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Thread: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

  1. #51
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by RoOsh
    But the lady still gave me a discount on my food cuz I was sweet about it.
    Charter members will always get a 20% discount at the Fucking Oyster*.



    *Alcoholic beverages, tax and gratuity exclude. Offer not valid in states will more than 300,000 residence. The Fucking Oyster reserves the right to end this promotion at any time without warning. Fucking Oyster employees may not be legal residents, and may not be fully trained in food preparation or sanitation. The Fucking Oyster accepts no liability for illness or accidental death as a result of employee negligence, depression brought on by post binge-eating regret or colon-stretching flatuence. The Fucking Oyster is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Dipilatory Products division of Union Carbide LLC. All Rights reserved. Member FDIC, FSLIC, UNICEF and Student for Free Hand Guns.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  2. #52
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    I trust you'll be using 100% pure lard to fry the hush puppies. Go with tradition.


    Mmmm, Genny Cream Ale and hush puppies. Hope you have a lot of toilets there handy, too. I'd suggest a row of porta-pots out back.

  3. #53
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by krisolov
    I trust you'll be using 100% pure lard to fry the hush puppies. Go with tradition.


    Mmmm, Genny Cream Ale and hush puppies. Hope you have a lot of toilets there handy, too. I'd suggest a row of porta-pots out back.
    I was thinking more along the lines of a vomitorium.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  4. #54
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    The FO is now hiring.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  5. #55
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    If we add beer to the Fucking Oyster menu, it can only be one type of one brand.

    Say, Genesee Cream Ale...or something else cheap and poundable.
    Nah, I think you should go with Pearl.

  6. #56
    Maximum Proconsul silenus's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Genny, Pearl, Iron City...any cheap-ass beer will do.
    "The Turtle Moves!"

  7. #57
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Balentine Ale
    Old Style (quite poundable when ice cold)
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  8. #58
    Jesus F'ing Christ Glazer's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    PBR all the way. Onlt thing to drink with Hush Puppies.
    Welcome to Mellophant.

    We started with nothing and we still have most of it left.

  9. #59
    Stegodon
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    My only complaint with all those other beers is that they're not normally found inside oysters.

  10. #60
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    The FO is now hiring.
    I'd be willing to wait tables or wash dishes.

    I insist upon being paid in PBR and hushpuppies, though.

  11. #61
    Global Moderator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    I have a question: why are my lame threads never hijacked and given a dose of the awesomesauce like this one? Huh?

    You people make me sick, although the food might have something to do with that.
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  12. #62
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Well I know exactly where my Oyster Card is.

    It's right by my bed, here in a village in rural Greece.*

    No problems for me if I need to hop on the tube.




    *It really is, and has been for a few months. Just lying there in its little blue wallet. I have no idea why.

  13. #63
    Maximum Proconsul silenus's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker
    You people make me sick, although the food might have something to do with that.
    What, you got something against hush puppies?




    Communist.
    "The Turtle Moves!"

  14. #64
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Just pondering a hush-puppy sandwich.

    Like, on a long roll, with melted cheese and mayo.

    Oh God.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  15. #65
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Quote Originally posted by RoOsh
    But the lady still gave me a discount on my food cuz I was sweet about it.
    Charter members will always get a 20% discount at the Fucking Oyster*.



    *Alcoholic beverages, tax and gratuity exclude. Offer not valid in states will more than 300,000 residence. The Fucking Oyster reserves the right to end this promotion at any time without warning. Fucking Oyster employees may not be legal residents, and may not be fully trained in food preparation or sanitation. The Fucking Oyster accepts no liability for illness or accidental death as a result of employee negligence, depression brought on by post binge-eating regret or colon-stretching flatuence. The Fucking Oyster is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Dipilatory Products division of Union Carbide LLC. All Rights reserved. Member FDIC, FSLIC, UNICEF and Student for Free Hand Guns.
    You'll serve alcohol to Canadians without requiring to see our passports (when we look all of our 40 years old), right?

  16. #66
    Indifferent to bacon Julie's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Just pondering a hush-puppy sandwich.

    Like, on a long roll, with melted cheese and mayo.

    Oh God.
    I can't do it. I can't do a starch sandwich, even if it's deep fried starch.

    Do I have to turn in my Fucking Oyster Card? *sob*

  17. #67
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    That's okay - for you I'll make my famous grilled fat and fat sammich: grilled avacado and cheese.

  18. #68
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    That's okay - for you I'll make my famous grilled fat and fat sammich: grilled avacado and cheese.

    Is there any mayo or ranch dressing involved here? I hope so.

    Ooh, or like som Arby's Horsey Sauce.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  19. #69
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    I could go for the Arby's Horsey sauce. Do we want it for a dip, or spread inside the sammich?

  20. #70
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Just pondering a hush-puppy sandwich.

    Like, on a long roll, with melted cheese and mayo.

    Oh God.
    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    That's okay - for you I'll make my famous grilled fat and fat sammich: grilled avacado and cheese.
    Holy shit you guys.

  21. #71
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    We may be close to developing a signature sandwich for the Fucking Oyster. If we go with sandwiches at all.

    The Double Puppy Fuck w/Cheese.

    Long roll, spread with mayo on both sides, a generous helping of hush puppies, piled high with thin-sliced avocado, and then slathered
    with American cheese and toasted until the cheese is bubbling.

    Served with a side of ranch or Horsey Sauce for dipping, and a prepaid cell phone with 911 on speed dial.

    The Double Puppy Fuck w/ Cheese ValuePak(tm) includes an Olde English 800 tall boy and a neck rub from a
    retired escort-service employee. $8.99 plus tax.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  22. #72
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Long roll, spread with mayo on both sides, a generous helping of hush puppies, piled high with thin-sliced avocado, and then slathered
    with American cheese and toasted until the cheese is bubbling.

    Served with a side of ranch or Horsey Sauce for dipping, and a prepaid cell phone with 911 on speed dial.

    The Double Puppy Fuck w/ Cheese ValuePak(tm) includes an Olde English 800 tall boy and a neck rub from a
    retired escort-service employee. $8.99 plus tax.
    Good lord, I never knew I could get indigestion just from reading something ...

  23. #73
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Orual
    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Long roll, spread with mayo on both sides, a generous helping of hush puppies, piled high with thin-sliced avocado, and then slathered
    with American cheese and toasted until the cheese is bubbling.

    Served with a side of ranch or Horsey Sauce for dipping, and a prepaid cell phone with 911 on speed dial.

    The Double Puppy Fuck w/ Cheese ValuePak(tm) includes an Olde English 800 tall boy and a neck rub from a
    retired escort-service employee. $8.99 plus tax.
    Good lord, I never knew I could get indigestion just from reading something ...

    Does that mean you want two, or just one?

  24. #74
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    I think they should be called Fuck Puppies. And in Canada, we'll call them Puck Fuppies.

  25. #75
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    A Double Puppy Fuck D-Lux(tm) would come served with chili, cheese and onions.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  26. #76
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    ....I hate you guys.
    Now I'm hungry.
    "Dude, your statistical average, which was already in the toilet, just took a plunge into the Earth's mantle." ~ iampunha

  27. #77
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    oh God... I'll have a Double Puppy Fuck D-Lux and a roll of toilet paper, please.

  28. #78
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    You people are literally nauseating.

    I understand doper picture threads much better now.

  29. #79
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Excalibur
    You people are literally nauseating.

    I understand doper picture threads much better now.
    Think of it as cullinary masterbation.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  30. #80
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    we could also add Fuck Puppy Minis.

    for the kiddies.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  31. #81
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    we could also add Fuck Puppy Minis.

    for the kiddies.
    I like the way you think.

  32. #82
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Shall the Fucking Oyster have a breakfast menu?

    And should it involve sausage gravy?

  33. #83
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    If the Fucking Oyster does go for a separate breakfast menu I think it should have sausage gravy.

    I'm not convinced that it needs a separate breakfast menu, though.

    OTOH, how would people like the Scotch Puppy Fuck? Described, here:

    Ingredients:

    1 long roll, as used for the Double Puppy Fuck
    2 hard boiled eggs
    4 oz breakfast sausage, uncased, unformed, raw
    6 oz hush puppy batter
    sausage gravy
    2 oz grated cheddar cheese (optional)

    Directions:

    Take the hard boiled eggs, wrap each with a thin layer of the breakfast sausage, then coat each in a similar layer of the hush puppy batter. Deep fry. Remove eggs from fryer, and cut into quarters. Place eggs on roll, cover with a ladle's worth of the sausage gravy, and sprinkle cheese, if wanted, on top.

    As always, the prepaid cell phone with 911 preprogrammed is complimentary with your purchase.



    I'm actually starting to want to try making this. Must resist... After all, can't eat pork any more.

  34. #84
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    If the Fucking Oyster does go for a separate breakfast menu I think it should have sausage gravy.

    I'm not convinced that it needs a separate breakfast menu, though.

    OTOH, how would people like the Scotch Puppy Fuck? Described, here:

    Ingredients:

    1 long roll, as used for the Double Puppy Fuck
    2 hard boiled eggs
    4 oz breakfast sausage, uncased, unformed, raw
    6 oz hush puppy batter
    sausage gravy
    2 oz grated cheddar cheese (optional)

    Directions:

    Take the hard boiled eggs, wrap each with a thin layer of the breakfast sausage, then coat each in a similar layer of the hush puppy batter. Deep fry. Remove eggs from fryer, and cut into quarters. Place eggs on roll, cover with a ladle's worth of the sausage gravy, and sprinkle cheese, if wanted, on top.

    As always, the prepaid cell phone with 911 preprogrammed is complimentary with your purchase.



    I'm actually starting to want to try making this. Must resist... After all, can't eat pork any more.

    I am in awe.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  35. #85
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    That sounds good, in an "Extreme food" kind of way.
    There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches. -- Ray Bradbury's "Coda"

  36. #86
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    As always, the prepaid cell phone with 911 preprogrammed is complimentary with your purchase.
    I'm thinking there would be defibrillators every 10 feet or so.
    I'm not good at the advice. Can I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

  37. #87
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    we could also add Fuck Puppy Minis.

    for the kiddies.

    I think we should call them Chunks. Fuck Puppy Chunks, with a rascally puppy mascot. With an eyepatch or something. Maybe a peg leg, too.

  38. #88
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by BiblioCat
    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    As always, the prepaid cell phone with 911 preprogrammed is complimentary with your purchase.
    I'm thinking there would be defibrillators every 10 feet or so.

    Yeah, but they don't get to take the AEDs home. We'll need those at The Fucking Oyster.

  39. #89
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by krisolov
    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    we could also add Fuck Puppy Minis.

    for the kiddies.

    I think we should call them Chunks. Fuck Puppy Chunks, with a rascally puppy mascot. With an eyepatch or something. Maybe a peg leg, too.
    Chunks it is!

    What's the mascot puppy's name? is Fucky out of line?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  40. #90
    Maximum Proconsul silenus's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    No, no. Chunks is the dog.
    "The Turtle Moves!"

  41. #91
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by silenus
    No, no. Chunks is the dog.
    Chunks!

    "Hey Kids! Come to the Fucking Oyster this Sunday to meet Chunks!"

    Yup.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  42. #92
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    Quote Originally posted by krisolov
    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf
    we could also add Fuck Puppy Minis.

    for the kiddies.

    I think we should call them Chunks. Fuck Puppy Chunks, with a rascally puppy mascot. With an eyepatch or something. Maybe a peg leg, too.
    Chunks it is!

    What's the mascot puppy's name? is Fucky out of line?
    I like Fucky better than Chunks - it made me snort out loud.

  43. #93
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Someone with some talent has to put together the marketing program for the FO.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  44. #94
    Oliphaunt
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    Quote Originally posted by BiblioCat
    Quote Originally posted by OtakuLoki
    As always, the prepaid cell phone with 911 preprogrammed is complimentary with your purchase.
    I'm thinking there would be defibrillators every 10 feet or so.

    Yeah, but they don't get to take the AEDs home. We'll need those at The Fucking Oyster.
    Well, no, of course not. But with some of the sandwiches you guys are suggesting, the waitstaff will need to be trained in how to use them.
    I'm not good at the advice. Can I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

  45. #95
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by BiblioCat
    Well, no, of course not. But with some of the sandwiches you guys are suggesting, the waitstaff will need to be trained in how to use them.
    It's not too hard, aim in the direction of the person clutching their chest and gasping, yell "clear!" and throw the switch.

    Then again, maybe all the chairs should just have built in defibrillators with control switches on the table so other members of the dining party can just throw the switch and continue with their meal. "Billy, Daddy's having an M.I. would you be a dear and flip the switch and then pass me the salt?"

    That thing with the sausage gravy sounds good.

  46. #96
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Will you be serving these at The Fucking Oyster? It's a cone made of bacon, filled with scrambled eggs, topped with sausage gravy and a biscuit.
    They'd fit right in with the theme. Mmmmmmm.....
    I'm not good at the advice. Can I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

  47. #97
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by featherlou

    I like Fucky better than Chunks - it made me snort out loud.

    I think Fucky works just fine. It's a heart-warming name for a mascot.

    Just remember he's a shill to sell Chunks. Lots of Fuck Puppy Chunks. Or else Fucky gets a beating.

  48. #98
    Oliphaunt featherlou's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Quote Originally posted by krisolov
    Quote Originally posted by featherlou

    I like Fucky better than Chunks - it made me snort out loud.

    I think Fucky works just fine. It's a heart-warming name for a mascot.

    Just remember he's a shill to sell Chunks. Lots of Fuck Puppy Chunks. Or else Fucky gets a beating.
    So...tempted...to change sig line...

  49. #99
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    please feel free to do so. Fucky needs the support.

  50. #100
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Re: Where is my FUCKING Oyster Card?

    Fucky needs friends. Along the lines of the Hamburgler and Mayor McCheese.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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