05 Jul 2017 06:24 PM
#751
Oliphaunt
05 Jul 2017 11:11 PM
#752
Member
Tearing out every third page of your neighbor's Collected Works of Shakespeat in outrage over the misspelling.
12 Jul 2017 02:02 AM
#753
Oliphaunt
Using the word 'utilize' except as a diagnostician or fairy
12 Jul 2017 12:57 PM
#754
Member
Vacuuming up all of your Great Aunt Edna's Skittles before she's finished with them.
Last edited by Elendil's Heir; 12 Jul 2017 at 01:25 PM .
12 Jul 2017 02:37 PM
#755
Oliphaunt
Warning your neighbor in writing that she is a fat bitch, and taping it to a tree.
13 Jul 2017 11:31 AM
#756
Member
Xylophone-playing very loudly until 3am even though you know that your Great Aunt Edna has an important exam early that day.
13 Jul 2017 05:32 PM
#757
Oliphaunt
Yelling quiet as can be while checking the mail, 'Why doesn't that bitch of a lady mailman stop flicking her bean and start delivering the fucking mail?!'y
14 Jul 2017 11:43 AM
#758
Member
Zebras, at least three dozen zebras, purposely stampeded through Great Aunt Edna's living room.
19 Jul 2017 11:55 PM
#759
Oliphaunt
Announcing loudly that Floyd's going to put that MMA pussy McGregor into a coma.
20 Jul 2017 10:15 AM
#760
Member
Billing your extremely expensive visit to a Moscow bordello to the White House Travel Office account.
29 Jul 2017 06:05 PM
#761
Oliphaunt
Culling the weak for later live practice.
29 Jul 2017 08:08 PM
#762
Member
Dumping your White House Chief of Staff as you step off Air Force One while he's still aboard.
30 Jul 2017 06:10 PM
#763
Oliphaunt
Exciting your limbic system, and your neighbors.
30 Jul 2017 07:54 PM
#764
Member
Forgetting your grandchildren's names when they come for a visit.
31 Jul 2017 12:47 AM
#765
Oliphaunt
Grabbing some Prince Albert and telling the cashier they modeled the can after my dick, just like the champagne glass was modeled from Antoinette's breast.
31 Jul 2017 11:01 AM
#766
Member
Heaving another passenger's annoying brat overboard while on a Caribbean cruise.
31 Jul 2017 12:57 PM
#767
Oliphaunt
Getting a tattoo with all the answers to the state Bar exam encoded. Whoops.
Inking yourself. Period.
Last edited by Jizzelbin; 31 Jul 2017 at 01:10 PM .
31 Jul 2017 11:13 PM
#768
Member
Jonesing for a dozen blows to the head with a steel mallet.
27 Nov 2017 11:51 AM
#769
Last edited by A. Nonny Mouse; 27 Nov 2017 at 11:53 AM .
This Space For Rent
27 Nov 2017 12:27 PM
#770
Member
Linking a Mellophant post to this:
27 Nov 2017 01:34 PM
#771
Making a mountain out of a molehill-literally
28 Nov 2017 01:11 PM
#772
Member
Never, ever picking up the tab when going out to lunch with your Great Aunt Edna.
28 Nov 2017 01:31 PM
#773
Opening, peaking and resealing Christmas presents.
28 Nov 2017 09:37 PM
#774
Oliphaunt
Peeling open the skin of an infant on a heap of dung.
29 Nov 2017 01:33 PM
#775
Questioning the authority of the judge while in court.
29 Nov 2017 10:02 PM
#776
Member
Running down the aisle of the jet yelling, "We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!"
07 Dec 2017 11:31 PM
#777
Oliphaunt
Standing up and delivering the Indianapolis monologue from Jaws at a technology conference today.
08 Dec 2017 01:14 PM
#778
Member
Taking your adorable little niece's Christmas stocking and pooping in it.
08 Dec 2017 03:48 PM
#779
Oliphaunt
Using hydrocodone without playing bebop on a piano or other instrument.
09 Dec 2017 09:06 PM
#780
Member
Vacuuming up everyone's Christmas candies before they've been eaten.
10 Dec 2017 11:25 AM
#781
Oliphaunt
Wishing that library administrators weren't total boner assholes.
11 Dec 2017 12:21 AM
#782
Member
"Xylophones for everyone!" you scream over and over again as you run through the music store.
11 Dec 2017 12:43 AM
#783
Oliphaunt
Yelling into everyone's available ear, "The internet is on crazy pills! Head for the hills!"
12 Dec 2017 03:41 PM
#784
Member
Zeroing in on everyone's most embarrassing character flaw, and criticizing them relentlessly on Facebook.
14 Mar 2018 06:53 PM
#785
Elephant
07 Jun 2018 12:31 PM
#786
Member
Belching very, very loudly as you meet Her Majesty the Queen.
08 Jun 2018 04:49 AM
#787
Oliphaunt
Creaming butter, slowly, with your fingers, in a small bowl while awaiting instructions on the job.
08 Jun 2018 11:50 AM
#788
Member
Doing donuts on the immaculately-manicured lawn of your future father-in-law.
08 Jun 2018 02:10 PM
#789
Oliphaunt
Easily stalling and grinding the future father-in-laws's new Maserati's transmission while gingerly moving it off your front lawn, where the bastard parked it.
09 Jun 2018 10:40 PM
#790
Member
Finding fault, loudly and insultingly, with your fiancee's personal habits during the first meal you share together with her and her parents.
13 Jun 2018 03:32 AM
#791
Oliphaunt
Giving vaginal tightening cream to your fiancée's mother, explaining it did a lot for her daughter.
13 Jun 2018 11:41 AM
#792
Member
Hating on your fiancée's dad just because he's rich, handsome, successful and has a vestigial tail.
14 Jun 2018 01:25 PM
#793
Oliphaunt
Introducing your fiancée's mother to vaginal tightening cream, by applying it vigorously with a wire brush and milky soft hands.
14 Jun 2018 01:33 PM
#794
Member
Jamming with a bass guitar turned up to 11 while your Great Aunt Edna is trying to nap.
15 Jun 2018 05:06 AM
#795
Oliphaunt
Killing the vibe of indifference by talking with women about other woman, who may or may not have been in earshot: other women have ways of drawing the meat out of men.
15 Jun 2018 11:11 AM
#796
Member
"Liking" neo-Nazi pages on Facebook and sending links to your rabbi.
15 Jun 2018 01:30 PM
#797
Oliphaunt
Milking the essences of various humans by hand. And collecting the residue.
15 Jun 2018 11:17 PM
#798
Member
Never, ever allowing your Great Aunt Edna to have any private time with her dates.
17 Jun 2018 01:23 AM
#799
Oliphaunt
Onanistically admiring Rey without bothering to listen to a word she says. Just like a real girl.
17 Jun 2018 02:16 PM
#800
Member
Punishing your waiter with a tiny tip for not filling your water glass often enough despite otherwise-excellent service.
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