Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Y'know the type. Like "If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all."
These are like guilty pleasures to me, jokes that are so bad I have to chuckle. I heard a new one tonight, "I had a car that hit everything except the lottery."
So what've you got?
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"Just remember, age and treachery will beat youth and ability every time."
"Passes everything on the road but a gas station."
My Dad had a whole routine he loved to get people on regarding lesbians. Something involving how women are so true and honest, why taking a man out of the equation leads to complete honesty and trust in the relationship, they're open, candid and frank. In fact, it's her turn to be Frank tonight.
Science flies you to the moon; religion flies you into buildings.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"I'll give you something to cry about."
Times were different back then.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"I've only been wrong one time in my entire life, and that was when I thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was really right." Bo love my dad.
AKA Shayna from SD
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"Say hello to Talkin' Annie." <pulling off belt>
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Electricity is lazy.
He told me this a thousand times.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Not so much...I just said this to my daughter yesterday! :-D My dad used to say "I'm going to kick you into the middle of next week." I think he was joking.Originally posted by featherlou
"I'll give you something to cry about."
Times were different back then.
What does this even mean? Like, in the sense of "here, use grandpa's manual drill because using the power drill is lazy?"
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Electricity is lazy makes some sense.
His point was that electricity will always take the shortest route to complete a circuit.
I got the point after the 93rd time he shared this with me.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Unfortunately mine is something that I actually say out loud, even to women I'm trying to impress. It's just a reaction.
Her (goddess I'm trying to impress): Did you get a hair cut.
Me: No I got them all cut.
Thanks dad, thanks a whole bunch.
Be Real Have Fun
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
We're having a ground hog for supper. Yeah, we are. Sausage is GROUND HOG!
God help me, now I do that to my kid.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Here, pull my finger.
Political correctness will be the death of our country.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"I should hope to kiss a pig." Usually said in a "well, DUH" tone of voice.
Yeah, I say it now.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My kid wont.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Dad said his father would look across the supper table and observe, "You're gonna die after you eat that." He said it took him a while to realize that 'after' could be anything from a minute to 90 years.
When I'd be looking for something, he'd tell me to 'look in the last place.' Buh? You always find something in the last place you look. (Filed under Shit, No)
Opportunity is missed by most people, because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My girlfriend does.My kid wont.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"You'll appreciate this someday."
Ah..no, Dad. Being the only kid riding the corny bike still isn't appreciated. Wearing the non-Keds sneakers didn't help my life. Eating the cold lima beans was yucky.
They weren't singing....they were just honking.
Glee 2009
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Actual quotes from my father:
"Do you walk to school or do you carry your lunch?"
"Haul coal in your mouth, if you want, I don't care."
and the corollary
"Do it your own dumb, stupid way, then."
"Okay, then walk home in a group, don't spit in the corners, and don't forget to eat your vegetables."
"Love me later" (Right before hanging up the phone. That's his way of saying I love you.)
There's more. I'm sure if I think of them, I'll be back. My dad's full of this corny crap.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
I see we were raising in the same era.
("Don't make me take off my belt!")
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"The best way to avoid Hell is to keep the Devil happy"
I'm sure there are better ways to avoid Hell but why chance it?
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
This was something my mother used to say, as my father drove. Generally my parents were arguing at the time.
"You two behave back there, your father's trying to concentrate on the road!"
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My parents used to say that! See Billy Connolly's (second scene)."I'll give you something to cry about."
Times were different back then.
Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur Monotone
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"If you had the sense that God gave a billy goat...."
"Tightest turning circle of a car of its class!" (said everytime he turned the Volvo station wagon around).
There are more, but my memory is merciful.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
The only one I can think of right now is "Granny was slow, but she was 94." *short pause* "And had a broken leg, besides."
After you'd heard it a couple times, you knew to insert the broken leg part during the pause. If you did, he'd add "And two broken arms."
Wow, WhyNot, you're brilliant! Especially on Thursdays!
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"What day is today?"
"Wednesday. All day."
*********
"You two settle down or I'll rip off Your arm..." (points left) "...and beat You with the Bloody Stump!" (points right)
********
Oh, and special kudos to Mom for encouraging young love with my then GF / now wife:
"Put Down Her Hand, you Masher...!"
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
I see child-raising in Scotland was not significantly different than child-raising in Saskatchewan.My parents used to say that! See Billy Connolly's (second scene)."I'll give you something to cry about."
Times were different back then.
My husband tells me about the way his Irish-descent grandmother always talked to the grandkids; say for example he asked for an ice cream cone - "I'll ice cream cone you right in the arse!" She was a delicate, retiring flower.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My dad is fond of saying, when one announces that one is going to "take a dump/crap/whatever" that "we're short a dump/crap/whatever, leave one instead".
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"You don't know your arse from your elbow!"
and "There's many a slip twixt pub and the pit!"
To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Dating a girl whose mother was an English war bride, her wry sense of humor was clear. Grandkids would come over whining about some boo-boo inflicted upon them by another, and her response was standard. "It's a long way from yer ass, you won't sit on it." She was a sweet woman.
Opportunity is missed by most people, because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"Knee-high by the Fourth of July!"
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
This one requires a bit of set-up:
Dad: Spoons, get a move on. We're leaving!
Me: I'm coming.
Dad: So's Christmas!
And one I still use to this day ... about someone who doesn't know what they're doing:
"He doesn't know his ass from Page Eight!"
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Oh lordy. There are a ton of them. My dad loved silly sayings.
When I was really small, I was "Roly the poly the fatstuff the Julie." (You have to have the local accent for that to rhyme, but it does here.) My siblings didn't have rhyming names, so they were all "Gettin' rounder than an ole punkin."
All of the kids were, at various times, "Chief Wampum Big Elastic Pants."
Trouble getting something mechanical to work? "You must not be holding your mouth right."
"Dad, where are we going?" "Just going!"
We'd all pile into the car and he'd sing, incredibly badly, "Off we go, into the wild, blue yonder!"
"You don't have the sense God gave a goose."
And my favorite, whenever he was presented with something outrageous, like my hairstyles throughout my teen years: "Dad, how do you like my hair?" "Aw, it's just dandy." My friends all loved the way he said that and would do things to prompt a "Just dandy" reply from him.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
'It all counts on 30.'
'Close enough for government work.'
'That's the breaks of Naval warfare.'
'It's not what you want, but what you eat that makes you fat.'
'You look like the syphilitic afterbirth of a Lower Slobovian gangbang.'
'It's purty nigh, but not plum.'
'May as well. Can't dance. Can't haul feathers.'
'Is you nose clean?'
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
'If we had any ham we could have ham and eggs, if we had any eggs.'
Edit for last night: The last one should be 'Is your nose clean?'; not 'Is you...'.
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
In our family, it was my mom pulling these old sayings out for public display.
"A stitch in time saves nine."
"I don't care what the other kids do, but you're going to do as I say."
"Someday, when you have kids, you'll understand ... and you'll be sorry you didn't listen now."
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"You kids are wound up like a 2 dollar clock."
"That guy could screw up a 2-car funeral."
Can't think of any more right now, but he has a bunch of them.
He's a good one for the corny nicknames, too. He calls me "Serendipity." "Hahahahaha! Yeah, I get it...good one, dad!" :eyeroll:
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Dad: You know how if something's really big, they say it's a 'big ass something?' So, say you have a big rock. It's a big ass rock. If there was a huge hole, would you call it a huge ass hole?
Dad: Those who write on shit-house walls
Roll their shit into little balls
And those who read those words of wit
eat those little balls of shit.
Probably spelled wrong, but, "a la wete pick a little jete" supposedly it means something bad, because I wasn't allowed to sing the jingle.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
'Hotter than a $2 pistol.'
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Dad was from the city, but nevertheless:
"Don't sell your saddle."
"Never lick a gift horse in the mouth"
"It's Quite Cool." -Gandalf
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My dad used to say "If you're gonna hoot with the owls, you gotta fly with the eagles". I thought I was dumb because I never could figure out what he was talking about. I was in my 20's before I realized what he was trying to say was, "You can't fly with the eagles if you're going to hoot with the owls".
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"Are you trying to air condition/heat the whole outside?"
"OK, but when [inevitable repercussions of child wanting her own way] happens, don't come crying to me!"
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
It is better to be tried by twelve than carried by six.
If you can't do it good, do it ugly.
Right and wrong don't matter if you're underneath the semi.
When you sit down at a gambling table, take a look around. If you don't see a pigeon..... that's you!
If a guy shoots at you with a pistol, he's trying to scare you. If he shoots at you with a rifle, he's trying to kill you.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
God, I miss my dad.
His favorite dad-ism was, when coming in from the cold outside, "It's colder than a witch's... (the accepted word here is tit, but Dad would pause, and with a teasing grin, say...) toenail out there. You thought I was gonna say something else, didn't you?"
I wish I could hear him say it one more time.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
PapSett: My dad would do the same thing. His word was 'kiss'.
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
Steve GoodmanI miss my old man tonight
I wish he was here with me.
With his corny jokes, and his cheap cigars,
He could look you in the eye, and sell you a car.
Damn, I miss my old man.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
My grandfather had one that I really liked: "Those [whatever food one of his kids or later his grandkids were looking at with doubt and mistrust] are good for you. They'll put hair on your chest."
My mother really hated that one for a while, she says.
Re: Those corny old sayings that your Dad used to say
"unless it rains" ( I never did find out what day it would turn out to be if it did rain)
"If it were a bear, it would've bit you", whenever i found the thing I was looking for, two feet away from where I was looking.
My dad also told me all about his early career as a 19 sport superstar with the Chattanooga Bullfrogs, and more than I ever knew there was to know about Naugas.
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