How do straight people have sex?

Having now found myself bored enough to finally research the question of what an unshaved pudenda looks like,* I've decided to proceed on with my other low-priority sex-ed question.**

Male -> Female, vaginal penetration:
1) Penatratee on knees, reach around from Penetrator.
Pros:
- Everyone is getting some action
Cons:
- Cold belly for lower person (?)
- Awkward positioning for upper person to hold (?)

2) Penetratee lies on belly, Penetrator lies on her.
Pros:
- No cold belly
- Comfortable position
Cons:
- Penetratee isn't getting it as good

3) Penatratee lies on back, Penetrator kneels over using hands to masturbate Penetratee
Pros:
- Everyone is getting some action
- More comfortable position for Penetrator than #1
Cons:
- One cold belly, one cold torso

4) ???

Of course cold belly syndrome can be solved through the thermostat and simple "not really an issue when going at it." So what is the default position?

And of course, according to the excerpt from the recent William Shatner interview, he was saying that vaginal sex was "something young people do." So, I'm having to guess that a sizeable percentage of male -> female sex is mutual masturbation (?) But then what, sitting side by side or facing each other seems a bit distant.

And of course, if engaging in regular vaginal sex; regular douches? Or is it more of a "do now, take a shower immediately after" type thing?

Essentially the bit that keeps me wondering isn't "how" people please each other sexually (not hard to figure out), just more of a, day-to-day, what default position/technique is the most practical in terms of comfort level for both parties without getting into yoga-esque shapes while still providing mutual gratification. Meat and peas, tried and proven. Of course, that is assuming a norm of "mutual gratification" which may or may not be accurate.

* If you pretend that the hair on the head had somehow traveled downstairs and then become curly, this is what was removed.

** Inspired by the curiosity of straight people. ***

*** Which, bizarrely, showed up here.

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How do straight people have sex?

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Ah...very well, thank you.:lol:

This was helpful, thanks.

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Originally posted by Zuul

And of course, if engaging in regular vaginal sex; regular douches?

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Definitely not. Douching is really bad for your vagina.

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Originally posted by artifex

Definitely not. Douching is really bad for your vagina.

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So this is a no, then?

http://contexts.org/socimages/files/...sol-douche.jpg

:wth:

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Originally posted by Zuul

2) Penetratee lies on belly, Penetrator lies on her.
Pros:
- No cold belly
- Comfortable position
Cons:
- Penetratee isn't getting it as good

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This is the most confusing sentence I've seen on the internet ever.

And now I shall conclude with a message from an esteemed cartoon character.

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Originally posted by Lois Griffin

Vaginal intercourse is...it..its just tops! It's the bee's knees! Oh, when your rattle it around just right, oh my god! I mean, you remember when we had that old car with the bad shocks, and I used to take the old dirt road on purpose!

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Originally posted by Orual

This is the most confusing sentence I've seen on the internet ever.

And now I shall conclude with a message from an esteemed cartoon character.

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I can't take credit for it, since all I did was change one pronoun. I'm rather confused about where concerns of "cold bellies" came into it in the first place. This isn't a problem I had ever even remotely considered.

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Originally posted by Zuul

I can't take credit for it, since all I did was change one pronoun. I'm rather confused about where concerns of "cold bellies" came into it in the first place. This isn't a problem I had ever even remotely considered.

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I think that if you're worried about your cold belly, you're really, really doing it wrong.

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Originally posted by Zuul

How do straight people have sex?

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From a man's perspective, fucking is a lot like playing pinball. You bang your hips into it and yell "Shit!" a few times and then when you yell "Damn it" a few seconds later it's over. Also, if you do it too hard everything tilts and your ball gets stuck.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, TRY again.

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Originally posted by Cluricaun

From a man's perspective, fucking is a lot like playing pinball. You bang your hips into it and yell "Shit!" a few times and then when you yell "Damn it" a few seconds later it's over. Also, if you do it too hard everything tilts and your ball gets stuck.

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...you only have one ball?

Funnily enough, these days "Lysoling my vag" would be the option I would take if I never, ever wanted to get any attention down there again. Either times have changed, or that girl's bits were seriously rank. Didn't people only bathe once a week or so back then? :roll:

One would hope. Also, ow.

In 1955, flavored Lysol was clearly an invention whose time had come. Too bad nobody jumped on that.

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Originally posted by Zuul

...you only have one ball?

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Yes, the other one got stuck in a pinball machine in Boise around 2001.

No way!!! I was there in 2003. I thought it was a dried ancho chile. That's you, lower left.

http://sixtydays.org/wp-content/them...s/chile_01.jpg

True story.

Dear Straights: Have you guys found out about oral sex yet? Because frankly that's our thing, if you guys steal that we're gonna fucking rise up and ensure that you don't do it anymore.

Also anal is our thing.

Also group sex, watersports, glory holes, and arguments over the legitimacy of newly-invented sexual identities. That shit is ours, we will cut you with knives if you try to co-opt it from us.

Also: sex toys. All ours.

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Originally posted by Exy

Dear Straights: Have you guys found out about oral sex yet? Because frankly that's our thing, if you guys steal that we're gonna fucking rise up and ensure that you don't do it anymore.

Also anal is our thing.

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We have certainly discovered these things, but I fully admit you are the masters of them. It's your world, and we are merely paying rent.

...straight people have sex?

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Originally posted by RabbitMage

...straight people have sex?

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Only on special occasions: Halloween, Rosh Hashanah, and days ending in "Y."

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Originally posted by RabbitMage

...straight people have sex?

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Look, they don't do it very often, judging from their sit-coms. Just, you know, next time you see one of them, just smile politely and realize they probably haven't done it in months.

For pete's sake.

An ordinary human woman does not need to douche or cleanse herself beyond ordinary washing. Unless you have some kind of infection, your own body will create fluids that keep you clean. Jesus H. Christ. What decade is this? The 50s? I can't believe I'm reading this on an internet message board. It reads like an ad from Redbook, 1958: "Are you fresh?" and some worried looking moron taking a box of perfumed crap and sticking it up her yazoo.

Holy fuck.

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Originally posted by vison

For pete's sake.

An ordinary human woman does not need to douche or cleanse herself beyond ordinary washing. Unless you have some kind of infection, your own body will create fluids that keep you clean. Jesus H. Christ. What decade is this? The 50s? I can't believe I'm reading this on an internet message board. It reads like an ad from Redbook, 1958: "Are you fresh?" and some worried looking moron taking a box of perfumed crap and sticking it up her yazoo.

Holy fuck.

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Well, in fairness, those ads being quoted are from decades ago.

They're so totally foreign to people of Zuul's age that she is sharing them out of horrified fascination. So this is actually evidence of how much progress we've made. :)

Sorry. I had the wrong sow by the ear. :(

I can only answer the OP's question for myself, of course: Missionary position, lights off, eyes closed. And only for procreative purposes.

Oh, wait, those are the Catholic rules, not the straight person rules. Damn, I get those mixed up all the time.

Hang on a second. I was also raised Catholic and I was told that all sex must be heterosexual and procreative. Are you people suggesting that The Church has somehow misled me?!?

But . . . missionaries for what? I mean, what if there were, you know, Hindu missionaries handing out copies of the Kama Sutra? Did you guys ever stop to think of that?

Jeez.

Never take sex advice from people who won't admit having any themselves. That's what I always say.

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How do straight people have sex?

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Enthusiastically, happily and repeatedly!

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Originally posted by Clothahump

Enthusiastically, happily and repeatedly!

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And often.