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  1. #7701
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Of course. I'm just picking at Petronius, and enjoying the language and humor once more.

    TNP would just as soon butcher and eat Rudolph or any other reindeer than sing some little tin-pan alley song about that shithead stupid reindeer piece of crap.

  2. #7702
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    Not my favorite Christmas song, that's for sure.

    TNP has seen the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cartoon in the past five years.

  3. #7703
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Nope. I've "gone deep" and erased most of it from my memory.

    TNP despises the Coca-Cola Santa Claus (fat, blood-red, fuck with rosacea, COPD, and stage IV lung cancer with a midget tranny for a "wife," and a fetish for spoiled milk and rotten cookies), but still celebrates the brief Christmas liturgical season.

  4. #7704
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    No, I like that Santa and almost everything about Christmas (except having the songs start on the radio in early November).

    TNP will consume mass quantities on Dec. 25.

  5. #7705
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    No. I'll go to mass in the morning and might eat some Chinese take-out. Alone. I can't take the family drama — it takes me days to recover from the chaos. I'll try to consume mass quantities of reverence and joy. Maybe I'll go to a bar after mass and eat there, alone.

    TNP can't stand watching fucking golf, nor even hearing about it.

  6. #7706
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    True. It holds zero interest for me.

    TNP has nevertheless played golf in the past five years.

  7. #7707
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    No, I haven't played since high school, and I thought it was beyond stupid even then. Although as my tastes mature, I think a "sport" where you can drink, smoke, and be as fat as a whale is appealing. Slightly fewer meth-heads than two other such "sports," like bowling and pocket billiards, I would think.

    TNP is going to greet people with "Merry Christmas" during the Christmas season (through the Epiphany, or perhaps as late as the Feast of St. John the Baptist).

  8. #7708
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    uhhh...correction...St.JtBapt's day is much later, but it's the same idea. I think it's called Feast of the Baptism of the Lord or something.

    Anyway, the Sunday after Epiphany IIRC.

    I think Advent is when is supposed to prepare for all this shit, like confessing mortal sins and so forth.

    OK so alternate TNP: TNP plans to wear white (at least a white shirt) on Xmas Day, because of priests and colors and stuff.

  9. #7709
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    If I know someone is a Christian, I will say "Merry Christmas." If I don't know, or I'm not sure, I say "Happy Holidays."

    Not sure what I'll be wearing on Christmas Day - it might indeed include a white shirt.

    TNP has at least three Christmas-themed neckties.

  10. #7710
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    No, I have nonesuch. I do have a red, collared shirt with buttons and such, but that's reserved for Pentecost season. The closest to "Christmas" things I own are music in my memory, and a box of "Christmas" tree ornaments my mother assured me I'd want some day. I've used it for almost ten years to keep the attic door closed, as a door-stop, and when I get some extra cement blocks, I'll have no problem throwing that crap in the trash. It's garbage to me.

    TNP can explain why and in which ways he or she is not cynical, in general.

  11. #7711
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    I tend to be, as JFK described himself, "an idealist without illusions." I believe that most people are good and, until I see that there is evidence to the contrary, will try to do the right thing.

    TNP heard at least three Christmas songs today.

  12. #7712
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    Sort of. I "played" in my mind (i) a really whacked-out solo piano version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" while lying in bed (basically melody+partial chords in the RH, but the LH just doing crazy fast random scales and patterns) (ii) just now I was practicing "singing" while doing a NOLA beat with my hands on the desk of "Silent Night." (iii) there were some tunes like that I thought of, but can't recall which.

    I like the first idea: you could take something like the LH from Chopin's G-maj. prélude, and stick the melody on top in thirds with some little partial jazz chords here and there. It would sound pretty butch, I think. I should probably see sometime today if I could play it like that without injuring myself.

    TNP thinks Christians should probably be allowed to be exempt from work on the several Holy Days of Obligation that occur throughout the year on non-Sundays. Were it not that there are so many different sects with differing liturgical calendars, and that government employees cannot be accorded that privilege (IMHO).

  13. #7713
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    No. People are already cranky enough about religious issues these days.

    Truth be told, TNP was always a little jealous of the Jewish kids and all the extra holidays they had.

  14. #7714
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    No. The first Jews I got close enough to know their families, customs, and languages was in grad school — earlier, they just laughed if you asked "So, you can like eat bacon and stuff?" I've only known Orthodox jews to observe their little sectarian customs, and I find them, as a group, to be thoroughly unpleasant, strident, and culturally incompetent. Yes, I've known as friends and coworkers Israelis who didn't much care for having bacon touch their omelettes when sharing breakfast, but that's not the same degree of incompetence, IMHO.

    TNP thinks religious practices are as good as any other to draw some cultural, ethnic lines in the sand. And, furthermore, TNP scoffs at the idea that a non-sectarian universal humanism should ever be possible, so long as humans roam the earth. IOW, minimize the damage.

  15. #7715
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    Yes, and no, respectively. But we're a long way from it.

    TNP wants to see the new Coen Brothers' Western, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2PyxzSH1HM

  16. #7716
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    Seen it. Pretty good, but minor Coen Bros.

    TNP knows somebody IRL in the movie business.

  17. #7717
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    I know two people with ties to the TV industry, but no, not in the movies.

    TNP has some eggnog in the house right now.

  18. #7718
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    No, I have no nog in the house. The eight beers I drank while surprising my parents, uncle, sister and her children and spouse were foamy enough. And, no, I didn't get drunk and, yes, I managed to drive home just fine, despite the surprising amount of morons on the road.

    TNP thinks you cannot understand the power of the sous vide method of cooking beef without having tried it.

  19. #7719
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    Sure, I'll go with that.

    TNP has had at least three dishes cooked that way.

  20. #7720
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    No, just the one. It may be a kind of sorcery, though. I think I am pretty good at getting the most out of any cut of beef, using traditional techniques, but the sous vide method is superior in every way when it comes to fascinating the palate.

    TNP generally would rather observe or consume a spectacle based on methods one can attempt at home without the aid of perhaps superior technologies. For example, "consuming" a desk made of materials one can repair or build oneself rather than some kind of i-Desk. And so forth.

  21. #7721
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    Observe, sure. Consume, not so much, unless it was food I actually wanted to eat.

    TNP knows who Buster Scruggs is.

  22. #7722
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    Not really. Sounds familiar, but I know more about Earl Scruggs, which isn't saying much.

    TNP is surprised how much individual expression is possible on the humble banjo, even though he or she isn't real good at playing it.

  23. #7723
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    Sure. I've always liked the banjo.

    From the Coen Bros.'s newest movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2PyxzSH1HM

    TNP has heard a banjo played well, in person, in the past month.

  24. #7724
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    No, it's been a coon's age since I've heard even claw-hammer style banjo picking in groups specializing in Irish ballads and traditional tunes.

    TNP suspects most SJWs would be fanatical, blood-thirsty tyrants at Jerry Lee Lewis's antics, if they knew who he was. BUT TNP would not join in the mob regarding Jerry Lee's choice of spouse.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 30 Dec 2018 at 04:14 PM.

  25. #7725
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    I can't imagine joining any mob over anyone's choice of spouse, even if I personally found the choice extremely distasteful. If it's illegal, I'll leave it to the authorities. If it's just stupid, icky or in bad taste, it's none of my business anyway.

    TNP has been miffed over a celebrity marriage in the past year.

  26. #7726
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    No, I couldn't even name one celebrity marriage off the top of my head. My whole knowledge of that stuff comes from looking at the covers of the magazines while in line at the grocery store. Steve McQueen and Ali MacGraw? That was a scandal-maker. No idea.

    TNP plans to be annoyed by people setting off fireworks at midnight today. Damn fool kids.

  27. #7727
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    Nope. Around here, celebratory gunfire is more a cause for concern than fireworks.

    TNP knows at least three people with guns in their homes.

  28. #7728
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    Yeah. Thinking about it, it's actually a pretty big number of people, and I'm only counting people I know personally. Both my parents have CCW permits, and they don't know shit about handguns, much less about the culture. But they both have handguns, and I suspect they probably keep them locked up somewhere waiting for the next Y2K. Two of my black cousins grew up when the L.A. gangs started shit in the now-gentrified part of my town, they both strap. One or both of them probably still carry — the former LEO who is now a landscaper/handyman probably doesn't carry on the job, but I know he has the ankle/holdout holster + piece (Glock) as well as his regular. He's a big Glock guy — apparently, that's how they trained and armed them down in Salem.

    ETA I'm going to clarify: I said "black cousins" for a reason. Actually they're of mixed race, being blood cousins. But it was a huge concern for my town in the late 1980s and early 1990s when regular gang violence started to penetrate up here, and so they grew up in that. Places that are now like "yeah, I'll have a soy-burger and a vegan milk" were not like that — it was a very segregated city, almost like Buffalo going east of Main St.

    TNP thinks a nice pump shotgun on a sturdy rack above the front door is about all the firepower he or she needs.

    TNP would rather talk about people getting divorced than about guns, therefore he or she knows somebody who has been to Reno, NV.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 31 Dec 2018 at 12:41 PM.

  29. #7729
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    I'm equally willing to talk about divorce as about guns, so I'd have to say no. And I'm unaware of anybody I know who's been to Reno, Nev.

    TNP has been to Reno, but not to get divorced, and not to sing a line from a Johnny Cash song, either.

  30. #7730
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    No. I was very close with someone who spent a few years in Reno, and despite the Truckee River and some cool hillbilly stuff, it sounds like a real shithole. I couldn't possibly imagine choosing to visit Reno over some other remote towns.

    TNP has seen something incongruous recently, like a person with a "coexist" bumper sticker backing into a parked car's side body panel at nearly an orthogonal angle and just driving off. And will provide example.

  31. #7731
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    Didn't see it myself, but I read about a fistfight in a small church on Christmas Eve over whether someone could save a seat for a relative. Now that's the Christmas spirit!

    Santa brought TNP something particularly nice.

  32. #7732
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    Yeah. My uncle bought me a can of Planter's Mixed Nuts, and my mother gave me some pretty good socks. That was nice of them. With all the nephews and stuff, and for only a few hours on Christmas Eve we're all together, we don't really do the whole gift thing so much: more like everybody has to do a little brief bit of performance for the enjoyment of all, one hopes.

    ETA That Xmas fistfight is funny. I don't know what people are thinking half/most of the time: that's non bueño, I guess. One nice of etiquette in Catholic church is to sit in the middle of the pew, so as to leave room for others, anyway, sort of supposed to be a communion, not a social party. Even though there are plenty of opportunities to socialize after or during. Meh, people are wrong IRL, what are you going to do?! About guns, thinking more, it's really a ton of people I know personally. I don't really know any true rednecks anymore, but it seems many people — family, even extended family (cousins/uncles/aunts once-removed), as well as just regular old friends from way back, in addition to people you are friendly with in bars. Seems like 30-40% of people I know have some kind of firearm, even if they don't carry regularly).

    TNP is obsessed with making sure the transmission fluid and engine oil is in good shape on his or her car/truck/golf cart/whatever.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 04 Jan 2019 at 08:13 AM.

  33. #7733
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    No, just checking occasionally, as needed.

    TNP now owns three or more motor vehicles.

  34. #7734
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    No. I think it'd be remarkable for a single man to own more than, say, one car, and maybe a motorcycle. Of course some do, but it's a lot of time and effort to maintain even one vehicle for me.

    TNP can estimate the number of hours per week he or she spends maintaining his or her vehicle(s), and will specify.

  35. #7735
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    On average, zero, other than filling the tank. My car is very reliable.

    TNP has been downhill skiing in the past month.

  36. #7736
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    No. That would be far too whacky. Just as whacky as not doing a regular inspection of one's vehicle to ensure proper inflation of tires, calibration of mirrors, and testing fluid levels, including gasoline. As well as walking around the vehicle to ensure it is free from obstructions before operating, and that loose objects in the interior are secured so as to not interfere with the operator's command of the machinery. And, yes, operating the machine in order to refuel with gasoline or diesel counts as maintenance.

    TNP did not know that the numeric size of a men's jacket refers to the chest circumference, and not the shoulders.

  37. #7737
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    Correct - I just assumed it was developed from a combination of measurements for the typical male physique.

    TNP personally knows an Australian.

  38. #7738
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    Yeah, though I haven't talked to him in years, he did a stretch in our office back, like, 17 years ago.

    TNP suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

  39. #7739
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    Don't think so, but that might explain my occasional blue moods.

    TNP could do with some caffeine right about now.

  40. #7740
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    Having some right now. Granted, it's mixed with whiskey, but it's still coffee. Poor man's speedball.

    TNP eats take-out Chinese food pretty often.

  41. #7741
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Not that often, although had a bunch over the holiday season.

    TNP orders pizza roughly once a week.

  42. #7742
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    No, it's been a long time since I had a delivery pizza. Although there's a chain called "Pizza Schmizza" that serves an OK slice. The thin-crust frozen offerings have gotten pretty good IMHO.

    TNP thinks it would be a pretty awesome accomplishment to be able to fearlessly take a cold shower, instead of the milquetoast "just right amount of hot" shower.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 08 Jan 2019 at 10:07 AM.

  43. #7743
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    I took far too many back in my Boy Scout summer camp days, and can't say I'm nostalgic for that particular sensory experience.

    TNP went to camp at least three summers growing up.

  44. #7744
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    Yeah. Those were good times — lots of eight year old girls, and gosh darn it they liked me.

    TNP is irritated by overhearing really inept, straight-out-of-Maxim-Magazine flirting from young kids. Not for any reason, other than it's painful to witness, and it is the verbal equivalent of listening to a table saw trying to rip wood.

  45. #7745
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    Never heard that from any kid, thank God.

    TNP knows someone who subscribes to Maxim.

  46. #7746
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    Nah, wasn't quite sure it was still being published.

    TNP knows where to find an actual magazine store.

  47. #7747
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    Not a real one. This pipe/cigar store specializes in carrying many hundreds of different magazine titles, along with what passes for a few international newspapers (stuff like the monthly Le monde diplomatique, and a few German titles), but I don't go there because that little kid working the counter is a piece of shit. Not an actual place where you can get foreign daily or even weekly newspapers. Portland is not a big "book town" in that regard, or any other.

    About the above and my previous post: by "young kid" I mean someone in their late teens or early twenties. Not an actual prepubescent.

    TNP sees repurposed used cop cars pretty often (Blues Brothers-style, probably bought at an auction, I guess), and thinks it's an odd choice of vehicle.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 09 Jan 2019 at 09:58 AM.

  48. #7748
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    Not too often - maybe only once or twice a year. I hear they're cheap and very rugged, and I guess that's more important than style or comfort for some people.

    TNP has voluntarily ridden in a police car.

  49. #7749
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Not that I can recall, no.

    TNP is going to Vegas in the near future.

  50. #7750
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    Hell no.

    TNP enjoys shooting dice to pass the time occasionally, or even to settle a small argument.

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