Post brief quotes from fiction/narrative/whatever

"I'm freaking pumped! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day! I go to church every goddamn Sunday! You gonna bring the demons out of me!"

— Hot Rod

Zoe: "You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?"

Firefly

"You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals."

— Weird Science

Mal: "...OK, she won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon, but she is solid. Ship like this, be with you 'til the day you die."
Zoe: "Because it's a death trap."

Firefly

Rod Kimble: I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod and I like to party. Alright. Dave, you're up.
Dave: Uh, hi, uh, my name is Dave, and, uh, I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Uh, no Dave. I just said that I party so maybe you could do something different from me.
Dave: My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman.
Rod Kimble: You know what, let's move on. Rico, you're up.
Rico: Uh, hello. I'm Rico and I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, uh, Rico, what'd I just say to Dave?
Rico: Who?"

— Hot Rod

Mal: "...You are very much lacking in imagination!"
Zoe: "I imagine that's so, sir."

Firefly

"Rod: We're gonna jump 15 buses.
Rico: Whoa, come on, Rod. That's nearly as many as Evel Knievel jumped.
Rod: It's actually one more than Evel Knievel jumped, Rico. I know. I checked. Online."

— Hot Rod

Mal: "Try to see past what [the ship] is, and on to what she can be."
Zoe: "What's that, sir?"
Mal: "Freedom, is what."

Firefly

Callahan: "When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross."
Mr. Mayor: "I think he's got a point."

— Dirty Harry

Mal: "Yeah, just step around that. I think somethin' must've been livin' in here."

Firefly

"You never ease off on somebody like that. Not when there's money involved. That's the problem with mercy, kid. It just ain't professional."

— The Color of Money

Mal: "Tell you, Zoe, we get a mechanic, get her up and runnin' again, hire a good pilot, maybe a cook. Live like real people. Small crew, them as feel the need to be free, take jobs as they come. Ain't never have to be under the heel of nobody ever again. No matter how long the arm of the Alliance might get, we'll just get ourselves a little further."

Firefly

"[T]here’s something life-affirming about getting full-on blasted from a massive camouflage can of fruit-flavored jet fuel for $3. Malt liquor is the people’s drink."

— "Four Loko Hard Seltzer Review: What is Four Loko Like in 2020?"

Wash: "Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun."

Firefly

"I like my tarts where I like my money. Right in my fanny"

— A Tweet from PopTartsUS (verified account) 1-feb-2019

Jayne: "Now, Inara - she's gotta have some funny whorin' stories, I'd wager."
Inara: [laughing] "Do I ever! Funny and sexy." [laughs] "You have no idea..." [suddenly serious] "and you never will."

Firefly

"How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

— Nic Cage in the remake of Wicker Man

Kaylee (having made a birthday cake, of sorts): "Hope you like it. Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for dinner. But I tried to make the frosting as chocolate-y tasting as possible, so...."
Simon: "Thank you. I'm really, I'm, um, very, very deeply moved. Thank you."
Jayne: "Well... deeply move yourself to blow out them candles so we can try a slice."

Firefly

“When I stepped onto the mat, when I shook hands with you, it was limper than a dishrag, but when I grabbed you, I’d see the expression come over your face and you’d know why I’m here and I want all these people to let you watch the ceiling,”

Danny Hodge, legendary strongman, in Greg Oliver, Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame Heroes

Kaylee: "Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew. It's where the trouble started."
Mal: "'Kay, I need that in Captain Dummy-talk, Kaylee."
Kaylee: "We're dead in the water."

Firefly

“I’ll let you choke me. Before you know it, your wrist is broke — if I want. I take what you give me, but in the long run, I make you give me what I want.”

— Danny Hodge, in Sports Illustrated, 2009

River: "You're afraid we're going to run out of air, that we'll die gasping. But we won't. That's not going to happen." [Book looks up at her, hopefully.] "We'll freeze to death first."

Firefly

"JT: You are here for the job, aren't you?
Nic: You must be Wayne?
Wayne: Yes. And you're Lyle from Dallas, right? Good. Now just, uh, why don't you take your coffee and let's get back into the office."

— Red Rock West

Mal: "I'm gettin' a little weary of this attitude, Wash."
Wash [chuckling]: "Are you? Well, I'm so very sorry, sir. I guess the news that we're all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few hours has made me a little snippy."

Firefly

"Ill have a frozen margarita, and my lady here will take the girliest drink you have."
— Two margaritas coming up!"

— paraphrase of some bit of dialogue from some long-forgotten movie or movies.

Wash: "Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when you're about to die!"

Firefly

"Rich, soft, and long/tall! You must search for a while/long."

— La boum (not exactly what the French dialogue says, but am too lazy to rewind and do the exact...good enough. BTW, I change my opinion, at least the first La boum. It's somewhat amusing, I guess.)

The subtitles in EN are not that good, but good enough, I guess.

Mal: "Bester, get your prairie harpy off my boat, and put us back in the air."

Firefly

"I aint flying nowhere with that crazy sucker Murdoch!"

— if I told you, it would rob the little gray cells of long-term memory :)

Kaylee: "Sometimes a thing gets broke, can't be fixed."

Firefly

"Norm: Oh, yeah yeah. You know much about the game?
Girl: No, not really.
Norm: Oh, well basically you know I was the greatest hockey player of all time."

— The Norm Show

Mal: "If it's Alliance trouble you got, you might want to consider another ship. Some on board here fought for the Independents."

Firefly

"It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?"

Inara: "That's the last time you get to call me 'whore.'"
Mal: "Absolutely. Never again."

Firefly

"Oh is that Laurie's sister?
Norm: Oh, yeah, she's just like Laurie except she's hot! Not that Laurie's not hot, it's just I respect Laurie and that kind of wrecks it, you know."

-- The Norm Show

Mal: "I'm not leaving Serenity."
Inara: "Mal, you don't have to die alone."
Mal: "Everybody dies alone."

Firefly

"Laurie: I don't know, I'm a little nervous. I've never, er, done this before.
Norm: Oh. Yeah, well, eating with a fat guy is scary the first time, but, you know, he'll share with you, he's all right.
Laurie: Can I be honest with you, please?
Norm: Oh yeah, sure, but it kind of makes me suspicious of everything you've said up to this point."

The Norm Show

Mal: "Which one you figure tracked us?"
Zoe: "The ugly one, sir."
Mal (nods, pauses): "Could you be more specific?"

Firefly

“The crowd I saw [Cirque du Soleil] with were nothing but red-state, pro-Bush solid American citizens giving standing ovations to the gayest thing I've ever seen in my life.”

--Patton Oswalt

Marco: "Do we look reasonable to you?"
Mal: "Well, looks can be deceiving."

Firefly

"Four fried chickens.
--How you want them, chicken legs, thighs, breasts?
Four whole fried chickens.
--And a coke."

Captain: "You woulda done the same."
Mal: "We can already see I haven't. Now get the hell off my ship."

Firefly

"Do you have any fried chicken, ma'am?
-- Best damned chicken in the state!"

Salesman: "Yep. Real beauty, ain't she? Yes, sir. Right smart purchase, this vessel. I tell you what: you buy this ship, treat her proper - she'll be with you for the rest of your life."

Firefly

"You know how dad taught us the basics of electrical appliance repair?
-- Sure. You leave the appliance powered on, and you use a fork."

-- The Norm Show S03E01

Wash (to Inara): "Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?"
Inara: "Ariel's quite a nice place, actually. There are some beautiful museums, not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the core."
Wash: "But... not boring, like she made it sound."

Firefly

"Ow! Why is your tongue so sharp! Why do you have to press so hard?"

-- tweet from actress Whitney Moore, co-star of Birdemic.

Safe for work, just amusing.

Mal: "No one is setting foot on that fancy rock. I don't want anyone leaving the ship. Come to think of it, I don't want anyone looking out the windows or talking aloud."

Firefly

Norm: "No, no, Laurie, you got to put it in a way kids will understand. Let me explain it to you this way, Hector. You see, a man has what's called a bunny rabbit. A woman has a cabbage patch. Now, in order to get a baby, the bunny rabbit has to hop into the cabbage patch. Now, sometimes, through no fault of the bunny rabbit, you know, too much to drink, stress, whatever, who knows, maybe he's heard about a bigger bunny rabbit that's been in the cabbage patch earlier, whatever it is. Often times the bunny rabbit has to look at explicit photographs before he can even go near the damn cabbage..."

— The Norm Show

Wash: "Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use 'Companion' as a verb?"

Firefly

Jess (Zoë Deschanel): "I am going to have a one night stand. Tonight it's all about what 'Little Jess' [points toward crotch] wants."

— Easy Girl (TV series).

Jayne: "Unable to get a neural...."
Simon (coaching him in medical jargon): "Response."
Jayne: "Response! Hell, I don't know. If I wanted schooling, I'd-a gone to school."

Firefly

"— What happen to you in real life that made you like this?
I graduated from MIT and then I got into a horrible accident and I lost half my brain."

— New Girl S2

Simon: "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!"
Mal: "Now all we need are a couple o' patients."
Simon: "Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead."
Jayne: "Huh. I'm starting to like this plan."

Firefly

"Schmidt: Where's Krista?
Brother of Schmidt: Krista and I have a new arrangement. I can sleep with whoever I want, but she doesn't speak to me or live with me anymore."

— New Girl

Mal: "Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery."

Firefly

"Are you actually cooking a fritatta in a saucepan? What is this, prison?"

— New Girl

Jayne: "The doc did good, comin' up with that job. Don't mean I like 'im any better. Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash. Maybe I'll give him a tattoo while he's out."

Firefly

"You walk into a shoe store with one-hundred-and-fifty, you come out with one shoe!"

— The Color of Money

River (after slashing Jayne): "He looks better in red."

Firefly

"'How did you do that?' you asked, incredulous.

The pithy, monosyllabic answer uttered in response changed your life forever: 'Vim.'"

— Vim Creep

Doctor, to Mal: "You must be new. Don't get comfortable. Your type doesn't last long here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disresp— AGHHH!"
[He collapses. Behind him, Zoe lowers defibrillator paddles.]
Zoe: "Clear."

Firefly

"Oh, no. No dogs are allowed on the shuttle, son. I am afraid Scraps will have to be shot.
<BANG>
—SCRAPS!!!! He shot him! He shot Scraps!"
Eh, heh, just joking! Just blanks. See, Scraps is fine!"

— Airplane II: The Sequel

River: "Your toes are in the sand."
Jayne: "And your head's up your—"
Simon: "Hey! Back off."

Firefly

"Striker, you get that ship down, and down safe, there just might be a few of us who will forget about Macho Grande."

—Airplane II: The Sequel

Mal (reacting to Zoe and Wash's embrace): "Cut it out! The job's not done 'til we're back on Serenity."
Zoe: "Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment."

Firefly

"In his drive to create the world’s most efficient company, Jeff Bezos discovered what he thought was another inefficiency worth eliminating: hourly employees who spent years working for the same company."

— New York Times "daily email" June 15, 2021

Jayne: "You know what I'd appreciate? You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me. I'm trying to figure a way out of here. I can't do it with you yammerin'."

Firefly

Ziskey: " So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulties? A little English? [some dude raises hand] Yes? You speak some English?"
Some dude: "Son of bitch. Shit."
Class: "Son of bitch. Shit."

— Stripes

River: "Two by two, hands of blue... two by two, hands of blue...."

Firefly

“The goal of these two changes is to make our safety safer and more equitable."

— Ted Wheeler

What two changes?

"Don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”

— "Rick," Casablanca

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Elendil's Heir

What two changes?

---

Hmmm?

"Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch are over!"

— Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, Senior Drill Instructor!

OK, fine. The two changes are that municipal/city police are not advised to pursue violations not immediately or in se hazardous, whatever that means, and that city police are not to begin conversing with subjects about the contents of their person without telling them of their right to refuse any search.

It's really not a big deal. A bit of wallpaper. But it could be significant for a smaller town that has been, I would say, besieged by a number of foreign interests, especially including by all prejudice inhabitants of neighboring states and counties.

Mr. Wheeler's phrasing may have been a bit inept, but it's forgivable, certainly. But there are at least two reasons, in persona, that his state, pace KBrown(D) and city lag far behind according to any metric one wishes to apply.

here's a link to ABC news, that should go back to the AP Wire desk. It's not important: hillbilly yokels yield to pressure. Building codes under fire. New petitions against tax.

Not intended to be inflammatory, and it's not at all the biggest local news. A small sop, if anything.

Like the man said, "don't amount to a hill of beans." QED.

Gotcha, and thanks for the explanation.

Inara: "What's going on here?"
Kaylee: "Oh, well, let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain 'n' Zoe are off springing the others got snatched by the Feds!"

Firefly

"I play pool like I fuck: everything goes in except the balls."

— ancient corny poolroom joke

Mal (with Jayne trapped in the airlock): "You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. I don't have a keel to haul you on, so...."

Firefly

"He [the Aries man] is forever discussing his new quests and projects. And she [the Capricorn woman] can find such constant narration a tad mind-numbing. — Stella Starsky, Cosmic Coupling

Mal: "You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here. You did it to me, Jayne. And that's a fact."

Firefly

Nic Cage: "Killing me won't bring back your goddamn honey! You bitches! You bitches!"
— The Wicker Man

Mal: "The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face."

Firefly

"There's only two men I trust. One is me. And the other is not you."

— Con Air

^ Great line!

Book (discussing Xiang Yu, an ancient Chinese warrior-poet): "He said, 'Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man.'"
Simon: "What if you don't live near a volcano?"
Book: "I expect he was being poetical."

Firefly

Fish: "He said I was at the time of my life when my body is going through changes."
Barney: "Sounds like menopause."
Fish: "It is menopause. I caught it from Bernice."

— Barney Miller

Simon: "The government did this to her."
Book: "A government is a body of people; usually, notably ungoverned."
Simon: "Now you're quoting the Captain."

Firefly

"But it’s important for this couple [Aries man, Cancer woman] to let the cracks show, and to delve below the surface."

— Starkey and Quinn, Cosmic Coupling

Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten - you're moon-lighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?"
Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist."

Firefly

"There is no denying that Aries’s astrological influences predispose him to an innate sense of grabby entitlement, if not more than his fair share of arrogance."

— Starky, Cox, Sextrology. The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes

Mal: "Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots...."

Firefly

"Call it.
— Heads."

— The Hustler (film)

Wash: "It's Jayne being so generous with his cut [of a recent heist] that confuses and frightens me."
Zoe: "It does kind of freeze the blood."

Firefly

"Get the fuck out of here, what fucking woman?"

— Goodfelllas

Mal: "That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.... About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is."

Firefly

Max (Brando): "Nick [De Niro]! You look like shit! What's your secret?"

— The Score, directed by Frank Oz

Zoe: "Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?"
Wash: "You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, Lamby-Toes."

Firefly

Cindy: "Don't get offended by this question but, are you gonna kill me or something?"
Matrix: "No."
Cindy: "I suppose you wouldn't tell me if you were."
Matrix: "Sure I would."

— Commando

Wash: "I love the fact that you two are old army buddies, and you got wacky stories with ribcages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?"

Firefly

John Matrix: "Why don't they just call him Girl George? It would cut down on the confusion."

— Commando

Zoe: "Right. 'Cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!"

Firefly

David Lynch: "Here in LA, kind of a haze, a hazy, sunny morning. Very still right now. Around 66 degrees farenheit, 19 celsius. This morning I was thinking about the group, Pink Floyd."

— David Lynch's Weather Report 7/15/21

Wash: "No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it's kinda crowded."

Firefly

"Did you enjoy Mongo Santamaria's music? Good for you, but he really is a pig! The bandages on his fingers do not imply a gentle man."

— Found art in the NYC area, date unknown

River: "I... I threw up on your bed."
Simon: "Yup. Definitely my sister."

Firefly

"Well, it's time for the weekend projects. Uh they may be the same projects we had during the week, but, whatever. I hope they go smoothly, and they turn out great. This afternoon, it'll be going up to 84 degrees farenheit, around 29 celsius, and, it looks like, there will be blue skies and golden sunshine."

— David Lynch's Weather Report 7/17/21 UTC -7

Jayne (after seeing a beautiful woman come aboard for some... intimate time with Inara): "I'll be in my bunk."

Firefly

Vincent Hanna (Pacino): "I bet she's got a GREAT ASS! And you got your head all the way up it!"

— Heat (Michael Mann, dir.)

Wash: "Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead — me and the Captain."
Mal: "The Captain who's standing right here, telling you that's not going to happen?"

Firefly

"I was in a local Guitar Center store looking at a Les Paul. When the salesman asked what I'd be playing with it, I said jazz and some blues. the salesman then asked, 'who plays jazz on a Les Paul.' I replied, 'Well, Les Paul for one.'"

— an anecdote heard on some jazz guitar forum

Mal: "Okay [chuckling], um... I'm lost. Uh... I'm angry. And, I'm armed."

Firefly

"Good morning. It's July twenty-three. Two thousand twenty one. And if YOOOOOOOU can believe it, it's a Friday once again."

— David Lynch's Daily Weather Report 23-vii-2021

Wash: "Bye, hon." [sarcastic] "We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas!" [turning to Mal] "So... are we gonna sing army songs or something?"

Firefly

"Well, you know, if a very, very heavy set women were to come on to this set and started eating, you know, hot dogs, and as a joke, and maybe sing some songs, it would change this atmosphere. you know."

— interview David Lynch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTv2c2rptLw

Inara: "If I choose a woman, she tends to be extraordinary in some way. And the fact is, I occasionally have the exact same need you do. One can not always be one's self in the company of men."
Councilor: "Never, actually."

Firefly

“They played for the smile of music, a good drink of whiskey, and if you played good enough you got a good lookin’ girlfriend!” — Buddy Guy, guitarist and singer, unknown source.

Mal: "Look— this thing, with you and Zoe—"
Wash: "Really not looking to talk on that topic."

Firefly

“To be trustworthy is not more important than seeming to be trustworthy.” — Peter Lorre's character in the movie Beat the Devil

Mal: "Hey, I let that [stupid (in Chinese)] trick of yours slide back there because this is a milk run. But when I go on a mission, I'm taking Zoe, and that's the drill. You know that. I mean, what happens if we get in a situation here?"
Wash: "Hey, I've been in a firefight before. [Pauses] Well, I was in a fire. [Pauses] Actually, I was fired, from a fry cook opportunity. [Pauses again.] I can handle myself."

Firefly

"Shut up, you skinny bucket of piss! You're not worth going to jail for, for murder."

— Birdy an Alan Parker film.

Mal: "You okay?"
Wash: [Panicking] "I think I've been kidnapped."
Mal: "Yeah."

Firefly

"I assume that per over-the-top regulations that Robert Loggia alternates between calling him 'Bate' and 'Bates.'"

— commentary track to Psycho II

Wash: "I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's happening then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting, and possibly scheming. So, whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back. With the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now... what do I do?"
Mal: "Probably not talk quite so much."
Wash: "Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic."

Firefly

"It was a Trojan Horse, Morty. Never trust the French. All right, fun is fun, but now the federal government is going to be pissed again. Way to go. And on America's birthday, or whatever the fuck Thanksgiving is."

— some cartoon

Wash: "I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor, and obey."
Mal: "Listen, if— [surprised] She swore to obey?"
Wash: "Well, no... not — but that's just my point! You, she obeys! She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose!"

Firefly

"Well. Here we go, for the weekend projects. Sometimes they're the same projects that we work on during the week. But whatever the case, good luck to us all."

— David Lynch's Weather Report 14-viii-2021

Mal: "There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey."
Wash: "Name one!"
Mal: "She married you!"

Firefly

"Lillian: I always knew that Kitty was a perverted little snatch!"

Gittes: Lillian! Lillian, please. I'm trying to be a gentleman about this. Now get down on your knees."

— The Two Jakes

Simon (looking at a severed ear): "Well, it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it... that's assuming there's a head."

Firefly

"Yes, Jeffrey, that is a human ear. You did right by bringing it to me. I'll send it over to the coroner's office.
Detective Williamson, what do you think they might be able to find out?"

— Blue Velvet (paraphrase)

Niska: "Do you know the writings of a Xiang Yu?"
Mal (straining in pain from torture): "You starting a book club?"

Firefly

"Alex went on to become Dr. Van Halen. Gynecologist, Los Anglese, CA." original music video, "Hot For Teacher."

Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?"
Book (pulling out a rifle): "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."

Firefly

"There's something I don't like about a band who always smiles."

— Dead Kennedys, "MTV."

Zoe: "Okay, people. If it moves, shoot it."
Kaylee: "Unless it's the Captain!"
Zoe: "Unless it's the Captain."

Firefly

"If warm air rises, then Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

— Steven Wright

River (after effortlessly killing three bad guys): "No power in the 'verse can stop me."

Firefly

"This is a formica table. Green is its color."

— Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me

Mal (fighting a torturer who had earlier revived him): "Haven't you killed me enough for one day?"

Firefly

"We were all sitting there going, 'Where's this guy Brian? He should have been here an hour ago.' 'Oh him? He's downstairs playing pool with the roadies.' So we thought, well, at least he plays pool."

— Malcolm Young in AC/DC Hell Ain't A Bad Place To be

Simon: "I, uh, I never — never shot anyone before."
Book: "I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone… yet."

Firefly

"Are you out of your goddamned mind? What in the hell is wrong with you people?"

— a daily refrain of indeterminate repetitions by an unnamed person upon hearing uncontrolled "pet" canids out his or her goddamned window at home.

Mal (as the show opens, he is sitting naked on a rock in the middle of a desert): "Yep. That went well."

Firefly

"What do women and Nvidia have in common?




...




They both do not make very good drivers."

— joke heard somewhere (Nvidia is a company that makes graphics cards for computers, and probably other stuff, and causes a lot of grief among those kids and their video gamerings and their linux...hardware devices use a small bit of very low-level code to "communicate" with various hardware and software layers, called "drivers"...rather difficult to write them, unless assembly language is your native tongue. Their drivers may not be great for other platforms -- dunno -- but I hear linux people complain about them all the time).

Monty: "Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then you… I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!"

Firefly

"Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary, you know what you'd find?'
"A picture of me?"
"No! The definition of the word 'idiot', which you fucking are!"

— Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Mal: "You're gonna want to pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow."

Firefly

"I just have this thing inside me that wants to eat and conquer. Maybe it’s egotistical, but I have it in me. I don’t want to be a tycoon. I just want to conquer people and their souls.”

— Mike Tyson

Mal: "You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall."

Firefly

"'So I did the show and at 4.30 in the morning I was fired,” says Lemmy. He had the last laugh though. In addition to starting Motorhead [sic], he adds that he really enjoyed 'coming home and fucking all their old ladies. Not the ugly ones of course. But at least four. I took great pleasure in it. Eat that, you bastards.'"

— Ten Things You May Not Know About Lemmy

Stifler: "Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."

Saffron: "Mmm. You missed a spot."
Mal (frisking her): "Can't miss a place you've never been."

Firefly

"All these guys [Muhammed, Buddha, Jesus] had was their word, and they came from fucking nowhere. I’m not saying Nazareth is nowhere – I’m sure Jesus came from a very cool neighbourhood."

— Abel Ferrara (iconoclast film director)

Saffron: "You can't just leave me here on this lifeless piece-of-crap moon."
Mal: "I can."
Saffron: "I'll die."
Mal: "Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, 'cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness."

Firefly

"When the cast [of Buckaroo Banzai assembled at the Sepulveda Dam in Los Angeles to film the movie's end title footage, the music had not been written yet. To give them something to march to, a John Phillips Sousa march and Billy Joel's 'Uptown Girl' were played back on the location during the filming of that sequence."

— trivia site

Saffron: "This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime lined up."
Mal: "Sure. You were gonna steal a man's beard."

Firefly

"$80 for a chippy? I can get a goddamn horse for $50!"

— McCabe and Mrs. Miller

Mal: "Saffron has a notion we can walk right in there, take the Lassiter [a rare antique weapon] right off his shelf."
Wash: "I'm confused."
Saffron: "You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself?"
Wash: "No. Actually, I was wondering... [to Mal] what's she doing on this ship?"

Firefly

"Navin! I'd love you if you was the color of a baboon's ass."

— The Jerk

Wash: "We're in space! How'd she get here?"
Mal: "She hitched."
Wash: "I don't recall pulling over!"

Firefly

"And if you want to battle me, you're putting loot down
I said it's root down, it's time to scoot down
Until I step up to the mic in my goose down
Come up represent from the upper west."

— Beastie Boys, "Root Down."

River: "She's a liar."
Jayne: "That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. The plunder sounds fun enough."
River: "She's a liar, and no good will come of her."
Jayne: "Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted."

Firefly

"You're trying to tell me the FBI is going to pay me to learn to surf?"

— Point Break

River: "'Jayne' is a girl's name."
Jayne: "Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing [reaches into his pants], I'll show her good 'n' all, I got man-parts!"
Simon: "I'm... trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... it's not coming."

Firefly

"Beat it, I'm reading the sports page. [...] I don't want you to get to know you me: I like being an enigma. Like a chink. Now scram."

— Great Santini

I love The Great Santini! The book more than the movie, mind you.

Paraphrasing:

"You know, as a Marine combat pilot, that you're having a good day when your enemies are running away from you, and they're on fire."

The Great Santini

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of joe rogan blowing himself?"

— amusing (imho) tweet by comedian Blaine Capatch

(Capt. Reynolds is working, against his better judgment, with a con artist variously known as Yolanda, Saffron and Bridget)

Mal: "No one's killin' any folk today, on account o' we got a very tight schedule, Yo-Saff-Bridg."

Firefly

"You just listen to the old Pork Chop Express here now and take his advice on a dark and stormy night when the lightning's crashin' and the thunder's rollin' and the rain's coming down in sheets thick as lead. Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, 'Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.'"

— Big Trouble/Little China

Durran: "How long have you been with him?"
Mal: "Oh— pfft! We are not together."
Saffron: "He's my husband."
Mal: "Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?!"

Firefly

“What, you think Becca’s going to be psyched that you brought a bottle of lube? ‘Oh, Evan! Thank you so much for bringing that lube for my pussy! I could never handle your fucking four-inch dick inside my pussy without your gigantic bottle of lube!’ These girls are 18 years old."

— Superbad

Saffron: "I'll do anything you want me to. You know how I can make you feel."
Durran (who has called the police): "Hmm. Please. You're embarrassing yourself."
(She spin-kicks him to the floor, knocking him unconscious)
Saffron: "I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on the floor?"
Mal: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go."

Firefly

"Then I realized I haven’t watched television in like five fucking years. Even if I were to watch a show, I’d have no fucking clue what’s going on. My memory’s full. You wake up in the morning, you put your shoes on, and you try to fucking walk a straight line. That’s it."

— Dave Grohl

Saffron (crying at the loss of her latest fake husband): "You must be loving this."
Mal (sadly shaking his head, then thoughtfully nodding): "Little bit."

Firefly

"SLATER: I'm buying you a beer, McLovin.

MICHAELS: I'm buying you one too. All you guys, take note. That's how you take down a motherfucker."

— Superbad

Saffron: "You won't tell anyone about me breaking down."
Mal: "I won't."
Saffron: "Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster."

Firefly

"When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye, and asks you if you paid your dues; you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yes sir, the check is in the mail."

— Big Trouble/Little China

Simon (to Jayne, his patient): "No matter what you do, or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us… I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe. 'Cause I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way."

Firefly

"You're a very nosy fellow, kitty cat . Huh? You know what happens to nosy fellows? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh? No? Okay. They lose their noses. Next time you lose the whole thing. Cut it off and feed it to my goldfish."

— some movie. :cool:

Mal (sitting naked on a rock in the middle of a plain): "Yeah. That went well."
Inara (walking up behind him): "You call this going well?"
Mal: "We got the loot, didn't we?"
Inara: "Yes, but—"
Mal: "Then I call this a win. What's the problem?"
Inara: "Shall I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere, or the part where you have no clothes?"

Firefly

"When asked by the New York Times to explain his creative process, Stallone remarked that he was 'astounded by people who take 18 years to write something.' 'That’s how long it took that guy to write Madame Bovary,' he added. 'And was that ever on a best-seller list? No. It was a lousy book and it made a lousy movie.'"

— some brief entertainment article about Sly Stallone

You know, I always enjoy Stallone's trenchant opinions on French literature.

Simon (at a sideshow exhibit): "Yep—it's a cow fetus."
Kaylee: "Guess so. It does seem to have an awful lot of limbs."
Simon: "It's mutated."
Kaylee: "But cow? How do you figure?"
Simon: "It's upside down."
Kaylee (tilting her head to one side): "Oh yeah. Cow."
Simon: "And I'm out twelve bits! I really know how to show a girl a... disgusting time."

Firefly

“Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus two plus one plus one.”

— Clue

Wash (seeing Simon and the inverted cow fetus): "Oh, my God, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."

Firefly

"Some Bette Davis picture, some goddamned Warner Brothers epic.
— Martha, I can't remember all the pictures that came out of the Warner Brothers."

— Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Nichols film

Wash (speaking loudly, slowly, and enunciating clearly to the cow fetus): "Do not fear me! Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony."

Firefly

"All right, so he got shot in the foot: is it a big fucking deal?"

— Goodfellas

River (unsuccessfully trying to eat a spherical treat that bobs from a string): "My food is problematic."
Jayne: "Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't even figure out how to eat an ice planet."

Firefly

"Can you get us to Longview in twenty minutes? — Sure. An extra quarter tip!"

— The Out of Towners

Jayne (proudly wearing his mother's colorful home-knit cap): "How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don't you think?"
Kaylee: "I think it's the sweetest hat ever."
Wash: "A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything."
Jayne: "Damn straight!"

Firefly

"I am so wet now I couldn't be any drier."

— Sandy Dennis in The Out of Towners

Jayne (after Zoe and Mal open a coffin-sized box to find a body): "What'd y'all order a dead guy for?"

Firefly

"Sidney. Sit down, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fucking thing."

— Midnight Run

Love that movie!

"I have no intention of dying now. But if I'm going to, allow me to choose where and how."

Col. Kurt Steiner, The Eagle Has Landed

"Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television."

— Gore Vidal

Zoe: "First rule of battle, little one… don't ever let them know where you are."

Firefly

"Hard Ten. A woman's best friend."

Dictionary of Gambling

Tracey (after Zoe kills an enemy soldier who was about to shoot him): "Thanks. I didn't know you were out there."
Zoe: "Sort of the point. Stealth - you may have heard of it."
Tracey: "I don't think they covered that in Basic."
Zoe: "Well, at least they covered 'Dropping Your Weapon So You Can Eat Beans and Get Yourself Shot.'"
Tracey: "Yeah, I got a badge in that."

Firefly

"I live on a lonely avenue. My little girl wouldn't say how do."

— Doc Pomus, "Lonely Avenue"

Mal: "They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself."

Firefly

"It ain't the years, it's the mileage."

— some movie, whatever