So, at about 6:00 this morning, I hear Fiona barking softly. Fiona really never barks inside the house, so I went out to correct her and then take her out to pee. As I let her out of her kennel, I hear a disembodied voice muttering. I look around the corner and there's a man standing in my kitchen. Looking pretty homeless in his ragged hoodie and jeans and muttering incoherently. In my kitchen.
Most of what he was saying was just word salad, but he definitely said "I just got out" several times, and "it's cold" once or twice. At this point, artifex was out of the bedroom too and got wide-eyed. I motioned her back into the bedroom silently, adding the universal hand sign that means, "Holy shit, call the cops and tell them there's a dude in our house."
Finally, and about fifteen seconds had passed since I walked out, he seemed to notice me. He looked up from the floor to me and Fiona, whom I was holding with fingers through her collar. Still muttering to himself. I said, "You can't be here." He served up a little more word salad. So I tried again. "You need to leave. Now." At this, he shuffled to the front door, undid the three locks, and let himself out.
Three minutes later, two police cars pulled up. They found him in one of the houses across from ours, and took him someplace warm to sleep.
