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Thread: Bear Grylls is a nasty motherfucker

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    MOON GIRL FIGHTS CRIME Myrnalene's avatar
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    Default Bear Grylls is a nasty motherfucker

    Bear Grylls is the person featured in "Man vs Wild" on the Discovery Channel (know as "Born Survivor" in its country of origin). My question to the world is, why did the sweet-natured if rather manic Crocodile Hunter have to die while this abhorrent megalomaniac lives on to torture me?

    The rather outlandish premise of the show is that it is a "how-to" survival guide for anyone who may find themselves, say, stranded in the middle of a desert or a jungle or a mountain range without food, water, or communication with the outside world. Personally, I feel confident that the chances of this happening to any of the Discovery Channel's usual audience are low enough to make such a show unnecessary. But it doesn't matter, because the real purpose of the show is for Mr. Grylls to show off his dubious knowledge of the natural world and to eat as many disgusting things as possible.

    Things I have seen Bear Grylls do:

    *pee on a towel and then wear the towel as a head garment (something about avoiding dehydration in desert conditions? whatever, freak)
    *point out vultures circling in the sky, state the likelihood of such vultures pointing the way to good eatin', and follow them to the dessicated carcass of an antelope. Thank GOD Mr. Grylls found this one bit of leftovers too far gone to partake of.
    *while in the sewers of some East Asian country, whoop in delight at the sight of a bullfrog, grab the bullfrog by the legs and dash its head against a wall, and immediately chomp into the frog's midsection, grinning at the entrails dangling from his mouth. Ladies and gents, that was my far the most horrifying thing I have ever seen on television, and it still makes my stomach roll over to think of it.

    So in short,



    =



    *As I was writing this OP, my roommate shrieked from the other room that Bear had just found a half-scavenged zebra carcass and was slicing bits off and devouring them. What. the. fuck.

  2. #2
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    Bear Grylls is hot.

  3. #3
    MOON GIRL FIGHTS CRIME Myrnalene's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Exy View post
    Bear Grylls is hot.
    YOU WOULD KISS HIM. YOU WOULD KISS HIS FROGGY ENTRAIL MOUTH.

    YOU ARE FOUL.

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    Quote Originally posted by Myrnalene View post
    YOU WOULD KISS HIM. YOU WOULD KISS HIS FROGGY ENTRAIL MOUTH.

    YOU ARE FOUL.
    I'm not sure why but when I watch him eat bugs it gives me a boner.

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    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Ahem.
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    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    The dude has been described as stretching the truth a bit about some of his exploits, but if you read his Wiki page there's enough documented stuff on him to safely say that Bear Grylls is a hard case bad ass motherfucker. Were I to be stranded out in the wild I'd still rather have him with me leading the way to home than Steve Irwin stopping ever ten minutes to molest a kangaroo or something.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

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    Oliphaunt jali's avatar
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    My Queen of the Cougars senses are tingling.
    They weren't singing....they were just honking.
    Glee 2009

  8. #8
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Never watched this guy, sounds terrible, but I thought Steve Irwin was really irresponsible. He was very casual in showing interactions with dangerous animals and as his program was aimed far more towards kids than “Man vs. Wild” probably encourages far more reckless behavior. It sounds like Bear would mostly encourage people to avoid getting into the situations he puts himself in; Irwin made it seem normal to interact with animals. I found most of nature show far more responsible in dealing with animals. I do find it ironic that when a wild animal did kill him, it was a random and very rare accidents and not one of the cases where he appeared to be needlessly reckless. He seemed like a nice guy but I actually stopped my kids from watching his show.

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    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Survivor Man is a much better show. Les Stroud Goes out into the bush alone. Carries his own camera gear. And doesn't jump into quick sand just because it's there.
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

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    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Bear Grylls is the thinking person's Johhny Knoxville.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

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    I have to admit i enjoy the show, it does help that he's good looking haha. It can be totally nasty watching him eat that stuff but hey you have to do what ya have to do. He is pretty bad ass in my opinion.

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    Sophmoric Existentialist
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    Quote Originally posted by Glazer View post
    Survivor Man is a much better show. Les Stroud Goes out into the bush alone. Carries his own camera gear. And doesn't jump into quick sand just because it's there.
    Yes! Les Stroud is great. No phony crap and always interesting.
    Sophmoric Existentialist

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    Yes, I'm a cat. What's it to you? Muffin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by vison View post
    Yes! Les Stroud is great. No phony crap and always interesting.
    I came across him and his wife while winter guiding when they were preparing to live off the land for a year with only hand manufactured tools. They were both terrific folks -- bright, interesting, and well spoken.

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    Bear is great fun to watch, but an ordinary person attempting to duplicate his stunts after getting lost would probably end up with a broken leg (or worse) the first time they tried leaping from a cliff or climbing up a rock face.

    He eats gross stuff because it gets ratings, but really, if I have to choose between eating something gross and dying from starvation, I really don't feel like having "too squeamish to live" inscribed on my headstone.

    Besides, none of the things mentioned in the first post are all that gross.

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    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    I've never seen this show, but I'm going to look for it for sure. If I ever get lost in the jungle somewhere, I have a feeling I WILL have "too squeamish to live" inscribed on my headstone! I will be watching the show between my fingers, like I do with horror movies.
    Last edited by Sarahfeena; 14 Jan 2010 at 11:00 AM.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally posted by vison View post
    Yes! Les Stroud is great. No phony crap and always interesting.
    I have to disagree. Les Stroud has approximately ten times less charisma than whatever week-old carcass Bear Grylls is currently enjoying. His show may be "real", but it's also booooooooooooring.

  17. #17
    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by David Blue Three View post
    Bear is great fun to watch, but an ordinary person attempting to duplicate his stunts after getting lost would probably end up with a broken leg (or worse) the first time they tried leaping from a cliff or climbing up a rock face.

    He eats gross stuff because it gets ratings, but really, if I have to choose between eating something gross and dying from starvation, I really don't feel like having "too squeamish to live" inscribed on my headstone.

    Besides, none of the things mentioned in the first post are all that gross.
    That's because they left out stuff to gross to mention. Like squeezing fresh elephant turds for water. That's right he picks up an elephant patty, holds it over his head opens his mouth and drinks the juice he squeezes out. Pissing on his T-shirt and sucking on it is tame in comparison.
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

  18. #18
    Sophmoric Existentialist
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    Quote Originally posted by Diana View post
    I have to disagree. Les Stroud has approximately ten times less charisma than whatever week-old carcass Bear Grylls is currently enjoying. His show may be "real", but it's also booooooooooooring.
    I suspect you have nailed the primary difference between Canadians and Americans.

    Canadians have a lot more really mean wilderness than Americans, and we know that if we were to be lost in the bush, Les Stroud would be the guy we'd want to appear magically out of the sky. Good old reliable Les. He actually KNOWS how to survive. So he's not hawtt, and he doesn't tap dance too well. He's the real thing.

    Whereas Americans, who all live in cities and wouldn't know a cougar outside a nightclub? Y'all like these phoney guys who look good on TV but who would be reduced to whimpering, jittering terror after one night in the bush around, say, Pouce Coupee.
    Sophmoric Existentialist

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    Oliphaunt Baldwin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Myrnalene View post
    Things I have seen Bear Grylls do:

    *pee on a towel and then wear the towel as a head garment (something about avoiding dehydration in desert conditions? whatever, freak)
    What exactly is your problem with that? I wouldn't do it if I had a decent supply of water, but if one is in a hot desert, there's nothing freaky about wanting to both protect one's head from the sun, and get some evaporative cooling; it could save your life. Urine is normally sterile; it won't give you cooties.

    Some of the other stuff just sounds like showing off, though.

  20. #20
    Oliphaunt Baldwin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Glazer View post
    Survivor Man is a much better show. Les Stroud Goes out into the bush alone. Carries his own camera gear. And doesn't jump into quick sand just because it's there.
    Yeah, that's a good show. He doesn't seem to deliberately pick the most disgusting way to do something.

  21. #21
    Stegodon Jaglavak's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by vison View post
    Y'all like these phoney guys who look good on TV but who would be reduced to whimpering, jittering terror after one night in the bush around, say, Pouce Coupee.
    Yeah, but that's just from the mozzies.

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    Bear Grylls is a tool. He cheats regularly, by staying in hotels when the going gets rough. He has a film crew with him to do the heavy lifting. I doubt he does anything that is truly dangerous, aside from going by "Bear". Les Stroud, of Survivorman, however, does it all himself. Lugs his cameras for a week, is by himself, and truly surviving. You may not find him as compelling or charismatic, but he's the real deal. All Bear has going for him is his British accent, which somehow makes him an "expert" to American ears. He could also sell chop-o-matics!

  23. #23
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Boo View post
    All Bear has going for him is his British accent, which somehow makes him an "expert" to American ears. He could also sell chop-o-matics!
    This. He totally talks like an infomercial pitchman.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

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