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Thread: I'm pissed off! Tell me if I'm justified!

  1. #1
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    Default I'm pissed off! Tell me if I'm justified!

    Is my anger righteous or am I being a big babby.

    Background: I'm trans and in the process of meandering over to being male rather than female. I came out to my family two months ago and they, understandably, are having a tough time adjusting. They finally decided to go see a psychologist last week, and I'm happy they're seeking out help.

    Current issue: After one session, the shrink said it would be a good idea for me to come in with them next time. I was cool with that. We planned on doing it next Wednesday when everyone was free. All was well.

    At least until we started talking. Some of the concerns they came back with, and some of the things they said the Dr. said make me wonder about his experience with trangender issues. It's no uncommon to face ignorance when dealing with medical professionals, or to have to 'defend yourself' to them, which is kind of the vibe I'm getting. So, suddenly, not looking forward to this.

    Especially since the doctor didn't have any openings for the Wednesday we wanted to go. Mom rescheduled for the next day we were all free without asking me.

    Which is Christmas Eve.

    Which is also my birthday.

    This really isn't how I wanted to spend the morning of that particular day. In addition, if things go badly, I can't get away. I live with them AND Christmas Eve is our big family get together. If I go and hide at a friend's house, I'll miss out on that and my absence will be noted.

    What the fuck kind of psychologist sees people on Christmas Even anyway? Jesus Christ dude, take a vacation.

  2. #2
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Yeah, it sounds more like "an intervention is being sprung on you" than "we're getting together as a family to see how we can all work through our feelings on this."

    I hope the actual appointment proves me wrong.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  3. #3
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    But of course, I'm worried about raising objections. If I don't want to go, or have to fight to defend myself, or be around family if things go bad, it will surely be a sign that I'm 'not really trans' or 'not ready for this yet', which I know is utter bullshit.

    It's done just enough to take the wind out of my sails, though. I was going to wait until school was out (end of next week) and finally chop off all my hair, and get my first testosterone injection on Tuesday. Now I can't bring myself to give a fuck. My T is literally sitting at the pharmacy right now waiting for me to pick it up, and I don't even want to go get it.

  4. #4
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    It would be incredibly presumptuous of me to offer advice in this situation, so I'll offer best wishes for good luck.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  5. #5
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    It would be incredibly presumptuous of me to offer advice in this situation, so I'll offer best wishes for good luck.
    Agreed. All I want to add is this: I don't see how you can not go.

    It may be a set up, it my break bad, but if your family is willing (as they may well be) to come this far to work things out, you gotta go.

    Much as you're the one making the big life change, your family came to know about this fairly recently, and may be in something akin to shock. You have to cut them a little slack. Sucks that it's your birthday, though.

    Good luck with this.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  6. #6
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    Yeah, it sounds more like "an intervention is being sprung on you" than "we're getting together as a family to see how we can all work through our feelings on this."

    I hope the actual appointment proves me wrong.
    That was my first thought, too, and the fact that the doc is willing to do it on a holiday makes it seem even more so.

  7. #7
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Geez, Rabbit. And not too long ago I was thinking about how well your family had handled you coming out. Obviously it took some time for it to sink in and all of their inner conflicts to bubble up to the surface. That is really, really not a good day for that to be going on, for a number of reasons.

    The unfortunate thing is that healthcare professionals can be incredibly ignorant about this crap and yet people think, "Oh, he's got a degree. Whatever he says is correct while everything my child says is surely the result of brainwashing." I think what literature you bring--and you're going to want to have a nice little folder with you because your words and your feelings may very well be discounted--should include material by people in the medical field and first-hand accounts from trans men. Show that medical professionals are backing up what these guys are saying. This isn't a phase. This isn't a cult. This is something you're going through regardless of what they think or say, because it's something that has existed since you were born.

    Damn. What you really need with you is an ally. It sounds too much like an intervention and having you isolated from anyone who can back up your experiences is only going to make it harder on you.

    I'm sorry, man. You give the word and I'll be down there with a mug of hot cocoa and a getaway car.

  8. #8
    Sophmoric Existentialist
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    Is there a friend who can go with you?

    Good luck. I can't offer much more, but good luck.
    Sophmoric Existentialist

  9. #9
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    Agree with all of the above. This sounds suspiciously like a set-up, and yet there is no way you can disentangle from it without giving everyone else the opportunity to accuse you of being the uncooperative one.

    Stay strong and resolved. We will all be rooting for you.

  10. #10
    Oliphaunt jali's avatar
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    I'm pulling for you! I don't have advice so I'll just send some love.
    They weren't singing....they were just honking.
    Glee 2009

  11. #11
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Another vote for the whole thing sounding suspicious.

  12. #12
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    Okay, so I have this hilarious yet frightening mental image of guys in white coats chasing me with butterfly nets. I don't think that is what's going on. Maybe I'm not painting an accurate picture. If anything I don't think my parents are diabolical enough to concoct something like that.

    I don't really have anyone who knows about the issues that I could bring with me. Especially not on Christmas Eve. It's probably nothing huge, I'm just worried about it going bad and feeling shitty on what should be a good day.

  13. #13
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RabbitMage View post
    Okay, so I have this hilarious yet frightening mental image of guys in white coats chasing me with butterfly nets. I don't think that is what's going on. Maybe I'm not painting an accurate picture. If anything I don't think my parents are diabolical enough to concoct something like that.
    But if they are that diabolical, get pics.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  14. #14
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    I've been thinking about your predicament and the responses a little bit more, and concluded there is a faint chance that our well-meaning support is in danger of doing you an unintended disservice. To wit: we all agree that the scheduling suggests this may be a set-up, and at the very least it seems a bit passive-aggressive. So, the resentment you feel is entirely justified.

    But, it probably won't help matters if you go in spoiling for a fight, regardless of what your family and/or the therapist deserve. That smarmy aphorism "Hope for best, prepare for the worst" may apply in this case. If you go in with an open mind and relaxed attitude - hey, who knows, just MAYBE they are honestly trying to be helpful and loving here - you may find it easier to stay calm if they do try an "intervention" or something equally silly. At the very least, you'll have the moral high ground: you went in to the gathering willing to listen, learn and communicate, whereas they went into the gathering with an agenda of changing you to fit their point of view.

  15. #15
    I've had better days, but I don't care! hatesfreedom's avatar
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    Jesus, what a pussy. Cancel the appointment, and tell the parents it's because none of us should have to work on christmas eve. I don't have any comments about your mystical quest to become a man, but yah good luck with that. You can start by manning the fuck up nancy.

  16. #16
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Despite hates' typical charming turn of phrase, I think he has a point. I know people have been saying that you should go so it looks like you're making an effort, and that was my first instinct, too. But that doesn't mean that you have to go that particular day. Tell them, fine, great, we should all go, but I'm not doing it on my birthday. There's a family get together and I want us to be a family with no conflict on that day. We can deal with it another time...there's all the time in the world, really...it's not like any of this stuff is gonna happen overnight. It's all a process. Your transition is a process, their dealing with it is a process. There doesn't have to be some kind of artificial deadline set for any of it. And even if there was, it wouldn't have to be on your frickin' birthday.

  17. #17
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    I am totally convinced by the hates-Sarafeena combo. Why didn't I think of it that way?

  18. #18
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Hatshepsut View post
    I am totally convinced by the hates-Sarafeena combo. Why didn't I think of it that way?
    Sometimes it takes a rabid ferret to help you see the light.

  19. #19
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    Ah, rabid ferrets. You never fail us.

    This is different but related, but I've been working on assertive, selfish behavior with my therapist. Namely that I have none. An inability to stand up for myself, assert my needs, etc psychobabble. It's something I'm working on.

    I think I'll let mom know tonight that I won't be attending this session because it's my birthday and such, and I'd rather not. They're still welcome to go, and all three of us will attend at another date.

  20. #20
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Good for you and good luck with the family.

  21. #21
    Oliphaunt Taumpy's avatar
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    I'm coming into this thread a little late, but I also want to say good luck to you, Rabbit, whether you end up going or not.

  22. #22
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    So I casually mentioned tonight that I wouldn't be attending this appointment. "...because, you know, it's my birthday and I'd rather do something else. If you want to go, just the two of you, that's fine, and later on we'll all figure out another day to go together."

    Mom? Not pleased. But watch me not care.

  23. #23
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RabbitMage View post
    So I casually mentioned tonight that I wouldn't be attending this appointment. "...because, you know, it's my birthday and I'd rather do something else. If you want to go, just the two of you, that's fine, and later on we'll all figure out another day to go together."

    Mom? Not pleased. But watch me not care.
    That's the spirit! (And it's okay to care, too, even if you recognize that not caring would be better.)

  24. #24
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RabbitMage View post
    So I casually mentioned tonight that I wouldn't be attending this appointment. "...because, you know, it's my birthday and I'd rather do something else. If you want to go, just the two of you, that's fine, and later on we'll all figure out another day to go together."

    Mom? Not pleased. But watch me not care.
    Good for you! She'll get over it.

  25. #25
    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Go get your Testosterone it will help with "Manning Up" as Hates puts it. Kudo's on rescheduling the appointment. If, when you go, it does turn into an adversarial confrontation make sure your family knows that they can learn to live with you the way you are. Or they stand the chance of losing you altogether.

    Oh and one more thing Happy Birthday!
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

  26. #26
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Bump for update! (Please?)

    Did you go? If so, how did it go?
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  27. #27
    Wanna cuddle? RabbitMage's avatar
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    I didn't go. They went on their own, and haven't said a word about it since. I'm still hoping to go, just Jesus Christ not on my birthday.

    Watch them reschedule it for the next holiday-like event. I fully expect it to be at 8 AM on New Year's Day.

  28. #28
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    If you don't post to this thread at least to check in within the next week, I will assume you have been black-bagged and dragged into a van marked A&E's Intervention.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  29. #29
    MOON GIRL FIGHTS CRIME Myrnalene's avatar
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    Good for you, Rabbit. Now see if you can hang on to that sense of power and you will be alright.

  30. #30
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    You are: justified.

    Also, honestly, I really wouldn't trust a professional who was scheduling appointments on Christmas Eve, what the heck.

  31. #31
    like Gandalf in a way Nrblex's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Exy View post
    You are: justified.

    Also, honestly, I really wouldn't trust a professional who was scheduling appointments on Christmas Eve, what the heck.
    Well, he might not be a Christian. In which case he doesn't give a fuck!

    (Hi Exy!)

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