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The recent unravelling of my meatspace life has lead me to wonder, is friendship a true phenomenon, or is it a bunch of Hallmark-esque mutterings and hollow pleasantries? Is friendship purely a pretense for finding people to use/abuse/manipulate/control, or is there something deeper to it? Is it luck of the draw?
Friendship is real, but it can be as rare and difficult to find as committed romantic love. There are those whose company you enjoy and with whom you socialize that are commonly called friends, and then there are friends. Marsilia is one of that special, top tier of friend to me. We've had our ups and downs and ins and outs, but the bonds of our friendship are akin to the ties of blood or marriage in depth.
Sometimes family can fall apart and marriages end in divorce and, yes, friendships can end, but they're as real as anything else while they last. Just as family or a spouse can hurt/abuse/use you, so can a friend, but unhealthy relationships and bad luck don't preclude ever finding a lasting and worthwhile bond. It's very, very difficult to think of that and believe it when you don't have that kind of friendship to rely on, though.
Yeah. I was totally going to say a lot of the stuff that Zuul just said, except the place where it says "Marsilia" would have said "Zuul," and I'm not quite as eloquent. <3
Yes, genuine friendship is real. I agree with Zuul, though - it's not necessarily very common. I only have a few - and a good percentage of them live on the opposite coast from me.
People you THINK are real friends and turn out not to be can really do a number on the psyche. :(
I think this is where my current frustration comes from. Maybe some of them are real friends, but it's a turbulent time at the moment. But a few of them most certainly are not even remotely close to being real friends. Ah well.Quote:
Originally posted by Orual
No kidding! I have some serious trust issues stemming from some fake friends. It's made actually connecting with people pretty hard for a while, now.Quote:
Originally posted by Orual
I usually put people in two categories. Friends are those people who you can rely on most of the time, will tell you when you are being stupid and can share secrets with.
Acquaintances are everyone else you happen to know whether they are people from the office, drinking buddies and so on.
Acquaintances are easy to find, but friends are hard to find, but they do exist.
I have a fairly extensive set of acquaintances but I'd count amongst my true friends (excluding my partner) in the to the wire mould as maybe 1, 2 at a stretch. My dearest friend moved away over a year ago and I've found myself increasingly isolated feeling. There's no one outside my immediately family (and partner) I could call right now out of the blue to help me.
As cynical as that is, I think it's a reasonable, if incomplete, definition of friendship: Once you factor in that the use is reciprocal, it doesn't sound nearly so vile. :)Quote:
A good friend isn't someone you can use once and throw away - a good friend is someone you can use again and again!
More seriously - I believe that there are friendships, but they're a lot more rare than people like to admit.
I think everyone likes to say they have a lot of friends, when in reality it means they know a lot of people. I think the meaning of what it means to be a friend has been diminshed over the last few years as we get to know more and more people.
Then again, as the saying goes, "A friend will help you move, a true friend will help move the bodies."
I've considered something similar, CIAS. I imagine all of the social networking sites that dub anyone you want to interact with regularly as a "friend" doesn't help either. When the word friend is getting tossed around casually, it's difficult not to use it even when it's inappropriate. It's rude to call someone your acquaintance when everyone else is calling that relationship "friends", after all.
I have a lot of friends. So for me friends exist and are one of the few things that make life worth living.
and most of my friends do not live far away, I see them at least once a week.
Most of my friends I have met through uncontrollable, random circumstance - work, residential location, university, etc. Heck, I'm being conservative - no doubt I have met all my friends like that. Which is odd if you think about it - I could very easily have gone to a different uni, and met very different people. But some of those would still be my friends.
In any group, you are naturally going to hang around with the "best", whatever you criteria for best are. Hopefully the groups you are in are large enough and not statistically skewed, so that the best are actually, well, good.
Not always the case. Also, sometimes you just have bad judgement. Sometimes you have dry spells. Which just makes finding platonic soulmates all the more special.
Real friendship is misunderstood and rare, I think.
Sarahfeena is a real friend. I have known her for years, deeply respect her opinion, and can give her shit and know that it wont compromise our relationship. I have 5 friends like this.
I have lots of casual friends, most of who I have met professionally--I enjoy their company, but do not seek it out.
But to the point, friendship really exists, but it's very rare, and rather precious.
...
A side note: I know lots of people who have lots of friends...they like each other...but their real relationships are sadly superficial.
I wonder in some of these cases--especially people who say shit like, "I just love people" they have ever had a real friend.
It's also possible that folks have very different expectations of friendship. I actually dislike having casual friends and light chit chat--I also know people who thrive on
interaction like that.
Okay, if you can't have a serious difference opinion with someone, seriously argue about something dear to both of you, and walk away still respecting each other, you're not friends.
OK, now I'm a little choked up (sniff). :)
I agree with Oliveloaf, I'm more of a deep-friendship type of person. I have a bunch of friends who are more surface-level. Mostly people I've worked with, have friends in common, get together in groups, invite them to parties, but don't make a big effort to get together with them one-on-one. I have 4 old and dear friends, three girlfriends and Oliveloaf, who I have the deep friendships with, 3 of them I've known since school days. I don't anticipate making many more friends like that in my life. The others come and go...you might be super close to them for a while, but they drift away when circumstances change. To me, the test is staying friends no matter what happens in life, or whatever life stage you're in, even if the friend isn't in the same stage.
Yeah, I don't see making new close friends, either.Quote:
Originally posted by Sarahfeena
Unless I go to prison, or something.
I've got internet friends who're closer to me than meatspace friends. There are some people I've known online for uh. 16 some odd years that are closer to me than my own non-immediate family.
Traveling and moving quite a bit makes it easier to stay in touch with people over the net.