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Thread: What CAN'T you do?

  1. #1
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Default What CAN'T you do?

    Come on, everyone has one...a simple thing that you've tried to learn, but just can't. Mine is that two-fingered piercing whistle. My brother can do one that could split your eardrum, and he tried and tried to teach me, but I just can't get it.

    Or maybe it's something that everyone can do but you just never had the chance to learn, like one person I know who can't ride a bike.

    Fess up, people!

  2. #2
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    I cannot ice skate, never could and in fact I doubt I could even roller skate any more.

  3. #3
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    I can't whistle at all. Not with two fingers, not without fingers. Just nope, ain't happenin'.

    I used to be able to do cartwheels, but lost the ability after breaking my wrist at eight. Same with backflips. Sigh.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  4. #4
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    I can't raise one eyebrow. I can't do that forced spitting that's so popular with scumbag kids.

  5. #5
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    I can't touch my nose with my tongue, although my sister can.

    I can't climb a ladder higher than two stories - my vertigo becomes almost paralyzing.

    I can't remember the names of most flowers and trees, no matter how hard I try. It's like my brain refuses to store them.

  6. #6
    Oliphaunt
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    I can't tie my shoes so that they stay tied all day. Even my double knots tend to work their way loose.

  7. #7
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    I can't touch my nose with my tongue, although my sister can.
    You let your sister touch your nose with her tongue?

    Anyway, I can't:
    - do that two fingered wolf whistle. I can whistle a tune just fine, but not taxi-summoning whistle for me.
    - juggle. Tried to learn multiple times.
    - sleep in past about 7:00AM, no matter how late I was up the night before. No alarm needed. Today's Sunday. I was up at 6.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  8. #8
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    I can't skate. This is a pretty big deal in Canada, although less so once you're middle-aged.

    Balance just wasn't a strong point of mine as a kid, I guess.

  9. #9
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    OneCent, heh. You knew what I meant.

    I can't juggle, either.

    I can't memorize most complicated sequences or strings of things without using mnemonics.

    I can't shoot pool or bowl worth a damn, although I have fun when I play.

  10. #10
    Administrator CatInASuit's avatar
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    I cannot eat a croissant without spreading crumbs everywhere.
    In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.

  11. #11
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by CatInASuit View post
    I cannot eat a croissant without spreading crumbs everywhere.
    Well, that's hardly unique. Nobody can eat a croissant without creating croisshrapnel.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  12. #12
    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Quit you fuckers.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  13. #13
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Awww Ryan you ole divil, how are things? My bruvnor's spending some of Christmas in your fair city.

  14. #14
    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Tis a pretty place around Christmas, good choice. I'm well and hope you are the same.

    You know what else I can't do? I can't throw a football without looking like some noodle armed geek, which is funny as I'm actually quite athletic, at least I was when it mattered. Something about a football though just gives me fits, I throw short, loopy, inaccurate footballs.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  15. #15
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cluricaun View post
    You know what else I can't do? I can't throw a football without looking like some noodle armed geek, which is funny as I'm actually quite athletic, at least I was when it mattered. Something about a football though just gives me fits, I throw short, loopy, inaccurate footballs.
    This is actually me too. I know you're a bigger guy than I am, so it might not be the same case with you, but in my case it's simply that my hand is too small to grip a pro sized football well. I went from being a good passer in junior high school, to a purveyor of wounded ducks in high school and adulthood, simply because my friends and teams all graduated to a bigger football.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  16. #16
    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    This is actually me too. I know you're a bigger guy than I am, so it might not be the same case with you, but in my case it's simply that my hand is too small to grip a pro sized football well.
    I think that's my problem too, but the really weird thing is that I don't exactly have small hands. I'm not Lennox Lewis or anything but I'm probably right at the mean for middle aged white guy hand size. I can throw Nerf footballs pretty well, but forget about a pro sized. Other guys that are the same size as me or even smaller don't seem to have this issue though, so I suspect that I might actually be a woman or Andy Dick.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  17. #17
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    American Manhood In Crisis: A 60 Minutes Special

  18. #18
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by The Original An Gadaí View post
    American Manhood In Crisis: A 60 Minutes Special
    Oh, believe me, having small hands makes me feel better about my manhood more often than worse.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

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