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Thread: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

  1. #1
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Default When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I'm twenty-eight and have, for most of my life, been quite content to be unmarried and childless. For the last few years, my teenage niece has been living with me and she's been child enough. However, in exactly one month she'll turn eighteen and will shortly thereafter be running off to college.

    And all of a sudden I'm starting to worry about having children of my own.

    I actually wrote out a timeline at work today, figuring out where I could fit kids into my plan for the next ten years and then how old I would be when my children turned eighteen and how old I'd probably be before my first grandbaby. Bleh.

    So, please, tell me when (if) you experienced this and how long it took for your sanity to return.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  2. #2
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    42 and still waiting to hear a "tick."

  3. #3
    Member Monstera deliciosa's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I'm 48, and like featherlou, the answer is never. I was sure that I didn't want children by the time I was in my late teens, and the closest I've come to a second thought was a fleeting moment of sadness right after my hysterectomy (at age 45).

    I don't believe that the psychological biological clock is universal. By that, I mean I don't buy the idea that all women, even those who are adamant that they don't want children, are struck by an urge to procreate once their time starts running out.

    You sound perfectly sane to me, just not as sure that you don't want children as you thought.

  4. #4
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Feh. I was hoping to hear this was a common, brief period every happily childless woman went through.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  5. #5
    Elephant
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Well, I'm sure it's not uncommon, if that's any consolation. I have friends who never wanted kids, and friends who certainly didn't want MORE kids, and plenty of them reported a wild-eyed "Holy shit it's now or never!!!" urge to procreate (finally or again) somewhere around 35 (the vast majority of them fought it off, for what that's worth!).

    Not exactly the same, but when my daughter was 18 - 20 months old, I felt this incredible craving to be pregnant. I mean a physical craving. I sure as hell didn't want another baby on any level other than the physical, but my body was very clearly convinced it was time for another.

    Nothing since then, though. I got pregnant when my daughter was 9, and my literally overwheming reaction, mental, emotional, and physical, was DO NOT WANT!!! I got my tubes tied soon afterward, and I've never looked back. Now I'm just waiting for my damned clock to wind down. My mom still hasn't completed menopause (at 57), so I could be waiting a while.

  6. #6
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I never really worried enough about my biological clock, I think! We put off having kids until the last minute, and up until we didn't, I never really felt the urge in a physical sense. We just figured we wanted kids, so we'd better do it while we had a chance. I was 37 when we had the first one, and 40 when we had the second.

  7. #7
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Thirty-five, thirty-seven, forty... Okay, these numbers are giving me a better perspective, thanks. :mrgreen:

    If I were to have children, it wouldn't be until around 34-36, because I'm planning on going to grad school and would like to be settled in my new career before making things any harder for myself (particularly since, hell, I don't even have a partner!). So it's not even a biological clock panic that is for zomgrightnow, which makes the sudden worry about it even stranger.

    So in my case, it's probably more a very early case of empty nest syndrome, since I've so recently become used to playing mom and having someone to take care of. It's going to be a huge, strange change.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  8. #8
    Elephant
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by Diana
    Not exactly the same, but when my daughter was 18 - 20 months old, I felt this incredible craving to be pregnant. I mean a physical craving. I sure as hell didn't want another baby on any level other than the physical, but my body was very clearly convinced it was time for another.
    I had that too, but it was when my second child was about that age. That feeling passed after about six months, if I recall correctly. I was about 30.

    Quote Originally posted by Caerie
    So in my case, it's probably more a very early case of empty nest syndrome, since I've so recently become used to playing mom and having someone to take care of. It's going to be a huge, strange change.
    Sounds plausible. That *is* a strange change - you sometimes think to yourself "Now, I'm forgetting something here!". But after you get used to it, it's nice not to be "on call" all the time.
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  9. #9
    XJETGIRLX
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    FWIW I'm also 28 and I've had the same kind of thoughts. My husband and I are about 90% sure we don't want kids, but I've always left room for the "what if." Practically, I have no desire (nor time) for kids. I don't need to have a child to feel fulfilled, and I don't really want to spend a major chunk of my life raising a child instead of accomplishing some of my other goals.

    But despite the fact that my mom was 36 when she had me, I still feel like my "best by" date is approaching soon and I'll have to make a decision one way or the other fast. I'm pretty sure I won't change my mind, but it's just the finality of it all, the fact that after awhile it won't even be an option, that's so disturbing I think.

  10. #10
    Head Heathen Katriona's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by featherlou
    42 and still waiting to hear a "tick."
    Yep, almost 41 and on permanent snooze.

  11. #11
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I started hearing it at about 26, despite having an 8 year old already. 28-29 was, among my circle of women friends, about when that ticking started to be heard. Makes sense, biologically, as it's the last of the most-fertile of years. Fertility takes a sharp nosedive at 30 (although still most women can get pregnant without intervention in their early 30's), so I'm not surprised the hormones start making your brain go, "babybabybabybaBYBABYBABY!!!!!" just before then. And, in your case, I'm sure the immanent empty nest is only exacerbating that.

    I fought it off until 30, and then it just got overwhelming and we decided to have my daughter. In terms of finances, the worst time ever, but then again my being without work meant I've had a lot of time to be a SAHM, and it's amazing how much you can make a dollar stretch and not realize it.
    Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it.

  12. #12
    Porno Dealing Monster pepperlandgirl's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I'm 26 and heard a faint tick right after my 26th birthday. It was sort of a "Holy hell, if we're going to do this thing, it should be now!" moment. I never wanted kids before, and my husband absolutely does not, but even so, I kept thinking about the fact that though our finances are not great--or even good--if we wanted to have one, it'd still be the best timing. But it was more of an abstract thought--something I was considering purely academically. Nothing was screaming at me that I needed to have a kid immediately.
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    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by Diana
    Not exactly the same, but when my daughter was 18 - 20 months old, I felt this incredible craving to be pregnant. I mean a physical craving. I sure as hell didn't want another baby on any level other than the physical, but my body was very clearly convinced it was time for another.
    It's interesting...I had a strong urge to have another baby when each of my kids was about 18 months old. I never thought about being pregnant, I just wanted another baby in the house. I figured it was a reaction to seeing the kids grow up and losing their baby-ness.

  14. #14
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    My biological clock never went off. While I do have a kid, conceived on purpose when I was 38, the decision to get pregnant after 15 blissful years of childless marriage had nothing to do with a sudden "ohmigod gotta do it now or it will be too late." Even though I adore my kid, had I not gotten pregnant I wouldn't have minded.

    I have several friends who wanted kids and never had them because they figured they had all the time in the world. Apparently they did not, as in their late 40s they are coming to grips with the fact that now it is too late. It's been really sad for at least one of them.

  15. #15
    Elephant
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I have to admit that I have limited sympathy for people who put off kids until the very brink of their childbearing years, and then are shocked that they can't get pregnant. Not NO sympathy, of course, because people do all sorts of things for all sorts of very good reasons, but when one of my acquaintances is crying into her coffee that she's 42 years old and can't get pregnant, I find myself thinking "Well... duh" and wondering, if you wanted kids so badly, why did you wait until it became such a remote possibility? Do you really want a baby, or do you really just want to be ABLE to have a baby? Are we really mourning your childlessness, or just your youth?

    I acknowledge that my perception may be skewed, with the early procreation and the disinclination to do it again, but I never, even with a mom who got pregnant at 38, and a family full of women who could get pregnant by borrowing your toothbrush, assumed I had "all the time in the world".

  16. #16
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I'm 31 and I've never had so much as a tick. More like every year that goes by I'm more sure that I don't want any kids, and that's something I've known since I was pretty young. I remember when I was little and the other girls wanted to play house and have baby dolls and be all mommy-like.

    I don't think I even had a doll, and I couldn't figure out why these other people wanted to take care of theirs.

  17. #17
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Dolls were for putting in compromising positions and giving mohawks to.

    As a childfree by choice woman who is pretty danged sure I don't want kids, I still feel like media and doctors and such are doing a disservice to women who want kids by not making the whole picture clear to them. Like WhyNot said, there are things going on with women's fertility that they really need to know - like your fertility dropping off sharply much sooner than most women realize, miscarriages increasing, and the chance of birth defects skyrocketing. The hard fact is that a whole lot of women CAN'T have it all; you have to choose, and you have to choose fairly early on.

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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    I'm feeling it now. 28 years old, just got engaged, and I've always known I want children. Ideally, I'd love a big family, but we'll wait and see what the finances and the uterus can take.

    But yeah, the timeline-making has begun, if only in my head. Getting married next spring... want to be married a couple years before making babies... want to have 3 or 4 kids, so when do I need to get cracking? I don't want to need to resort to medical miracles to get knocked up, and I'm scared that if we don't start soon we may have trouble.

  19. #19
    troubleagain
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by featherlou
    42 and still waiting to hear a "tick."
    And even if mine ticked, or even tocked, I'm "fixed."

  20. #20
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by antijen
    I'm feeling it now. 28 years old, just got engaged, and I've always known I want children. Ideally, I'd love a big family, but we'll wait and see what the finances and the uterus can take.

    But yeah, the timeline-making has begun, if only in my head. Getting married next spring... want to be married a couple years before making babies... want to have 3 or 4 kids, so when do I need to get cracking? I don't want to need to resort to medical miracles to get knocked up, and I'm scared that if we don't start soon we may have trouble.
    One thing you should know (you probably do already, but I'll just say it for the audience playing along at home) is that, for completely unknown reasons, fertility seems to extend itself a bit if you have one child in your teens, twenties or early thirties. That is, if you have one at 32, it's more likely that you can have another as late as 42 without fertility assistance than someone trying to conceive for the first time at 42. So if you time your first two for, say, 31 and 33, you could probably take a break for a couple of years if you wanted to. No guarantee, of course, but it might offer some comfort to those who want large families.

    Of course, you won't know if you already have subfertility until you try for your first, so that's another reason to get crackin' - if you find out you need help earlier, there's more time for multiple pregnancies before menopause.

    (Are you Antigen elsewhere, by any chance?)
    Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it.

  21. #21
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Mine is ticking right now, which is strange considering I don't like children and don't want any. I think it's all my friends getting married and having kids and I realize there is no-one to witness my life.

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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by WhyNot
    (Are you Antigen elsewhere, by any chance?)
    Indeed I am. So nice to be remembered!

  23. #23
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    38, and it's still quiet. My husband's clock shut down years ago, too.

  24. #24
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    Quote Originally posted by antijen
    Quote Originally posted by WhyNot
    (Are you Antigen elsewhere, by any chance?)
    Indeed I am. So nice to be remembered!
    Yay! Welcome. Cute username change.
    Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it.

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    Default Re: When did you start worrying about your biological clock?

    25, give or take a couple of years. And worrying would be overstating the case by quite a bit-- but at around 25 I became concerned that my lack of dating experience up until then would doom me to never dating/marrying/getting pregnant.

    On my good days, I laughed at myself. A large part of my fear was caused by having a disproportionate number of friends who married college sweethearts and starting having babies soon afterwards.

    On my not so good days, I believed no one would ever want me and feared that I had nothing to offer anyone as a partner.

    Things have been up and down since then--most of a decade. I love my nieces, but appreciate being able to hand them off to their parents. But I'm so darn lonely some of the time. While not having children would not be the end of the world, to give up that opportunity without really trying seems pathetic. And I'm trying not to be pathetic.

    So my motto is Today a Job, Tomorrow eHarmony, The Next Day the Nursery. Or not.

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