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Thread: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

  1. #1
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    There's a lot of people here.

    Let's do this: Report every case of Swine Flu you have first-hand knowledge of.

    It has to be someone you know personally. No second-hand reports.

    Should this person die, you should mention that, too.

    Wlecome to pandempic central.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  2. #2
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I will start.

    I got nothing.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  3. #3
    Elephant TheFlame's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Sorry, none as yet.
    I didn't make the world this way, it was like this when I got here

  4. #4
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    My friend has a friend whose husband works at an international medical clinic in Jakarta. HE says there is a suspected case at the clinic, and I was present when the wife sent my friend an SMS about it. That was 3 days ago, and I have yet to hear that influenza A H1N1 has officially hit Indonesia. I'm assuming that the suspicion was a cautious approach to a regular case of the sniffles in a recent returnee from Texas at best, but more likely it was silly overreaction.

    That doesn't count for squat, does it?

    Curses on your common sense. It's ruining my drama.

  5. #5
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I had a coworker who ate a ham sandwich, got sick to her stomach, and decided she had Swine Flu.

    She is a moron. Also, she doesn't really have the flu.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  6. #6
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    One of my roommates was coughing up a storm, yesterday.

    I've moved into an old fallout shelter, just to be on the safe side.

  7. #7
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I got nothing.

    But I know a guy who is flying to Mexico tomorrow, so there is still hope that he bring back something more than planned.

  8. #8
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I have a cough and a sinus headache. Does that count? Oh, and I'm a pig.
    I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.

  9. #9
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by puppygod
    I got nothing.

    But I know a guy who is flying to Mexico tomorrow, so there is still hope that he bring back something more than planned.
    I bet the flight will be really cheap.

    And the inflight food will be absent of any pork.

    Better immolate him when he returns, though, just to be safe. Don't breathe in the smoke - the virus can spread by high temperatures and smoke. And take plenty of anitbiotics afterwards
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  10. #10
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    According to some of the smart people in this thread everyone who's flown in an airplane the last few weeks has been exposed so the number of cases should go through the roof shortly.

    Any time now.

    Really. Soon.

    OK, maybe not.

  11. #11
    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Y'all think this is sooo funny. Just wait. In about three weeks this thread will be crashing the server.
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

  12. #12
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Glazer
    Y'all think this is sooo funny. Just wait. In about three weeks this thread will be crashing the server.
    21 Days and counting...
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  13. #13
    Elephant
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    My boss is in Houston for a few days and told me he was sending me a box of Swine Flu. I'll let you know when it gets here.

  14. #14
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Nothing here... though a friend of mine was coughing for a couple of minutes earlier today. Yep, it's the Apocalypse all right.

  15. #15
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    Quote Originally posted by puppygod
    I got nothing.

    But I know a guy who is flying to Mexico tomorrow, so there is still hope that he bring back something more than planned.
    I bet the flight will be really cheap.

    And the inflight food will be absent of any pork.

    Better immolate him when he returns, though, just to be safe. Don't breathe in the smoke - the virus can spread by high temperatures and smoke. And take plenty of anitbiotics afterwards
    No pork for sure - he did ordered kosher meal anyway

    I'll remember that tip about immolation. I have to stockpile firewood and gasoline before he returns.

  16. #16
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    My laptop has been acting funny the last couple of days. Obviously the virus has mutated once again and is now affecting the world's computer systems as well. And since our computers haven't developed an immunity to this virus yet, the end is nigh.

    Oh well, it was fun while it lasted...

  17. #17
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I had bacon this morning. Later on, I sneezed.
    I expect to be dead by midnight.

    Plus, now you all have my germs, because I sneezed again while composing this post.
    I'm not good at the advice. Can I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

  18. #18
    AWESOME SAUS Elyanna's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    No known cases of Hamthrax here. Rumored to be a possible case in a suburb of this city, but that certainly does not count. I don't even know anyone with the regular flu right now.
    "There are no ordinary people. ... It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit." C.S. Lewis

  19. #19
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    At least one kid in the school I work at has it. There may be more (there were some unconfirmed at the time), but I haven't heard anything seeing as the school got closed down the day it was confirmed.

  20. #20
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Elyanna
    No known cases of Hamthrax here. Rumored to be a possible case in a suburb of this city, but that certainly does not count. I don't even know anyone with the regular flu right now.
    Hamthrax, lol. I am so using that.
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  21. #21
    AWESOME SAUS Elyanna's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    Quote Originally posted by Elyanna
    No known cases of Hamthrax here. Rumored to be a possible case in a suburb of this city, but that certainly does not count. I don't even know anyone with the regular flu right now.
    Hamthrax, lol. I am so using that.
    I've got a million of them, thanks to Twitter. It's the Aporkacalypse, run for your lives!
    "There are no ordinary people. ... It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit." C.S. Lewis

  22. #22
    Oliphaunt jali's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Nothing to report besides my gaming addiction :ondering::...which may be related to the pork chops I ate last week and I thought I was going to sneeze last night so I MIGHT HAVE HAMTHRAX. OMG! I'd better go buy some Tamiflu right now! I wonder how the Roche stock is doing?
    They weren't singing....they were just honking.
    Glee 2009

  23. #23
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Someone tell me again why this flu is any different than the normal, nasty flu that sweeps through our lives roughly annually?

    And tell me how the Tree Sloth Flu was transmitted to humans?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  24. #24
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I'm not even sure how people know what kind of flu they have. I mean, sure, if you go to the doctor they can test it and tell you, but the last time I had the flu, my husband had it too, and we just went to bed and slept for 3 days. Dang, we were sick. When we woke up, we weren't sure we were still alive. I have no earthly clue what type of flu that was, except that it was the kind that makes you wish you were dead.

  25. #25
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Nothing over here.

  26. #26
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Someone tell me again why this flu is any different than the normal, nasty flu that sweeps through our lives roughly annually?

    And tell me how the Tree Sloth Flu was transmitted to humans?
    It's tautology, actually - this flu is different, because it's different. The exact compositions of this strain genes is unique - no known flu strain before was exactly like that - and thus no human yet had chance to develop resistance. As far as morbidity and mortality rates goes, it seems to be nothing special, though it's still to early to conclude that it's nothing serious.

    I don't know anything about Tree Sloths, but I do read about unlucky guy who got infected with bird flu when sick seal sneezed into his face...

  27. #27
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    A child who lives next to my friends is one of the confirmed cases. At least one worker at the child's school is ill and now being tested. My student works with the coworker and is ill with flu symptoms today and will be seeing a doctor shortly. At least one of my students at a different school had a temp of 103 and classic flu symptoms but didn't go to a doctor because she didn't have money, so we'll see if everyone else in the class drops. At least one was out yesterday with flu-like symptoms.
    I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.

  28. #28
    Indifferent to bacon Julie's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I'm guilty of magical thinking because I read this thread and think, "Let's not get too cocky" as if the flu reads the internet to decide where to strike. "I'll teach those MEBOS! Mwahahaha!"

  29. #29
    Elephant
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I'm on the bus right now and the guy two seats over is coughing. So I officially have pig death. Mark it down.

  30. #30
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Hey, I just remembered - my mother lives in Mexico.

    She's not especially worried.

  31. #31
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I'm feeling a bit flu-y. Just tired and shakey.

    The menu at my wake must contain only pig-derived foods, otherwise I shall rise again. Only irony will protect you from the AllWalker Zombie Apocolypse.
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  32. #32
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Julie
    I'm guilty of magical thinking because I read this thread and think, "Let's not get too cocky" as if the flu reads the internet to decide where to strike. "I'll teach those MEBOS! Mwahahaha!"
    I've had some of the same thoughts. Especially when my son was sick with a cough and a fever this weekend. His school is across the street from the one that got shut down in Chicago after a confirmed case. Still, he's fine now, we didn't go to the doctor for a test. I figured unless his breathing got labored, he was at higher risk of catching something nasty from the panicking people in the waiting room than dying of whatever he had. Since we're so close to so many ERs, I just kept a close eye on him and treated him with over the counter meds and sympathy.
    Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it.

  33. #33
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Here in Moston, Manchester, I've not seen the slightest sign of undue worry.

    In a city as wet and miserable as this can be, I think it would take something more than 'flu-ey symptoms' to get us in a panic.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  34. #34
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Woo-hoo, first confirmed case in Poland. Woman who just returned from trip to US.

    I'm still not worried, but at times I wonder if this strain mutate eventually into highly pathogenic form... After all we are due with next big flu pandemic, so it _might_ be this.

  35. #35
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    Don't breathe in the smoke - the virus can spread by high temperatures and smoke. And take plenty of anitbiotics afterwards
    People like you are the reason antibiotic-resistant viruses are running rampant!
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  36. #36
    Indifferent to bacon Julie's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp
    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    Don't breathe in the smoke - the virus can spread by high temperatures and smoke. And take plenty of anitbiotics afterwards
    People like you are the reason antibiotic-resistant viruses are running rampant!
    Bad messageboard jokes are the reason?

    My god, we're all DOOOOMED

  37. #37
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Julie
    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp
    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    Don't breathe in the smoke - the virus can spread by high temperatures and smoke. And take plenty of anitbiotics afterwards
    People like you are the reason antibiotic-resistant viruses are running rampant!
    Bad messageboard jokes are the reason?

    My god, we're all DOOOOMED
    Which bad joke, mine or his? I was poking fun at the notion of antibiotic-resistant viruses.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  38. #38
    Indifferent to bacon Julie's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp
    Quote Originally posted by Julie
    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp
    People like you are the reason antibiotic-resistant viruses are running rampant!
    Bad messageboard jokes are the reason?

    My god, we're all DOOOOMED
    Which bad joke, mine or his?
    Ack. Um... yes! (I was whooooshed.)

  39. #39
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    I dunno.

    The last great global epidemic to really effect me and my loved ones was the Chicken Dance.

    Apparently wedding DJs are good-taste resistant.

    Still, we survived, and are stronger for it.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  40. #40
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Default Re: The Swine Flu Detection Center: You Now Work Here

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    I dunno.

    The last great global epidemic to really effect me and my loved ones was the Chicken Dance.

    Apparently wedding DJs are good-taste resistant.

    Still, we survived, and are stronger for it.
    *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

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