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Thread: A Green Cemetery

  1. #1
    Stegodon
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    Default A Green Cemetery

    I have decided to open a green cemetery. I know it will be easy as I have no background in the cemetery business at all.

    The idea would be to find a nice field someplace in the countryside. Add a gravel road and a log cabin to serve as a chapel. I would only permit burials without vaults in natural coffins or shrouds. No stone markers, I would sell hand-carved monuments of wood for the smallest of surcharges. We would plant trees on and amongst the graves.

    What legal or other problems could you foresee with such an operation?
    Just assume that everything I say is sarcastic.

  2. #2
    Libertarian Autocrat Vox Imperatoris's avatar
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Where are you planning to do this? I'm sure the laws on things like this vary widely from state to state (unless you mean a green cemetery in Qatar)?

    But that's just for opening a cemetery in general. I don't foresee any problem with your specific business plan.
    Nec audiendi qui solent dicere, vox populi, vox Dei, quum tumultuositas vulgi semper insaniae proxima sit.
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  3. #3
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Zombies. With no coffin lids to have to force open, you'd be up to your eyeballs in them the very first time a canister of toxic waste started to leak in your groundwater.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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  4. #4
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    You'd probably need GPS markers so the bodies won't ever get lost.

    Unless they re-animate...

    (WHOOPS- this isn't Jill! It's annehere! Let me log her out!)
    AKA Shayna from SD

  5. #5
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Here we go:

    You'd probably need GPS markers so the bodies won't ever get lost.

    Unless they re-animate...
    AKA xanthous

  6. #6
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    In some states (Pennsylvania for instance) bodies are required to be buried in cement boxes. IIRC it's something to do with the water table. At least in some instances, the boxes have huge holes in the sides so the body can 'return to the earth'.

    ETA Guinastasia's dad is a funeral director. Presumably she can help out a little with your questions.
    Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about!

  7. #7
    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Yeah, you're not going to want those embalming chemicals leaching out into the groundwater if you can help it. There are lots and lots of laws on the books concerning proper human disposal to make sure that things stay as healthy for the non-husked as possible.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  8. #8
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    As for where, some generic United States state. It is just about a perfectly idle question of course.

    While on the subject, I would also encourage Islamic burials. I presume there is an untapped market there too.
    Just assume that everything I say is sarcastic.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    How is an Islamic burial different?
    Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about!

  10. #10
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    I think that, ecology-wise, the best way might be to avoid burial altogether. Simply exposing the bodies to scavengers is probably best; or a bunch of mirrors focused where they would incinerate the corpses. In fact, burial at sea is probably the lightest on the environment.
    This is the most beautiful place on Earth; there are many such places.

  11. #11
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    How can I make money with burial at sea?

    Islamic burial. The family washes the body and wraps it in a white cotton shroud. It is then buried on its right(?) side, face toward the Holy City. Everythign done in 24 hours or less.
    Just assume that everything I say is sarcastic.

  12. #12
    Member
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Sounds similar (not surprisingly) to traditional Jewish practices. The burial society (made up of folks from the neighborhood and every Jewish neighborhood is supposed to have one) washes the body, wraps it in a shroud and put it in a plain wooden box. Everything is done in 24 hours or less.
    Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about!

  13. #13
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    neat icon, Bro.
    Just assume that everything I say is sarcastic.

  14. #14
    Member
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Interesting timing. Just the other day the local paper carried an AP story about a Lawrence, Kansas cemetery that is opening a semi-Green section.

    There is an outfit called Green Burial Council that has taken upon itself the task of "certifying" Green cemeteries.

    I'm fairly confident that you'll be at the mercy of local (state) laws.

    Personally, I would allow the use of field stones as grave markers.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    You should read Jessica Mitford's American Way of Death. It's outdated now, but it's a great read, and would probably be an excellent primer on what not to do.

    It's too bad that cremation is so energy-intensive. If it weren't, or if we ever ended up with an energy surplus, that might be a good way to go. Composting would be better, but I don't think people would go for that.

    I'm not sure I love the "no headstone" idea, because I'd think people would want something. Maybe instead of a headstone on a grave, there could be, like, bricks made of locally-quarried granite or something that could be engraved, and then the bricks could be worked into pathways or landscaping or something.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    There are a few woodlands burial sites in the UK. Most sites have a no-marker policy - the whole site is a memorial to those buried there, so an individual grave site is not encouraged. They do track locations via GPS, I guess to prevent unpleasantness with a backhoe while digging a new grave.

    The interesting point about them is that the presence of decomp products marks the site for a very long time - there are changes in soil chemistry and plant life that are indicative of a graveyard that persist for centuries. The owners claim that this will protect the woodland from future development for many years. I'm a bit of a fan.

    Si

  17. #17
    Elephant
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    A farmer in North Somerset offers to take the composting plan one step further with a full recycling service.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/engl ... 187502.stm
    No cage, thank you. I'm a human being.

  18. #18
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: A Green Cemetery

    Cement water tight vaults are required around here. It's a protect the water supply issue.

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