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Thread: MelloRants. Like Mini-Rants only...Mello.

  1. #451
    A Groupie Marsilia's avatar
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    Dear Californians Who "Slum" in the South,

    Try meeting some people from other places before you go judging the rest of the country for not being California. I'm sick to death of people like you acting shocked that I'm so liberal/articulate/globally aware/not the stereotype.

    Not Judging the Rest of the State,
    Marsilia
    So, I'll whisper in the dark, hoping you'll hear me.

  2. #452
    A Groupie Marsilia's avatar
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    Dear Guy Who's Been to Japan,

    You know there's not an American ereader that does what you want. You're entirely aware of this. So, since I'm aware that you're aware, you didn't impress me with the future tech you've experienced, you just annoyed me with your douchebaggary.

    Fine With Reading it Myself,

    Marsilia

    BONUS!!

    Dear Guy Who Didn't Wanna Donate,

    Do you know what CASA does? Do you know what the Women's Center for Nonviolence might do? The people they help aren't really in a position where "They can get their own books." Fuck you sideways with a baseball bat.

    Pretty Sure You Beat Your Spouse and Kids,

    Marsilia
    So, I'll whisper in the dark, hoping you'll hear me.

  3. #453
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    World, why do you pick weeks when my back is already sore to make everything go wrong?

  4. #454
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    Awww. *pets Rube* *Offers a heating pad*

  5. #455
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Aw, thanks. A heating pad does sound nice right now.

  6. #456
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    I've made my own. All you need is a sock & some dry beans. It's heaven!

  7. #457
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Country, why you no have job for me?

  8. #458
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Dear thieving sociopathic alcoholic cunt: Why in God's name would you try to "friend" me on Facebook? I'm not one of your stepfamily who you've Stockholm syndromed. I see through you and I motherfuck you.

  9. #459
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    After acquiring all that talent, why can't the Blue Jays play ball as well as they could before?

  10. #460
    Mi parolas esperanton malbone Trojan Man's avatar
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    The Australian cricket team should be sacked and deboned. Useless bunch of vegetables.

  11. #461
    Administrator CatInASuit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by spitz View post
    The Australian cricket team should be sacked and deboned. Useless bunch of vegetables.
    Is that really the best ODI team Australia has? Any worse, and I might even feel some sympathy for them.
    In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.

  12. #462
    Mi parolas esperanton malbone Trojan Man's avatar
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    A colleague at work (aged 60+) and I often half-jokingly tell each other to practice our batting and bowling - our services may be required...

  13. #463
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Before calling me up to see if I'll do your job for you, at least do some basic research into what you're talking about. I still won't do your job for you, but you won't seem quite as useless.

  14. #464
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    This one's one behalf of my kid. School just got out. There should not be back to school sales going on.

  15. #465
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Hey, grocery store with a "No Pets Please" sign on the door: Why did you allow a woman to not only enter the store with her little dog, but hold the dog inches from the sandwiches? And why, in God's name, did one of your cashiers actually pet the dog?

  16. #466
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Cos it's a dog's life. My 2 year old niece asked her mother the other day why the family dog didn't have to work.

  17. #467
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by The Original An Gadaí View post
    Cos it's a dog's life. My 2 year old niece asked her mother the other day why the family dog didn't have to work.
    Funny how the old expressions assumed that being a dog was pretty horrible. Now, in the Industial West, at least, they has it pretty soft indeed.

  18. #468
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Death, why are you such a shit? Brother in law's brother in law died the other week, aged 40, 4 kids under 10.

  19. #469
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Telemarketers:

    OK, you can get me to answer the phone by spoofing a work number. Did you ever think to wonder how many people would be dumb enough to actually go ahead and buy anything from a business spoofing a work number? Leave alone that you say that I'm a preferred customer of a business that I know I'm not a preferred customer of?

  20. #470
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    so like this is a pretty mellow rant. it is miniature, just a graph with multiple nodes. it is a complete graph, though.

    OMFG. So I've been getting back into bridge, just using some software to kill some time here and there. More fun than hearts, whatever.

    At first I was like "Neat, it's coming back to me, maybe I'll join or form a RL bridge club! Hot wet bitchez! septagenarian teetotalers....wet in the back.....

    OK, but it slowly dawned on me that this is probably the game with the POTENTIAL for most fun that ACTUALLY attracts the worst of humanity's dregs. The kinds who (a) get pissed off at their partner for bidding wrong or ineffectively playing the cards (b) would rather be performing duhdur mental arithmetic than doing actual math that could be (i) useful or (ii) not trivial (c) take games and leisure seriously and get all butthurt in general about it.

    Yeah, so I know people like that IRL. They suck dingus. No offense, I know it's a valid lifestyle choice, eating dingus. Christ if to take something serious, why not take something serious that *is* serious? Even some internet automaton probably can recreationally troll about some undergraduate deepThoughts metaphysics, but what I mean are real questions or topics, not a fucking card game or message board or whatever you people do.

    People forget that ludic has the connotation in English and in other European languages of "playful," as well as the straight meaning of games or whatever. I'm guessing, but I think that's right.

    That all supposes there's no money in Bridge, or that the amount is insignificant. In card games as in internet, I'd be the first to say "I fucking love double-entry book-keeping! Out of my way! Move it out of the buffet line! You suck my sister's black cat's hole right now chubs! Move it move it! I don't see those chins moving! Move it move it!" Yeah, and plus if some douche can make a few hundred out of some internet thing, that's cool. Sort of unsavory, the kinds of people one may calculate, correctly or not, that it is profitable to provide customer service to, but that's a standard compromise one often makes in many areas of life, so whatever.

    That's valid motivation. But I don't think there's money in bridge.

    Now gin rummy, that's got your skill, and your psychological trickery, and you don't have to deal with a bunch of butthurt retired engineers or sorority-chapter board members -- just mano a mano, battle to the death, may the sharpest memory and keenest instinct prevail!

    Maybe it's the difference between team sports and real sports where individual skill often conspires to form great edifices of human spirit and ability, like baseball, or boxing. Groupthink and awesomethink. Yep, that's got to be it.

    Now bridge would be a great game if I didn't SUSPECT that most who play it IRL take it seriously. It *could* be fun for screwing around, making the dummy do amusing things, and just drinking whiskey and bullshitting while mercilessly insulting bad moves and unmade contracts. "I can smell your dirty pillows, you closet rug-muncher, take it off you whore! Two clubs is strong! I have a club! We have a club! But I love you! I don't understand why we can't have a baby!" Well, something like that.

    In other words, like a fun game of Risk. Or the way people used to play poker, before everyone got all like "dude, I'm so high on this white widow I'm going to pretend I'm on TV and me and all my friends suck and shut up this is serious don't fuck up the group dynamics...." God I hate weed smokers. As a class, they're almost as bad as the tweakers -- well, the ones you notice ARE THE SAME as tweakers. It's the corporate shill aspect that is annoying, especially with the fake-"medical" thing. "Hey, I suck as a human being, and so instead of being cool and chilled out on my own, I'll just buy some fake way to pretend to be chill and wear it like a badge." And you know that, because they make a big fucking deal out of it. Anyone actually chill would just smoke whatever and not make a big fucking deal about it, let alone take it (or anything non-serious) seriously.Yeah, George Washington would be proud, that asshole redneck pigshit farmer.Stupid consumer fetishism.

    Also, while I've enjoyed some sudoku puzzles, I think there is something fundamentally broken about people who prefer sudoku to a correctly-constructed crossword puzzle. One might just as well be doing real logic, or just fiddling around with some large matrices for that matter. Those are just as fun to do, and they're actual real things -- even if your name is Gauss or M. Jordan and you eliminate in your sleep, there's always something new to figure out. Don't see the point. But also, most (shitty)crossword puzzles, just like that rainbow-pride Minesweeper game, are just games of dumb luck, so I don't see the point of that either. Do people actually think Minesweeper is a game of skill? It's a guessing game. Show me a string of ten games where the outcome can be deterministically solved and I'll eat one, I swear.

  21. #471
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Bridge scares me. Card games in general scare me. As a guy who has a fundamental inability to remember or care about what trump is, let alone what cards must be in my partner's hand given the state of play, I can just imagine somebody reaching across the table and cutting my throat, not because they think I'm cheating, but because they just can't put up with me anymore.

    My wife loves cards. I can imagine her being the one who cuts my throat.

  22. #472
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, I wasn't talking about your wife, so let's not get it into your head to re-enact that *Strangers on a Train* scenario.
    craz
    In fact, the best of the O'***** clan died out when my grandmother died of that clan at the age of 55 or something from lung cancer. She taught me when I was a single-digit little scrub how to play cards, and me and my mother have carried on the tradition of that line. Lately I only talk to my mother maybe once every few weeks on the phone -- she's getting all .... she's having a hard time adjusting to this new phase of her life, and, like me, is not that great at remaining calm, and, unlike me, has a limited capacity to learn some new tricks. But one of the things besides movies, Netflix originals, and general kvetching we can talk about that is fun is her little bridge club.

    Believe it or not I played bridge in a short-lived club in HS. It's not that bad -- it's just exactly like hearts, except add bidding and a whole bunch of insanely complicated scoring.

    It sucks, believe me, but it could be fun with the right, non-serious (but competitive [in a friendly, joking way]!) crew, but so can playing soggy biscuit with a sorority house, I guess, for some people. Not judging. That's the right lifestyle for some people!

  23. #473
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Hey guy I'm exchanging e-mails with and who wants to give me a call, the reason I put my phone number in my "signature" block is so people can find my number without sending another e-mail to ask me.

  24. #474
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Maybe not everyone is as smart as you. Ever think of that? Hunh?

    The biggest fucking mellorant today is I have to show face tonight at 6h40 tonight. Fucking pisses me off.

  25. #475
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    OK, on a rare chance to watch TV I am hanging out with my mother and she has *60 Minutes* on (it's a US weekly TV show that does little "investigative reporting"-type stories in tabloid [relatively long-format] fashion.

    So there was some little blip I overheard where they flashed some insurer called "Anthem"' badge on the screen. My mother sort of grumbled "bah, 'Anthem'," so naturally I asked, "you've had some dealings with 'Anthem'?"

    Apparently, they (i) refused to pay for my 62-year old, type I (juvenile)-diabetic-since--7 year-old, father's insulin and (ii) anaesthetic for my then-months-old nephew's open-heart valve replacement surgery.

    I didn't have much to say other than at each new revelation (which I believe 100%) verbalize, verbatim, "What?"

    Yeah, so it's not really a rant, more a WTF?
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 14 Dec 2014 at 10:50 PM.

  26. #476
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    You know, I honestly try to be patient, with people, even though it is not part of my personality naturally. I even have a reputation as being amazingly patient.

    But God in Heaven, why can't people think for like ten seconds before they call me, just to reflect on whether their question makes a tiny, tiny bit of sense?

  27. #477
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    don't even start. It is officially one of the weeks over here too. Not so much people being actively annoying, just a constant steady trickle of bullshit stacked on itself.

    And the weather sucks, and I hate it.

    I'm not sure what the difference between being patient and not giving a fuck (but being sociable IRL, minimally) is, but that's where my head is at now. There's just no difference this week -- people can (a) keep their heads down and do their things and (b) let me do what I have to do without getting in my business.

  28. #478
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Dear thieving sociopathic alcoholic cunt: Why in God's name would you try to "friend" me on Facebook? I'm not one of your stepfamily who you've Stockholm syndromed. I see through you and I motherfuck you.
    Dude take a chillax. Or a few. With a full glass of water. Also some fiber.

  29. #479
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    I just got told to "fuck yourself, dude" IRL, for doing nothing more than answering the door at my clubhouse and saying, upon seeing some rando dude, "Yeah so go look it up if you want to talk to somebody in charge." "Yeah, well look it up -- I'm not the boss here." "Well, go look it up -- I don't work here. This is a clubhouse. Figure it out."

    Last thing that cunt said before leaving was "You're not my boss!." WTF moron retards. I don't own your property.

  30. #480
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Jerk.

  31. #481

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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    You know, I honestly try to be patient, with people, even though it is not part of my personality naturally. I even have a reputation as being amazingly patient.

    But God in Heaven, why can't people think for like ten seconds before they call me, just to reflect on whether their question makes a tiny, tiny bit of sense?
    Stop being a cunt, problem solved.

    You're welcome.
    www.thethunderdome.ie

  32. #482
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    I just got told to "fuck yourself, dude" IRL, for doing nothing more than answering the door at my clubhouse and saying, upon seeing some rando dude, "Yeah so go look it up if you want to talk to somebody in charge." "Yeah, well look it up -- I'm not the boss here." "Well, go look it up -- I don't work here. This is a clubhouse. Figure it out."

    Last thing that cunt said before leaving was "You're not my boss!." WTF moron retards. I don't own your property.
    Yeah, damned right! I don't need to ask permission to be a jerk in my owned damned place. AFAIK some dickbag asks ME permission.

    All right maybe I am a dick but OTOH not really my problem.

  33. #483
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Rango View post
    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    You know, I honestly try to be patient, with people, even though it is not part of my personality naturally. I even have a reputation as being amazingly patient.

    But God in Heaven, why can't people think for like ten seconds before they call me, just to reflect on whether their question makes a tiny, tiny bit of sense?
    Stop being a cunt, problem solved.

    You're welcome.
    Please feel free to die.

  34. #484
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Jerk.
    I agree that little scrub had no business being other than apologetic for disturbing me at my clubhouse. And for getting shocked -- SHOCKED, I say -- for telling him to fuck off and get lost to his face. Sucks to be him, I guess.

  35. #485
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Yeah, why some people feel like they can walk into somebody else's joint and act like they own it, I have no idea.

  36. #486
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Oh u missed it. I accidentally deleted the best, on-topic reply to something that just happened 30 minutes ago.

    Fucking A. Almost caught the alleged car thief redhanded, and saw a bunch of crazy shit done by her on a busy city street.

    I am 100% convinced that little scrub was up to no good sniffing around my clubhouse, and am 100% double-convinced that people need to (i) shut the hell up and (ii) stay the hell off my lawn and also (iii) get the fuck off my property.

  37. #487
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Damn, don't leave it like that, man -- details

  38. #488
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, it *was* a good story. Long story short, some female dickbandit was driving like a cunt while I was in the car with my mother, and while she wanted to call police or whatever I was like "Get her!" So I was a passenger in this pursuant car and blah blah. It sucked.

    It takes a long time to set up (i) why I was in the car w my mother or (ii) what the hell her beef was with some alleged laundry-thief or (iii) i can't remember.

    Trust me, it's complicated. But it was a good story, I think. Dude that bitch had her cow-catcher driving all over the road. And my mom did some good driving too.

  39. #489
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Yeah, why some people feel like they can walk into somebody else's joint and act like they own it, I have no idea.
    God-damned fucking right. That's the way I feel -- fucking punks. I hope nobody thinks that way about me, and here. I like it here, and I like you people, and I hope it stays that way. I may be a "jerk," but I like the way things are, and I'd have a big word for somebody who tried to change that.

  40. #490
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    You're cool with me, jizz, and BTW, the "jerk" was for the dude hassling you, not you.

    And even without the full story, the idea of you hanging on for dear life while your mother goes Dirty Harry on some punk is pretty funny.

  41. #491
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    Yeah it was kind of funny -- she's a sixty-something grandma driving a camry. Kind of incongruous. I just ran out of steam trying to set the scene. You know how it is.

    All right. I was half-paranoid I got put in the "insane troll" category, just from the way things have been IRL. Wasn't fishing for a compliment, but frankly sometimes it helps.

  42. #492
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    Well, not so much a rant as a combo.

    Rant-portion: I could hardly walk back home today, because I am apparently retarded.

    Non-rant-portion: I had a good talk with a friend on the phone, a good talk with a pseudo-friend IRL, and ended up feeling a little better about my shit life.

    Rant-portion: naw, nothing more than just being barely able to walk.g

    Non-rant-portion: that dickhole at Doc Martens (or however it's spelled) spotted me an awesome pair of loafers. And I saved some money too. These look slicker than goose shit -- I'm happy. I don't know where they find these people to work at these places, but they seem to be a combination of (i) retard hipster shitbags and (ii) faggot idiot doucheniggers and (iii) competent professionals.

    Whatever they are, they seem to be good at what they do, so it's better they're gainfully employed rather than breaking into my house when I'm not around.

  43. #493
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    what did I piss u guys off or something? i know it's St Valentime day, and u guys are family guys! but play with me online! this is my only hobby, besides drinking beer and watching baseball/tennis/hockey!

    entertain me about stuff!

  44. #494
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    oh speaking of the cartoon *Archer* -- fuck I think I have legitimate tinntus.

    trust me -- don't ever get it. it's a fucking horrible thing, especially if you value (i) not hearing random buzzing in yr ears (ii) enjoying music or (iii) enjoying not using an ear-trumpet to have a regular conversation.

    ear-plugs! protect that shit! trust me.

  45. #495
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Ok, what is Archer anyway? It seems to be huge, but it means nothing to me.

  46. #496
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    Oh, it's a cartoon on US TV. Pretty funny.

  47. #497
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    But what's it about? I take it it's not exactly Scooby Doo...

  48. #498
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    Well EH turned me onto it over here -- it's basically a spoof on secret-agent stuff. But it's really pretty funny. Check it out on Netflix -- it's actually kid-friendly, IIRC, and it's funny enough for adults (well...according to me, so cum grano salis).

  49. #499
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    Quote Originally posted by The Original An Gadaí View post
    Cos it's a dog's life. My 2 year old niece asked her mother the other day why the family dog didn't have to work.
    just saw this -- hilarious. now u see why kids make me laugh? cause they are (i) stupid and (ii) hilarious. kids are funny.

  50. #500
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    not saying your kid is stupid BTW -- just, by definition, kids are pretty dumb. They're like younger undergraduates!

    still, they make me laugh with their idiotic ideas -- and that's no slam, just call a spade a spade! adults are idiots but kids are hilarious.

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