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Thread: MelloRants. Like Mini-Rants only...Mello.

  1. #51
    Stegodon kk fusion's avatar
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    There should be a law banning any baby strollers from public transportation that are more than X times the length and width of the actual baby.
    Exact value of X to be determined from historical data. Seriously, the monstrosities people use these days to wheel their brood around are definitely incompatible with commuter trains.

  2. #52
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Oh man, it takes a clueless parent to use anything but an umbrella stroller on mass transit. I guess if the baby is still too small for said it could be a problem. But even there, our infant stroller was only about 2' wide tops. (around 61cm). What are they doing, going back to the old fashion strollers?

  3. #53
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kk fusion View post
    There should be a law banning any baby strollers from public transportation that are more than X times the length and width of the actual baby.
    Exact value of X to be determined from historical data. Seriously, the monstrosities people use these days to wheel their brood around are definitely incompatible with commuter trains.
    Oh God, yes. There is something seriously wrong when a baby in a stroller is taking up as much room as two adults. And at least the two extra adults would have been more maneuverable.

  4. #54
    Porosity Caster parzival's avatar
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    Shyamalan. You know how to write it. Don't fucking pretend you don't.

    He even went and used an easy to remember, if pretentious, "M. Night" for the rest of his working name. The last name is the most normal part.

    When you pretend you've never heard of it before and this is the first time it's passed through your brain, it's not funny. Are you really that proud of your own ignorance? Hooray for you, ignorant fucktard! Keep it up! Are you so culturally backward that you really have never heard a name that doesn't sound like your own? Don't bother mangling the name. Just go with 'dothead'. Or 'raghead'. Maybe 'wog' or 'Paki' if you like. No need to be accurate. Do you hate his films, and want to insult him for making them? Make sure to be as childish as possible. Call him a poopypants while you're at it.

    Maybe you don't always spell things 100% right. Look, no one's going to complain if you say 'Shymalan'. But this isn't 'Nagheenanajar' or 'Nahassapeemipetilon'. Those aren't even all that hard to write or say and they aren't fucking real names. So call him M., call him Night, call him Manny, Nelli, Manoj, Mr. Shyamalan, Siyamalan, Ṣiyāmaḷaṉ, ശ്യാമളന്*, but don't be a fucking idiot.


    This is a Mello rant because he's not that great a director and in a few years no one will remember his name anyway.

    *This isn't a fucking footnote, that asterisk is there because apparently this text box can't get his name right and inserted it instead of the right character.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally posted by parzival View post
    Shyamalan. You know how to write it. Don't fucking pretend you don't.
    A lot of people REALLY can't spell, though. And also, for some reason, the pronunciation seems to be "SHAH-mah-lahn" even though there's that Y. I assume it's pronounced in whatever language it comes from, but Americans don't. I'm not sure how he pronounces it, though.

  6. #56
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    Also, stop taking the elevator up to the second level of the parking garage. The stairs are right there. It's FASTER to take the stairs one level than wait for the elevator. And me? I'm parked on the sixth level because the State of Michigan section starts on the fifth level. Taking an elevator to skip five flights of stairs is legitimate. But if you're going to two, you can fucking walk it. It will save us BOTH time.

  7. #57
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    I sent this feedback to Google about their new image search screen:
    Quote Originally posted by me
    I don't like the new damn image search. (A) you're copying from Microsoft's shitty also-ran search engine, what are you fucking thinking? (B) I like the whole "divided into pages" thing, I don't want a bunch of AJAXing happening as I scroll. The wait is just as long, but it sucks up more RAM because my browser's having to keep more in memory, and (C) I want to see the damn image dimensions below the picture.

    Seriously why the fuck are you copying from the people who have a reputation for making the worst goddamn user interfaces in history? Make it simple and consistent. Having a bunch more suddenly show up when I scroll down is the opposite of simple and consistent. Make it look like your search results. My grandma is used to Google Search. She's not used to this crap. For Christ's sake, guys.

    Jesus. This is just shameful.

  8. #58
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Now that is an impressive piece of feedback. Also I appear to be getting the old GIS today so maybe your complaint did some good.

  9. #59
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    Please stop talking about your "food baby." It is not cute or clever and is in fact a really disgusting idea. Know why? Because when you say your belly looks like you're six months pregnant with your "food baby" I start thinking about the "poop baby" it's going to turn into.

    Just...shut up. Please.

  10. #60
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zuul View post
    Please stop talking about your "food baby." It is not cute or clever and is in fact a really disgusting idea. Know why? Because when you say your belly looks like you're six months pregnant with your "food baby" I start thinking about the "poop baby" it's going to turn into.

    Just...shut up. Please.
    God, who says this?

  11. #61
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    Wikipedia's images: they have the small size in the articles, and you can click them to get the original size, which is often bigger. Sometimes WAY WAY bigger. I see a little pic of a city or something, I want to see it a little bigger. What do I get? A five megabyte photo that takes forever to download -- especially if it's over my crappy work internet connection -- that's 5000x3000 pixels or thereabouts. I then have to resize it if I want to see it since it's five times as big as my monitor.

    Hey, guys? How about displaying it at a nice moderate size on the "view photo page" -- say around 1024x768 -- and then have a link to view or download it at the original size if I really want the absolute maximum quality? Since, usually, I don't. I just want to see the statue or bridge or whatever at a nice comfortable size.

  12. #62
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    God, who says this?
    Judging by my Twitter feed, women between the ages of 22-30 who think that they are cute.

    ...

    They are not.

  13. #63
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    There's more than one?

  14. #64
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    I believe it all started with the movie Juno, so it's, you know, those sorts of people.

  15. #65
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    Hey, I loved that movie.

  16. #66
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Do you quote it regularly?

  17. #67
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    Quote Originally posted by Zuul View post
    Do you quote it regularly?
    Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it.

  18. #68
    A Groupie Marsilia's avatar
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    Dear McDonald's,

    As a female comic book fan, I take offense to your employees' referring to the Marvel action figures as the "boy" toys. If I hadn't been ordering Happy Meals specifically to get Littlest Pet Shop toys for my sister, I would have said something supremely snotty. As it is, thanks to your tasty cheeseburgers, I'm going to let it slide this time.

  19. #69
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Marsilia View post
    As it is, thanks to your tasty cheeseburgers, I'm going to let it slide this time.
    (emphasis added)


    Boooooo!

  20. #70
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Dear Straightdope mods.

    You have weally, weally, weally hurt my feelings now. Boo hoo, fuck you too.





    Had to get that off my chest before it tore me apart.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  21. #71
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Hmmm... not even an "ivan, you asked for it, you got it." comment?

    You lot really have given up your Dope addiction, haven't you!
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  22. #72
    The Apostabulous Inner Stickler's avatar
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    wot is dope

    also, high schooler should be leashed.
    I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  23. #73
    Elephant Feirefiz's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Inner Stickler View post
    also, high schooler should be leashed.
    For a moment I read that as "lashed".

  24. #74
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    Either way, it makes no sense.

    I don't know whether to have a mello-rant about it, or not... nah, I can't raise the ire.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  25. #75
    The Apostabulous Inner Stickler's avatar
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    schoolers. High schoolers should be leashed. Because I don't feel like I get paid enough to nanny.
    I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  26. #76
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Nope, Sticky, I'm not feeling you on this one.

    Can you just say what you mean without the cryptic bits?



    D'oh! I get it now... you aren't even referring to my post; you're just having your own little mello-rant.
    Last edited by ivan astikov; 07 Aug 2010 at 05:47 PM.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  27. #77
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    Quote Originally posted by Feirefiz View post
    For a moment I read that as "lashed".
    I could get behind lashings for hard-bodied 18-year-olds.

  28. #78
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    First of all, we are human fucking beings. We are not wolves or gorillas. If humans ever had a system that could be split into alpha males vs. beta males, it hasn't been recorded and it seems pretty unlikely.

    Your concept of an alpha male running around getting all the ladies means that there is going to be heavy physical competition between males, which lends itself toward a harem structure and sexual dimorphism. Men are slightly larger than women, but not by enough to imply such a social structure was common enough to have an impact on our evolution. Have powerful males in history taken large harems? Yes. Is this how most human reproduction is accomplished? No.

    Secondly, this "alpha" and "beta" talk is quite often used in a metaphor involving wolf pack structure. That is ridiculous. An alpha wolf is pretty much the exact opposite of what you idiots think of as an "alpha male." In a wolf pack, there is an alpha dog (note that this is the proper term for a male canine) and an alpha bitch. They breed together and the rest of the pack helps them raise their young. The alpha dog prevents the other beta dogs from mating by staying close to the alpha bitch during estrus while the alpha bitch prevents the beta bitches from going into heat, usually by harassing them. The alpha dog is the alpha bitch's mate and all pack activity is ultimately centered around them surviving as a reproductive unit. It is by forming a successful breeding pair that they become alphas. The alpha dog has to keep his mate safe, keep his pack fed, and communicate his pack position by showing his dominance, strength and health through his every physical movement. The alpha dog isn't alpha because he's a big mean jerk who hurts the poor widdle betas' feelings. That's actually the bitch's job.

    So the way that you are using alpha and beta to refer to human beings makes no sense no matter how you look at it. Do women prefer men who are exceptional in some way? No doubt. That isn't an example of how unfair life is and how you can't get laid because you're a "beta male". Nobody wants to fuck somebody who is mediocre. Everybody would prefer the exceptional partner.

    So in conclusion: please for the love of God, never use those two words to refer to humans again.

  29. #79
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    Quote Originally posted by ivan astikov View post
    Hmmm... not even an "ivan, you asked for it, you got it." comment?

    You lot really have given up your Dope addiction, haven't you!
    Dope? Straightdope? Need to Google here.

    Back.

    So, you persistently misbehaved on this other message board, got "banned", and now you run over here to whine about it. Goodness me. Would it kill you to grow a set? It's as bad as that snivel of yours about how unfair the driving test was.

    Now if you'll excuse me, company's due to arrive any moment.

  30. #80
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Mom, when we say goodbye before we leave on our vacation, maybe you could just say "have fun" like everyone else. Leave out how you've told everybody not to let us know if you die while we're away.

  31. #81
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    I'm convinced these sort of drama queens do this shit deliberately - to make sure you call them regularly.

  32. #82
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    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    Dope? Straightdope? Need to Google here.

    Back.
    Dicky, Dicky, Dick, Dick, Dick - I hope you dont mind being called Dick, or would you prefer Sir Dick? Oh, fuck it, I'm gonna call you Dick; it seems somehow appropriate. Anyhoo, Dick, back to your reply...
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    So, you persistently misbehaved on this other message board,
    per·sis·tent (pr-sstnt, -zs-)
    adj.
    1. Refusing to give up or let go; persevering obstinately.
    2. Insistently repetitive or continuous: a persistent ringing of the telephone.
    3. Existing or remaining in the same state for an indefinitely long time; enduring: persistent rumors; a persistent infection.
    Erm, no, not really. But I suppose that's one way of interpreting it.
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    got "banned",
    Yay, you got something right. There's hope for you yet!
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    and now you run over here to whine about it.
    Well...I'm banned over there and I'm a member here... where should I have gone and "whined" about it, Einstein?
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    Goodness me. Would it kill you to grow a set?
    My balls are hale and hearty, but thanks for showing concern.
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    It's as bad as that snivel of yours about how unfair the driving test was.
    I made a reasonable and seemingly uncontroversial complaint that a test that wasn't carried out by everyone, wasn't what I'd call a fair test. You are entitled to disagree, just as I'm entitled to think you are a poncy prick of the highest order.
    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    Now if you'll excuse me, company's due to arrive any moment.
    Let me guess... the pizza delivery guy was on his way?
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  33. #83
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    Well, let's take those in order shall we? You can call me Dick if your tongue stumbles over two whole syllables, Mr Nasty Cough, but if you were aiming for a humorous riff I should tell you that eleanorigby got there first, and the difference is that she is a pretty, witty and charming little thing while you are a thieving Mancunian twat. You can scurry off to the dictionary and present some definition of the word "persistent" that you then assume without further argument strengthens your position, but the fact of the matter is that you got warned again and again and could not be bothered to learn your lesson. I've no sympathy. You may think this other message board is the cyber embodiment of a Fascist state and all the moderators dribbling morons, but if you join the club you play by their rules.

    You ask where you were supposed to go and whine about it? You weren't supposed to whine anywhere! It's as if you were up before me in the magistrate's court and I asked you why you urinated in somebody's doorway and you scratched some of your more disgusting sores and mumbled "Well, whose doorway was I meant to piss in?", you poor sap. Is this so hard to understand? Perhaps I was wrong to question your testicular fortitude when I should have been focussing on your reasoning powers.

    By all means call me a poncy prick - based on, I presume, the "Sir" and the fact I delivered the verbal slapping that you asked for - and I'll call you a larcenous oik and we'll each go our way rejoicing, shall we? But, while I can't presume to speak for you, I respect my digestive system too much to inflict take-away pizza at any time, and certainly not at midnight. I don't expect you to understand this, as I'm sure when the munchies kick in you'll scavenge eatables out of the waste-bin if there's nothing you fancy in the fridge.

    But, talking of food, the breakfast trolley has arrived, and scrambled eggs and orange juice in bed with a dear little thing appeals far more than trading insults with you, so I'll be off. Enjoy your Sunday!

  34. #84
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    I'll just call you Prick then, shall I?

    So, listen up, Prick, unless you've been following my posting habits like some kind of stalker with a hard-on for bad guys, I'm going to guess you know next to fuck all about the reasons for my banning, and whether or not it was actual misdemeanors that got me banned, or a possible personality conflict with some of the jack-boot wearing, jumped-up cunts that the majority of people on this board came here to get away from.

    Now, despite the presence of those self-important wankers who call the shots over there, I actually liked posting on the Dope because a) it was always busy. b) there was always some topic that interested me. and c) there were some smart people to bounce ideas off. These pros outweighed the cons of encountering tits like yourself, with over-inflated egos and smarm oozing out of every orifice, just sufficiently enough to keep me going back each day.

    So, I come here, have my mello-rant, and behold, my only substantial response is from yours truly Sir Prick ff-ff-ff-ffuck-wit, and here we are.

    So, come on, what other wonderful insights do you want to share regarding my posting technique, or lack of it?
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  35. #85
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    ps. Ponder on it while you are frolicking with your "dear little thing" - aka fucking your Fleshlight - and eating your cheese on crackers.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  36. #86
    like Gandalf in a way Nrblex's avatar
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    Dudes. You're harshing my Mello. Go have a slap fight somewhere else.

  37. #87
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    Why, are these the reincarnations of Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde? On this very message board?

  38. #88
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    Dorothy Parker
    I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  39. #89
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Nrblex View post
    Dudes. You're harshing my Mello. Go have a slap fight somewhere else.
    < checks forum >

    Thought so - The Thunderdome. Not Granny's Parlour, or some other genteel discussion area. If you don't like a slap-fest, don't get inbetween one.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  40. #90
    The Apostabulous Inner Stickler's avatar
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    It's not a slapfight so much as a droolfest. I'd say never come to a battle of wits unarmed but this is neither witty nor a battle. It's like two retarded monkeys are shitting themselves.

  41. #91
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    "Drool-fest", "two retarded monkeys shitting themselves"...?

    You're not really doing much to up the ante, Sticky.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  42. #92
    The Apostabulous Inner Stickler's avatar
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    I'm not really invested in it so

    I'm more irritated about the fact that the History Channel is having a special on aliens.
    I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  43. #93
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    Hard-on? You mistake me for a former cellmate, evidently. Bad guy? You're not a bad guy, you're a petty crook and small-time loser, fit to be a living testament to impressionable children on the evil consequences of poor life choices. I don't need to stalk you, I just need to do five minutes' research to pop up the thread in which the Straight Dope moderator announces your banning and follow the links to get the executive summary of your repeated (if you like that word any better than "persistent") failure to learn simple lessons. This I did only because of your whining and snivelling and because it plainly irked you that no-one was coming in to tell you it was all your own fault so you could scream, cry and throw your toys out of the perambulator. Well, now you've got what you asked for and you don't like it. Much what could have been expected, really.

    Yes, yes, The Man hates you, whether it's the judge sending you down for yet another stay at Her Majesty's Pleasure or the jack-boot wearing jumped-up cunts and self-important wankers that boot you from your beloved message board for reiterated assholery. Once the bluebottles put the mark on you, you haven't got a chance. Couldn't have anything to do with your ongoing bed-soiling and general childishness, now could it? That must be why everyone and his brother over at that other board is foaming at the mouth in indignation over the injustice perpetrated on you. Like him, and him, and him, and him, and him, and...

    Now, you post your little cry for attention and I, as a thoroughly disinterested and uninterested party, take a few minutes to give you my dispassionate view on the matter, and what do I get? Playground insults. Explains a lot about you really.

    And just to set you straight, I personally have no need for a Fleshlight (and Cosette, as I'll call her, would be very disappointed right now to learn that I had any stamina left over for one ), but I have no axe whatever to grind against cheese and crackers. Fortnum's do some excellent examples; perhaps, next time you're in Piccadilly, you might pop in and pinch some, although don't say I told you to.

    Inner Stickler, I commend to you the famous utterance of the Master Of Quick Wit And Repartee.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, the bar's open and I have a busy week ahead of me. May catch you later if the wifi on the train is working any time this week.

  44. #94
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    Hard-on? You mistake me for a former cellmate, evidently. Bad guy? You're not a bad guy, you're a petty crook and small-time loser, fit to be a living testament to impressionable children on the evil consequences of poor life choices.
    Do carry on, this is all very interesting. I'm sure other posters would love to know your methods of determining a person's personality and lifestyle, based on the perusal of --- how many posts?

    Go on, continue to dig yourself a hole, smart arse.

    ps. What is the reasoning behind mentioning your "dear little thing" in every response, Prick?
    Last edited by ivan astikov; 08 Aug 2010 at 03:15 PM.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  45. #95
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Inner Stickler View post
    I'm more irritated about the fact that the History Channel is having a special on aliens.
    HISTORY CHANNEL.

  46. #96
    The Apostabulous Inner Stickler's avatar
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    I KNOW RIGHT?

    Idiots.
    I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  47. #97
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    Quote Originally posted by Sir Richard ffoulkes View post
    That must be why everyone and his brother over at that other board is foaming at the mouth in indignation over the injustice perpetrated on you. Like him, and him, and him, and him, and him, and...
    Hmmm... maybe if the thread announcing my banning hadn't been instantly locked before the 1,000 + viewers had had their 2c worth, you might have seen some protestation. For every person you've linked to there who hates my guts, I could find you at least one post that has praised me for my contributions on that board, but still, thanks for reminding us all that it's a personality contest over there and if you don't fit, they'll contrive a way to prove it.
    Last edited by ivan astikov; 08 Aug 2010 at 03:27 PM.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  48. #98
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Inner Stickler View post
    I KNOW RIGHT?

    Idiots.

    You mean they've ran out of Hitler programmes? Fuck me, that is a shocker! What is the world coming to?
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  49. #99
    Yes, I'm a cat. What's it to you? Muffin's avatar
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    What a drama queen.

  50. #100
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Poor Muffin. If you consider this drama, you must constantly be on the verge of wetting yourself with excitement everytime something happens around you.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

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