Stop With the Evocative Names for Scents and Flavors!

I was at the supermarket today, and had a little time in the checkout line to look around. Normally I try to avoid looking at the candy display, because, well, I don't really need candy. (Now if only I could use that same will power to avoid the soda aisle.) But I was intrigued to see a new packaging style I'd not noticed before: Wrigley's new 5 flavors of chewing gum.

I'll admit that the packaging caught my eye, and it had been a while since I'd had some gum, so I looked a bit closer, to see what flavors were available.

Cobalt, Rain, Flare, Elixer and Lush.

Just in case you don't believe me, here's the website, with the gums displayed and their flavors labeled. Obviously, I've not been paying too much attention to gum, if these were rolled out in 2007 and 2008, but still - I expect flavors to actually be something that I can taste.

Besides, who's going to willing choose to ingest something labeled Cobalt, anyways? It's not a toxin, but I'm most familiar with Co-60, which isn't exactly healthy food, either. Rain? I've actually drunk some rain water. Bleh. Aeration is the best thing for cold water. Flare, this one I can actually guess is a cinnamon flavor, but given that it's linked to bleh, and a toxin, I'm still not willing to try it. Then we get to Lush. I know what a lush is. A lush is a polite term for the guy you stepped over in the gutter with his half empty Colt 45 bottle next to him. I don't want to taste him, dammit. Smelling him was bad enough.

And Elixer. *sigh* Elixer is a wonderful word that means almost anything. But it's got nothing to do with flavor. If I were to name something as having the flavor of Elixer it would be a cola-flavored something, because Coca-Cola is my Elixer of Life. But I doubt that's what they were going for.

What's wrong with simply labeling the flavor?

Oh, yes. I noticed those just the other day, as my nephew had requested a massive amount of gum for his birthday (long story) and so I bought him a package of every single flavor I could find. Those confused the hell out of me and I wasn't sure if they were copies of flavors I'd already grabbed or not, so I just took one of each, because I wasn't going to sit around and try to dissect their stupid flavor metaphors.

However, the website informs me that Rain is spearmint, Cobalt is peppermint, Flare is cinnamon, Elixir is berry and Lush is "tropical." Rain and Cobalt are in no way evocative of types of mint, damnit. I would have never guessed that's what they were flavored.

Oh, and each flavor provides a "unique sensory experience." What the fuck? It's gum.

I posted a thread on the Dope ages ago asking why there aren't completely new flavours made in the way that 'artificial' fruit flavours are. After all, if chemists can make 'Earwax' flavoured jelly beans, why can't they come up with completely new 'fruit-like' or 'spice-like' flavours with a distinct character all of their own?

I'd have liked to think that 'Rain', 'Cobalt', 'Flare', 'Elixir', and 'Lush' were 5 examples of these, but I guess not.

Now, that would have been really cool, TheFlame. Instead, they're just the same old thing with goofy names. Alas.

"Unflavored for me!" — Maude Flanders ordering ice cream.

I was hoping that Lush tasted like Miki Berenyi, but alas no.

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Originally posted by Caerie

Oh, and each flavor provides a "unique sensory experience." What the fuck? It's gum.

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You're supposed to rub it all over your body when you're done chewing it. You didn't get the memo?

There's a new ad for some kind of potpourri-like deodorizer, that takes the form of "crystals" that you're supposed to put in a bowl and leave on your end table. In the ad, they mention "three premium scents." The fuck? Premium scents? do I have to shove a quarter up my nose to smell them?

Joe

I hate this. They've been doing it with deodorants for years now. "Fresh Scent"! "Cool Water"! "Spring"! "Sport"!

Yes, yes, that's very evocative. I'm sure your marketing people are enjoying their bonuses. NOW WHAT DO THOSE SMELL LIKE?! Buying deodorant has become a pig in a poke...you really have no idea what you're buying until you get it home and open it.

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Originally posted by jayjay

I hate this. They've been doing it with deodorants for years now. "Fresh Scent"! "Cool Water"! "Spring"! "Sport"!

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The ones marketed at young men are just stooopid. I picked up some Axe deodorant for my son the other day. "Vice". Vice is a scent?! Great, just what I need, a son who smells like trouble. Does this make him more attractive to cops?

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Originally posted by jayjay

I hate this. They've been doing it with deodorants for years now. "Fresh Scent"! "Cool Water"! "Spring"! "Sport"!

Yes, yes, that's very evocative. I'm sure your marketing people are enjoying their bonuses. NOW WHAT DO THOSE SMELL LIKE?! Buying deodorant has become a pig in a poke...you really have no idea what you're buying until you get it home and open it.

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Pfft. I open them in the store.

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Originally posted by jayjay

I hate this. They've been doing it with deodorants for years now. "Fresh Scent"! "Cool Water"! "Spring"! "Sport"!

Yes, yes, that's very evocative. I'm sure your marketing people are enjoying their bonuses. NOW WHAT DO THOSE SMELL LIKE?! Buying deodorant has become a pig in a poke...you really have no idea what you're buying until you get it home and open it.

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Preach it brother jayjay. I have no idea what "Sport" or "Mountain Rush" smell like. Well now I do, because I open one of the packages at the store and smell away. Then if I like it, I buy it, but if I don't, it goes right back on the shelf.

Don't even get me started on the Axe products.

"Yes, but DO people want fire that can be fitted nasally?"

The people who go into advertising are not the brightest bulbs on the planet.

Unfortunately, their dim bulb decisions are actually approved by senior management.

Which can only make you either question the intelligence and sanity of company management, or wonder what went on behind closed doors in order for blatant stupidity like that to be approved and fed to the public.

This has vaguely irritated me for some time, but I didn't really think about it.

Now that you all have posted, the vague irritation is developing into a real annoyance.

I wear oils as scent more often than perfume and there are oils I've never tried because of their names. "Black Love" (wtf?), "Midnight", and "Summer Madness" are three I can think of.

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Originally posted by jali

I wear oils as scent more often than perfume and there are oils I've never tried because of their names. "Black Love" (wtf?), "Midnight", and "Summer Madness" are three I can think of.

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Ah, you're one for the classics, are you?

E.g., "Extra Virgin Olive" ;)

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Originally posted by jayjay

I hate this. They've been doing it with deodorants for years now. "Fresh Scent"! "Cool Water"! "Spring"! "Sport"!

Yes, yes, that's very evocative. I'm sure your marketing people are enjoying their bonuses. NOW WHAT DO THOSE SMELL LIKE?! Buying deodorant has become a pig in a poke...you really have no idea what you're buying until you get it home and open it.

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What should they label them as? I can't think of any deodorant I've used that smells like some particular real-world thing. I guess they could describe the ingredients in the fragrance ('with warm notes of bergamot, vanilla, and cardamom' or whatever) but that wouldn't help me any. It's the same with perfumes: Chanel no. 5 doesn't smell like the number 5, as far as I know.

Anyway if I bought "cobalt" flavored gum and it just tasted like ordinary peppermint I'd have to cut a bitch.

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Originally posted by PonderThis

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Originally posted by jali

I wear oils as scent more often than perfume and there are oils I've never tried because of their names. "Black Love" (wtf?), "Midnight", and "Summer Madness" are three I can think of.

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Ah, you're one for the classics, are you?

E.g., "Extra Virgin Olive" ;)

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Har-har!

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Originally posted by Excalibre

What should they label them as? I can't think of any deodorant I've used that smells like some particular real-world thing. I guess they could describe the ingredients in the fragrance ('with warm notes of bergamot, vanilla, and cardamom' or whatever) but that wouldn't help me any. It's the same with perfumes: Chanel no. 5 doesn't smell like the number 5, as far as I know.

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That's a good point. Prior to this recent orgy of information-free naming, most deodorants were just branded, and most people had some idea what the brands smelled like. Everyone's smelled English Leather or British Sterling or Mitchum or Brut. The problem is that now, one brands "Sport" doesn't smell like another brand's "Sport", and there are just too many variations on the shelf to every GET that kind of information or keep it straight.

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Originally posted by Excalibre

It's the same with perfumes: Chanel no. 5 doesn't smell like the number 5, as far as I know.

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I'm not going to ask what Chanel No. 1 and Chanel No. 2 are supposed to smell like.

OOooh, and they're doing it with colors, too! Pick up a tube of lip-gloss in a store, and it's named something like "Temptation." Great. Is that a cooler or warmer shade of temptation? :rolleyes:

I agree with all the irritations in this thread, but would like to add another irritation to the OP - mint everything in the gum world. Sometimes I'd like to chew some gum that wasn't "Orange/berry/cinnamon/mint" - sometimes I'd like a gum that had no mint whatsoever (and now I feel like I'm in the Spam skit - "This one doesn't have much mint"). About the only choice for that is Juicyfruit (original, not one of the 15 new flavours).

I use unscented antiperspirant sometimes - it's hard to find, though. One or two tubes amongst 65 weird-smelling ones.

I'd love to find an unscented deodorant. Can't use antiperspirant due to allergy.

Liberal, do you need something herbal, like Tom's of Maine, or are you just looking for something like Arrid unscented?

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Originally posted by featherlou

I agree with all the irritations in this thread, but would like to add another irritation to the OP - mint everything in the gum world. Sometimes I'd like to chew some gum that wasn't "Orange/berry/cinnamon/mint" - sometimes I'd like a gum that had no mint whatsoever (and now I feel like I'm in the Spam skit - "This one doesn't have much mint"). About the only choice for that is Juicyfruit (original, not one of the 15 new flavours).

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Trident does a few non-mint flavors. Scroll to the right along the bottom.

Joe

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Originally posted by OtakuLoki

Cobalt, Rain, Flare, Elixer and Lush.

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It's marketing that appeals to women, plain and simple. No man is going to be caught dead with something that is "flare" or "lush" flavored.

I'm starting to see products labeled with flavors or scents like "relaxation", "meditation", "reflection", "calm", and so on. It's basically the marketers coming to the conclusion that women, especially educated middle-class to upper middle class white women, love yoga, so they'll scoop up products that remind them of yoga.

elmwood, I'd have more faith in your theory if it weren't for the fact that some of the worst offenders these days are men's deodorants. Just off the top of my head, I happen to know that Gilette's new maximum strength comes in several scents, including "Arctic Clean." Or just look at Axe's scents: "Adrenaline," "African Amber," "Phoenix." And these are all Axe for Men. I could find other examples if you need 'em. I don't think you can blame things on just male/female dichotomies.

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Originally posted by OtakuLoki

elmwood, I'd have more faith in your theory if it weren't for the fact that some of the worst offenders these days are men's deodorants.

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But for men, though, the phenomenon doesn't seem to spread far beyond deodorant. Even then,, the themes are the same, "sport", "Arctic", "extreme", and so on. You don't see "extreme rush" flavored tea or "Arctic blast" flavored chocolate.

The information content of the names is just as null, however.

There are plenty of XtrEmE flavored energy drinks, the descriptions of which in no way resemble actual flavors in the real world. They're clearly not going for a mellow, yoga-inspired vibe.

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Originally posted by Wheresgeorge04

<snip>Trident does a few non-mint flavors. Scroll to the right along the bottom.

Joe

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Thanks for the thought, but Trident is the worst offender - I've tried all those "non-mint" flavours, and they all have mint in them. Not that I hate mint, I just don't want it in every single flavour of gum.

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Originally posted by featherlou

I agree with all the irritations in this thread, but would like to add another irritation to the OP - mint everything in the gum world. Sometimes I'd like to chew some gum that wasn't "Orange/berry/cinnamon/mint" - sometimes I'd like a gum that had no mint whatsoever (and now I feel like I'm in the Spam skit - "This one doesn't have much mint"). About the only choice for that is Juicyfruit (original, not one of the 15 new flavours).

I use unscented antiperspirant sometimes - it's hard to find, though. One or two tubes amongst 65 weird-smelling ones.

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Preach it.

I've been looking for unflavored gum for years, and the only kind I can find is novelty 'Nihilist Gum'. Annoying as heck.

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Originally posted by pedescribe

I've been looking for unflavored gum for years, and the only kind I can find is novelty 'Nihilist Gum'. Annoying as heck.

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"Nihilist Gum"? WTF? :? ?

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Originally posted by TheFlame

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Originally posted by pedescribe

I've been looking for unflavored gum for years, and the only kind I can find is novelty 'Nihilist Gum'. Annoying as heck.

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"Nihilist Gum"? WTF? :? ?

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Ask and ye shall recieve: Nihilist Gum

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Originally posted by Caerie

There are plenty of XtrEmE flavored energy drinks, the descriptions of which in no way resemble actual flavors in the real world. They're clearly not going for a mellow, yoga-inspired vibe.

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The flavors themselves don't resemble anything in the real world, with the possible exception of bull urine, but I'm not about to try it and find out. :P

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Originally posted by Vox Imperatoris

The flavors themselves don't resemble anything in the real world, with the possible exception of bull urine, but I'm not about to try it and find out. :P

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True. The closest in flavor I've ever been able to identify an energy drink with, regardless of what fruit they claim inspired it, is that of children's medicine. Those little dissolvable baby Aspirin, in particular.

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Originally posted by Caerie

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Originally posted by Vox Imperatoris

The flavors themselves don't resemble anything in the real world, with the possible exception of bull urine, but I'm not about to try it and find out. :P

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True. The closest in flavor I've ever been able to identify an energy drink with, regardless of what fruit they claim inspired it, is that of children's medicine. Those little dissolvable baby Aspirin, in particular.

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I've always thought Red Bull smelled and tasted like the old prescription children's cough syrups...disgustingly sweet with a metallic tang.

It's been a while since I drank any Red Bull, but I think it reminded me of baby aspirin.

You guys are dumb. Everybody knows you mix your redbull with your vodka and then it doesn't matter what it tastes like cause you just hit on that woman over there and theres no time for periods theres no time fuck i am macking on this girl whats her name i don't know but jesus where'd my cell phone go zoinks!

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Originally posted by hatesfreedom

You guys are dumb. Everybody knows you mix your redbull with your vodka and then it doesn't matter what it tastes like cause you just hit on that woman over there and theres no time for periods theres no time fuck i am macking on this girl whats her name i don't know but jesus where'd my cell phone go zoinks!

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ha ha ha that was pretty funny bro good work

I bought two packs of that "5" brand gum, and I think it might have been changed a little, at least from what I remember. The "Lush" flavor clearly says "a crisp tropical" under it, and the "Elixer" flavor says "a mouthwatering berry". Granted, those aren't the most descriptive terms in the world, but the real flavors probably do not exist, and could only be described through obscure foodtaster jargon.

Scratch that. For some reason, the flavor description is only printed on the outer plastic wrapper, not on the container itself. Why? And that explains why I don't remember seeing the description, too.

At least they're not mint. ;)

If you want a unique sensory experience try a Red Hot Atomic Fireball. For once a descriptive flavor name. Oh, and it also tastes like cinnamon.