Engulfing them in legal fees to recoup the owed support.
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Engulfing them in legal fees to recoup the owed support.
Freely distributing smallpox-contaminated T-shirts at public sporting events.
Genocide.
Handing out blankets to Native Americans.
Irritating really big, bearded, tattooed biker dudes in pool halls.
Jacking it in a public toilet.
Keeping the plunger out of reach.
Kidding around with TSA staff about hijacking and smuggling.
Licking the pope's nose. On Sunday.
Managing to lose at the track the $8.3 million you were asked to invest by the Adorably Needy Orphans Fund.
Nattering over details with the financiers.
Opinning on what you know nothing about.
Pissing drunkenly on your neighbor's enormous sleeping Dobermans.
Quantifying the unquantifiable.
Reaching into moving machinery to get the ice cream cone you dropped.
Screaming as the machine severs your hand.
Taking a second dip with your potato chip
Urinating in your host's laundry hamper while you're staying in his guest room.
Vomitting in your host's laundry hamper while you're staying in his guest room.
Warning your host to avoid the bathroom, because you just pooped.
Xtracting a turd from the toilet and showing it to people in your bare hands.
Yodeling at the top of your lungs during your best friend's kid's first communion.
Zipping up the priest's fly.
Adjusting the priest's undergarments while he's wearing them.
Backing into other cars at 80 mph.
Calling Google a person's friend because you are too lazy or smug to answer a question.
Denying EH a chance to not be so butthurt!
Enquiring about fucking knit ties.
fucking being a dick about legitimate sartorial questions.
Growing hair where hair shouldn't be.
Having a big problem getting your Trojan on.
Izzling your jizzle.
Jacking it fo shizzle.
Killing da fizzle.
Licking the nizzle.
Managing to post like Snoop Dogg on an off-day.
Neatly prigging da chizzlishizzle fo realz, dawg.
Neglecting to pay income tax. I didn't realize 'nizzle' is not something I, a white man, should be saying -- I regret few things, but I do regret saying that. I apologize, seriously.
Optioning off short stocks to the Caymans.
Predicting doom and gloom, bedbugs and grisly death to your niece as she leaves for summer camp.
Questioning someone about what they said when they didn't actually say anything.
Rickshawing you way into old Chinatown.
Sliming your Great Aunt Tilly when she arrives for Thanksgiving dinner.
Tickling Tilly when she doesn't expect it, and doing it anyway despite her protests.
Underestimating by 77% just how much structural steel that new office building will need. Ooopsy!
Vacillating between Tilly's taint or her virginia.
Washing your nephew's beloved teddy bear in hydrochloric acid.
EXtracting a tooth. hey not too many words start with an 'x'
Yodeling in pain
Zebra-ing a poor lady out of its herd. Shamelessly.
Adding the numbers up wrong on purpose when doing a friend's taxes.