Printable View
Does your man only feign interest in his spiritual life? Does he go out of his way to keep company with young men? Is he just too clean? Don't deny you haven't suspected, ladies. Well, live in secret shame no more because help is on its way!
ChristWire goes deep to share in-depth secrets about down low heterosexually-married homosexuals. Check out their fifteen useful tips to find out whether your guy needs a guy-on-guy intervention!
Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship.
This cracked me up. I imagined the penis actually popping up. Finally.
Maybe he’s just using you as unwitting cover as he seeks playmates in the heterosexual world.
Huh?
Feigning attention in church and prayer groups
I thought it was because I'm atheist, but maybe it's because I'm gay.
Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends
Uh oh.
Gossip websites, Glee and The Golden Girls are three well-documented icons of the gay movement that genuine heterosexual men avoid.
Well, that settles that. Any advice on breaking this to my wife?
This one just made me giggle and giggle.Quote:
If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign.
Sit her down and tell her, "Honey, the fundies tell me I'm gay." Then, let that sink in. She'll likely try to argue, but be firm. Tell her that you only thought you enjoyed your sex life, but that it's clear from The Research that you are, in fact, a big flamer. Then, explain that you really only married her to pass for normal in the church community you're not a part of. I'm sure she'll understand.Quote:
Originally posted by fachverwirrt
I think I'd be more worried if my husband came back horny from a predominantly male populated gym, but I guess he must have been thoroughly sated by all that illicit bathroom sex.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
Speaking of illicit bathroom sex, I've been informed that my place of employment used to be a pretty happening spot for illicit bathroom sex.
Quote:
Originally posted by Marsilia
Where do you work? A bus station? The YMCA?
(That should probably go in the "Ask Marsilia" post-padding thread, huh?)
fachverwirrt I believe the proper protocol is to break the news to your wife the next time you guys are boinking.
Like, whisper it in her ear or wait and scream it out upon crescendo?
Local bookstore, actually. :LOL:Quote:
Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph
I've decided to avoid the awkward conversation and just work on not being gay. So to that end I'm going to stop showering (since real men are smelly) and make sure that we only do missionary (since adventurous sex is out). Also, no lube, since that's apparently gay. I suppose I should also forget about working out and losing weight, since having a lean hard body is obviously out.
Remember: Taking off your shirt or taking any pleasure in how you look at all is gay.
Marsilia, you should search the name of your bookstore and city with 'cruising'. There are websites that list cruising spots in certain areas! That's how I proved to my family that one of the rest stops on the nearby highway is NOT just conveniently located for resting.
Yeah 'cause like, gays don't have those things. It's just fellatio fellatio fellatio all the time.Quote:
For others, homosexuality can appear later in life when men crave some escape from the monotony of careers and home life.
For the sake of trust.....you should have no trust. We're down the rabbit hole here.Quote:
For the sake of trust, a married couple should share everything, including phone logs, email accounts, chat friends and website histories.
hahahahaQuote:
Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex “hook ups.” They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels.
Myrna laughs to hide the pain of having a gay husband.
Well, the part about him having a porn addiction is true. :fail:Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
There is strong gay representation in the porn thread.
Now we just need a men's fashion forum to ferret the rest of them out.
Zuul, um. I think you and I need to have a talk.
[Old Spice Guy] Ladies, look at me, now look at your man, now back to me. Is your man looking at me? If so, he might be gay.[/OSG]
I literally lol'd. :)Quote:
Originally posted by Tuckerfan
Mmm, fellatio.Quote:
Originally posted by Myrna
We're not technically married yet.Quote:
Originally posted by Zuul
Other warning signs the author missed:
16) Frequently observed with another man's penis in his mouth or ass.
17) Owns a poodle named "Fifi."
Your man can't be with me, but with Old Spice Gay Bar he could smell like the man he'd smell like after he'd been with me. I'm on a float. HEEYAH.Quote:
Originally posted by Tuckerfan
I can be a little slow on the uptake at times, but #16 is usually a dead-giveaway for me.
I just read the article linked in the OP. My God, that is pure unintentional comedy gold. It reads like a Saturday Night Live skit.
"Conservative Values For An Unsaved World"
What a catchy forum byline! We need something like that for Mello. It'll make us a far more attractive proposition to the average web-browser.
I was just going to use the motto "Mello is gay." Do you not think that's good enough? :???:
It's a bit... gay.
Is that the whole point?
Just for the record, the website linked to is direct satire. Although, hilariously, the links at the bottom of the page do send you to actual religious websites dealing with gay spouses.
The whole point seems to be to ride the fence so that they appear to be, as much as possible, a real Christian website. But really, this article is more like an archival of real and hilarious advice given to Christian women.
Also, that Old Spice Guy is ridiculous. I'd touch him.
17. Comes home covered in ejaculate and wearing women's underwear.
18. Paid rush shipping charge when ordering Cats soundtrack.
19. Giggles when mentioning comic strip Boner's Ark.
20. Hosts Boy Scout camping reunions in backyard. Refers to tent as "love shack". Highlight of evening is DVD of Ford ads featuring Mike Rowe.
You think I didn't know that? Ah ha ha...no, no. I knew that.Quote:
Originally posted by Panther Squad
I'm sophistimacated, see...I didn't fall for their clever pretending to be a genuine non-spoof site.
I was just playing along, pretending like I actually thought it was real. Yeah, that's it...
So! Apparently this story was popular enough that it ended up breaking christwire out of the satire closet!
NYtimes article!