An Unorthodox Meditation

I have tried yoga. I have tried prayer. I have tried hypnosis. I have sat quietly and sought a peaceful place in my mind. I have been told that this is how you hear your soul, by shutting out the outside. Yet, there's always a part of my mind that remains awake. An inner narrative that has to analyze it all and decide what the appropriate reaction should be. What does the hypnotist want to hear? How can people believe this religion? Am I doing this position right, or do I look stupid? Did I remember to turn the oven off?

The closest thing I'd ever found to inner peace or a spiritual experience was walking the labyrinth outside of a Catholic church. My mind let go and I simply was. No thoughts, no worries, no "me." Simply experience. Pure and quiet and right.

Of course, I'm not Catholic and Catholicism makes me feel none of those things. It was following that path around and around, not the church, that gave me that peace.

No matter how many times I tried meditation, I couldn't find that feeling again. I tried music and guided meditations. I tried reading books and listening to the descriptions of what others experienced. But, always, my mind was busy. Always, I was thinking about what I should be experiencing instead of what I was.

One trap I fell into was that in so many of these scenarios I was told to picture a place where I felt at peace. I always feel at peace when I'm out walking, so I tried picturing the places where I go for walks, yet the places held no meaning to me. Wyoming Street back in Boulder City or North Road in Earl are not, in and of themselves, peaceful places.

Today, as I was hiking through the woods, I finally realized what was missing. It isn't the place that brings me that feeling of purity, joy and serenity. It's no church, or deity, or screed. It's the journey. When I walk, I feel what others seek in prayer. When I climb the hills and sweat and breathe the cool air deep, I meditate.

My mind grows quiet, because it's occupied with my body. I'm not a brain sitting inside of my head, obsessing over pointless, transient thoughts. I am my feet, my legs, my arms, my hair in the breeze. I am a piece of the Earth, temporarily walking free but eventually returning to her.

There are no transient thoughts to obsess over, because when I walk everything is transient. The twig can only be broken under my foot once. That particular squirrel will only run across my path today. The undergrowth is different every year, every day, every moment. Today, the water is flowing as ice melts. Later, the ice will be gone entirely. This is what life ultimately is. The stresses of work, the worries about money, the wondering of what to do next, are all transient. They are all twigs in the forest, someday to be broken.

Last year's leaves rustle in a dry, papery way as I walk. Last spring, they were buds. Next spring, they will be soil. Someday, I will be the soil, too, and the roots I feed won't care what school I went to or how I styled my hair.

Heaven, to me, would be an eternal path to follow. I would get muddy and I would get wet. Sometimes, I would be hot and sometimes I would be cold. There would be hills to climb and plains to cross. I would walk through forests and I would walk through fields. I would observe the world around me and be a part of it as well, unquestioningly.

Going quiet and listening to my mind does me no good. My soul must be in my heart, and she must beat hard to whisper in my ear.

Wow, Caerie. Rarely does a post capture me like that. Beautiful.

That was amazing. If it's okay with you, I'd like to save this to share with good friends and to read it whenever I need to feel good.

FloatyGimpy, thank you!

jali, I don't mind at all, so long as you attribute it to me.

I think with my feet, so I invariably end up doing my best writing after I've been out hiking. It was good to finally pay homage to that.

Very nice - I'm guessing you've figured out by now that whatever works for you is good. :)

Pretty much, yeah. Yoga might be good for staying limber, but if I want some inner peace I'm putting on my hiking boots. :lol:

Yep, I need to walk outside as well. I have found that using my Nano is not so good, either--it's nice, but I don't get the same peace (probably because it's a distraction). I can also get the same "zen" from some heavy gardening. Does a body good.

I was just out in the yard clearing out some of last year's growth, and as I was snipping away in the sun, cats roaming around me, I was wondering what I should be doing this afternoon. It occurred to me that I was *doing* what I should be doing this afternoon, and it didn't even feel like work. I'll put my vote in for zen gardening, too. :)

Walks are good.

Haven't done it in a few years now since I quit smoking pot, but I used to take a lot of drives into the country, smoke a little weed and just drive around. Good for de-stressing.

Oh, yes, I agree entirely about the gardening, too. It's wonderfully relaxing and makes me feel accomplished, even if all I did was pull a few weeds. Anything you do is just so easy to visually appreciate and there's the sun and growing plants and the smell of good dirt all around you. Let's hear it for zen gardening!

Pfft. You're such a neopagan. You just don't know it yet. :wink:

You know, WhyNot, I'd actually thought about you while I was writing this. But can one be a neopagan while also completely rejecting the concepts of deities and the supernatural? :wink:

Makes me want to go for a walk.

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Originally posted by Caerie

You know, WhyNot, I'd actually thought about you while I was writing this. But can one be a neopagan while also completely rejecting the concepts of deities and the supernatural? :wink:

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Absolutely! Many (most?) of us do just that. Or consider deities and the supernatural to be metaphorical or psychological, or toys which are fun to play with and good conversation starters. One of my favorite quotes, from author and magickian Lon Milo DuQuette, is, “It’s all in your head. You just have no idea how big your head is!"

There are lots of atheist neopagans, and even more agnostic ones. Almost all of us would argue that there is no supernatural - there may be natural laws we don't yet know or understand, but nothing is outside the laws of nature.

The best thing, IMHO, about neopaganism is there is no one Way. Whatever fulfills (as you define it) you (as you define it) in a spiritual (as you define it) way (as you define it) is all good (as you define it). Your Path, your Will, your Work, your responsibility. It's the most disorganized religion there is!

Interesting! I'll have to admit, my only real interaction with neopaganism aside from reading books is my cousins. They literally treat The Mists of Avalon as both a holy text and history book (one of them once argued with me about a research paper I wrote on Sir Gawain, because it was based on older legends rather than "the real story"). It's somewhat reassuring to know not everyone is like that.

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Originally posted by Caerie

Oh, yes, I agree entirely about the gardening, too. It's wonderfully relaxing and makes me feel accomplished, even if all I did was pull a few weeds. Anything you do is just so easy to visually appreciate and there's the sun and growing plants and the smell of good dirt all around you. Let's hear it for zen gardening!

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This is one of my favourite times of year, when the shoots start coming up, and I spend a little time every day in the yard peering at my beds to see what's sprouted. I love perennials for this - I put 'em in the ground, and year after year, they come back. It feels like a kind of magic for me. When my perennials bloom, I'm so happy for them.

And when someone plucks one of my flowers because I made the mistake of putting it too close to the sidewalk, or someone walks over my beds, I want to educate them on why they shouldn't do that. With my spade.

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Originally posted by Caerie

Interesting! I'll have to admit, my only real interaction with neopaganism aside from reading books is my cousins. They literally treat The Mists of Avalon as both a holy text and history book (one of them once argued with me about a research paper I wrote on Sir Gawain, because it was based on older legends rather than "the real story"). It's somewhat reassuring to know not everyone is like that.

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If you're bored, check out Wicca: For the Rest of Us. While I'm not Wiccan, and Wiccan is not "anything goes" (at least not when it's practiced by intelligent conscientious people) a lot of the larger philosophy and information about neopaganism and neopagan concerns in general transcends the title of the website. There are logical and rational alt spiritality people out there. I admit it's sometimes hard to find them.


(And I LOVE the theology in Mists of Avalon. Wonderful story. I'd love to create a spiritual community based on the principals and rites as described in the book, I really would! But that's a far cry from believing it's an historical account of anything that actually existed. It's fiction, fun though it might be to bring it to life.)

I'm checking the site out now. Thanks for the recommendation. I'm heartened to see what they have under "the Old Religion" right off the bat. If nothing else, it looks to be well researched, which is always nice.

(It was, indeed, a fantastic book, but I worry about anyone when they start going "fundamentalist" about a book and can't see beyond it, be it a philosophical fantasy, the Bible, or a Buffy novelization. :wink: )

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Originally posted by Caerie

(It was, indeed, a fantastic book, but I worry about anyone when they start going "fundamentalist" about a book and can't see beyond it, be it a philosophical fantasy, the Bible, or a Buffy novelization. :wink: )

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Let's not be hasty here...do I get to be the Priestess of Doing Naughty Things To Spike? 'Cause I'm sold on that one! :lol:

Heh - about the closest religion to my spirituality right now is Jedi.

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Originally posted by WhyNot

Let's not be hasty here...do I get to be the Priestess of Doing Naughty Things To Spike? 'Cause I'm sold on that one! :lol:

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Ooo, well...can I be your acolyte?

Nirvana, enlightenment, universal unity, etc. Good stuff, and a very difficult place to arrive at intentionally. Interesting that Avalon should come up, as it's supposed to be a very difficult place to arrive at unintentionally.

Caerie, why did you title the OP "An Unorthodox Meditation?" Wordplay? Or a genuine belief that your line of thinking is odd? I'm not minimizing you if it's the latter--I never felt more alien and alone than when I realized that we are all just blobs in the lavalamp of life, allowed fleeting periods of illusory independence and destined to meld with other bits of goo...and that I didn't know anyone who agreed with that line of thought.

It was wordplay, mostly. It's not unorthodox in that it's unusual or rare, because I think lots of people find peace in physical activity and being outdoors. I described it as unorthodox because it's an unstructured, nonreligious way for me to experience what others find in spirituality.