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Thread: Tell an offensive joke!

  1. #1
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    Default Tell an offensive joke!

    Tell an offensive joke. I've put this in Thunderdome so hate speech is allowed.


    I'll start



    Q: Why don't niggers like cruises?



    [spoiler:1j7pcpxh]A: Long memories[/spoiler:1j7pcpxh]

  2. #2
    Resident Troublemaker beebs's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What do you call a black who flies a plane?

    [spoiler:1opj6lfg]A pilot, you fucking racist.[/spoiler:1opj6lfg]

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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    spoilers eh? Good idea!

  4. #4
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    I don't get the OP...

    What's the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus?

    [spoiler:27z0c4lo]Santa Claus goes DOWN a chimney.[/spoiler:27z0c4lo]
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  5. #5
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    I don't get the OP...
    I believe it's a reference to the slave trade.

    Question: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    [spoiler:h89y8lt6]Answer: Nothing. You already told her twice.[/spoiler:h89y8lt6]

  6. #6
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    ...And along those same lines:

    What's the first thing a woman should do after she leaves a shelter?
    [spoiler:2yblhecz]The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.[/spoiler:2yblhecz]
    Better is heart than a mighty blade
    For him who shall fiercely fight;
    The brave man well shall fight and win,
    Though dull his blade may be.

  7. #7
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    And for the kiddie-lovers out there:

    What's the best part of screwing an 8-year old girl?

    [spoiler:3unrp03i]Flip her over and you can pretend she's an 8-year old boy, too.[/spoiler:3unrp03i]


    How do you make a 5-year old cry twice?

    [spoiler:3unrp03i]Wipe your bloody dick off on her teddy bear[/spoiler:3unrp03i]
    Better is heart than a mighty blade
    For him who shall fiercely fight;
    The brave man well shall fight and win,
    Though dull his blade may be.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Here's another one

    A 747 is crossing the Atlantic and the captain comes onto the tannoy saying "2 engines have failed - so that the plane can continue to the other side we are going to have to get rid of some passengers. In order to make this fair we shall do it alphabetically, so will all asians, africans, blacks, coons, chinks and darkies jump out of their nearest exit". Later on the captain walks down the aisle to check if everyone has complied and finds a dark skinned gentlemen, and demands of him, "What are you doing still here?" to which the gentleman replies, "I is a wog".

  9. #9
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    I'm going to get slated for this one...

    MICHAEL JACKSON IS NOT DEAD !
    [spoiler:2nc8ff4f]They found him in the children's ward having a stroke.[/spoiler:2nc8ff4f]

  10. #10
    Bird is the word.
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Upon arriving in Heaven Farrah Fawcett was told she'd be granted one wish. She thought for a moment and then said that she'd like the world to be made safe for children.

  11. #11
    Elephant
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Fawcett is in line to get into Heaven. Going the other direction past them are people who are on the way to Hell. Each one is a guy paired with an uglier and uglier girl.
    Fawcett asks what the first guy did.. He's with a chick that you would gag just looking at. An eye half out of a socket.. A would oozing pus right on her chin.. Really nasty stuff. Apparently, the guy says, he killed a guy in a hit and run accident and got away with it. For eternity he's gotta walk with that ugly girl without even enough brain to hold up a conversation.
    The second guy goes past with a girl that made Fawcett almost vomit.. She was literally a walking, rotting, zombie corpse. She had maggots falling off of her. She asked the guy in front of her if he knew what that guy had done. Apparently he had raped a child and left it for dead in a ditch.
    Suddenly she sees Michael Jackson walking with a big tittied blond supermodel. "What the hell?!" she asks "I thought he was a terrible person!"

    [spoiler:39qi1u38]The guy in front of her says gravely.. "ohhh.. you don't even want to know what she did."[/spoiler:39qi1u38]

  12. #12
    Elephant
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    This is one I heard last night.. thankfully google saved me from having to butcher it.

    There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
    which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how
    each of them spends it.

    The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
    She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
    tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you,
    because I love you so much."

    The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
    television and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
    these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

    The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
    doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
    rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
    because I love you so much."

    [spoiler:s0ey6zaa]The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
    the money. He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.[/spoiler:s0ey6zaa]

  13. #13
    Elephant
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Why did Michael Jackson love twenty-nine year olds?

    Because there were twenty of them.

  14. #14
    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What sound does a baby make in a microwave?

    [spoiler:17vpfz14]I don't know, I was too busy jacking off.[/spoiler:17vpfz14]
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

  15. #15
    Elephant Wheresgeorge04's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Quote Originally posted by ulfhjorr
    And for the kiddie-lovers out there:

    What's the best part of screwing an 8-year old girl?
    What's the best part about fucking thirty-eight-year-olds?

    [spoiler:2u6emt1e]There are 30 of them[/spoiler:2u6emt1e]

    Shit, Clayton-e beat me. To the concept, at least..

    Joe

  16. #16
    Elephant Wheresgeorge04's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Quote Originally posted by Mister Owl
    Upon arriving in Heaven Farrah Fawcett was told she'd be granted one wish. She thought for a moment and then said that she'd like the world to be made safe for children.
    That's AWESOME!

    Joe

  17. #17
    Aged Turtle Wizard Clothahump's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    After all his reconstructive surgeries, the autopsy on Michael Jackson showed that his body was mostly plastic. They decided that, instead of cremating him, they would simply melt the plastic down, make some Legos out of it and let the 8 year olds play with him for a change.
    Political correctness will be the death of our country.

  18. #18
    Stegodon kk fusion's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Why do cows smell like that?

    [spoiler:zkovtz7h]Because they live close to farmers.[/spoiler:zkovtz7h]

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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Why don't blacks like aspirin?


    [spoiler:1ozs3ei5]1. They are white
    2. They work
    3. You have to pick cotton to get to them.[/spoiler:1ozs3ei5]




  20. #20
    Quixotic Elixir Guinastasia's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Hey -- anyone here ever seen Ray Charles's wife?
    "At Pottery Barn, if you knock over a lamp, you have to glue it back together, even if when you're done it looks terrible and it doesn't work. Oh, and you have to stay in the store forever. Oh, and it's an exploding lamp. "
    -Stephen Colbert

  21. #21
    Member D. Fenestrator's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Quote Originally posted by Guinastasia
    Hey -- anyone here ever seen Ray Charles's wife?

    Neither has he!!
    "I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
    -- Terry Pratchett

  22. #22
    Member D. Fenestrator's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Do you know what you call a game of tennis between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

    Endless love!
    "I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
    -- Terry Pratchett

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of dead babies?

    [spoiler:3d12s0v0]Dead babies because you can use a pitchfork[/spoiler:3d12s0v0]

  24. #24
    Quixotic Elixir Guinastasia's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What's grosser than gross?

    [spoiler:325640l0]Two vampires fighting over a used tampon[/spoiler:325640l0]
    "At Pottery Barn, if you knock over a lamp, you have to glue it back together, even if when you're done it looks terrible and it doesn't work. Oh, and you have to stay in the store forever. Oh, and it's an exploding lamp. "
    -Stephen Colbert

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?
    [spoiler:1t1s96or]Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.[/spoiler:1t1s96or]

  26. #26
    Elephant Wheresgeorge04's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam?

    [spoiler:237qda7r]A :You can't jelly you dick into a 4 yr old's mouth[/spoiler:237qda7r]

    Joe

  27. #27
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Why did so many black soldiers die in Vietnam?

    Because every time the platoon leader shouted "Get down!", they all started dancing!
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    What's the hardest part of fucking a 5-year old?




    Getting rid of the body.

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    How many exploding cigars does it take to kill 25 migrant farmworkers?




























    One Corona.

  30. #30
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    A Northener(English) walks into a pub with a pig under his arm.
    The barman says where the fuck did you get that?
    The pig says I won him in a raffle.
    Thirty minutes of Googling not only doesn't make you an expert in a subject,it doesn't even make you right.Real life experience and education will win out every single time

  31. #31
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Default Re: Tell an offensive joke!

    Okay then, what's the difference between a black man and a pizza?

    [spoiler:fed55ekc]A pizza can feed a family of four.[/spoiler:fed55ekc]

    Or, what's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

    [spoiler:fed55ekc]You can't fuck a rock.[/spoiler:fed55ekc]
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

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