The 10 Worst Films You've Seen

[jali]

This is the exact opposite of Lib's well researched and well explained thread. This is an "off the top of your head" list of movies you've seen that you hate. If the movie is popular, please explain why it makes your worst list.

My 10 Worst Films (In the order I think of them)
Bean . I was a fan of Mr. Bean and went to the theater eady for a good time. I was bored fom the beginning to the end. I may have smiled once or twice, but I didn't laugh out loud at all. Big disappointment.

Independence Day Maybe the hype was what lead me to believe that I would have a ball watching this movie, but I remember staring at the screen thinking "WTF". Friends gave this film thumbs up and I went to the theater eady for a good time. So many parts of this movie annoyed me. Will's girlfiend's weave wasn't singed when the fireball blew past her, the burnt out car worked, Will Smith punched the alien (who had mind contol power - just didn't use it).

Soul Plane No explanation needed. This was a funny routine by the comic, Honest John that was totally screwed up by this movie.

I have more...

[Harlequin]

Manos the Hands of Fate. Saw it because of its reputation. It is entirely deserved. I've seen a few stinkers, including the famous Plan 9 from Outer Space which is indeed crap, but I honestly haven't seen a movie that belongs on the same list as Manos. Let's just say everything with Steven Seagal, Barb Wire and that shitty Whoopi Goldberg version of A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court.

[pepperlandgirl]

In the order I think of them.

Next--Never has a film made me quite so angry. It was so incredibly stupid, the premise was unbelievably obnoxious (playing by its rules, we're ALL psychic) and God, I just hated it. And I hated Nic Cage and his stupid, fat bloated balding head.

Battlefield Earth--What the fuck was that? What the fuck WAS that? What the fuck? Why? Why did that happen?

Date With an Angel--By the end of the movie, I was rooting for a bus to hit them all. Never happened. I won't say it was a misogynistic piece of shit but....I won't not say it either.

Mannequin--I have a soft spot for this film, but I will never pretend it's actually a good movie.

You've Got Mail--I've only seen this movie once, ten+ years ago when it came out, and it still makes me unbelievably furious. What a piece of shit film. I mean, she fell in love with Tom Hanks because...what? She's a stupid bimbo? It's not even like Tom Hanks is a good looking guy. He was just an asshole who looked like Tom Hanks--therefore he should have never had the ability to even get laid.

The Phantom Menace--So painful, I prayed for an early death.

Attack of the Clones--So painful, I have forgotten the vast, vast majority of the film. If I think very, very hard, I can capture bits and pieces, but mostly, it's entirely gone. And I've seen the movie more than once.

Revenge of the Sith--Bad movie or worst movie ever made? My vote is for the latter. I won't get into why this so-called "film" is an insult to all mankind, but it did make me feel comfortable declaring that George Lucas is a sociopath who has no concept of this thing called human emotions.

Penny Serenade--I watched it because of Cary Grant. I adore him, and it's my intention to watch every film he's ever done. I wish I had passed on this one. Unrepentantly depressing and glurgey, with the final message being that one kid is as good as the other--so if one dies, just immediately adopt a new one!

Leonard Part 6--Anybody who has seen the movie doesn't need an explanation. Anybody who hasn't seen the movie wouldn't believe me if I tried.

[phouka]

Duel in the Sun.

I grew up with my parents' movie library of black and white classics. So, I thought "if it's in black and white, it must be good". What I didn't realize was that my parents had selected really good movies that happened to be black and white. Also, it had Gregory Peck in it. If Gregory Peck can't make a movie good, then there's just no hope for it.

Well, there was no hope for it. I spent the entire movie thinking "it can't really be this bad, can it? It has to get better, doesn't it?" It can, and it doesn't. It was that bad.

[TheFlame]

Bruce Almighty - I loved The Truman Show, so I thought this would be an enjoyable couple of hours too. It was so schlocky and unfunny I walked out of the cinema.

Dumb & Dumber and The Cable Guy - Both my sister's idea. Both unspeakably horrid.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Probably the one that's going to turn up on the most of these lists. So much hype. So much suck.

Clerks - One of those cultish films that you either love or hate. I hated it.

[RickJay]

I saw "Leonard Part 6" and it truly was horrid.

There are much worse movies, though, than some of the ones cited here. Highlander II, anyone? How about Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever?

[Batman]

Boat Trip. The only thing good about this movie is that it killed Horation sanz's career.

Hudson Hawk. I love it, but it's still pretty horrible.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. This is the best example of squandered potential from a comic book.

Eragon. Boring tripe, I'm sure the book is just magical and whatever but this thing sucked.

Batman and Robin Joel Shumacher was even trying in this one. The wobbly, obviuously-a-piece-of-plastic ice was just a slap on the face.

[SpazCat]

The English Patient: I watched this piece of crap for an hour. By the end of that hour, the story had barely moved past exposition, I had no idea who all of the people showing up were or why I should care about them. Since then I've declared a 20 minute limit for movies to grab my attention. If I'm not interested at the end of 20 minutes, it comes out of the DVD player and bounced back to wherever I picked it up from.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension: Even as a bad movie, this fails. I watched it with a group of bad movie lovers and we all agreed it was the crappiest crap that ever was crap. We were all in our late 20's/early 30's and I've noticed that people who like Buckaroo Banzai are about twice our age, so it may be a generational thing. Still, I'd rather watch Manos un-MSTied than Buckaroo Banzai again.

The Darjeeling Limited: I judge people by this movie. If you like it, I don't want to know you.

The Ape: This movie was just a mess.

The Fly: The Jeff Goldblum version. I don't like gross-out horror sci-fi. I almost passed out watching this.

I Am Legend: Almost passed out during this,too. The nurse sitting behind me in the theater was getting very concerned because I kept putting my head down.

[pepperlandgirl]

I settled in to watch The English Patient once. After about an hour, I thought, "I gave this a fair chance. I'm outta here."

I checked the clock and saw that I had only watched 15 minutes.

Batman and Robin was on my original list, but I bumped it for Penny Serenade. That's how awful that movie is.

[jali]

I never finished watching The English Patient either. I decided that I'm just not deep enough to "get it".

[jali]

Disorderlies sucks. It's a suckfest of pure suckiness that sucked.

Baby Boy is a stinker. It's a very annoying film. The unemployed, lives with his mother, whiney, self centered "hero" has no redeeming qualities. None.

Keeping The Faith Another reason to go atheist.

Norbit, Big Momma's House 2, The Nutty Pofessor. Any fat suit film is a waste of time. Fat suit in drag is a double waste.

The Cable Guy Why oh why did I sit through this comedy-free movie.

[Liberal]

Ordinary fucking People.

Oh my God, what a boring, hopelessly addled piece of melodramatic dreck! Timothy Hutton trying to be Marlon Brando. Judd Hirsch, Jesus. Mary Tyler Moore as the wicked psychotic mother? Are you kidding me?

And this shit won Best Picture! Arrrrrrgh! I would have Alan Smitheed it.

(To the OP, I looooooooved Bean. When the cartoon Whistler's Mother was revealed, I fell to the floor laughing!)

[jali]

Ordinary fucking People.

Oh my God, what a boring, hopelessly addled piece of melodramatic dreck! Timothy Hutton trying to be Marlon Brando. Judd Hirsch, Jesus. Mary Tyler Moore as the wicked psychotic mother? Are you kidding me?

And this shit won Best Picture! Arrrrrrgh! I would have Alan Smitheed it.

(To the OP, I looooooooved Bean. When the cartoon Whistler's Mother was revealed, I fell to the floor laughing!)

The original Bean? How can this be?

[Liberal]

Life is made of differences, I guess.

[vison]

August Rush. Has anyone here had the misfortune of seeing it? If not? Don't. For the love of god, do not.

The Other Boleyn Girl, so awful I laughed out loud in a few places. Whatever it was about, it wasn't about Anne and Mary Boleyn, except maybe in an alternate universe and I don't want to go there.

Every Star Wars movie except the first one, meaning the first one that came out back in what was it, 1977? The latest 3 are unmentionable. One cannot find words to describe the ghastliness of them. A crime against humanity, Lucas, and you should be shot into the sun tomorrow.

Casablanca. Yes, kiddies, Casablanca. The only tolerable thing about it is the shimmering and transcendent beauty of Ingrid Bergman, and I am unanimous in that.

I've seen some of the movies in the posts above and agree that those I've seen on that list are awful.

I do not regard any "creation" with Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, or Jean Claude van Damme, as "movies". They are something, but they aren't movies and as such are exempt in a list like this. Not that they're good, they are not good. They are irredeemably bad, but they aren't bad movies.

There is so much dreck. A world of dreck. One despairs.

[Liberal]

August Rush. Has anyone here had the misfortune of seeing it? If not? Don't. For the love of god, do not.

I saw it. It was rather creepy to be honest.

[sublight]

I'll leave out the ones I saw through MST3K

Battlefield Earth - So utterly horrible in so many ways, yet there was always the lurking feeling that something there could have been turned into a decent movie. Somehow, that just made everything worse.

Nothing But Trouble - Andie McDowall was in it, and she wasn't remotely the worst thing there. Seeing this was enough to make me feel that Chevy Chase deserves all the crap he's taken.

Hudson Hawk - I'd heard how bad it was, so I finally sat down and saw it for myself. With a really ruthless editor/scriptwriter team, this could have been something. Andie McDowall was in this as well, and her awfulness stands out more than in NbT.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls - I never saw the first one, but a good friend loved it. We both laughed once at this one (when he punches out a man and wears him at a party like a fur shawl).

Casino Royale - The 1967 version with David Niven and Peter Sellers. An utter mess from beginning to end. A perfect example of the horrible excess that '60s comedies were susceptible to. Nice music, though.

Police Academy 4 (never saw the later ones)
Leonard, Part 6
Dick Tracy - Even as an easily amused teen, I thought these were awful.

Doomed Love - You've never seen this movie. Nobody has seen this movie. I don't even think the cast has seen this movie. All the imdb info was entered by me. How it ended up on a back shelf in a tiny little corner video shop in a small Japanese town I'll never know (though it would make a more interesting story than the film itself). Student theater is better than this (usually bigger budget, as well). It was so dull, lifeless and poorly acted it was almost fun.

Nearly every live-action Disney movie of the '70s - From The Cat from Outer Space, to the Herbie movies, to The Computer Wore Sneakers, to The Shaggy D.A., it was just an unending parade of tripe. Thinking about them makes me want to call my parents and apologize for all the crap I made them sit through as a kid.

Oh, and while I didn't really like Bean, Peter MacNicol's reaction to Bean's destruction of Whistler's Mother was absolutely hilarious.

[pepperlandgirl]

I know I'm alone on this, but I'm going to add the new Casino Royale. That movie just made me angry and confused. I watched it twice, I paid attention, and I still walked away feeling angry and confused.

[Vox Imperatoris]

I know I'm alone on this, but I'm going to add the new Casino Royale. That movie just made me angry and confused. I watched it twice, I paid attention, and I still walked away feeling angry and confused.

Now, I understand this feeling for Quantum of Solace, but Casino Royale was actually good! For one thing, the director didn't cut the shots back and forth every half-second. I was actually angry and confused watching Quantum of Solace, since I had no idea what was going on because I had only seen Casino Royale in the theater when it came out, and I didn't remember anything (I think the main problem there was that the guys working on the film were intimately familiar with the story and forgot that the audience needs to have some sort of reminder of what's going on after a few years).

[Hatshepsut]

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension: Even as a bad movie, this fails. I watched it with a group of bad movie lovers and we all agreed it was the crappiest crap that ever was crap. We were all in our late 20's/early 30's and I've noticed that people who like Buckaroo Banzai are about twice our age, so it may be a generational thing.

Kids these days. Harrumph. Don't know a good movie when they see it.

Otherwise, I tend to agree with the above choices. My list of 10 would overlap, so let me just add one more:

One Trick Pony, starring the ego of Paul Simon. Exceptionally plot free, this film features Paul as an aging rock star feeling angst and aimlessness, and experiencing - bet you didn't see THIS cliche-defying twist coming - a bad marriage. Nothing happens, except that eventually the movie ends and the audience is allowed to escape.

[prr]

I haven't seen any of the 10 Worst Films I've Seen.

I've walked out (or ejected the DVD or switched the channel) on all of them. Sometimes, though, for research purposes I must endure--I sat all the way through the Blue Dahlia because I was trying to learn about film noir, and it just got awfuler and awfuler. And I remember watching the end credits to "Eraserhead" while still waiting for the film to begin.

One Trick Pony at least had entertaining songs--"Late in the Evening" will get my toes tappin' anytime. In fact, I'll put it on "Youtube" right now.

[Walker in Eternity]

Pirates of the Carribean 3, the benchmark for bad films.

Anything worse than this can be called sub-pirates.

I have to think about the other 9.

[Butterscotch]

You've Got Mail: was indeed a terrible disappointment.

Forrest Gump: I know some people love this but I thought it was twee in the worst possible way.

Boxing Helena: I still can't believe my friends hired this instead of the Muppet in "A Christmas Carol". After 15 mins we all agreed the Muppets would have been a far superior choice...

X-Files: Am I the only person who thought this was a load of old crap? Stupid story, apparently based on 'oooooh, let's trawl the internet for something shocking and pretend it's happening...' real, real rubbish. Nothing like the X-Files I remember from TV.

Solaris: Who'd've thunk a film with George Clooney in could be so unwatchable?

I've said it before and I'll say it again... ANYTHING with Andie McDowel in it. Really anything, she ruins it all.

[prr]

Andie McDowell= Hand Me That Towel

[OtakuLoki]

American Cyborg, a Terminator rip off film. And that's about the best thing I can say about it.

I agree with sublight with the whole oevre of Disney's live actions 70s films. Unmitigated crap. Not even boobies to make up for the crap.

The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer. Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, and a teen aged Shirley Temple. With a plot that is guaranteed to make modern audiences cringe. Not to mention that Ms. Temple's acting was... about what one would expect from Paris Hilton. I actually still like the film, it's got some great scenes. But it's not a good movie. And compared to it Mannequin is a masterpiece, dammit!

Of course, I've since read about another Shirley Temple film of about the same period, with Ronald Reagan as the romantic lead that's even more disturbing. That Hagen Girl. But I've not seen it, yet, so I can't really include it on this list.

I'll echo the nominations for The Phantom Menace. Fortunately I let it convince me not to see the rest of the prequel trilogy.

[vison]

I know I'm alone on this, but I'm going to add the new Casino Royale. That movie just made me angry and confused. I watched it twice, I paid attention, and I still walked away feeling angry and confused.

Moi aussi. I hated it with a pretty fierce, burning passion. Mr. Whatsit Craig is hawtt, but the plot holes and devices were so over the top that I couldn't actually finish watching it. I've never seen the end. I guess he didn't die as there was another one?

I liked Sean Connery as 007. A bit of rough, dear man. And the SFX, such as they were in those primitive days, were not so insanely unreal.

[jali]

I couldn't remember the name of the tragedy: it's Phat Beach. My stomach hurts now. I tried to forget this forever and now it's coming back to me.

This was supposed to be a comedy. Do not see this movie. This is just to warn you. Don't rent this horrible movie.

[SpazCat]

I couldn't remember the name of the tragedy: it's Phat Beach. My stomach hurts now. I tried to forget this forever and now it's coming back to me.

This was supposed to be a comedy. Do not see this movie. This is just to warn you. Don't rent this horrible movie.

There are some movies that you can judge by the DVD cover. This is one of them. I can tell by the lovely design that it's horrible.

Adding another movie to my list: Pink Flamingos. This is without a doubt one of the two nastiest films I've ever seen (the other is Gummo, which you should also avoid). For some reason it's just been ordered at the place where I work, which is a university library. :dub:

[Badtz Maru]

"Battlefield: Earth" was an awful, awful book. And while watching the movie, I kept thinking "The book was SO much better!"

I rented "Crossworlds" knowing that a direct-to-video SF movie starring Rutger Hauer was not going to be good. I was expecting a bad movie. I can enjoy bad movies. The first few minutes actually got my hopes up that it could be a decent movie, but then it just went nowhere. It was incredibly boring, and is one of the few movies I paid for that I did not watch all the way through. The final battle was going on and on, and was so ridiculously stupid, and I realized I just did not care at all what happened next, I just wanted it to be over. So I turned it off.

"Cashback" had an interesting premise, but the main character was so unlikable, and I realized that the writer of the script was trying to express some aspect of himself in that character, and it made me actively despise the creator of that movie. It's not because I hate movies with unlikable characters. It's that the movie did not realize he was unlikable, that everything about it was made to try and make him seem like an interesting and good person, and despite all that it was obvious he was an utter shithead, and had NO self-awareness about that. It was like 90 minutes of some asshole telling you about what a great and deep person he is, and not being aware that every sentence he's revealing something new that makes him even more loathsome.

[Hatshepsut]

: Pink Flamingos. This is without a doubt one of the two nastiest films I've ever seen

John Waters sits at the right hand of Bo. Do not say this again.

[parzival]

The worst movie I ever saw I don't know the name of. I also may be misremembering since I was sick at the time. It involved a stowaway on board some sort of space rogues ship, and in the end they all died, or at least most of them did.

Armageddon is the only movie I've walked out of in the theater.

Although we drove out of Warlock II, so that's just a technicality. (Partly this was because it was actually unwatchable; it was so dark most of the time that at the drive-in it was impossible to tell what was happening).

Storytelling. Todd Solondz seems insulted that anyone would dare to try and watch his films. If they are they must be stupid and deserve to watch terrible movies, so he makes them. I've never seen a movie that despise the audience so much. I would love to see Selma Blair nude, but not like this.

Is Penny Serenade the one where they try to adopt a girl, and they do, and a bunch of stuff happens but it's almost entirely devoid of emotion and is utterly bland? I saw this on a late-night movie show and thought it couldn't be too bad if it had Cary Grant but it was just awful.

[pepperlandgirl]

Is Penny Serenade the one where they try to adopt a girl, and they do, and a bunch of stuff happens but it's almost entirely devoid of emotion and is utterly bland? I saw this on a late-night movie show and thought it couldn't be too bad if it had Cary Grant but it was just awful.

Yes, that's the one. It is just awful. Except for the scene where Grant begs the judge not to take their daughter away. It's like Mr. Grant just woke up for that scene and decided to deliver some sort of performance. The rest of the time, he was sleepwalking through the film--and then the girl dies. I wouldn't even mind the girl dying if it wasn't as emotionless and bland as the rest of the film. Up until I saw this, I thought Sylvia Scarlet was the worst Grant movie.

[SpazCat]

: Pink Flamingos. This is without a doubt one of the two nastiest films I've ever seen

John Waters sits at the right hand of Bo. Do not say this again.

PINK FLAMINGOS IS ONE OF THE TWO NASTIEST FILMS I'VE EVER SEEN.

[hatesfreedom]

Sideways - A seemingly never ending movie about why wine people are worthless snobs and should be taken out back and shot. As a side story you get to see a friend cheat on his fiancee. Is there a plot? Only wine snobs know.

oh and i like wine

[SpazCat]

Sideways - A seemingly never ending movie about why wine people are worthless snobs and should be taken out back and shot. As a side story you get to see a friend cheat on his fiancee. Is there a plot? Only wine snobs know.

oh and i like wine

How could I have forgotten Sideways? It's on my list of One Thousand Reasons Why I Hate California. One of my friends assured me that it was, in her words, "funny." I watched the whole thing. I did not laugh once. I did wish the motorcycle helmet scene went on longer and involved every member of the cast being beaten, though. When I gave her back her DVD I told her I wasn't going to be taking film recommendations from her anymore.

[parzival]

When I gave her back her DVD I told her I wasn't going to be taking film recommendations from her anymore.

This reminds of a movie recommended to me that was bad. My friend gave me a rented copy of Jade and said, "You have to watch this movie." So I brought it to my girlfriend's house and told her that he said it was a must-watch movie. It turned out really bad - David Caruso being inscrutably smug in an incomprehensible mess of a movie. My girlfriend almost beat me up for making her watch it. Afterwards I gave it back to him and said, "That was terrible. Why'd you say we have to watch it?" He told me, "I was hoping maybe you'd be able to tell me what the fuck was going on."

pepperlandgirl, I do remember that scene. It came off looking almost worse in light of the rest of the movie. I was thinking, "Why do you suddenly care so much about her? Why should anyone care?" And when she died, hardly anyone really did.

[Taumpy]

Attack of the Clones--So painful, I have forgotten the vast, vast majority of the film. If I think very, very hard, I can capture bits and pieces, but mostly, it's entirely gone. And I've seen the movie more than once.

Yes, and yes again. This one is easily the worst movie of the prequels. I have a fondness for Lucas' bad dialouge but once it's combined with soap opera romance involving a whiny teenager (and I'm supposed to believe that THIS guy is Darth freaking Vader?) it becomes beyond unbearable. I understand why people hate [b}The Phantom Menace[/b], but I actually kind of liked that one, if you ignore Anakin and the mind numbingly stupid midichlorian thing. Of course, if you have to ignore the most important character, it's definitely a bad movie.

Some of my most hated movies are ones that many others love. I watched Napolean Dynomite with three other people, and at the end we all turned to each other and said "That was the worst movie ever." Yeah, crazy teens these days, they're so "random". Nothing more funny than that. Also, Donnie Darko. Except for the end. I spent the whole movie wishing the jet had killed that little SOB, and what do you know?

FTR, Pink Flamingos is pretty disgusting, but that doesn't take away from it's greatness.

[vison]

"Battlefield: Earth" was an awful, awful book. And while watching the movie, I kept thinking "The book was SO much better!"

I rented "Crossworlds" knowing that a direct-to-video SF movie starring Rutger Hauer was not going to be good. I was expecting a bad movie. I can enjoy bad movies. The first few minutes actually got my hopes up that it could be a decent movie, but then it just went nowhere. It was incredibly boring, and is one of the few movies I paid for that I did not watch all the way through. The final battle was going on and on, and was so ridiculously stupid, and I realized I just did not care at all what happened next, I just wanted it to be over. So I turned it off.

"Cashback" had an interesting premise, but the main character was so unlikable, and I realized that the writer of the script was trying to express some aspect of himself in that character, and it made me actively despise the creator of that movie. It's not because I hate movies with unlikable characters. It's that the movie did not realize he was unlikable, that everything about it was made to try and make him seem like an interesting and good person, and despite all that it was obvious he was an utter shithead, and had NO self-awareness about that. It was like 90 minutes of some asshole telling you about what a great and deep person he is, and not being aware that every sentence he's revealing something new that makes him even more loathsome.

Yes, whatever did happen to Rutger Hauer? He was so beautiful.

[sublight]

John Waters sits at the right hand of Bo. Do not say this again.

PINK FLAMINGOS IS ONE OF THE TWO NASTIEST FILMS I'VE EVER SEEN.

Just to clarify, CairoCarol, is your ire raised at someone calling PF nasty, or at the implication that there is another film that is equally nasty?

Because your statement and SpazCat's are not mutually exclusive.

[Kaspar Hauser]

The horror that is the Danish Stjerner Uden Hjerner takes all ten places on my list (and I've seen most of the other ones in the thread). People were begging to not have their names mentioned in the credits. You'll probably never see it - and you should all thank your preferred deity that he chose to spawn this abomination of a film in a small Scandinavian country, apparently deciding that we should atone for the sins of all mankind.
Honorary mention goes to Cool As Ice. That one really, really sucked, too.

[featherlou]

I couldn't think of any off the top of my head (possibly blocked them out), but your posts have reminded me of some stinkers.

Pirates of the Caribbean - everyone except me liked this movie enough to make two more. I could have lived with one less.

The Batman with the Penguin in it - OMFG.

Lost In Translation - It sure was. We watched it with a bunch of people; we had complete conversations while the movie was playing, and we didn't miss anything. Maybe insomniacs can use this movie as a sleep aid.

The Piano - Holly Hunter and a kid run around with a piano, she loses a finger, Harvey Keitel shows off his wang. That's what I got out of the movie.

The Cable Guy - started watching a version I taped off of tv, stopped it and gave up on it.

Little Man (with Damon Wayans) - the worst movie I've never seen, and Bo willing, I never will. I've added it to my list because it's a special kind of bad, the kind that you don't actually have to see to know. It radiates from this movie in waves.

[dread pirate jimbo]

I refuse to walk out of movies or shut off the DVD player. I feel very strongly about the yin and yang of life and firmly believe that to truly appreciate the good stuff, you must also experience the bad. Therefore, every time I see a bad movie, all the good ones I've seen seem even better by comparison.

Off the top of my head:

Alien 3: I paid $1.25 at a second-run theatre to see this movie. I felt that the short that preceded the movie was worth a good $.75. The running with scissors joke near the end was worth 30 cents and even produced a chuckle. And I left the theatre feeling ripped off. What a steaming pile of poo.

Batman and Robin: I saw this movie for free and it had several top shelf babes (Uma Thurman, Elle MacPherson, Alicia Silverstone, Vivica A. Fox, Vendela Kirsebom) to meet and exceed my eye-candy requirements. And I left the theatre feeling ripped off. Clooney's bobble-head impersonation every time he starts speaking still haunts my nightmares.

Plan 9 From Outer Space: OK, so I have this one on VHS at home. It is unredeemably awful. The dialogue is awful. The special effects (if you can even call them that) are awful. The acting is awful. The recycling Bela Lugosi's two scenes over and over because that's all they managed to shoot of him before he died is awful. I love it! But it's awful. Really, really awful.

White Men Can't Jump: Was the director's intent to make a show where every single character is such a huge asshole that I hated all of them equally and wanted to see them all die, Die, DIE?!? 'Cuz that's how I felt. Stupid, sloppy, nonsensical garbage.

Fellini Satyricon: Yes, I know I'm supposed to revere Fellini as a super genius who's every move was brilliant. This movie sucked monkey balls. It doesn't go anywhere, it's incomprehensible to the point where I can't honestly tell whether it was well acted or written. It just plain sucks. Sorry, but making a movie with the specific intent of being incoherent so the audience feels disjointed and can better appreciate how alien ancient times were compared to now isn't good filmaking; it's being disingenuous about making a piece of shit and justifying it with a bunch of arty BS. Screw you Fellini, you pretentious bastard.

Well, that's five. If I think of another five, I'll come back and rant some more.

BTW, I didn't hate the Star Wars prequels anywhere near as much as most people. There were just enough good bits to keep me from completely despising the bad parts.

[Tuckerfan]

Million Dollar Hotel Directed by Wim Wenders, based on a story by Bono and starring Milla Jovovich, it had potential, one would think. No, it didn't. The story was boring as shit (There was one good line in the film: "Some times you have to quietly accept the fact that you're fucked." Which was as apt a description of what watching the film was like as it was what the character was talking about.), we never get to see Milla's boobs (and she played a whore), and it scarred me for life, I think.

Silence of the Lambs I realize that I'm probably the only person who hated this move, but I found it predictable, and Anthony Hopkins portrayal of a serial killer to be exceedingly cartoonish.

The Cell What's worse than Silence of the Lambs? A bad rip-off of Silence of the Lambs! JLo plays a super smart psychologist (and spends most of the movie with a deer-in-headlights look on her face), who must enter the mind of a serial killer blatently cribbed from the Buffalo Bill character of Lambs. While we were watching the film, my friend leaned over to me and said, "You know, the bad guy is just too gay to be scary." (And he meant "gay" as in "homosexual.")

Pretty Cool A stunningly stupid straight-to-video movie which tried to be the 21st Century version of Weird Science. It failed utterly.

Mission: Impossible: II Never in my life have I walked out of a movie wanting to beat someone's ass until I saw this steaming piece of shit.

Armageddon Wretchedly awful.

Graveyard Shift Good Christ was this bad. Thankfully, I had cushioned my system with large amounts of alcohol before going in to see it, so I spent large portions of the film unconscious.

Traffic Long, boring, and pointless. Sure, if you hadn't paid any attention to the drug war for 30 years, it might seem like a hard hitting movie, but if you knew anything about it, you saw the film as trite, pointless, and dull.

Peter Jackson's King Kong Further proof that Jackson should have quit making movies after he finished Heavenly Creatures. (And Randall aptly described Jackson's LOTR trilogy in Clerks 2, so I won't bother repeating it here.)

The Fountain In terms of pacing, this film was slightly slower than Traffic.

[Erdosain]

I don't know that I can get all the way up to ten since I try to block out traumatic experiences.

1. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Spielberg lost it a long time ago, but this was beyond the pale, even for him. It was so bad I started laughing uncontrollably when the [spoiler:1bzejeoe]fake-ass silver aliens showed up[/spoiler:1bzejeoe]. I had to leave my seat in the theater. Of course, by that time I had been watching the damn movie for about ten hours, so I may have been a bit punch-drunk.

2. Titus. Julie Taymor should not be allowed to make movies. I'm just saying.

3. Batman and Robin. There. Are. No. Words.

4. The Phantom Menace. Enough said.

5. Ocean's Twelve. In which Julia Roberts' character is said to bear a striking resemblence to famous actress Julia Roberts. You should be ashamed, Soderbergh. Clearly, you weren't, because you went and made another one.

6. Transformers. "Oh, no, they're torturing Bumblebee!" It's a car that can only speak in snippets of radio. When do I get to shock him? In my defense, I saw it on a plane.

7. The Village. Screw you, Shyamalan!

8. Truman Show. I know this will be unpopular, but I HATED this movie. Not funny, not clever.

9. Hook. Another Spielberg turd.

10. Conspiracy Theory. No one remembers this movie, and with good reason.

What do you know, I made it to ten, with a little help from Julia Roberts' filmography. The sad thing is that I saw most of these movies in the theater, which probably explains why I was so angry that they stuck in my memory. $10 is a terrible thing to waste.

[Elyanna]

Night at the Museum. Mostly I hate this movie because for SOME REASON, people think I like it and have bought it for me twice. I'm not a Ben Stiller fan. It wouldn't stick in my memory so badly if not for that.
And they're making a sequel. Help me.

Across the Universe. Meh. Just, meh.

[Raymond Onion]

I'm not saying these are bad movies. They're just movies I hated.

1. Freebie and the Bean. Alan Arkin, James Caan--how could this be bad? I remember it as being awful. And yet, it was remade.

2. Mr. Holland's Opus. I think this was supposed to be some kind of tearjerker. Maybe if you are a Richard Dreyfuss fan.

3. Lady in Cement. A Tony Rome movie! Starring Frank Sinatra as Tony Rome! What's not to like? Uh...the lack of plot, the lack of anybody taking anything seriously, as in their acting. The 60s hair, christ on a crutch.

4. Fearless Frank. Okay, I am saying this one is a bad movie. Actually kind of liked it, in a Plan 9 kind of way.

5. Steel Magnolias. A movie that everybody I know just loves. It's a tearjerker, it's hartwarming, it's human. Folks...it's boorrrriinnng.

6. The Tango Lesson. Why the hell did I sit through this drivel?

7. Little Nikita. Recommended by my screenwriting teacher. Why? Because he wrote it. Note to self: Find new teacher.

8. Gigli. I had to see it, to see just how bad it was. Bad.

9. Big Trouble in Little China. I don't know. I think if I watched this one a couple more times it might grow on me. But after only one viewing--the hook!

Honorable mention: I was really disappointed by a lot of the movies people have mentioned. I don't think they were bad movies, necessarily, but they let me down.

Sideways. I saw it, I kind of liked it. When it was nominated for an academy award, though, I thought--Really? There was nothing better?

Milk. Same as Sideways, basically. I really should not have been sitting there in the theater thinking it had been too long since I'd seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Actually this goes for all the best picture nominees of this year. These are the best? Seriously? We are in trouble.

[Clayton_e]

Does anyone understand what The Happening was? I see stoned kid with camera thinking "hey.. Maybe the plants could evolve to harm us when we cut them down! But it could be.. you know.. like through some.. invisible gas.. and they all run from it.. and it requires no special effects.. people running.. from the trees.. and we wait for the wind to blow in the right direction across that field? Yeah.. that would look cool.."


That movie sucked. A friend of mine raved about it then after convincing me to watch it told me how she talks to her plants.. Which.. whatever, I don't get but do what ya want.. but when she started talking about them responding with good feelings she can pick up on.. yeah. g'day to ya.

[pepperlandgirl]

I don't know that I can get all the way up to ten since I try to block out traumatic experiences.

1. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Spielberg lost it a long time ago, but this was beyond the pale, even for him. It was so bad I started laughing uncontrollably when the [spoiler:1wxwo7wg]fake-ass silver aliens showed up[/spoiler:1wxwo7wg]. I had to leave my seat in the theater. Of course, by that time I had been watching the damn movie for about ten hours, so I may have been a bit punch-drunk.

[spoiler:1wxwo7wg]They weren't aliens. They were robots. You know...like in the title?[/spoiler:1wxwo7wg]

I want to add Across the Universe to my list. I love the Beatles so much. They have shaped so much of my life. Sometimes, I'll purposefully go months without listening to the albums just so I can be struck anew at their brilliance. I still mourn George. Paul McCartney still gives me a thrill when I catch him on TV without expecting him. Seeing that man in concert easily ranks as one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And that fucking movie was so boring, so awful, and so boring that I didn't even want to listen to the music! There was one good part in that fucking mess, and it was the short bit with Eddie Izzard as Mr. Kite. The rest of the film caused me literal pain.

I'll second The Happening. Not even watching it with the rifftrax (rifftrax.com!) could make it tolerable.

[Erdosain]

[spoiler:3tbkscgi]They weren't aliens. They were robots. You know...like in the title?[/spoiler:3tbkscgi]

I want to add Across the Universe to my list. I love the Beatles so much. They have shaped so much of my life. Sometimes, I'll purposefully go months without listening to the albums just so I can be struck anew at their brilliance. I still mourn George. Paul McCartney still gives me a thrill when I catch him on TV without expecting him. Seeing that man in concert easily ranks as one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And that fucking movie was so boring, so awful, and so boring that I didn't even want to listen to the music! There was one good part in that fucking mess, and it was the short bit with Eddie Izzard as Mr. Kite. The rest of the film caused me literal pain.

I'll second The Happening. Not even watching it with the rifftrax (rifftrax.com!) could make it tolerable.

You are right; it's been eight years since I've seen the movie, plus I may have missed that explanation due to the aforementioned laughter. Still terrible special effects, though.

And I've never seen Across the Universe, but I should point out it was directed by Julie Taymor. She is rubbish!

[garygnu]

Just the ones that come to mind, since I’ve blocked out so many:

Plan 9 from Outer Space
- - Yes, it is as bad as its reputation.

Battlefield Earth
- - Also as bad as its reputation, but is worse due to its budget.

Envy
- - Probably lowest down on my worst film list. I hated this movie. When I first watched this my brain was being influenced by stuff that should have made anything funny. I laughed once, when Christopher Walken got shot with an arrow. One single “huff” of a laugh. I even tried watching it again the next day to be sure. That was a mistake.

Rent
- - I think I’m supposed to like this movie, being a fan of musicals, but it apparently didn’t translate to the screen. I was bored out of my frickin’ mind by the third opening number in a row. I turned it off about when they got some eviction notice or something.

Aristocats
- - Talk about phoning it in. This is such utter dreck I couldn’t believe it was produced by the Disney company.

The Fox and the Hound
- - This is a stupid movie. Apparently the straight-to-DVD cheapquel is worse. I’m wouldn’t think that’s possible, but I have seen a few other cheapquels.

La Strada
- - The only movie I walked out on in my film history class. I just couldn’t stand it.

The Sphere
- - I hated this movie mostly because I loved the book so much and they just fucked it up.

Dungeons & Dragons
- - I didn’t watch every minute of this one, but just watching the little that I did I couldn’t believe somebody greenlit this movie.

Captain America
- - I was about eleven when this one came out, just the right age for a superhero movie. I recognized it as shit even then.