inara: "So you took to bed with Nandi. I'm glad."
. . .
Mal: "So, you're okay. Well, yeah. Why… why wouldn't you be?"
Inara: "I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste."
Firefly
"An Aries guy will continue to ignore you, even if you turn on the waterworks in his presence. He is impervious to tears and unimpressed by theatrics.
He won’t feel sorry for you and instead will get annoyed and frustrated that he has to deal with you."
— some astrology website (don't give me any shit about it! it's fun!)
Zoe: "You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period."
Firefly
"Vincent, what are you doing? Beat em, eat em and get out of here!"
— The Color of Money
Book: "Girls, nobody's going to die!"
Jayne (immediately after): "There's people gonna die."
Firefly
"The original synth [Ensoniq SQ-80] was discontinued in 1989 and was famously used by the likes of filmmaker John Carpenter and Assyrian producer Aril Brikha."
— some blurb on a website
Jayne (over radio): "Whoa, now, girl, that is just plain dirty."
Mal: "Jayne, you aware your radio's transmittin'? Cause I ain't feelin' particular girlish or dirty at the moment."
Firefly
"In the pipe, five by five."
— Aliens
Ooo, great movie!
"Guess she doesn't like cornbread."
Aliens
"Hey Vazquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?
— No, have you?"
— Aliens
"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit - it's the only way to be sure."
Aliens
"It was a bad call, Ripley. A bad call."
— Aliens
"Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?"
Aliens
"Do you like what, I just ain't climbing in no dirty ass trunk!"
— Jackie Brown
Ordell Robbie: "You shot Melanie?"
Louis: "Twice."
Ordell Robbie: "Is she dead?" [Louis does not reply] "Is she dead, yes or no?"
Louis: "Pretty much."
Jackie Brown
"One thing we don't need is that bitch surviving on us. Because pisces natives are in fact unstable, lazy and undisciplined."
— Jackie Brown (shooting script)
Ordell Robbie: "Here we go. AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes."
Jackie Brown
"Normally I try to steer them to a nine millimeter, because it's practically the same damned gun, and doesn't have half the jamming problems of a forty-five."
— JB
"Shut your raggedy ass up and sit the fuck down!"
Jackie Brown
"People born under Pisces have no idea how to follow instructions because they believe everything and are illogical."
— some website about stuff. (they also have no ability to provide clear instructions for various games of skill, or anything, really, except in sex)
"You can't trust Melanie. But you can always trust Melanie to be Melanie."
Jackie Brown
"Who says she do anything for me? She my friend!"
—JB
"Half a million dollars will always be missed."
Jackie Brown
"We eating, look at 'em sleeping
Now doobie sucker you supper
I tell 'em 'welcome to Kansas City, duck motherfucker!'"
— Tech N9ne, "Give it Up"
Petaline (holding her infant son): "Rance, this is Jonah. Jonah... say hi to your daddy." (she shoots Rance) "Say goodbye to your daddy, Jonah."
Firefly
"Well now, here's a man who wants to get right down to it. Kinda anxious to get to it are ya?"
—Mulholland Drive
Kaylee: "You don't remember any of this?"
Simon (thinking back to a drunken party after graduating from med school): "I remember talking the feds out of telling my father. Or... or paying the feds out of telling my father? I get fuzzy on that aspect...."
Firefly
“In the plain ordinary hustle you hide your true speed; in the psychological hustle you try to drive your opponent out of his fucking skull."
— Danny McGoorty, reported in Robt. Byrne, D. McGoorty, McGoorty: A Pool Room Hustler
Jayne: "Saint Jayne, got a ring to it!"
Book: "I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed."
Jayne: "I once hit a guy in the neck from five hundred yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?"
Book: "Oh, it'll be taken into consideration."
Jayne: "...You made that sound kinda ominous."
Firefly
"Ever fight a dinosaur, kid? They can cause a variety of damage!"
— Mickey, in Rocky III.
Mal: "You know, the only thing you're gonna find in New Melborne is fish and fish-related activities, so unless you got the overwhelming urge to gut sturgeon... and who hasn't, occasionally...."
Firefly
“At some level, all love is combat, a wrestling with ghosts.”
— Camille Paglia
Mal (after relieving River of a gun she, disoriented, didn't realize she was holding): "Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness."
Firefly
"[W]ith Young Frankenstein, I bought 200 [white handkerchiefs] —it was a bigger crew, a lot of people. I said, “If you’re not in the scene, take this handkerchief, and when you feel you’re going to laugh, shove this in your mouth.”
— interview with Mel Brooks
River: "She understands. She doesn't comprehend."
Mal: "Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction."
Firefly
"And the men of the city said unto him on the seventh day before the sun went down: What is sweeter than honey? and what is stronger than a lion? And he said unto them: If ye had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle."
— Judges reported speech by character "Samson" (spoiler alert: Delilah was involved as well).
Mal: "If I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor."
Simon: "You are talking to a doctor."
Firefly
"It's just too bad that girl's a bum
She's crafty - she's gets around
She's crafty - she's always down
She's crafty - she's got a gripe"
— Beastie Boys, "She's Crafty"
Wash: "Little River gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?"
Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up."
Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing, it's always a hoot and we don't all die from it."
Firefly
"What it do, it's your boy big Snoop Dogg, and I need y'all to go subscribe right now to the AARP Channel, you know what I'm talking about?"
— Snoop Dogg, advertising for AARP
Zoë: "Where's River at now?"
Mal: "In her room, which I'm thinking we bolt from the outside from now on."
Firefly
"It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone."
— hoary aphorism
Zoe: "Sir, I know she's unpredictable. But I don't think she'd harm anyone."
Jayne: "Butcher's knife?!"
Zoe: "Anyone we can't spare."
Firefly
“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”
— Mel Brooks
Mal: "Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."
Jayne: "What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch?"
Firefly
“I come from a country that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I’m from Missouri. You’ve got to show me."
— Willard D. Vandiver
Wash (sarcastically): "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the Beast."
Jayne: "She's in Congress?"
Wash: "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious."
Firefly
"Pick up the phone, you reindeer goat cheese-eating bastard."
— Hudson Hawk
Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
Zoe: "We live in a spaceship, dear."
Wash: "So...?"
Firefly
"The thing about a shark, it's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white."
— Jaws
Jayne: "Well… I don't like the idea of someone hearin' what I'm thinkin'."
Inara: "No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking."
Firefly
"You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want me money back!"
— Shallow Grave (1994 film)
Simon: "She's just a kid! And she just wants to be a... kid."
Mal: "I wish it were that simple."
Jayne: "Yeah, and if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak."
Firefly
"Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, then you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you're going to end up inside a fucking bin-bag. You didn't apply so you don't dance."
— Christopher Eccleston's character in Shallow Grave
Simon: "So you're a bounty hunter."
Early: "No, that ain't it at all."
Simon: "Then what are you?"
Early: "I'm a bounty hunter."
Firefly
"One time the guy who played Mr. Belvedere sat on his own balls and they had to stop filming for a couple of days."
— Patrick Monahan
Simon: "You're outta your mind."
Early: "That's between me and my mind."
Firefly
"You don't know any stories? All right, I'll tell you one. This is a newspaper right? Its 90% bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it: because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so: you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story right now, go."
— Training Day
Early: "You ever been shot?"
Simon: "No."
Early: "You oughta be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know? Know what kind of pain you're dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?"
Firefly
“Testosterone is more about instinctive functions known as the four Fs — fighting, fleeing, feeding and… mating — which is what the hormone was meant to do hundreds of millions of years ago.”
— quote of unknown origin found in my fancy clipboard linux widget
Early: "Man is stronger by far than woman, yet only woman can create a child - does that seem right to you?"
Firefly
"If one can avoid the most unprofessional, deranged "bartender" I've ever had the displeasure of being "served" by, Janice, this place could have potential.
Erratic, incompetent staff are the dangers that lurk within an otherwise fine establishment."
— a random Yelp review by an unknown reviewer
Early: "All right, that's all the hide-and-seek I got time for. [shouting] I know you're on this ship, little girl! Here's how this goes: show yourself and finish this exchange, or your brother's brains'll be flyin' every whichaway! [normal tone] You understand, I'm sort of on the clock here. It's frustrating."
Firefly
"He's a maniac, maniac, he just moved next door
He'll kill your cat and nail it to the floor"
— first draft of some lyrics from the song "Maniac" (from the movie *Flashdance*)
Early: "Where'd she go?"
Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship; don't look at me."
Firefly
"If you raise [the price of] the effing hot dog, I will kill you."
— Costco CEO Jim Sinegal
Early: "You folks are all insane."
Simon: "Well… my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood."
Firefly
"Nothing to 'get over.' You're barely a person, and we never had a relationship. You're a barely ambulant infection, an object to be treated in whatever ways amuse me. Just as you always were."
— part of a final text from somebody
River: "I know you have questions."
Mal: "That would be why I just asked them."
Firefly
"Don’t piss off old people.The older we get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent."
— folksy saying seen on a sweatshirt
Early: "You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport, yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?"
Simon: "What'd he do?"
Early: "Who?"
Simon: "The midget."
Early: "Arson. Little man loved fire."
Firefly
"Readers serious about mastering the game [of pool] should drop out of school, quit their jobs, and get a divorce."
— Robt. Byrne, Byrne's New Standard Book of Pool and Billiards
Early: "Well, I'll be a son of a whore. You're not in my gorram mind. You're on my gorram ship!"
Firefly
"Seventy-five percent of American "gamers" -- people who play video games -- are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote."
— George F. Will, "Demon Denim"
Wash: "Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow mop."
Firefly
“Worm holes in coffee beans are not sufficient cause for rejecting the beans. They add no weight and disappear when the beans are ground.”
Lowell Thomas. This Side of Hell, biography of Dan Edwards. Concerns Army regulations.
Inara: "Any chance that shiong-mung duh kwong-run [violent lunatic] might survive?"
Mal: "Air he had left, I'd say his chance'd be about one in… a very large number."
Firefly
"These body parts are what an Aries guy finds most attractive in the opposite sex, and they might be his best features or the parts most prone to illness."
— some astrology website
River: "People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think. Don't run, don't walk. We're in their homes and in their heads and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome."
Serenity (the Firefly movie)
"Well, thank you! Appreciate all you do! You stay safe out there!"
— some old Texas dickhead at work, one of his many folksy phrases.
River (after a particularly exciting high-speed aerial chase): "I swallowed a bug."
Serenity
"Demonstrate Value
Engage Physically
Neglect Emotionally
Inspire Hope
Separate Entirely"
— the "DENIS" system of achieving success, courtesy of *Always/Sunny/Philadelphia"
Mal: "I look out for me and mine. That don't include you 'less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in the Alliance's paw. That tickles me a bit. But it also means I got to step twice as fast to avoid them and that means turning down plenty of jobs. Even honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance makes harder every year. Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well may not be another. So here is us, on the raggedy edge. Don't push me, and I won't push you."
Serenity
"I walk over and point at the spot on the ball then as I walk back I never take my eyes off that spot. I don't blink. I'm STALKING that object ball."
— Johnny Archer, pool player
Mal: "This is how it is. Anybody doesn't wanna fly with me anymore, this is your port of harbor. There's a lot of fine ways to die. I ain't waiting for the Alliance to choose mine. I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at getting to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word out of any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave, I will shoot you down."
Serenity
"We discovered aries is a fire sign. So naturally, you’re going to be drawn to foods with a bold, spicy flavor . When we think of Aries, we immediately think of chicken wings."
— some blogger blathering and bloviating.
Mal (to a foe): "Sorry about the throat. Expect you'd want to say your famous last words right now. Just one trouble: I ain't gonna kill you. Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish! I'm gonna show you a world without sin."
Serenity
"Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill."
— Training Day
Zoe: "We crashing again?"
Serenity
"Taking Vagifirm consistently & regularly is key to getting your desired results!"
— unknown source
Zoe: "Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later."
Serenity
Demonstrate Value
Engage Physically
Neglect Emotionally
Inspire Hope
Separate Entirely
— The "DENIS" method of seduction, according to TV program "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
Zoe (sarcastically, after a small vault is opened to reveal very little money): "At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime."
Serenity
"23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."
— 2 Kings II:23-24, KJV. (Trust me, there are elaborate late medieval and early modern period illustrations of this tale.)
"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no more sea. And I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down from God out of Heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of Heaven, saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them; and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be with them and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.'”
Rev. 21:1-4, NKJV
"As of 2019, [Stevie Nicks] told Rolling Stone that her temperature-controlled shawl vault -- really let those words sink in -- numbers in the quadruple digits."
— some allegedly "comic" website known for nonexistent copywriting or competent editing
Zoe (referring to both the ship and herself): "She's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true."
Serenity
"Dee, I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lampshade. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage. I could even add you to my collection!"
— It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wash: "Let's go back to the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, 'cause I don't think that's ever gonna get old."
Serenity
"Officer Margaret Sereno : Do I threaten your masculinity McCloud?
Sam McCloud : No. Do I threaten yours?"
— McCloud, "The Park Avenue Rustlers"
Pvt. Hudson: "Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
Pvt. Vasquez: "No. Have you?"
Aliens
Good response! Full marks!
“I only sleep with men on the first date.”
— Le nom de gens, movie
Wash: "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."
Serenity
“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
— somebody
Jayne: "We're gonna explode!? I don't wanna explode!"
Serenity
"When 'The Beastmaster' begins, it is very hard to tell what it is all about. An hour later, it is very hard to care what it is all about. Another hour later, it is very hard to remember what it was all about."
— *Variety*, contemporary review of the movie *The Beastmaster*
Love it! Best one-word movie review ever, for the 1980 rock fantasy Xanadu: "Xanadon't."
Next up:
Jayne: "Shiny! Let's be bad guys."
Serenity
"If you’re sad about the Queen, no matter your nationality, it requires some deep introspection. What are you sad about? What do you feel like we lost? A piece of history already so thoroughly documented? A reminder of what imperialism looked like back when whiteness, wealth, and European domination were even more pronounced than it currently is?"
— some published rant whose provenance is unremembered
"...Back when we were just beginning to navigate life as President and First Lady, she welcomed us to the world stage with open arms and extraordinary generosity. Time and again, we were struck by her warmth, the way she put people at ease, and how she brought her considerable humor and charm to moments of great pomp and circumstance.... Like so many of you, Michelle and I are grateful to have witnessed Her Majesty’s dedicated leadership, and we are awed by her legacy of tireless, dignified public service. Our thoughts are with her family and the people of the United Kingdom at this difficult time."
Former President Barack Obama, Sept. 8, 2022
"People in Milwaukee eat raw beef sandwiches with onion."
— Buzzfeed
Jayne: "I just don't get it. How's a man get so wrong? Cuttin' on his own face, rapin' and murdering. Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the Bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?"
Serenity
"For you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:2, KJV
/* edit: looking up in the Wordsworth critical edition of the Sixto-Clementine Vulgate print copy, from 1.Ad.Thessalonicenses.5.1: "De temporibus autem et momentis, fratres, non indigetis ut scribamus uobis. Ipso enim diligenter scitis, quia dies Domini sicur fur in nocte, ita ueniet." AFAIC, one of the few translations of the NT one should bother with. */
Jayne (of River Tam): "She is starting to damage my calm!"
Serenity
"Sure, you got drunk. That’s the best excuse in the world for losing. No trouble losing when you got a good excuse. And winning! That can be heavy on your back too. Like a monkey. You drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotte do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. It’s one of the best indoor sports: feeling sorry for yourself — a sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers."
— *The Hustler*
Mr. Universe: "It was a very beautiful ceremony. Lenore wrote her own vows. I cried like a baby. A hungry, angry baby."
Serenity
"These socks cost more than your life and your car combined. I'm not putting them on your goddamned floor, sir: the shoes stay on."
— Herzog
Mr. Universe (watching a video of River taking down dozens of men in a bar): "You guys always bring me the very best violence."
Serenity
"Another [incident] came at the 1990 World Championship; after losing his first-round match to Steve James, [Alex Higgins] punched tournament official Colin Randle in the abdomen before the start of a press conference at which he announced his retirement, and abused the media as he left. This followed another incident at the World Cup, where he repeatedly argued with fellow player and compatriot Dennis Taylor, and threatened to have him shot. For his conduct, Higgins was banned for the rest of the season and all of the next."
— Alex Higgins, Wikipedia
Sounds like quite the charmer.
Mr. Universe: "Bring it on, bring it on, bring it on. From here to the eyes and the ears of the 'verse, that's my motto. Or at least it would be, if I start having a motto."
Serenity
"Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw, and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia."
— T.Bankhead, possibly apocryphal
Mr. Universe: "Can't stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere."
Serenity
"What's the story with that dog?
— What?
That dog!
— Oh, him? That's the dog that saved Charlestown from the flood in 1938."
— Slap Shot
The Operative: "This is a good death. There's no shame in this, in a man's death. A man who has done fine works. We’re making a better world. All of them, better worlds."
Serenity
"In real life [an] incident occurred in Utica, New York, in a game between the Johnstown Jets and the Mohawk Valley Comets. Jeff Carlson was hit in the face by a cup of ice thrown by a Utica fan and went into the stands after the fan with brothers Jack and Steve. All three were arrested and Dave Hanson gathered the money for bail for the Carlson brothers."
— from the Wikipedia page about the movie Slap Shot
The Operative: "You should have let me see [the ship Serenity], Captain. We should have done this as men. Not with fire."
Serenity
"Smeared with gums of glutinous heat, I touch with chaste palms moist and cold. Now the spell hath lost his hold; And I must haste ere morning hour To wait in Amphitrite's bower."
— Milton's Comus. Yes, we all chuckled about it in a small seminar dedicated to Milton by medieval specialist Millie Clark. I think I was the only Comp. Lit. grad student there, the rest were English Lit. people, but we had some scholarly fun. Obviously, the reference was obvious, but only Prof. Clark had the skills to work Milton's dense Latin political prose and field questions about relevant contemporary material and precedence among the classical authors.
I've gained it since, but that is, indeed, why one requires teachers to demonstrate what is possible.
Indeed.
Mr. Universe: "They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the signal."
Serenity
"Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him"
— MacBeth (my favorite of the Shakespeare plays, I guess, especially as Toussaint's Day comes 'round)
Macbeth is a favorite of mine, too. And considering that it's Oct. 25:
"He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember’d.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember’d;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day."
Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene iii
"Hum, or say the word 'DO' while blowing."
— L250 Ignition Interlock User's Guide
Kaylee: "Don’t pay anybody in advance. And don’t ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky."
Serenity
"You don't see a bachelorette party coming: you hear it."
— Iliza Schlesinger
The Operative: "River was your greatest success. A prodigy. A phenomenon. Until her brother walked in here and took her from you."
Serenity
"Ordinary commercial software was never intended to be used in systems which people’s lives depend on."
— part of The Dawn Project's mission statement, as found on their website
The Operative: "Madness? Have you looked at this scan carefully, Doctor? At his face? It's love, in point of fact, something a good deal more dangerous."
Serenity
"I'm not the most politically active person but I'm trying to get better about that. What I've been doing is just showing up to any given rally and marching with a sign that just says, ‘Yeah, totally.’"
— comedian Tig Notaro
The Operative: “'Key members of Parliament.' Key. The minds behind every military, diplomatic and covert operation in the galaxy, and you put them in a room with a psychic."
Serenity
"Alright, listen up! I don't like white people. I hate rednecks. You people are rednecks. That means I'm enjoyin this shit."
— 48 Hours
The Operative: "Secrets are not my concern. Keeping them is."
Serenity
“Hold up, hold up. Let me explain something to you. I have this medical condition, when you cut out my carbs, my foot goes right up your ass... I don’t know what it is!’”
— some bit from comedienne Wanda Sykes
The Operative: "You know, in certain older civilized cultures, when men failed as entirely as you have, they would throw themselves on their swords."
Dr. Mathias: "Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword—"
The Operative pulls out a sword.
Serenity
"Everyone is shaving their pussy. Mainly women. Everyone is shaving their pussy. And hipsters, the hipsters these days, they have beards. So society has the same amount of hair, just on different cunts."
— Jimmy Carr : His Dark Material (comedian doing a thing on Netflix)
^ A keen tonsorial observation, that.
The Operative: "Would you be killed in your sleep like an ailing pet?"
Serenity
"Hi, all three types of fabrics are very durable, but cotton is recommended to prevent large dogs damages, because cotton one is made of thickened fabrics. Thanks."
— manufacturer's response to a query about KING MOUNTAIN Iron-on Repair Patch